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Time-Not-Found — Buttcones
Published: 2012-12-11 08:39:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 305; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description YOU ARE NOW TALKING TO A RANDOM FUCKASS. SAY SOMETHING, ASSHOLE!
▼: Karkat whined softly. He couldn’t help it; he was lost, exhausted, hungry, and injured. His shoulder burned and prickled from the bottle his dad had thrown at him; it’d shattered upon impact, leaving glass shards imbedded deep within the muscle. He’d found a large black hoodie to hide his injury, unwilling to go to the hospital for fear of getting his father arrested. So he wandered on, trying to find somewhere to spend the night while his father slept the alcohol off. The streets were dimly lit by tall lamps, but he was far to dizzy to read street signs. His knees kept buckling, and he knew he couldn’t go much further, so he collapsed on your doorstep, hoping no one would bother him until morning. His breathing is getting shallower and shallower, and you almost step on him while leaving the next morning. ((Humanstuck, most characters accepted, although John, Dave, or Sollux preferred))
▲: ((ldkgdghdfg Karkat feels right now. Lemme type up a reply for you, hun)
▼: ((fwah! Yay!))
▲: John had gone through his usual morning routine, shower, brush his teeth, get dressed, eat. He glanced at the clock, seeing that he was leaving right on schedule to catch his bus. He grabbed his coat and backpack and walked out the door, nearly tripping over a crumpled form in the process. He narrowly missed crushing the boy and wiping out himself when he regained his balance from dodging that situation. He turned around, half expecting it to be a trashbag or just some random thing that ended up on his porch, but instead was greeted by the crumpled form of one of his friends. They weren't that close but he still wanted to help the boy. "Hey.. Karkat... Hey, wake up. Hey, why are you on my porch?" John knelt down beside him, setting his coat and pack on the grass beside the walkway and shook him gently. "Karkat? Are you okay?"
▼: No. What? No way. Why had he collapsed on John's porch? Of all people? He hadn't meant to, he hadn't even known where John lived! "I'm fine," he rasped, trying to get up, "I was just leaving. Sorry for trespassing or some shit." He wheezed as blood drained from his brain due to his sudden verticalness, and began to stumble away, breathing raggedly and gingerly holding a hand to his shoulder.
▲: John shook his head, getting up and easily catching up to him and stopping the boy. "Hey, no you're not. You are a horrible liar, has anyone ever told you that?" John looked at Karkat, gauging his expression, then glancing down at his shoulder that he was holding. "What's wrong with your shoulder? Why are you holding it like that?" John probed, trying to know if the other was hurt so he could help him.
▼: "I've been informed." He snipped, starting to feel the world spinning, way, way too fast, around him. "And." He tried to remember the question, and his eyes widened as he replayed it in his mind. "Oh. Right. Nothing's wrong. I think I, uh, slept on it funny," he lied woozily. Maybe his brain was spinning, not the whole world, because John needed fine. But that was illogical for some reason. He couldn't really remember why anymore. He pulled his hand away from his shoulder in a daze, frowning at the red liquid now coating his palm. How strange. What was that doing there?
▲: John's eye's narrowed at him. "You just lied. Again. You know, horrible friendships are based on lies." He said, trying to lighten his own mood when he spotted Karkat's palm as it left his shoulder. "See! You're not alright! You're bleeding!" John reached a hand a lightly started to scoot the fabric away from Karkat's shoulder. "What happened!" John barely got any of the fabric off before deciding to take the boy inside to wash him off. "I don't care how much you protest, your arm is a wreck and even our small friendship based on your 'I'm fine' lies deserve some TLC." John straightened his face and started to lead him inside.
▼: "Oh." Karkat managed. Right. Bleeding. He stumbles after John, with half a mind to protest, but the other half is too far in lalaland to even consider it. His legs were in lalaland too, it seemed. They kept on stopping, or bending inconveniently, and Karkat found himself latching on to John's shirt for support. Ooh, look, here comes the protest. "Dun wanna." His tongue flops around uselessly, and its easy to tell the words aren't spoken with any kind of real conviction. But they were said, so now an accusation of kidnapping could potentially be in order. Later.
