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Laughing Jack x Lucifer (Crackfic) ~Pregnancy~

Alright, probably not any plot to this. Just a funny fic based off of what might have happened should Laughing Jack have gotten Lucifer pregnant. Based off of my “Sleeping with the Devil” fic, and a gift to Sapphiresenthiss , who more or less requested it. No sex, just man(?) pregnancy/birth and swear words XD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~--~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laughing Jack, Jeff the Killer, and Mahigun all sat in the couch in the middle of the living-room. They were currently watching the latest news report on the death of the Pope- on the confirmed murders and the continued search for evidence of who or what managed to kill the beloved disciple of God. Of course, the trio already knew who did off with the Pope. L.J had made everyone in the household well aware of who did it when he came home sporting the funny looking hat the disciple wore regularly- then he gave it to the pups as a sleeping bag. So they were mainly watching the news because they loved listening to all the bullshit commonly spewed in relations to unsolvable killing. Well, that and because there wasn't anything better to watch. When the newscast ended, Jeff grabbed the remote and proceeded to flip through the channels aimlessly. Seriously, over ten thousand channels, and nothing to watch? Just what was the world coming to? There was a sudden tapping at the door- maybe that would be God himself sporting the answers to why there wasn't jack on TV. So, Jeff stood and walked to the door to answer it, but when he opened the door her certainly didn't see God. Actually, he didn't see anything that looked like it could come from Heaven- more like it came from Hell and wore an expression that said “Look me in the eye and I'll bite your dick off and shove it up your ass!”.

Without so much as a word, the killer stepped aside and allowed the demon to walk into the house. He watched as Mahigun and L.J turned around to see who it was- and in an instant the werewolf jumped up ready for a fight, while the clown took on an expression that screamed “Oh fuck!”. However, instead of a fight breaking out, the demon opened its mouth and spat out an envelope- the letter smacked L.J in the face and stuck to his cheek. Then it burst into bright green flames and turned to dust- well, either it killed it self or that was just a fancy way of making an exit. Either way, Jeff wasn't going to be the one to clean it up- his expression said that well enough.

“The hell was that all about?” Jeff said calmly as he walked up to L.J, who had pulled the letter off of his face and wiped his cheek clean with the back of his hand. Mahigun sat back down and stared at the envelope curiously, quickly noticing that there wasn't a sender name on it- just words saying “To Laughing Jack”. Hesitantly, the monochrome clown worked the envelope open. Then, to his surprise the letter flew out of his hand, changed its shape to that of a face and began to scream at him- in Lucifer's voice.

“Laughing Jack! You fucking monochrome son of a bitch! You got me fucking pregnant then took off thinking that I'd let you get away with it?! Well FUCK THAT! YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN HERE AND BRING JEFF TO! NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS SHIT ALONE!... Oh, and bring me some fucking pickles!...” The envelope screamed, before suddenly tearing itself into pieces leaving a very confused Laughing Jack, a shocked Jeff, and a blushing Mahigun- seemed the werewolf was getting some dirty thoughts imagining the clown having sex with the devil himself. Oh, if only she knew- it was actually a threesome! After a moment, the clown and the killer exchanged nervous glances, and they sex about the business of trying to figure out what they were going to do.

*Once “Short” decent into Hell later*

Jeff and Laughing Jack stood in Lucifer's chambers, wearing very confused expressions on their faces. The killer made sure to bring a couple jars of pickles because he decided it was best to do as the devil had instructed, but he honestly had no idea why Lucifer had wanted them. Hell, he had no idea how it was possible that the lord of the underworld himself had gotten pregnant- considering that Jeff was more than positive that the devil was a male. Now, they were waiting for Lucifer to come out of his bathroom so that they could ask him about his letter and give him his pickles. What they saw when he walked out though, nearly made their jaws hit the floor. Yep- the devil was pregnant alright. His stomach was showing a baby bump- though in reality he looked like if someone poked him in the stomach he might pop. As soon as Lucifer caught sight of them, he stormed over to L.J and grabbed him by his suspenders, then he proceeded to bitch the living daylights out of him.

