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So, I sit here contemplating over the last month. It's been a hell of a month and not in a good way. Drama happens in a group of people and I got involved with my own. At the time I regretted my actions. Now, after all that's happened, I do not. Things crashed around me and mostly my boyfriend. I will forever feel guilty for what I have done to him. He lost his friends doing the right thing. He got stabbed in the back for my actions.
Drama still sucks between us to this day. The tension at RF was thick. I had hoped to at least be nice and give the bastard that started it all water while he was dancing in suit. Next thing I know he writes a journal later that he should've threw it to the ground or on my head/face all while laughing about it. Yeah, lovely. Well, karma always bites and it will bite hard.
I was mildly surprised at the con when someone who I thought would hate me just as much as them approached me and was civil towards me. It was a huge surprise and I'm still reeling from that.
Yesterday, I sat and talked with some friends. Something came to my head as I realize that people change when they are in a relationship. I remember my boyfriend and his friend's tail end of their conversation. The friend was angrily talking about how whipped the bastard had become. At the time, I thought "Whatever, the bastard just ate his own words when he called my boyfriend a pussy whipped cunt" Then I think about it...What happens if he really wasn't as bad as before he met that girl? It was at that point something clued into me. She changed him and not for the better. I asked a friend (one he backstabbed within this whole drama) Was he at least decent before dating her or was he always a bastard? Her answer still shocks me despite me seeing it a few hours ago "Would you believe me if I told you he was the equivalent of your boyfriend, only more inclined to be silly like any 19 year old?" I stare at the screen in shock. I believe her...but the answer is still a shock. How could someone change that much in a course of less than a year? It's heartbreaking...and scary. How could anyone stay in a relationship so toxic?
I then asked one thing that has worried me for a long time. Have I done anything to change my boyfriend? She said "no, I don't think you've done anything to change him. I honestly think you saved him. He used to be very insecure and unhappy about himself. Now he has a reason to enjoy life and not hide a little bit of himself in everyday living" That answer brought tears to my eyes. It meant a lot to me that at least I've touch one life in my lifetime. It's a relief since I always thought that I was toxic to him. He means a lot to me and he puts up with me. How he does it I guess is quite obvious...It's the right thing to do.