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Smabbles β Extended Project: First Finished Design
#critique #notserious #plshelp #quiteseriousasforclasswork #newocguys
Published: 2016-10-06 19:31:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 570; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 4
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Description
HELLO EVERYBODY AND WELCOME TO THIS WONDERFUL DEVIATION~i am going to remake or edit the journal explaining all this so i can link it here so others who have no fckin clue what im on about will know XD
your task is to completely destroy this design with critique (the heartless the better) that is all~
-optional task is to give ideas on how to improve
-optional optional task is to critique the short description of her XD which will be now~
Name: Britiany Spiritheart
Age: immortal
Britiany is half God and half demon, but she tries really hard not to let it show. She has a long scar running along her back from when she ESCAPED HER PARENTS KILLERS!?!
Britiany is super pretty and all the boys have a crush on her~ Her parents died when she was young and she grew up as an orphan, because of this she feels insecure sometimes. but later on she discovers her parents were ROYALTY IN THE GOD KINGDOM!?!?
All animals love her because she is super sweet and kind but there is this one girl who bullies her >
It is thought that the bully's parent is the one that killed her own because of JEALOUSY, so Britiany wants to avenge them, but needs the help of her BEST FRIENDS!!!!Her eyes are a stunning azure colour <3 and when she uses her SPECIAL POWERS they go to a sky blue (faint glow) and when shes REALLY USING HER AWESOME POWERS they glow a stunning WHITE
Britiany is immune to just about anything~ she can use all the elements as her power and can revive, heal, teleport, invisibility, etc. She also feels insecure about her powers so she uses her glass staff to make people think she is weaker than she actually is (as she is so strong she can use her powers with her hands!)
likes: everything~ she loves her friends and helping others, she enjoys flying around with her silky wings~
dislikes: bad people >
her bully and their parent. her demon side.Flaws: she is super insecure about EVERYTHING (her demon, her powers, her past), has the power to kill loads of people at once easily (struggles to control it), sometimes clumsy
strengths: brave, loyal, ambivert, doesnt need make up, her luscious hair that can glow a golden colour, smart, logical, care free
~~~
If you're struggling on feedback, here is a bit of my own criticism
-looks too human
-name literally looks like a spelling mistake
-stereotypical Goddess
Related content
Comments: 27
First off, the name? No. If you want to name a character that's even remotely part god or demon, use something that calls back to that culture. Is this Christian? If so find the basis of what language the names came from and use that. I.E. if you were using greek gods and demons it'd be nice to see a greek name.
Age of immortal is OK if you play it right. Mind you immortality SUCKS. You watch everyone you know and love die. It' a struggle. Make it one.
You can have your parents be killed (all though it plays to a Disney-esque trope), but tell WHY. And how did it affect the psychology of her? Does she have any other family members to care for her?
Ok, playing the 'super pretty and everything loves her is a poop card. Give her flaws, it's what makes a character memorable. Also if there is a god kingdom, SURELY she has some relatives and wouldn't be an orphan. Unless it was destroyed? Perhaps tell us more about this kingdom? How did its society work? How did it affect her?
Just no on the bully's parents killed her. It could work, but not in this scenario.
Eye color changing when using powers is fine. Usually, it's used lightly, though.
THOSE POWERS ARE OP AS ALL GET OUT. Either remove (highly recommended to remove some) them or give them downsides. Like, for example, can fly but her lungs can't handle the high altitude.
You can't like everything. People have dislikes. It's normal.
You can have a struggle to not murder, but it's gotta be played right and this one makes no sense. XD
A.) add some flaws and B.) no one NEEDS makeup, they just used it because they can. XD
As for the drawing. Add some more color. Also, unless that dress has a slit in the back (which would be difficult with how it's made in the front) those wings aren't gonna work. Her staff is interestingly shaped, perhaps base a better outfit around that. It's got good geometry.
