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synapticattack — The Blow Job
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Published: 2009-07-31 07:58:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 5481; Favourites: 27; Downloads: 8
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Description
Hurried and scandalous unzipping and door locking prelude to Mark situating himself on his knees in the men's bathroom.“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Both men smile as Mark daintily removes John's hard member from his perfectly tailored tuxedo. John strokes Mark's ears as Mark eagerly begins sucking.
After John finally ejaculates, Mark hurriedly rises and exits the men's room. He weaves around tables and dancing distant acquaintances to find his seat next to Mary.
“Where were you?”
“I had to use the restroom.”
“Oh, are you feeling well?”
“Yeah, sure, why?”
“You just have something on your lip.”
Mary wiped her brother-in-law's semen from her husband's lip as clanks and cheers roar from the pit of friends and family who wish to see the newlyweds kiss.
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Comments: 46
awww...well i hope he loves her as well atleast...
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i loved this.. it's not dark it's not twisited... it's life... i guess it could be precieved as nasty... but i think it's beatuiful... i just hope the two boys can be tgether one day... whilst incest is not excepted these boys clrealy love each other
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That's one of the most, awkward things I've read Ever.
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soooo... her brother in laws semen from her husbands lips?
That would make Mark and John brothers... ?
Unless there is a relation outside of the poem? Like her sisters husband or something?
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?? Am I missing something ??
Is it supposed to be that gross, lol
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Alright~
I'll begin with the title, it's certainly eye-catching. I'm the first to admit I'm a pervert, so I had to look. Props to that, I can never seem to manage interesting titles at all.
It may sound like a strange thing to like, but your characters names are also good. A lot of people get caught up in giving their characters cool names, but forget about the plot or theme of their story. Their names are 'normal', but not boring, in the sense that these two could be anyone, not just your Generic Let's Make Sexytime guys. Instead, they seem like real people.
That might be because I used to write fanfiction, and I used to see people ignore characters in favor or fanserive all too frequently.
Your pacing is also quite fitting. You could have gone into extensive detail, I know I would've (because I'm a long-winded bastard and don't know when to shut up, as evidenced by this critique :S ). It drives the point home that they're rushed, there's a party going on outside the restroom, and there are other things they're supposed to be doing, but would rather not.
The only things I can really nitpick are probably just personal choice and my own idiocy, so feel free to disregard this if you wish. C:
Maybe you could have had Mark throw a glance over his shoulder at John, to strengthen their shared "I love you"s? Just to push their relationship more, if that makes sense at all. Then again, without that, it makes it seem much more rushed, secretive, and taboo, it's perfectly fine without.
Finally, you seem to change tense after Mark and Mary's conversation... You go from past to present tense, and I have to admit that I didn't catch it until the second read-through, so I'm guessing it was intentional and I'm just being dim, haha. I'm still wondering if it was, though?
Sorry I'm so long-winded, I really need to work on being more concise. Dx
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thanks. For the second to last thing you mentioned about adding a bit about the relationship, I just wanted to keep it really short and ambiguous. About the change in tense, it was somewhat intentional, but I didn't really put a lot of thought into it, thanks for noticing
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Yeah, I like the shortness. I'm so longwinded and yet armed with such a tiny attention span.
Haha, no problem~
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Poor, poor Mary. Very dark and very, very good.
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Ha! This is great! I love how Mary is just unaware to what she's wiping. FANTASTIC. ^-^
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i thought it was cute
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the reason for the bathroom scene before his wedding.
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You can never truly know a person, I suppose
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Charming, love the dark humour and the irony of it. Great job ^^.
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This is slightly disturbing, but I love twisted humour!
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it's not disturbing in the least, but thank you
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You don't think so? I think it is in a very subtle way.
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