▲: "Nope, you're getting cleaned up. No more ors ands or buts about. It might already be infected! Why didn't you just ring my doorbell last night, stupid! I could have helped you!" He tugged Karkat inside and towards the stairs and stops at the bottom, scowling up at them. "Looks like you're gonna have to get cleaned up in the dreaded kitchen. Come on, let's go," he said, guiding the injured teen towards the kitchen. "Now. Tell me, how did this happen? What is this, the third time I've asked??"
▼: "Butts." Karkat's mouth curved into a smile. John had said butts. That was funny. Everything he said seemed to be filtering into Karkat's brain in slow motion. It was so weird. He registered a rant consisting of mostly chastisement and worry, and then a question. Two questions, actually. So he answered the easiest way he could think of. "I don't rememember." He stumbled over the word. Wow. Long syllables were difficult.
▲: John sighed, getting the dizzied Karkat up onto the counter with little to no ease. The fumbling boy making it difficult for him to get him to sit up right. "Maybe you will later," he said after getting the injured hoisted up on the surface. "You could have helped the slightest bit in that procedure, Karkat. Just lettin you know." John unzipped the hoodie and slipped it off of Karkat then moved the sleeve off of the boy's bleeding shoulder. "Echk, it's worse than I thought earlier. What the hell did you get yourself into. Seriously...." He walked away from Karkat to go grab the first aid kit. "Stay here like a good boy, Karkat. I will be right back with stuff that will make your owie feel better," he said, saying his words slowly and then hurried off to where the kit was kept.
▼: Karkat felt himself getting lifted. Woo, he was flying! And then he wasn't. He couldn't really open his eyes anymore; he was too tired, but he could feel the cold seeping in through his jeans. Brr. And his jacket was gone too. Fucking fantastic. Brrr. Why hadn't he put on a shirt before he left yesterday? Poor planning. He shivered, then couldn't stop shivering, and John was gone right now anyway, so it was okay. Wait. Had John seriously just said his "owie"? Wow. Okay. Karkat opened his mouth to object, but closed it again, since nobody was actually there.
▲: ((I love the word owie when I am talking to either little small childeren, drunk adults, or people like Karkat))
▼: (( xD it made me giggle. I was like, wait, back up, no. I am not five. But that was hilarious. Butts. ))
▲: ((Butts))
▼: (( <3 buttcone ))
▼: ( ))
▲: ((PFFFFFF))
▲: ((Never a heart again))
▲: ((Just..))
▲: ((Buttcone))
▼: (( nope. Sorry. Just ruined that for you. ))
▲: John quickly retrieved the first aid kit and walked back to the room. "Alright." He said, still speaking slowly, as if to a young child. "I got the boo boo medicine and you're going to feel all better. First let me clean you up." He took a washcloth and covered it in lukewarm water and started dabbing the other's mangled shoulder. He spied something reflective imbedded in his skin and set down the already very bloody cloth and picked it out. "Alright, we have a clue. Your injury has something to do with glass. Ring any bells yet?" He set the glass down and kept dabbing, picking out more and more pieces of glass from his arm.
▲: ((Not ruined))
▲: ((Made at least 20% better))
▼: (( point taken xD ))
▲: ((Yup)
▼: (( 20% cooler, you mean? *shot* ))
▲: ((Pff you got the reference, I applaud you.))
▲: ((*slow clap*))
▼: (( Eeyup. ))
▼: In his right mind, Karkat would have hit John for talking to him like that. As it was, he managed to utter, "M'not five." Then the next question was comprehended. "Oh. Uh. One bell." Karkat did remember glass. Glass hurt. He hissed in pain as John snatched pieces of god-knows-what out of his arm(ooh, was it glass? We were just talking about glass.) but once they were gone, most of the corresponding pain to the place where it was went away. He felt streaks of heat shooting down his arm, and it was wet, and most likely red, and that was the last thing Karkat could remember processing before he slumped forward and his eyes rolled up into his head.
