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Sozokai — Atrium of the soul
Published: 2008-10-20 18:11:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 204; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description
The blackness shimmered as if it was aliveThrough the whole space,
And the dark forms around.
The chill didn’t allow it to be free
From the Limb in which it was caught,
By it’s own purpose and dark fate.
It shimmered, peaceful and evil,
Entwining with all the synesthesia
Of the space in which it was stretching,
With all it’s piled malice,
And that cold, disgusting stench of smoke,
Which now could be grossly felt.
Even the ether itself cried
Under this gruesome surrounding.
Everything smells like this, when it burns-out!
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Comments: 8
This isn't poetry. It's not, it isn't in any way you could possibly see it.
It's not art, it's not appealing to anybody with any taste at all. You shouldn't spend time on things like this if you obviously aren't good at it.
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OK if you think so, that's your oppinion... btw, could you please tell me what is poetry in your view, then I can maybe see what you mean...
I've got this published and got a city-based award for my songs... the collection cicle is called NECROPOLIS and I have used it in my college final asignement and got a 10 out of 10... maybe you understand poetry in a different way, that's respectable too... 
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Wow. Who pissed in your cheerios?
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Alright, I'm assuming you see something good about this poor excuse for a poem.
Let's hear it.
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I'm not actually much of a poetry buff, so I don't feel I can give a good critique on this one. I just thought your comment was unneccesarily nasty. He seems to be taking your critique with no hard feelings, though, so I guess it doesn't matter.
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well you were the one who didn't like it, I'm deffinitly not saying you MUST like it... It's up to you, I asked if you can tell me what was it that disgusted you so much about it?!
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nothing in particular, just that I wanted to be there before anyone started praising it like it was a gift from the gods.
you seem to be taking this much better than others that I criticize.
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hehehe... well bro I can respect another man's oppinion... and really wanted to know what bugged you in particular so I can pay attention and not use it again... I learn from my mistakes... OK, if you can not name something special I guess it's just a taste thing... maybe you in particular don't like it.. I just tied to catch a glipmse of the idea of a guilty soul in the poem, nothing else (btw, it's listed as a Poem by mistake, it's acctualy an Open lyric)
take care
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