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Thunderhawk03 — Double Trouble
Published: 2013-01-17 13:08:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 93984; Favourites: 1830; Downloads: 658
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I made this little comics for 's contest.I think Guy-ra was made by Lyra, at least that's what I think, reading Veggie's comics. And I could read more Guy-ra-Lyra comics, then Lyra-Bonbon, so I thought maybe Bonbon could be a little jealous of this.
So I thought if Bonbon ask Lyra to spend finally some time together just the 2 of them, how can Lyra shake off Guy-ra. Because I think he is always there for a little trouble
So Lyra made Bonbon's stalion version, of course without asking Bonbon... The question is: How good idea was this?I really like the part when Bonboy say "Sweet!". I think it's really fit for him, someone how has something "sweet" as a cutie mark
Did you know: Bonbon front mane color is sometime switching color? Making some research from Bonbon I saw that sometime the color in her mane (in the cartoon too) switch. Sometime the blue is the front, and the pink is the back, and reverse. Couldn't really decide witch is the good one.
Update: Featured on Equestria Daily! Yay! [link]
Thanks everyone, who helped me fix some mistakes!
Update (2013.06.18): I changed Boyboy name to Bonboy! You suggested, and I admint it's really suits him better
I wanted to change it much more earlier, but I totally forget MLP:FiM © /
Guy-ra ©
Bonboy ©
Art ©
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Comments: 300
In the end, perhaps making a clone of yourself in the opposite gender may not have brought the best days of their lives.
But for Lyra and Bon Bon.
It was only tuesday.
*outro Music*
*credits*
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Well, I enjoyed this thoroughly. And because you asked us to help you with grammatical errors, you are lucky I have arrived. I have to say though, it is not all that bad: just a simple comma error, for grammar, and there is a part that sounds weird. So, here it is!
Second panel; Bon Bon, first bubble:
"Speaking of him, how did you convince him to let us have some free time without disturbing ("Disturbing" is my insert. If you feel "distracting" is better, then by all means, use it instead) us?"
First panel; Bon Bon bubble
After first comma, "... we haven't had..." Reasoning: In this case, it is not that they DIDN'T have the ability to do it, implying that they are unable physically or mentally to preform the action, but rather that they are unable, or inhibited by another force, to complete the task.
And that is about it really. You are fine besides those errors.
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Había una parte de mi que tenia miedo que esto pasara, pero al saber cuales son los planes de esos dos me alivié.
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Ayup, that hit the spot. Very funny. Though one has to wonder how BoyBoy came into being... particularly without Bon-Bon noticing. Perhaps there is a 63rd universe somewhere.
Okay, so you want grammatical mistakes? I've got all your grammatical mistakes and suggestions right here!
- Guyra's name. I don't think I've seen it hyphenated before, might want to follow the convention and leave it out. Not sure about Boyboy - he's up to you of course, though Bon-Bon often is hyphenated. This is kind of trivial though - Bon-Bon, Bonbon, BonBon, I've seen them all before.
- Bon-Bon's first line: mixing tenses. You also probably want "ever since". Also, "opportunity" combines badly with "some" - you can just omit the "some". You can also consider "much of an opportunity" for a less absolute statement. Otherwise, you might have: "Ever since Guyra became a part of our life, we haven't had an opportunity to spend time together, just the two of us."
- Bon-Bon's first line in panel 2: spare comma and too many "him"s. The first "him" should be "Guyra" or "whom". Or you could just use a word like "incidentally". The second comma shouldn't be there. And "how did" sounds better than "how could" - "did" implies that Lyra succeeded, while "could" implies that she has a way but hasn't actually done it yet.
The rest is fine.
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And I just noticed that Veggie55 uses Guy-ra. Looks like you were right there after all.
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Some bronies are calling him Harpsy, me included. It makes him sound masculine in a more casual sense, besides it sounds cute
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OMG I love this comic, I'll add it to my favourites to read it everytime
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wait i thought well bonbon would like boyboy or less wait this doesn't/....you know what. I like. I've said enough. Can't wait for Bonbon and Boyboy conversations or lyra and boyboy, vice verse reversal @_@''
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...Sorry BonBoy, but that isn't a look that translates well through R63. On the other hand (hoof?), Bon Bon should be pleased! They can spend all the time they want together, and Guyra's dealt with. In fact, I declare that this can not go wrong.
Also, Aloe and Lotus RAAAAAGE.
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CAAAAAAAAAAARL.....first thing I thought of at the end.
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Nice. I don't know if it is actually possible not to laugh at this!
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I love their facial expressions in the last panel.
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frigin epic LM#AO ^v^
thats just toooo good
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The human conspiracy has been doubled!
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...Do you have any idea what you have unleashed?
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Panel 2, Bon-Bon's first speech bubble, there's an extra comma after "convince him". It should just be:
"Speaking of him, how could you convince him to let us have some free time without distracting us?"
And really, "how did you convince him" sounds a little better, so you might consider that.
Great comic!
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I figured, with a name like "BoyBoy," he's either gonna be a hit with the ladies, or is probably gay.
I'm voting for the latter.
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crap, I fell off of my chair from laughing
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I'd like to meet the female version of myself...I hope she's not fat
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that depends on how you meet her; alternate universe versions will depend on which universe, cloned versions might be depending on the diet, magic, who knows
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So my chances are preety much 50/50
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LOL.
Oh dear, my sides seem to have split. excuse me while i gather up my insides
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The English here is mostly okay. The meaning definitely comes through clearly.
Guyra's name typically doesn't have a hyphen, so you might want to change that. It's not "Guy-ra," it's just "Guyra" as one word.
I would suggest changing the beginning of Bon-Bon's dialogue in the first panel to "Ever since Guyra became a part of our lives, we never have the opportunity..."
There's also an unnecessary comma in the second panel when Bon-Bon is speaking. I'd change that part to "how did you convince him to let us..."
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Thank you! I will try to make some of those changes.
I know more use "Guy-ra" as Guyra, but Veggie always use it as "Guy-ra". And because Guy-ra is originally Veggie's OC, I keep it that way
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In addition, the line should be, "Let's peek in on the mares at the spa!"
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Haha! Great job, I truly enjoyed this X3
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Hm, in panel 3, Guy-ra might say "... Let's peek ON the mares at the spa." It might not be necessary to understand the sentence, but it feels more fluid as its spoken.
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This made me laugh so much I mean BoyBoy is awesome for a genderswap BonBon, awesome job!
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