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Published: 2010-10-24 18:08:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 12522; Favourites: 544; Downloads: 144
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Description
She was conceived on the edge of a mirror,lined with pretty white lace,
that burned the inside of her parents' nostrils.
She was born with a hole in her heart,
that the doctor's never noticed,
and no one bothered to fill.
She met Death on the playground,
when kindergarten was bending her bones.
Enticed by the glinting of his scythe,
as it preyed on a malformed baby rabbit.
She made a pinky promise with him,
swearing that she'd never forget his face.
He came and went,
swayed by corpse breaths
and east-coast winds,
but always leaving her alone.
He showed her how to hurt,
in the worst kind of way.
And each time,
he paid her a visit,
he'd take someone back with him.
She often asked where he would go,
when his curled claws would drag her mother,
her father,
her sister,
and every love she'd ever fallen for,
into the darkness that he crawled from.
All he'd say,
was that she'd find them again someday,
and that he would take her to them, personally.
But as February,
of her fourteenth year,
threatened to consume her whole,
burying her in the snowdrifts and icy winds
of its cavernous belly,
she saw him for the last time.
Without a second glance at her,
he swept her ink colored rabbit
into the crook of his scythe,
and turned his back on her.
For six years,
she waited,
for the promise he'd made.
To see all the ones she'd lost
to his bony grasp.
She had no friends,
no lovers,
no kin,
no pets,
only waiting,
alone,
for the day that he'd take her home.
As she withered into her twenties,
back breaking,
and hair graying,
not from age,
but from the weight of the world,
she began to lose hope.
He was all she'd ever known,
and now,
even he had left her alone.
She wept for him to take her,
as she slept in alleyways,
stained with his fingerprints.
She begged for him to find her,
as she fell on the steps of a church,
whose doors she couldn't approach.
She whimpered for him to save her,
as she stumbled,
heart cold,
and stomach hot,
to the edge of her iron-wrought balcony.
As the ice,
and the concrete,
gathered her into their embrace,
finally,
he came for her.
A twisted smile,
on torn and rotted lips,
and his scythe lined with frost,
and her blood.
He gathered her into his arms,
whispering that all was well,
as his cloak pulled darkness down to close her eyes.
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Comments: 285
SoImStillUnsure In reply to ??? [2014-02-22 17:34:41 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for your sincere and flattering comments. i'm glad you enjoyed the read!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
KoyHaert [2014-02-19 16:18:48 +0000 UTC]
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
this piece was written with depth and feeling you could feel what the character felt and it was clear what was happening the disruption is magnificent!!!
this deviation definitely deserves the DD it has received
you understood the girls pain this shows the cruelty of reality and a promise.
definitely a work of art.
this is definitely a sad piece of writing and im Shure that's what the author was trying to portray .there are times when this actualy happens the figurative language gives it that professional touvh"
I can only say well done well written and I would be extremely surprised if this auther dosent aventualy get published
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to KoyHaert [2014-02-22 17:36:54 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! You are too kind. I'm happy that you liked it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
KoyHaert In reply to SoImStillUnsure [2014-02-22 20:41:54 +0000 UTC]
anytime theres great writeings in your future and id love to be there when they happen
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
artbyfieldsofsage [2014-05-26 01:28:53 +0000 UTC]
It's an unfinished story. Please write more. I'll wait.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to artbyfieldsofsage [2014-05-27 19:20:40 +0000 UTC]
Unfinished? She's dead. I don't see how much more finished it can become.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
artbyfieldsofsage In reply to SoImStillUnsure [2014-05-28 00:51:52 +0000 UTC]
That poem is so beautiful. But here's what I felt: Before the age of 14 her mother and every one she loved had died ... and then in her 20s she died. Did she jump from the balcony? I need to read this again & again. Not because I don't understand it ... but because it calls to me. He/Death promised her that she would see her loved ones again. I guess that's the part where I feel like the story/poem should continue. Or maybe not. Maybe since we know nothing of death, maybe we should not surmise. But what is quite evident ... You are a very gifted writer.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to artbyfieldsofsage [2014-05-28 01:05:45 +0000 UTC]
Hmm, I suppose I thought that Death was not quite the friend she suspected him to be - he said he was taking her to see them again, but really, he had no plan to. He was simply taking her to her grave. I, personally, don't believe in the afterlife, so I suppose that transferred into my writing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
artbyfieldsofsage In reply to SoImStillUnsure [2014-05-28 02:10:07 +0000 UTC]
Well then we have something in common. I don't believe in an afterlife either. But it interesting to hear what other people "believe." And it offers so much information/ideas to feed our creativity. I should upload my poem about my grandmother. It's all about the night death came to take her.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to artbyfieldsofsage [2014-05-28 02:34:14 +0000 UTC]
I'm sure it is quite lovely or as lovely as something concerning death can be
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
OnyxiusART [2014-02-25 22:23:54 +0000 UTC]
Oh gosh I love this.
