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Published: 2007-02-24 23:53:12 +0000 UTC; Views: 4923; Favourites: 117; Downloads: 73
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Description
Your heart grew up in a black wooden boxand thought it fabulous,
its world of
right angles,
wood grain,
and eternal night.
It hated me when I bored the hole
that let the sun singe its eyes, cook its skin,
when rain collected the dirt on its skin
in a puddle beneath its feet and said:
“look how dirty you are, foul thing.”
It hated and
hated and
still hates,
always crawling
under any
box it finds.
I kicked it
out of its hiding place.
It ran out howling, hating and being
hated by everything: pigeons swerved to on it
shit
wasps went kamikaze on it, black widow spiders
dropped e
g
g
s in its ear while it slept, wild
horses made love to its rear,
trees lashed it, roses
turned their scent away, woodpeckers
pecked at its skull, vampire bats
booked dinner tables on its neck, alley cats
sang at night to wake it, salmon
swam in the water of its eyes, flapping
their fat tails against the iris; most humans
ignored it, some were slow clapping.
But your heart is
my heart
and if it seeks eternal night
then
let
us
crawl
under the blackest, blackest box
that we can find and cry
fabulous.
Related content
Comments: 47
psychicconversation [2011-01-29 23:23:39 +0000 UTC]
Even reading this two years later, it is still one of the most beautiful poems I have ever come across.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
JoBz [2008-08-26 20:41:57 +0000 UTC]
Beautiful work, I love the imagery and the way the text is set to reflect the content. Simply beautiful
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Harlequin-Helix [2008-01-27 23:53:59 +0000 UTC]
I really liked it. But should that be "bore" instead of "bored"?
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wolfwoman [2007-11-28 03:34:15 +0000 UTC]
I wish i could fav this again. And again. And again.
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fraterm [2007-03-22 16:24:14 +0000 UTC]
Wow! Interesting typographical technique and well done language and imagery.
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underthemidnightsun [2007-03-05 15:53:31 +0000 UTC]
Absolutely fantastic. I love the final third or so- very powerful.
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moab-software [2007-03-03 05:10:58 +0000 UTC]
Yes, The Lovesong... we had to criticise that last year, so I couldn't enjoy it much.
You've a very nice pen, and the formatting of words on the page does it good as well.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
kagome-kago-no-naka [2007-03-03 04:47:15 +0000 UTC]
this arrangement is interesting and beautiful
the words felt spoken, but still so eloquent
the words common, but more powerful
I can’t tell you how much I love this poem
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Iscariot-Priest [2007-03-03 02:26:39 +0000 UTC]
It's hilarious how much punishment you put on a tiny, sheltered heart; a bit heartless [bad pun ], but really funny.
It took me a few reads to get why certain words were placed the way they were (like eggs), but it was very enjoyable once I got it.
The vampire bats are my favorite metaphor.
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FictionalSoul [2007-03-03 01:54:31 +0000 UTC]
that is perfectly descriptive of the human heart I believe... you've mixed a lot of nice writing styles. I really liked it
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Shikai-Sakka [2007-03-03 00:25:35 +0000 UTC]
Congratulations on your well deserved DD. The structure is beautiful, and the images prevoked are still blowing my mind.
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carbonmindform [2007-03-03 00:20:03 +0000 UTC]
WOW! i know i'm supposed to say something intelligent, but wow...
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veryangelic [2007-03-02 23:41:10 +0000 UTC]
I don't know what to say... I'm truly, really deeply impressed
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Wolven-Sister [2007-03-02 23:15:27 +0000 UTC]
That poem is beautiful and I loved how you ordered the words.
This poem is special, you should publish it.
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a-life-less-lived [2007-03-02 21:43:33 +0000 UTC]
That is very good. And I really like that way you constructed it...it added a very nice effect. Good job.
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Beckieflitz [2007-03-02 21:42:45 +0000 UTC]
I have nothing to say other than this: I love it. x
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IOUonegalaxy [2007-03-02 21:08:41 +0000 UTC]
wow, some pretty dark images there. I liked it though. The formatting also works well too. Good job.
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beyondweird [2007-03-02 20:15:00 +0000 UTC]
I love the formatting on this, it really adds to the content (which is also great) x
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forever-falling [2007-03-02 19:38:40 +0000 UTC]
I love the way you emphasized the emotions and actions by changing the placement or words and seperating phrases.
Marvelous.
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Glitterati [2007-03-02 18:58:47 +0000 UTC]
I kicked it
out of its hiding place.