▲: ((Sorry, its midnight here and english isn't my first language, so I have a tough time understanding things sometimes, was the slumping over a flash back from the night before or did it happen like.. presently?))
▼: (( oh, like, presently. What's your firs language? Funnily enough, english wash;t my first language either xD ))
▼: (( bluh wasn't))
▲: ((Spanish. Though, not Mexican myself. Yay for being a weirdo. Thanks. What was yours?))
▼: (( we're only a time zone away! Cool!))
▼: (( Oh, French. Bluh bluh huge snob xD ))
▲: John started mopping up the streams of blood right as the other slumped forward on top of him. He let out a fairly loud squeak as they both crashed to the ground but quickly turned Karkat over, putting pressure on his shoulder. "Karkat! Karkat wake up! Karkat!" He started frantically saying over and over, trying to rouse him from his blood loss induced sleep. "Come on! Wake up Karkat!!"
▲: ((Why are you a huge snob?))
▼: (( French people are snobs. Duh. Fact of life ))
▲: ((o))
▲: ((I learned something new today))
▲: ((Woop))
▼: (( Fact of Life. Sounds like a title. Hello, I am Fact of Life from the Land of Fertilizer and Biology. Pleased to meet you, I am a huge snob. I have a multitude of interests, such as.... I'm ranting. I'll actually reply to the rp thing now LOL ))
▲: ((PFF, perfect fan bio.))
▼: (( yup. Perf))
▲: ((I have a vast multitude of interests such as biology, astronomy, classical arts, quantum physics, accounting and much more. I also play bassoon, cello, clarinet, flute, bass clarinet, and bass cello. I over achieve in realism art and engineering and I aspire to be a neuro surgeon and a lawyer. At the same time. Too bad the one video game that I played that was not created by me, Sburb, destroyed my planet and all I can do now is be preachy over my friends.))
▼: (( Wow. You're cool. Is this true? ))
▼: (( beside the suburb part xD ))
▲: ((Comepletely. I am the Fact of Life. I am from the Land of Fertilizer and Biology. All of these facts listed above ar completely and positively true.))
▲: ((Without a doubt.))
▼: (( ohhh, I see. ))
▲: ((Yup))
▼: (( let it be added that the Fact of Life is exceedingly gullible xD ))
▲: ((Yes))
▼: Karkat awoke on the floor. He had no idea why he was on the floor, but he was one hell of a lot warmer, and felt oh, good lord so much better. His shoulder ached, but wasn't throbbing and stinging and bringing manly( he was 17 years old, that was plenty manly) tears to his eyes. This wasn't his floor. He had unforgiving wood planks on his floor, while this was clean, warm, homey carpeting. A nice change, but whose floor was this? He couldn't remember.
▲: John was still over his friend, still shaking him, now a bit more rough, not noticing that the boy was already being roused. His eyes were clogged with tears. He didn't want to lose a friend, he didn't know what was happening or what to do or anything. "Come on Karkat, wake up. Karkat. Seriously. Wake up. Karkat!" He grimaced biting back his own sobs in frustration at himself and Karkat as e took the rag off of the other's shoulder for a moment to fold it over and replace it.
▼: Karkat was being jostled. Why hadn't he noticed before? Oh, right, he'd been stupid before. Excuse me, sleepy. He felt his good arm swing up and land a solid hit with a most satisfactory "THWACK" upon something soft. Something soft and hard at the same time, because, ohmygosh, teeth. "'Mwake." He mumbled, unsure what to do with his tongue. He opened his eyes. "Fuck off, jesus- John?"
