HOME | DD

ThiafYeroled — Asylum by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-03-27 15:25:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 3677; Favourites: 79; Downloads: 13
Redirect to original
Description Hehe. He looked around the room... White, white, white. Tile. Paint. Metal. Bed. Cotton. Pillow. Sheets. SHEETS. Sheets. To be strangled. Hehe. Metal barred windows, white bars, dirty glass. Door, white, locked. Little corner with dirty toilet, covered by low – white - wall and a cloth door, beige.

Bell rings. Baang. Baang. Baang. Baang. Baang. Ring. Dinner soon. The sheets, he grabbed them. Stretch them, move them, make them like a rope. Hehe. Doorknob clicks. Door creaks open, white door, metal doorknob, little metal window up top.

He grinned. So wide, that grin, with the teeth and the wrinkles and everything. The person, white clothes, female, ugly face – the voice in the back of his head whispered, asylum worker – brought in the tray. Mysterious meat, vegetables, mush. Metal tray, painted white. Person – his mind repeats, asylum worker, more loudly this time – enters room, puts tray on metal, white painted table.

He brings the cloth – the sheets – the rope, the rope hehe from where it was hidden – behind his back, it was. He still grins, all teeth and wrinkles and crazy. Crazy. He's insane. The person – the asylum worker, she turns, and she sees. He's crazy. So crazy. He walks forward. The asylum worker, correction, mental ward worker, she walks back. She yells, he strangles. STRANGLES. Escape. Escape soon, and strangles. The person, the asylum worker, mental ward worker, she's dead. Dead. He giggles, and runs.

Down the halls, he runs. Past chipping white paint and white tile and white doors and barred windows, metal bars, and he runs and runs and runs. His escape soon. More workers. Oops, he stepped on their faces. Their faces. No, no, he knocks them over first. He knocked them over, then he stepped on their faces. Oops.

But they all can't stop him now. No no no no no. The doors are already open, a new crazy being let in. Hehe. Not him. He's escaping. Escape. Out the door, the metal ugly white cream scream chipped painted door. He's giddy, he's out gone, fuck. The flash lights cars, with the black and the white and the paint and the metal and glass – the back of his mind, it once again whispers, police cars. They're here, with the flashy lights so red and blue.

People, in blue and black and stupid hats, out of the cars they come. They yell, they yell. He thinks they might've said to stop, or maybe they said that they like to wear pretty skirts. He's not sure, but he thinks if the man who yelled said the latter, it would be odd, so he thinks they might have said the first. But he's not sure, so he runs. He runs, runs fast and fast and goes. There's a boom, and one of the people, the policemen, they policemen, they pull on their metal things and out comes a BOOM and then a metal thing hits. Hit him it doesn't, but it almost does, so he runs. Faster, faster.

PAIN.

OW it hits him and PAIN PAIN PAIN his foot OW PAIN STOP NO NONONONONO. Stop, stop, he wants it to. STOP. PAIN. Red, from his foot, where the metal hit. RED. PAIN. The policemen, they grin, THEY GRINNED AT HIM, and he's screaming, “SAAAUP” and he's dragged. DRAGGED. PAIN. Back. Back, back into that place. Mental ward. White. White white white and metal and pain.

They called it asylum, a word like safe haven. Like love, and joy, relief, fun. It's white. WHITE. Plain. Cream. Metal. He screams.

HELL. HELL, his mind screams, and no one can hear him.
Related content
Comments: 16

mvendredi13 [2015-12-18 20:45:54 +0000 UTC]

Nice. Nice work. Great words everywhere. Hehe.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SweetBlood25 [2013-10-20 23:20:27 +0000 UTC]

I like this, good job !!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

giygas1 [2012-11-24 14:26:19 +0000 UTC]

I think of Lisa Trevor when I read this

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

nox7777777 [2012-04-19 00:53:37 +0000 UTC]

I love it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SammiLovesMM [2012-02-23 07:36:41 +0000 UTC]

Ithink of the Joker when i read this :3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

perenelleelite [2011-07-18 15:53:53 +0000 UTC]

Lovely I love the repetition ^^ Its a very srtong way to convey emotion. I APPROVE.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Britt-is-awesome [2010-07-15 18:42:11 +0000 UTC]

haha i love it, it reminds me so much of Ethan a. Poe's writing, i think its the way that you repeat things in the story! <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Purple-Crayolas [2010-06-06 07:14:31 +0000 UTC]

I can totally see Gaara in this.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

AngelLockex [2010-05-23 15:06:52 +0000 UTC]

Wow I liked this alot!! It gave me chills, but in a god way. I really liked how you did the format<3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

RPopper [2010-01-03 23:36:22 +0000 UTC]

HA! Nice. I really like this I was smiling throughout the whole thing just like a crazy person...>_> maybe I am a bit crazy myself...OH WELL!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

NecromancerGhost [2009-09-09 22:05:19 +0000 UTC]

i really really like this. but i have a hard time seeing gaara in this though...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ZoMbiE-X-DRaGon [2008-03-30 01:20:31 +0000 UTC]

Wow. ^^ I liked this a lot. Hehehe... It was very well written. The only thing I think needs any sort of adjustment is the 9th paragraph, it felt kind of odd the way you started it with "And". I wouldve just started with "OW" That and I felt it needed a bit more punctuation in that paragraph.

My favorite like is the opening, "Hehe." xD It made me laugh and i grinned reading almost the enitre story because of the carzed emotion you gave.

Wow, this is the longist comment ive ever written. o_o; But anyway, yeah this is awesome. o_O

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ThiafYeroled In reply to ZoMbiE-X-DRaGon [2008-03-31 07:00:14 +0000 UTC]

Eep. Yeah... That's kinda weird-looking indeed. Oo;'' I think I had meant to write "And OW and it hits him..." with a second and in there, but I'm not quite sure, and it may work better just dropping the first and... Hmm... I shall edit that, though, so thanks for pointing it out. '

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ZoMbiE-X-DRaGon In reply to ThiafYeroled [2008-03-31 17:12:23 +0000 UTC]

xD Well I was bored and i ran across that and It was awesome. lol I wish I was more paitent, if i was I could be better at writing stories. However since Im not, I always quit right before i finish. >_< that or i get a block..

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ThiafYeroled In reply to ZoMbiE-X-DRaGon [2008-03-31 19:27:05 +0000 UTC]

xD I always have that problem with writing long stories, but I'm pretty good at writing oneshots. ' So, I'll take an evening or an hour or so and use it to write a story...
I muchly enjoy challenging myself with them, too -- this one was supposed to have the same sort of feeling as a song I'd been listening to while writing it... Guilt By Association, by Louis XIV. I thought that the feeling of the song suited the crazy-Gaara character I imagined, and decided to write a story with the same sort of feeling, or a similar one.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ZoMbiE-X-DRaGon In reply to ThiafYeroled [2008-03-31 23:04:32 +0000 UTC]

Id never be able to write a long story not matter how much i want to... xD ive tried writing several short storied but generally even those are too long for me to be able to finish, that or Ill just suddenly get a writers block or i wont like how it sounds.... Maybe im just over critical with myself, I usually am being im a perfectonist.. -_-; Never heard the song but i love the crazed feeling of the story. xD made me think about this one vampire show i seen when i was flippin through tv channels and he attacked the nurse that was coming in cause me was hungry.. Lmao however I like Gaara more than vampires i think.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0