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Abigail Jansen watched her neighbors enter their luxury sedans and depart from the ornate window of her well-appointed vestibule; waving farewell to each of them as they drove by the perfectly manicured facade of her stately Summer Home, an excellent example of late Georgian architecture tucked away in an exclusive enclave of New England. The twenty-eight year old housewife carefully cradled the small wooden cigar box now gifted to her; caressing its smooth polished edges as she walked towards her sprawling living room, fully convinced that she had made the world a better place today. Abigail just concluded the June meeting of an important advocacy group she and five other housewives formed seven years ago, The Friends of Democracy. The group started as a monthly get together for the ladies of the community to discuss what to do about the state of our nation, and evolved into a well organized not-for-profit whose mission was supporting candidates to oppose Donald Trump - the primary cause of our political dysfunction and general toxic attitudes prevalent among our youth. The organization was mostly funded by the husbands of its members, through donations from the companies of the boards upon which they served - primarily pharmaceutical conglomerates and international weapons manufacturers.

The ladies of The Friends of Democracy had always leaned left, but they became much more political after the election of 2016. It was Hillary's turn! And worst of all, Trump's cavalier attitude towards the Shrinking Virus at the start of the epidemic caused the shrinking of millions of men and sent the economy into recession. He and his hateful supporters would try to blame mass lockdowns for the economic recession; but Abigail, her friends, and The New York Times knew that the real culprit was actually rampant homophobia and Vladimir Putin. Luckily, the nation had Dr. Fauci, the man who single-handily developed the Shrinking Virus vaccine and saved all of humanity via their quick distribution and strict vaccine mandates under the Biden Administration. Sure, the vaccines didn't actually stop the spread, but they did affect the severity of the disease; resulting in a final average height of three inches tall compared to two inches tall for the unvaccinated. Plus, they were a totally safe and effective solution to the pandemic, causing no heart problems or long-term side effects according to the newspapers. Abigail and all her friends got vaccinated to show their support for Biden, even though most women were immune; she herself was on her twelfth booster shot.

After the 2020 election, the organization's name was changed to The Friends of Democracy and Tolerance as they shifted their focus away from politics and towards social justice and raising awareness. Now the group is focused on non-political and unifying issues such as anti-racism, equity, environmental justice, fat phobia, trans phobia, income inequality, and tiny rights; all of society's most pressing issues. During this meeting, the ladies discussed the prior administration's racist immigration policies; placing a special focus on the divisive political stunt implemented by the Governor of Florida - sending thousands of tiny migrants to tiny people sanctuary cities who don't have the resources to care for them. Clearly, tiny people who cross the southern border experience unique hardships that tiny people who immigrate legally from other countries do not face. The signature hallmark of any great country is empathy, and Abigail and the other ladies felt a patriotic duty to oppose any racist policies which distinguished between legal tiny migrants and illegal tiny migrants . . . doesn't the Bible say that people are just people, and that it's wrong to examine how anyone arrives anywhere?

Abigail gently sat the wooden cigar box atop an onyx glass table nearest the fireplace; carefully lifting its hinged lid away from her to reveal its contents. There, huddled in the corner of the velvet lined box, sat six tiny migrants from South America; rescued by paid agents of The Friends of Democracy and Tolerance. The giantess looked down on these unfortunate souls from her great height with soft eyes.

"I'm so sorry, my friends. This is no way for a country to treat its visitors. You have been used as political pawns by the Republicans, and you've been lied to. We are going to help, but you can't stay. I don't know if you can understand me, but we don't have the resources here to take care of you. So, it's my duty to do the right thing for the good of the country." Abigail explained with a tone and cadence usually reserved for small children.

The tiny migrants, a mix of Guatemalans and Venezuelans, looked at each other confused; barely possessing the requisite English proficiency to make out Abigail's words. So they were all extremely shocked when the wealthy dilettante plucked one of them out of their box between her pinched fingers. They were all shocked, but none more so than the selected little man as she immediately placed his panicked brown body into her enormous crimson maw, swallowing him in one sickening gulp. At this action, the tiny box erupted in complete pandemonium; their insignificant and barely audible screams mixed with high pitched pleading in a language which Abigail could not decipher.

As the trophy wife shoveled one tiny migrant into her wet mouth after another, she crossed her hands across her chest; fully acknowledging her own white privilege but deeply grateful that she could play a small part in making the world a better place.