▲: John went from one moment of thinking that Karkat was dying.. or dead... to laying on the floor, off of Karkat completely, cradling his jaw. John sat up, one handed and let go of his throbbing, freshly punched face and looked at Karkat, quickly replacing the make-shift bandage on his arm, ignoring his own pain. "If you wanted me to get off. You could have just said so," he said, attempting to regain his tone from his earlier shudders and sobs. He took one of hi arms and quickly wiped off his cheeks before Karkat noticed them wet, if he hadn't already.
▼: "Why the hell were you on me in the first place?" And then it clicked. Oh, god, did it click. He remembered the stupid things he'd said, and the way John'd tried to fix him all concerned and klutzy but still effective despite, and his difficulty processing shit, and ohmygosh how much it'd hurt, but funnily enough, it didn't hurt so much now. He sat up, and stupidly, oh, so stupidly, gabbled. "Oh, right. Butts." Butts? Really Karkat? The first thing you think of is the most stupid thing that's ever left your mouth in all of these years? Fuck this shit, I quit. But Karkat found himself quite unable to "quit" whatever it was he was trying to quit, so he just had to live with the stupidity of what he'd just said. Fuck.
▲: ((Butts))
▲: ((Butts forever and ever))
▼: (( Butts. I am not sorry. ))
▲: John looked at him with a puzzled look. "Butts? What are you talking about?" He had clearly ignored that bit of the jabber coming from Karkat at that time. He readjusted his grip as Karkat sat up, keeping the cloth on the other's shoulder. Why they hell had he said butts? What was he even talking about? How were butts in any form relative to the current situation? The world may never know. "Are you alright?" He asked, his voice still very shakey. "You were out for about 15 minutes or so. I thought you were dead..." His voice trailed off and he put a small bit more pressure on Karkat's wound,
▲: ((Butts are beautiful))
▲: ((You have every right to not be sorry))
▲: (( www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjDr_0… ))
▼: ((my butt, especially, is so beautiful. In it's nonexistence. (I swear, I have like, no ass, it's sad.)))
▲: ((Hehehe))
▼: (( 20 seconds into this video,and I'm laughing so hard I can barely eveen type coherently. LOL ))
▲: ((Hehehe))
▲: ((Just wait till Jake and Dirk))
▼: (( Caressing the booty? LOL jake and dirk xD ))
▲: ((Then there is also talk to the booty))
▲: ((Two DirkJake))
▼: (( LOL found it xDD ))
▲: ((:3))
▲: ((Alright continuing on the rp))
▼: "Tchsfuck! Don't do that!" Karkat snapped, slapping John's hand away. Then his eyes widened. "Oh. Sorry. I wasn't dead. Promise. Takes a lot more then that shit to kill me. I mean, some of the things he's done were pretty damn horrifi- fuck. Nevermind. Forget I said that." Karkat's good hand flies to his face to cover his mouth, and he's unsure what to say, because that was a subject that should not have been touched upon, not unless he wanted to land his father in prison. Then he'd be sent of to some shitty charity center somewhere absolutely shitastic, and, it would suck. Although, Karkat hated to admit, would it really be worse than how he currently lived? He wasn't sure.
▲: "But... the bleeding..." he protested as his hand was slapped away. John's eyebrows knitted together at the other's flusteredness. "He?" He asked, but it was obvious he didn't need to be answered right now. "Karkat. Can I at least get a real bandage on that? Its still bleeding..."
▼: "Knock yourself out. Except don't because I don't want to mop you up off the floor not to mention that I don't even know how I would manage that what with only having one functioning arm and shit." Karkat babbled. "But anyway, go right ahead." He proferred his injured arm, then withdrew with a hiss. He had actually seen the red muscle contract so that he could lift it. Gross, on multiple levels.