I hope this was helpful! e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
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YOU HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG I'VE WAITED FOR A CRITIQUE LIKE THIS <3333 I LITERALLY NEEDED HER TO BE SHAT ON WITH HONESTY AND THIS IS PERFECT~
THIS WILL GO NICELY FOR MY EXTENDED PROJECT AND AHHHHH OMG THANKYOUUUU ILY SO MUCH RIGHT NOW <3333
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XD No problem! :3 This was my honest first critique on a drawing before. The only things I've ever critiqued before were writing pieces and photography. X3
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and your critiques are always the best <3333333 ahhh gosh i love this so much~ the brutalness is just Β Β Β
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First and foremost I find the design of her adorable. She does have a lovely face.
the line work itself is almost spot on. It;s really clean and nice.
The clothing I will say is rather stiff and almost blob like? they're aren't any wrinkles or creases. and I see you used minimal shadowing. Perhaps you did that because you were excited and wanted to finish it? (No shade I do that too)
I gave such a low score on impact because after looking at the drawing and reading her little bio I found that this particular photo lacks details that could really make your character here jump off the page for the viewer. you gave her such a colorful back story why give her bland night gownish dress?. Little details could easily have made the picture more interesting to look at, Something like giving her a bodice? perhaps a Roman or Creek neckline. Her hair is beautifully long perhaps have little strands of it braided? beads and jewels in her hair. Even have pearls around her waist or even her staff would have been good.
Overall the picture is lovely, you have a basic grasp on facial anatomy and over all her body doesn't seem stiff and ridged. I'm sooooo very pleased you drew her hands! great work on that. This picture and style is adorable and aside from a few little things I believe with enough time and practice you'll be on your way.
Hope this was helpfully! Koko-
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oh my goodness thank you so much for this wonderfully detailed critique <333 this is the type i was hoping for and will really help when i begin drawing out designs for the improved version <333
i've noted all the design ideas you've suggested for when i start drawing out the new concepts~~
(i was also expecting a lowish score overall as it will help when i do the comparisons~~)
*also thankyou for critiquing the drawing itself, this will help when i draw other pictures <3333
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You are totally welcome! I'm I could help you. HonestlyΒ the only real issue with that drawing was the detail just work on that and you'll be square! I'm gonna go ahead and add you to my watch list because I'm just really excited to see how you grow and change as an artist.
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oh my goodness thankyou <333 i love your art as well~ gonna watch back!
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Awwww, Gosh you're just the sweetest! and a thank you so much for all the favs <3333
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needs more secondary colour
needs less op
maybe not a fucking immortal
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Shush! She's supposed to be terrible XD ~~
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I shall not shushy π I shall spammy with complimenties
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Nuuu not the complimenties! ~~
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First, her name could use a little work. Britany or whatever Spirtheartwill not cut it for a godess. If she was a godess I'd imagine she'd have a more creative name meaning something that goes along with her theme. Speaking of theme, one could be used. Like, Godess of Wind, or Godess of the moon! Then also base her around and animal corresponding to that since many gods, speaking in Egyptian mythology at least, many of the gods were part animal. Also, her wings are sort of an issue. Maybe if she was a godess of white doves, it'd make sense, but even then you'd have to make the wings more bird like. She's also too pretty, change her design to something a little more modestly pretty.
Her dress is way too simple. As a godess I'd imagine her dress would be much more detailed.
Now onto the half demon, half god, that could be interesting, but it could also be cliche. As long as you balance out the factors of it, that's okay. (Ie: prince of the underworld fell in love with one of his demons etc). Now to the dead parents, TOO CLICHE! Try something different! And for her personality, She needs real flaws. Dislikes bad people? Nonono. Add something less plain! Ex: hates dog like creatures because one bit her as a child
Strip her of some powers, even in mythology gods have weakenesses!
All in all, make her more realistic and use other myths about gods as a foundation !
(I hope this is okay!)
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Oh my gosh that is perfect for my project! (I tried to make her as much of a Mary Sue as possible so people have more stuff critique~ and I did the sketch in like two minutes to stop myself adding details XD
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Thank you! And yeah I figured you very much tried. I wanted to be as critical as possible tbh hehehe!
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The critical the better~
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I feel like her dress needs to more flowing and silky with more jewelry.
Maybe add some black feathers to show some demon sideΒ
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That's a good idea~ I think so too~~
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shush no, she's supposed to be terrible XD i even did a mary sue test to make sure she was one ~
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Her outfit needs a lot more detail. Gods/Goddesses Β usually wear a lot more gold and/or silver.
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perfect~ i agree XD not adding any detail was killing me
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