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Published: 2008-10-19 14:59:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 174; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
In the hour when all the rocks,Will pulse as if were alive,
And when the firstborn rod itself,
Breaks apart in seven pieces,
And flies away like an ancient raven.
And when alive will fly the ghost,
Of this same-faced manhood,
I will be the one - the only,
Who will stab with sword of frost,
And will punish with burning whip.
Ice in the eyes, flames around the hoofs,
They will suffer and live,
And they will beg for more pain,
And scream in sweet agony.
They will hate me and love me,
All my lead-furred sheep,
With beautiful blind folds.
And all will obey me as slaves,
And they will be my endless herd,
Marching into their righteous doom.
Arenβt I even too good,
Towards the illness that took my reason?
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Comments: 4
CabernetBard [2008-10-19 15:59:37 +0000 UTC]
This has wondeful flow, description and...I hate you for being so good. End of.
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Sozokai In reply to CabernetBard [2008-10-19 16:17:43 +0000 UTC]
hahahahah don't be envious... now I will say this and know that I am saying it apsolutely honestly... you are better than me by far, you obviously have much more experiance and the forms of your songs are incredibly serious and professional... the only thing you lack is a good, deep and inspiring thematic... if you sit down and think, just think of what you want to say to people, what you want to spit in their faces, to critique them or worship them about, you are going to make wonders... I've been inspecting your works carefully and believe me when I say, you play with the words like a child with a toy... never, never give up and try densing the liquid in, try making haiku, more meaning into less text, and you will see... you are going to get much much better...btw, I really ment that the earth's lover looked like a blake song...it really did... and I am happy that you like him, he was definilty a great artist... stay in touch, we'll share experiances, we'll help each other get better
regards
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CabernetBard In reply to Sozokai [2008-10-19 16:21:21 +0000 UTC]
You mentioned the evil word: haiku.
I hate them more than anything.
I think I only wrote one, and it scarred me for life.
[/thedrama]
Aw, you're so nice! =]] Ok, I'll go sit still and think for a bit!
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Sozokai In reply to CabernetBard [2008-10-20 16:18:59 +0000 UTC]
hahahahahahahahaha... OK OK, no need to get snappy btw, I dont like them much too, but I think they are an excellent way to practice "thematic densing", they can help you a lot to control your vocabular and to simplify your thoughts... you know, like doodles, they aren't really pieces of art, but a great way to get to a real deed,a great way to get better... try hainku as practise...
btw, srry for the english if I have any mistakes, I'm a bit rusty, don't know why, I speak the language pretty good usualy
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