HOME | DD
Stephvanrijn β Judgment
#judgement #deceit #poetry #poetryemotional #poetryfreeverse #stephanievanrijn
Published: 2015-08-19 19:07:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 13435; Favourites: 71; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Capricious, erratic creatures,You observe the likeness of unknown features,
Condemning, curving your mouth with disdain
For the decorum of oneself shall obey your malicious reign.
The abomination you painted in your narrow mind,
Was no more than an eccentric brother yet to find
Utter compliance you seek,
Yet of vain dejection you only reek.
The enmity that guides your every line
Is but poison you gulped instead of light so divine.
Depart from the ignorance that compels you,
Underneath the deception lies all that is true.
Related content
Comments: 73
I like alot...
dancing around,
thoughts and feelings,
pouring out as found,
leaves your fingers reeling...
π: 0 β©: 0
Do you think most of life's experience is denied to us because of our emotional experience and predjudices?....or do we simply learn to squint so as to not let too much darkness seep in?
π: 0 β©: 0
All I can think of when reading this is a fantasy setting with some sort of tyrannical king or governor, creates an amazing picture in my mind really nice work
π: 0 β©: 0
Your words are well selected. Congratulations
π: 0 β©: 0
I love the atmosphere of this poem. I really love your writing.
π: 0 β©: 0
This is quite good. Native language or not, you have a good sense of and gift with words. Keep it up, you might be surprised where it takes you.
π: 0 β©: 0
Have to admit, the opening stanza is probably the most powerful of the poem (and not to say that the work is flawed, just the emphasis is heavier on the first four lines).Β Though I am usually not a huge fan of rhyming pairs, you pulled it off without any apparent difficulty.Β
Curious though, what does it sound like in French?Β Would ask to see it, but my French is horrible.
Keep writing, this has a lot of promise.
π: 0 β©: 0
When I was reading this work, were many faces in my mind. too many people fits perfectly in that clever poem. Sadly . . . The last one was mine.
Thank you, milady for making me realize. We must work harder in being a better person.
For our beloved ones' sake.
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you very much, I'm happy it made you reconsider some things
π: 0 β©: 0
(as promised, my review of the poem)
Meter-wise, it's all over the place. Most poems, even the ones in free verse, have a rhythm to them, or even if it is irregular, the irregularity tends to be the point. Here, in the first stanza, you go seven-eleven-ten-sixteen. Just that in itself causes confusion despite the rhyme being okay. Punctuation is another point where this poem gets confusing for me (in the second stanza, should there have been a full stop between "find" and "Utter"? Or a semicolon? Because this way it looks and feels unnatural). There are a few more points in the poem where similar discrepancies exist, but this was the most glaring one.Β
The imagery itself is decent, and the vocabulary choice quite a commendable one, but with the above mentioned being the case, it does not do much to improve the poem beyond what it already is.
Despite all that, I still liked it. It is raw, passionate, to-the-point and, like your many pictures, is really You - chaotic, with many flows and ebbs, far from perfect and yet far from not being loved.
I hope this helps. For any additional info, feel free to contact me via notes.Β
π: 0 β©: 1
I really don't follow any rules when I write, I mostly just "vomit" what's in my head.Β
As for the vocabulary, I'm trying to improve. I am far from being born an english speaker and only really started when I was 19/20 years old. I used to write in French only. I'm trying to improve my English, which is why the vocabulary is not so great. I will only improve it with time
I think I'll just stop posting my English writing, I fear I'm not so good at it and I will come back once I'm more decent.
Thank you for your review, have a great day!
π: 0 β©: 1
Oh, by all means, do NOT stop posting things in English. How else will people see improvement?
You're very welcome, and I cannot wait for your next poem, or photo, or both.
π: 0 β©: 1
I don't feel very comfortable posting for some people I don't think I am worthy of. I will come back later when I am better at writing 
π: 0 β©: 1
It saddens me that you won't post more of your writing. But hey, if you ever have any material and need help, writing-wise, hit me up, I am always open to help.
And I will, again, ask if you are willing to skype or e-mail.
One last ask in the list will be that you, if you find the time, read some of my stuff. Some feedback from you would be nice.
And hopefully we'll talk a lot more in the future.
π: 0 β©: 1
I will post more in the future for sure, I will just stop for a little while
π: 0 β©: 0
not specifically, no. I think it's engraved in the human nature to judge to a certain level. Some just bring it way farther
π: 0 β©: 1
Yes, and sadly there's an acidic quality to many judgements.Β Does get on one's nerves.Β
π: 0 β©: 0
I can think of an horribly large number of people whom this could apply to, starting with career politicians and internet trolls.
π: 0 β©: 1
very vast range of people
π: 0 β©: 0
..."Underneath the deception lies all that is true." - Regardless of the amount of stains, soaked in blood or ink, beneath remains that peerless, immaculate blank page waiting to be refilled with the cup of life. Your beauty both within and without grabs my attention and refuses to let go, and for my sake I wish it would. Glowing Steph!
π: 0 β©: 1
I really thank you dear
π: 0 β©: 1
Your welcome - You've always captivated me but when I read your writing's I'm simply amazed. You say English is your second language but from what I see is doesn't seem that way. Keep them coming - the best way to become a better writer is to write!
π: 0 β©: 0
Unfortunate examples of humanity abound. In the end, returning their ire helps no one. Judgement is so easy a trap to fall into.
π: 0 β©: 1
Indeed, it's a sad yet true fact of humanity.Β
π: 0 β©: 1
Is it what makes us "us", or is it the ability to overcome that makes us what we are? Worth thinking about in the dark, lonely hours.Β
π: 0 β©: 1
It's unfortunately something that became way to present in our kin.
π: 0 β©: 0
This one is a bit more rhymey, but is good as the last poem of yours I read. You have quite the vast vocabulary and an even greater mind and imagination to boot. Cannot wait for another poem from you; it's like reading a part of what you feel.
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you very much
π: 0 β©: 0
Excellent work Steph and so descriptive is this prose of a highly volatile thought. Β Thank you for sharing.
π: 0 β©: 1
thank you very much
π: 0 β©: 1
Very Welcome
π: 0 β©: 0
From one poet to another, this looks very vivid.Β
I have some issues with it, but considering this is personal to you, I will refrain from any further comments. Β
π: 0 β©: 1
Well, by all means, explain
π: 0 β©: 1
Tomorrow, when I am well-rested. Deal?
π: 0 β©: 0
These words I completely agree.... Shallow people makes me laugh in front of them of their disgraced existence..... My congratulations for the rhymes.....
Shalt thy poetry be with thee, milady.
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you very much!
π: 0 β©: 0
| Next =>