It ran out howling, hating and being
hated by everything: pigeons swerved to on it
shit
That was my favorite part. I loved it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
DeXTrodiphen [2007-03-02 18:56:27 +0000 UTC]
I love how the poem looks. Visual poetry is always cool.
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Lena-Hyena [2007-03-02 17:17:15 +0000 UTC]
The imagery is absolutely gorgeous, and I love its pace... Beautiful.
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CandlelitxTragedy [2007-03-02 14:32:21 +0000 UTC]
This kept my attention with its amazing format..
Keep up the good work. You obviously have great talent. ^_^
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Bexica [2007-03-02 14:27:00 +0000 UTC]
this is prettiful perfection
and fecked up enough to be special
i <3s it indeed
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hum-i [2007-03-02 13:36:43 +0000 UTC]
"But your heart is
my heart
and if it seeks eternal night
then
let
us
crawl
under the blackest, blackest box
that we can find and cry "
my favorite part of this. i dont really like the part birds shit on, and the horses make love to the heart. other than that, its great
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
nikan2 [2007-03-02 13:33:26 +0000 UTC]
wow, this poem is pure genius!
I love all the metaphors and the subtle use of sarcasm at the end.... amazing,
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livechickens [2007-03-02 12:15:01 +0000 UTC]
i like how it sort of gives ur mind the ability to imagine what you want rather than giving u only 1 image in your mind, it sort of makes you think of many different things.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YvesMB In reply to livechickens [2007-03-02 13:23:30 +0000 UTC]
Hello livechickens. That was exactly the effect I was going for. I wanted to allow the reader to choose which image he focuses on.
I'm glad the poem made you think of different things.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
inamorata-smile [2007-03-02 12:00:38 +0000 UTC]
kind of macabre poetry ..like some things need to be for a time being to know
well, we expect something more beautyful
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YvesMB In reply to inamorata-smile [2007-03-02 13:21:53 +0000 UTC]
Hello inamorata-smile. You make an interesting point about darkness. I think there is a kind of beauty in accepting someone and all their faults.
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cleverdarkelve [2007-03-02 10:28:58 +0000 UTC]
Amazing. I have to this! Not only do I love the dark imagery, but I applaud the formatting as well!
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YvesMB In reply to cleverdarkelve [2007-03-02 13:20:07 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for the favourite cleverdarkelve. I like exploring dark imagery.
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cleverdarkelve In reply to YvesMB [2007-03-02 13:26:32 +0000 UTC]
I look forward to seeing more from you!
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parentheses [2007-03-02 10:09:04 +0000 UTC]
I read this and just thought, wow. Found the formatting slightly distracting in some parts, but as *Adeimantus says, it works with the content. Excellent job.
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niedec [2007-03-02 08:24:03 +0000 UTC]
I'm not sure if I like this or am just indifferent, but it's kinda hard to hate it. You did an absolutely wonderful job in mixing dark romance poetry with humor. It reminded me of H.L. Mencken's speeches in a way. I'm not a big fan of the formatting, though. I guess that's a preference thing.
All around, though, it's absolutely wonderful. Keep it up.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YvesMB In reply to niedec [2007-03-02 13:21:03 +0000 UTC]
Hello niedec. Thanks for introducing me to H.L. Mencken. I'll try to keep the standards up. I'm glad the blend of darkness and humour worked for you.
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salshep [2007-02-25 10:48:10 +0000 UTC]
Hey, I can just be a cheerleader here. So: Ooh this is a good poem, I'm ever s'glad you wrote it.
OH THE FREEDOM!!!!
Great to see your stuff in its natural habitat!
- Sal
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YvesMB In reply to salshep [2007-03-02 00:22:45 +0000 UTC]
And thanks for the cheerleading. I appreciate the comment.
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Adeimantus [2007-02-25 09:28:49 +0000 UTC]
Hey, Yves!
I quite like this! The formatting is entirely consistent with the content. We have an offset block for the "box" with:
its world of
right angles,
wood grain,
and eternal night.
the crawling movement with the staggered:
still hates,
always crawling
under any
box it finds
the dropping e
g
g
s
and, of course, the sub-text
shit.
One concern might be the overuse of "it," but I can't see any reasonable way to avoid it; the options I've thought of sound strained, and aren't matched by an improvement in the resulting non-use of "it."
The darkness of this is relieved by your usual off-beat sense of humor; it would have been too unrelenting without it, and works splendidly.
Nice job and, once again, welcome to dA!
Cheers!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YvesMB In reply to Adeimantus [2007-03-02 00:22:05 +0000 UTC]
I forgot my manners. Thanks for commenting, I'm glad it worked for you. With this poem I felt I captured a certain style that I've been chasing.
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