If you could explain the rabbit's meaning to me that would be great!
But wow, seriously, this is beyond beautiful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to OnyxiusART [2014-05-27 19:33:46 +0000 UTC]
Thank you - I'm glad you liked it.
And I just wanted to show the many ways Death was involved in her life. So one of the earliest times was when she found a newborn baby rabbit on the playground, it was disfigured and had been abandoned, so she stayed with it until Death came and took it away.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Skye-42 [2014-02-20 08:56:55 +0000 UTC]
Very nice to see such disturbingly beautiful poetry get a DD. Even if it was a 'quick something', it is a wonderful piece.
Congratulations on the DD. ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to Skye-42 [2014-02-22 17:41:17 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! It's sure nice to see that some people still have a morbid appreciation for the dark and disturbing. I'm glad you liked it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Skye-42 In reply to SoImStillUnsure [2014-02-22 23:10:47 +0000 UTC]
You're quite welcome. ^^ I like dark/morbid poetry and art, and even if I didn't, this was still beautifully written.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ShadowedAcolyte [2014-02-20 06:36:14 +0000 UTC]
"withered into her twenties" certainly has an illuminating characterization.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to ShadowedAcolyte [2014-02-22 17:41:40 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you enjoyed that line
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SilverInkblot [2014-02-20 04:46:59 +0000 UTC]
I've always liked this poem; it's great to see it in the DD's today
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to SilverInkblot [2014-02-22 17:41:56 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I was sure surprised to see it there!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SoImStillUnsure In reply to Aaraas [2014-02-22 17:42:23 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! Glad you found it beautiful, regardless of its morbidity.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
flygirlll26262 In reply to SoImStillUnsure [2014-02-22 17:43:29 +0000 UTC]
That's a cute face!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
WhiteWings [2014-02-19 22:17:33 +0000 UTC]
I'm having a hard time wording a response to this, but this really connected with me. Really sad, the words seeming to drip down like tears. Very moving. Congrats on making a DD~
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to WhiteWings [2014-05-27 19:14:52 +0000 UTC]
Thank you, that's a very sincere and beautiful compliment.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ClTY [2014-02-19 22:05:52 +0000 UTC]
I normally hate the Daily Deviants, but today all fo them are just beyond stunning; wonderful work <3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MidnightFire1222 [2014-02-19 22:01:40 +0000 UTC]
Extremely well written, and very deserving of a daily deviation.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to MidnightFire1222 [2014-05-27 19:15:30 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
MidnightFire1222 In reply to SoImStillUnsure [2014-05-27 19:18:49 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
DireWolfwere [2014-02-19 20:29:26 +0000 UTC]
I see...drug addicted parents and friends. All die and the girl is sick most of her life, she finally kills herself. It's really powerful but sad. Now I am frowning heavily :C
I really like the personification of death though<3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to DireWolfwere [2014-05-27 19:16:08 +0000 UTC]
Try to smile - sadness is no fun. I am glad you liked it, though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
6thGun [2014-02-19 19:17:22 +0000 UTC]
I love it so much I have no words to describe it with. Amazing work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SoImStillUnsure In reply to NoviceOfAnimation [2014-02-22 17:45:31 +0000 UTC]
I like that you like it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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