▲: "Yeah, okay." John got up, wobbled slightly, regained his balance and then walked over to the counter to get the first aid kit again. He came back to Karkat and started putting medicine to fight infections over the area before wrapping gauze around his upper arm and shoulder. "I got a lot of the glass out while you were unconscious.. there might be some left. Sorry." He added a fourth layer of the gauze before taking out one of those weird chemical ice packs and activated it, setting it on his shoulder.
▼: "No worries." Karkat was too hungry and exhausted and headachy to be his ordinary level of unbearably infuriating. "You kind of just saved my life, I think. Sorry I was being stupid and couldn't do it myself." Karkat shivered at the touch of the ice pack. "Can I have a shirt or something? What is it with you and making me freeze my ass off? Is it like, some sort of weird kink you have or something? Because I'm cold, and I don't like it." He complained, hating how whiny he sounded.
▲: ((Butts))
▲: ((Seemed right to say it now))
▲: ((Havent said it in a few posts))
▲: ((So buttcone <3))
▼: (( Butts. Yup. Butts. I knew something was missing. Buttcone to you to <3 ))
▲: John rolled his eyes at his cold statements. "I would say something about that but that would be pretty morbid." He got up, rinsed his hands off in the sink and started up the stairs towards his room to change himself and get a shirt for Karkat. God, his shirt was covered with blood. Now that that is mostly done with.. he just wanted to puke at the sight of all of that blood. He walked into is room and shut the door behind him, taking off his shirt and getting a new one. "I cried the longest I have ever cried before. I mean seriously, I didn't even sob that much in ANY of the movies I've watched. I hope he realizes that. Or doesn't. Don't think he would care anyway." He mumbled at himself, shrugging on a new shirt.
▲: ((What's your name?))
▼: (( Phoebe. Yours? ))
▲: ((Hannah))
▲: ((Nice to meet you, stranger))
▼: (( Hi Hannah. ))
▲: ((Hi.))
▼: ((I hope you realize that you have like the coolest name in the world. Because if you fold it in half, it's like a perfectly symmetrical sandwich. ))
▲: ((Pfffffahaha. I really like your name. Wanna trade names?))
▼: (( Sure! Oh, and my name is pronounced Fee-bee. A lot of people don't get that. A bunch if substitute teachers just end up calling me Fob. Is that really a name? Fob? ))
▼: (( And ohmygosh, I have to gooooo. I have to be at school in less than four hours, and I'd like to sleep a little in that time D: ))
▲: ((I knew your name was pronounced like that. I have a friend named Pheobe. :3))
▲: ((Want to exchange info or something or just break off, forever saying buttcones?))
▲: ((And yes, Fob is totally a name))
▼: (( Info! If you're comfortable giving me any C: ))
▲: ((I would love to have that name ))
▲: ((Sure, we can continue over text message, skype, facebook, email, any of that stuff.))
▼: (( and have full confidence that I'm not a creeper xD ))
▲: ((Anyone with the name Pheobe is not a creeper in my book))
▼: (( My number is 310 STALKER PROOF SHTUFF HERE C: ))
▲: ((The only creepers I know come up behind saying))
▲: ((That's a nice everything you have, it'd be a shame if..))
▲: ((Somebody blew you up))
▲: ((ssss BOOM)
▼: (( ew. lol what. What even. ))
▲: ((Alright, I will save the number.))
▼: Woo- hoo!
▲: ((Minecraft joke))
▼: (( bluh, didn't catch on. I haven't looked over my brother's shoulder enough, noooooo ))
▲: ((Pfff))
▲: ((Oh yeah.. my phone died... would it be cool if I gave you my number and you text me sometime tomorrow?))
▼: (( sure!
▼: ))
▲: ((-currently has no way of saving number sorry-))
▼: (( no problem!
▼: ))
▲: ((Awesome 970 STALKERPROOF SHTUFF HERE ))
▲: ((I have a question... Are you in Oklahoma or somewhere around that state?))
▲: ((Or am I tripping with timezones?))
▼: (( haha nope! california ))
▲: ((I'm tripping with timezones obviously.))