*Because the author is to lazy to bother putting any real conversation here, she just decided to piss everyone off by pointing out her laziness. “So you know what, bite me~”*

After a three hour bitch fit, Lucifer stood holding Laughing Jack in the air by his suspenders, and he was panting openly from how much air he had expelled during his little rant. L.J held onto the devils arms for dear life with a look of utter horror plastered on his face, and Jeff stood in the background about to break the jars of pickles he was holding he was so scared. Heck, the killer looked about ready to wet his pants. Once done with his fit, Lucifer dropped L.J and stormed over to Jeff- who cringed expecting to be picked up and hurtled through the wall. Instead, the devil snatched a jar of pickles from him and proceeded to chow down- the killer fell to his knees and clutched his chest with one hand as if he expected his heart to burst through his ribcage. With that, their time in Hell began.

*Again, the author is to lazy to actually think up something because this is a crack fic- its nothing to take seriously. So she's just gonna jump to the scary man-birth scene that's going to scar all of you for life. “Bite me again~”*

“Get this fucker outa me!” Lucifer roared as Jeff tried desperately to hold his arms above his head. The killer was currently sitting behind the devil with his head in his lap as he held his arms to prevent him from grabbing L.J and possibly ripping his arms off. L.J was sitting on the devils legs to try and keep him still as the little hellspawn he called his child attempted to claw its way out of his gut. Yeah, that's right- apparently when Lucifer has a baby the demon spawn can only be birthed by tearing its way out of his abdomen and climbing out on its own. The poor baby had yet to manage to get its nails to break through though- so L.J and Jeff were currently stuck watching the unborn child rake its claws along the interior of the devils abdomen- it looked very disturbing. Now, under normal circumstances, Jeff would have been more than willing to cut someones guts out. But this was no normal circumstance. This was birth- man birth. Not only that, the creature moving around in the devils gut was in fact L.J's son or daughter- and despite his twisted ways, the killer didn't want to harm his best friends offspring. Suddenly, a pair of black claws burst through the skin on Lucifer's abdomen, and in a flash an entire baby arm was pushed past the tender flesh. As soon as that happened, L.J shoved one of his hands inside the devils torn gut to grasp the baby by its armpits, and he pulled it out in a flash. He was surprised that there wasn't an umbilical cord- but then again, this wasn't a normal pregnancy or birth. So there was probably a good reason for the lack of normal childbirth aftermath.

*Time skin, two hours, because the author doesn't want to describe everything that happened. “Yet again, bite me~”*

Lucifer lied in his bed, holding his newborn infant in his arms with an almost loving expression on his face- almost. He looked more pissed off than anything else. Why? Because for some reason the child he'd just given birth too didn't look like Laughing Jack at all- it looked like Jeff. Now, he knew that his getting pregnant was nothing short of a miracle- if such things even happened in his domain- but how the fuck could Jeff have gotten him pregnant? They'd had sex- but the killer had never got his dick anywhere near Lucifer's ass. So the question remained- why the fuck did the baby look like the one who hadn't shoved their cock in his ass? Apparently he wasn't the only one who wanted to know- because L.J was currently eying Jeff with an expression that was a mix of anger and confusion. Said killer noticed the look and immediately made a move to defend himself.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Don't gimme that look L.J! You and I both know that I didn't fuck him! You two fucked, me, remember?!” Jeff said defensively as he put his arms in front of his chest as if expecting to block a blow. In response, the clown threw his hands up in the air and a heated debate began between the three men...

*Yet again, the author is being a bitch. She didn't want to put any real effort into the conversation and bla bla bla, so she's just gonna sum everything up for ya. “Do I need to say it again~?”*

The argument between the pair of killers and the devil lasted for approximately eight hours before they just decided it would be best to let the kid grow up for a couple of months to see who it looked more like then. That eventually led to a conversation on how long it would take the kid to reach adulthood- and the pair of mortals were informed that the baby would be full grown in approximately thirteen months. That led to a few hours of shock, confused, and repetitive questions- which the devil had to deal with for the sake of calming everyone down. After that, the pair of mortals wound up stuck in Hell for about two and a half months before they came to the conclusion that the kid was in a fact, the spawn of Lucifer and Laughing Jack. They eventually named the kid “Chimera”- as in a monster feared by man because that's what he was going to be. After that, the pair of mortals returned home and the devil saw to it that L.J visited his son twice a week every week for the thirteen months it took him to reach adulthood. Then, Chimera moved in with his father and the pair became partners in crime.

