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surrfant — Sentence
Published: 2008-01-26 21:47:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 774; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 14
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Description
Communicating with crackinglungs, my tongue
is lacking; truncated, I fall
silent.
Your verbs are acerbic, and nouns proud; I
am capitalised. Your gravity
drops me; I, a tone
lower than you, lie.
You whisper a sentence: an infinite
split.
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Comments: 14
you must not scrap this for anything
the rhythm's catchy and slant rhymes sly
i appreciate the linebreaks
the way the words can fall
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you. I was considering scrapping because at the time it was a deeply personal poem. Now it's not as important as it was then, so I think I'm keeping it. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I like the edited version better. This is... well, it's frankly perfect. I have no criticisms and I am a critical person.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
"Your gravity
drops me; I, a tone
lower than you, lie."
I love that. It's an honest description, I can tell.
Also, the ending just works.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Like I said, it's one of the more personal in my gallery, so honesty is a must. Thank you for the comment.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is pretty interesting. I love your diction. Not only is it unique, but the words have a nice harmony...a harmony that is contrasted and emphasized by some excellent enjambment and pauses.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you, I appreciate the comment and the compliment. It's hard to write new things about words, so hearing "unique" is always good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
that was obviously *your
ahh typos, you win this time.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You word choice is .. well, perfect.
From what I've read, your gallery seems to be made up of wonderful pieces such as this.
(also, thank you, for the fav)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you for the praise. And the +watch.
(and of course, you are welcome. I'll have to drop by the rest of your stuff when I have more time.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're most welcome, for everything
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Your verbs are acerbic, and nouns proud; I am capitalized.
I like this.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1