Description

Abigail Jansen watched her neighbors enter their luxury sedans and depart from the ornate window of her well-appointed vestibule; waving farewell to each of them as they drove by the perfectly manicured facade of her stately Summer Home, an excellent example of late Georgian architecture tucked away in an exclusive enclave of New England. The twenty-eight year old housewife carefully cradled the small wooden cigar box now gifted to her; caressing its smooth polished edges as she walked towards her sprawling living room, fully convinced that she had made the world a better place today. Abigail just concluded the June meeting of an important advocacy group she and five other housewives formed seven years ago, The Friends of Democracy. The group started as a monthly get together for the ladies of the community to discuss what to do about the state of our nation, and evolved into a well organized not-for-profit whose mission was supporting candidates to oppose Donald Trump - the primary cause of our political dysfunction and general toxic attitudes prevalent among our youth. The organization was mostly funded by the husbands of its members, through donations from the companies of the boards upon which they served - primarily pharmaceutical conglomerates and international weapons manufacturers.

The ladies of The Friends of Democracy had always leaned left, but they became much more political after the election of 2016. It was Hillary's turn! And worst of all, Trump's cavalier attitude towards the Shrinking Virus at the start of the epidemic caused the shrinking of millions of men and sent the economy into recession. He and his hateful supporters would try to blame mass lockdowns for the economic recession; but Abigail, her friends, and The New York Times knew that the real culprit was actually rampant homophobia and Vladimir Putin. Luckily, the nation had Dr. Fauci, the man who single-handily developed the Shrinking Virus vaccine and saved all of humanity via their quick distribution and strict vaccine mandates under the Biden Administration. Sure, the vaccines didn't actually stop the spread, but they did affect the severity of the disease; resulting in a final average height of three inches tall compared to two inches tall for the unvaccinated. Plus, they were a totally safe and effective solution to the pandemic, causing no heart problems or long-term side effects according to the newspapers. Abigail and all her friends got vaccinated to show their support for Biden, even though most women were immune; she herself was on her twelfth booster shot.

After the 2020 election, the organization's name was changed to The Friends of Democracy and Tolerance as they shifted their focus away from politics and towards social justice and raising awareness. Now the group is focused on non-political and unifying issues such as anti-racism, equity, environmental justice, fat phobia, trans phobia, income inequality, and tiny rights; all of society's most pressing issues. During this meeting, the ladies discussed the prior administration's racist immigration policies; placing a special focus on the divisive political stunt implemented by the Governor of Florida - sending thousands of tiny migrants to tiny people sanctuary cities who don't have the resources to care for them. Clearly, tiny people who cross the southern border experience unique hardships that tiny people who immigrate legally from other countries do not face. The signature hallmark of any great country is empathy, and Abigail and the other ladies felt a patriotic duty to oppose any racist policies which distinguished between legal tiny migrants and illegal tiny migrants . . . doesn't the Bible say that people are just people, and that it's wrong to examine how anyone arrives anywhere?

Abigail gently sat the wooden cigar box atop an onyx glass table nearest the fireplace; carefully lifting its hinged lid away from her to reveal its contents. There, huddled in the corner of the velvet lined box, sat six tiny migrants from South America; rescued by paid agents of The Friends of Democracy and Tolerance. The giantess looked down on these unfortunate souls from her great height with soft eyes.

"I'm so sorry, my friends. This is no way for a country to treat its visitors. You have been used as political pawns by the Republicans, and you've been lied to. We are going to help, but you can't stay. I don't know if you can understand me, but we don't have the resources here to take care of you. So, it's my duty to do the right thing for the good of the country." Abigail explained with a tone and cadence usually reserved for small children.

The tiny migrants, a mix of Guatemalans and Venezuelans, looked at each other confused; barely possessing the requisite English proficiency to make out Abigail's words. So they were all extremely shocked when the wealthy dilettante plucked one of them out of their box between her pinched fingers. They were all shocked, but none more so than the selected little man as she immediately placed his panicked brown body into her enormous crimson maw, swallowing him in one sickening gulp. At this action, the tiny box erupted in complete pandemonium; their insignificant and barely audible screams mixed with high pitched pleading in a language which Abigail could not decipher.

As the trophy wife shoveled one tiny migrant into her wet mouth after another, she crossed her hands across her chest; fully acknowledging her own white privilege but deeply grateful that she could play a small part in making the world a better place.