And all the killers lived happily ever after (Because the author just had to end this crack fic with the most overused phrase for an ending EVER)~

Description
body div#devskin0 hr { }

Laughing Jack x Lucifer (Crackfic) ~Pregnancy~

Alright, probably not any plot to this. Just a funny fic based off of what might have happened should Laughing Jack have gotten Lucifer pregnant. Based off of my “Sleeping with the Devil” fic, and a gift to Sapphiresenthiss , who more or less requested it. No sex, just man(?) pregnancy/birth and swear words XD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~--~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laughing Jack, Jeff the Killer, and Mahigun all sat in the couch in the middle of the living-room. They were currently watching the latest news report on the death of the Pope- on the confirmed murders and the continued search for evidence of who or what managed to kill the beloved disciple of God. Of course, the trio already knew who did off with the Pope. L.J had made everyone in the household well aware of who did it when he came home sporting the funny looking hat the disciple wore regularly- then he gave it to the pups as a sleeping bag. So they were mainly watching the news because they loved listening to all the bullshit commonly spewed in relations to unsolvable killing. Well, that and because there wasn't anything better to watch. When the newscast ended, Jeff grabbed the remote and proceeded to flip through the channels aimlessly. Seriously, over ten thousand channels, and nothing to watch? Just what was the world coming to? There was a sudden tapping at the door- maybe that would be God himself sporting the answers to why there wasn't jack on TV. So, Jeff stood and walked to the door to answer it, but when he opened the door her certainly didn't see God. Actually, he didn't see anything that looked like it could come from Heaven- more like it came from Hell and wore an expression that said “Look me in the eye and I'll bite your dick off and shove it up your ass!”.

Without so much as a word, the killer stepped aside and allowed the demon to walk into the house. He watched as Mahigun and L.J turned around to see who it was- and in an instant the werewolf jumped up ready for a fight, while the clown took on an expression that screamed “Oh fuck!”. However, instead of a fight breaking out, the demon opened its mouth and spat out an envelope- the letter smacked L.J in the face and stuck to his cheek. Then it burst into bright green flames and turned to dust- well, either it killed it self or that was just a fancy way of making an exit. Either way, Jeff wasn't going to be the one to clean it up- his expression said that well enough.

“The hell was that all about?” Jeff said calmly as he walked up to L.J, who had pulled the letter off of his face and wiped his cheek clean with the back of his hand. Mahigun sat back down and stared at the envelope curiously, quickly noticing that there wasn't a sender name on it- just words saying “To Laughing Jack”. Hesitantly, the monochrome clown worked the envelope open. Then, to his surprise the letter flew out of his hand, changed its shape to that of a face and began to scream at him- in Lucifer's voice.

“Laughing Jack! You fucking monochrome son of a bitch! You got me fucking pregnant then took off thinking that I'd let you get away with it?! Well FUCK THAT! YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN HERE AND BRING JEFF TO! NO WAY IN HELL AM I GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS SHIT ALONE!... Oh, and bring me some fucking pickles!...” The envelope screamed, before suddenly tearing itself into pieces leaving a very confused Laughing Jack, a shocked Jeff, and a blushing Mahigun- seemed the werewolf was getting some dirty thoughts imagining the clown having sex with the devil himself. Oh, if only she knew- it was actually a threesome! After a moment, the clown and the killer exchanged nervous glances, and they sex about the business of trying to figure out what they were going to do.

*Once “Short” decent into Hell later*

Jeff and Laughing Jack stood in Lucifer's chambers, wearing very confused expressions on their faces. The killer made sure to bring a couple jars of pickles because he decided it was best to do as the devil had instructed, but he honestly had no idea why Lucifer had wanted them. Hell, he had no idea how it was possible that the lord of the underworld himself had gotten pregnant- considering that Jeff was more than positive that the devil was a male. Now, they were waiting for Lucifer to come out of his bathroom so that they could ask him about his letter and give him his pickles. What they saw when he walked out though, nearly made their jaws hit the floor. Yep- the devil was pregnant alright. His stomach was showing a baby bump- though in reality he looked like if someone poked him in the stomach he might pop. As soon as Lucifer caught sight of them, he stormed over to L.J and grabbed him by his suspenders, then he proceeded to bitch the living daylights out of him.

