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stapling — Realize It
Published: 2005-12-03 03:47:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 493; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 18
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Description
Tender CallusTorn and Bleeding
Mend the splinter
Reluctant needing
Pick it once
Then again
My flesh begins to Curl
Beneath beaten bones
Hide as rare as pearl
Love ta teach ya
Love ta hate
The birds are Calling
Calling, Calling
for the late
tender callus
torn and bleeding
The wound's thriving
The pain is feeding
I want you to know
this needle point
Pick it more
you'll feel my point
Threats are defeaned
The light's no more
questions answered
Shut the door.
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Comments: 19
oh....
and that everyone who commented loves you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Is that supposed to mean that the only reason people said nice things is because they like me and don't want to hurt my feelings? People have different tastes... I know that this poem isn't great, I didn't really try at all, it was just a way to spill out my current thoughts that were hurting me. I know that only my friends commented, but most people don't look at poetry and prose stuff on devart anyway. I hardly ever do. The only stuff I read basically is yours. My friends probably either said it was great because a) they think that it is either because it really is good or because they don't really have experience in poetry or b) they just do that/feel like they're obligated to or something. I don't really mind. The fact is this was an outlet for me that I really needed to utilize at the time. I didn't mean to make you jealous or something.
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I just said it cause I wanted to say I loved you in a non-obvious way.
I didn't hide THAT much meaning into one sentence.
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If you want me to lie, I'll tell you how it's awesome.
If you want me to be honest, I'll criticize you greatly.
But since I know you, and want to spare your feelings, I'll just tell you it's beautiful, but doesn't quite flow. That it's meaningful but not quite clear on the "point". That it seems like you're trying to be too morbid and that you should stick to drawing.
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I was not trying to be morbid at all in this... it just kind of came out when I was really emotional. It was Em who mentioned that it sounded morbid... so I just went with it. I'm in no way a professional poet, or climbing to be, I just needed to express my feelings in a way that I could admire and at the same time be efficient. Either way, I like it, even if it isn't perfect... I wouldn't like it to be, anyway, that would ruin it.
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I'm not saying that's it bad - please don't get defensive. I just mean that it sounds like you're trying to hard. But if you just wrote this to vent and wasn't really focusing on poetic aspects then I'm sorry for even commenting. I just wasn't quite sure if you wanted to be critiqued or not.
Just like Poe, I'm a harsh critic. Sorry.
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sorry, I'm just not used to that because usually I ask people before I critique them. Unless they have the 'advanced critique' thing. do I have that?
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no...but you're my sister so i was a little more honest. you're always that way to me so i figured it would be alright.
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constructive critism is always good
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As Eric Foreman would say, "Yes, Yes."
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LOL I love it when he does that!! It's hilarious
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