*Because the author is to lazy to bother putting any real conversation here, she just decided to piss everyone off by pointing out her laziness. “So you know what, bite me~”*

After a three hour bitch fit, Lucifer stood holding Laughing Jack in the air by his suspenders, and he was panting openly from how much air he had expelled during his little rant. L.J held onto the devils arms for dear life with a look of utter horror plastered on his face, and Jeff stood in the background about to break the jars of pickles he was holding he was so scared. Heck, the killer looked about ready to wet his pants. Once done with his fit, Lucifer dropped L.J and stormed over to Jeff- who cringed expecting to be picked up and hurtled through the wall. Instead, the devil snatched a jar of pickles from him and proceeded to chow down- the killer fell to his knees and clutched his chest with one hand as if he expected his heart to burst through his ribcage. With that, their time in Hell began.

*Again, the author is to lazy to actually think up something because this is a crack fic- its nothing to take seriously. So she's just gonna jump to the scary man-birth scene that's going to scar all of you for life. “Bite me again~”*

“Get this fucker outa me!” Lucifer roared as Jeff tried desperately to hold his arms above his head. The killer was currently sitting behind the devil with his head in his lap as he held his arms to prevent him from grabbing L.J and possibly ripping his arms off. L.J was sitting on the devils legs to try and keep him still as the little hellspawn he called his child attempted to claw its way out of his gut. Yeah, that's right- apparently when Lucifer has a baby the demon spawn can only be birthed by tearing its way out of his abdomen and climbing out on its own. The poor baby had yet to manage to get its nails to break through though- so L.J and Jeff were currently stuck watching the unborn child rake its claws along the interior of the devils abdomen- it looked very disturbing. Now, under normal circumstances, Jeff would have been more than willing to cut someones guts out. But this was no normal circumstance. This was birth- man birth. Not only that, the creature moving around in the devils gut was in fact L.J's son or daughter- and despite his twisted ways, the killer didn't want to harm his best friends offspring. Suddenly, a pair of black claws burst through the skin on Lucifer's abdomen, and in a flash an entire baby arm was pushed past the tender flesh. As soon as that happened, L.J shoved one of his hands inside the devils torn gut to grasp the baby by its armpits, and he pulled it out in a flash. He was surprised that there wasn't an umbilical cord- but then again, this wasn't a normal pregnancy or birth. So there was probably a good reason for the lack of normal childbirth aftermath.

*Time skin, two hours, because the author doesn't want to describe everything that happened. “Yet again, bite me~”*

Lucifer lied in his bed, holding his newborn infant in his arms with an almost loving expression on his face- almost. He looked more pissed off than anything else. Why? Because for some reason the child he'd just given birth too didn't look like Laughing Jack at all- it looked like Jeff. Now, he knew that his getting pregnant was nothing short of a miracle- if such things even happened in his domain- but how the fuck could Jeff have gotten him pregnant? They'd had sex- but the killer had never got his dick anywhere near Lucifer's ass. So the question remained- why the fuck did the baby look like the one who hadn't shoved their cock in his ass? Apparently he wasn't the only one who wanted to know- because L.J was currently eying Jeff with an expression that was a mix of anger and confusion. Said killer noticed the look and immediately made a move to defend himself.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Don't gimme that look L.J! You and I both know that I didn't fuck him! You two fucked, me, remember?!” Jeff said defensively as he put his arms in front of his chest as if expecting to block a blow. In response, the clown threw his hands up in the air and a heated debate began between the three men...

*Yet again, the author is being a bitch. She didn't want to put any real effort into the conversation and bla bla bla, so she's just gonna sum everything up for ya. “Do I need to say it again~?”*

The argument between the pair of killers and the devil lasted for approximately eight hours before they just decided it would be best to let the kid grow up for a couple of months to see who it looked more like then. That eventually led to a conversation on how long it would take the kid to reach adulthood- and the pair of mortals were informed that the baby would be full grown in approximately thirteen months. That led to a few hours of shock, confused, and repetitive questions- which the devil had to deal with for the sake of calming everyone down. After that, the pair of mortals wound up stuck in Hell for about two and a half months before they came to the conclusion that the kid was in a fact, the spawn of Lucifer and Laughing Jack. They eventually named the kid “Chimera”- as in a monster feared by man because that's what he was going to be. After that, the pair of mortals returned home and the devil saw to it that L.J visited his son twice a week every week for the thirteen months it took him to reach adulthood. Then, Chimera moved in with his father and the pair became partners in crime.

And all the killers lived happily ever after (Because the author just had to end this crack fic with the most overused phrase for an ending EVER)~