▼: (( No, I was pretty vague about being one timezone away. To the left or to the right, who knows... ))
▲: ((Just text me butts or buttcone or just all me John in the morning))
▼: (( Saved! I texted you already so that i wouldn't forget.))
▲: ((I can't recieve texts or send them after 11 PM which isssss 10 I think your time))
▲: ((Lame parents keeping locks for 12 year olds on my phone))
▼: (( frick, so I'll just have to remember then. ))
▼: (( I have no such restrictions muhahahahaha ((
▲: ((Lucky, you French snob))
▼: (( I am a snob! A snob with a stupid-ass accent, but a snob none the less. ))
▲: ((I have a southern accent.. I think mine is stupid ass))
▼: (( Naw. My grandparents live all the way out there, and I deal just fine. I have the most ridiculous europeaness in my voice its just ahhhhh awful. ))
▲: ((Europeaness... peaness... penis. o-o))
▲: ((I read that as pea like.. the food first. That's where I got that from))
▼: (( I'm embarrassed as to how loud I laughed at that LOL ))
▼: (( I hope nobody woke up ))
▲: ((I hoe no one woke up here either...))
▲: ((Hope*))
▼: (( not to mention that I'm super sick so my laugh sounds like a dying elephant seal. ))
▲: ((Pffffffff))
▼: (( LOL hoe))
▲: ((Golden hoe))
▼: (( I'm not sure if that's spelled like the gardening tool or the prostitute, but its funny either way ))
▲: ((:3 Well, good night.))
▲: ((Buttcones to you))
▲: ((Live long and perspire))
▲: ((Yadda yadda))
▲: ((References to nerdy stuffs))
▼: (( oh, right! buttcones back! <3 <3<3 ))
▲: ((I'm just going to go call my friend right now.. say buttcones then hang up.))
▼: (( pfff perspire. Spock would be amused. No wait, he doesn't do amused, I forgot. ))
▲: ((Yeah))
▼: (( LOL you do that. ))
▲: ((She'll come up to me tomorrow being like))
▲: ((HANNAH))
▲: ((HANNAH WHA ARE YOU DOIN))
▲: ((HANNAH))
▲: ((STAHP))
▲: ((GO HOME))
▲: ((YOU DRUNK))
▼: (( LOL my friends do that to me every DAY. I swear. ))
▲: ((WE have awesome friends))
▼: (( it's not even funny.))
▲: ((And we are awesome people))
▼: (( no wait, its a little bit funny. ))
▲: ((Its very funny))
▼: (( high five for awesomeness. ))
▲: ((Epic high five of epicness\\))
▼: (( EPIC! ))
▲: ((and awesomeness\\))
▼: (( okay, bye then! I'll text you tomorrow! <3 buttcone! ))
▲: ((Bye!))
▲: ((BUTTCONE))
▲: ((<3))
▼: (( <3 ))
▼ HAS DUMPED YOU, CHUMP.
Related content
Comments: 12

Sprinkles4Breakfast [2012-12-12 02:07:32 +0000 UTC]

Hi!!! (( Butts. ))

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Time-Not-Found In reply to Sprinkles4Breakfast [2012-12-28 07:54:31 +0000 UTC]

/weeksuponweeksuponweekslate/ Hi!! Buttcones.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Sprinkles4Breakfast In reply to Time-Not-Found [2012-12-28 16:10:46 +0000 UTC]

xDDD so much buttcones.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Time-Not-Found In reply to Sprinkles4Breakfast [2012-12-28 21:51:20 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful Buttcones

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Sprinkles4Breakfast In reply to Time-Not-Found [2012-12-29 00:26:34 +0000 UTC]

yussssss

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Time-Not-Found In reply to Sprinkles4Breakfast [2012-12-29 00:41:00 +0000 UTC]

Guess what happened last night.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Sprinkles4Breakfast In reply to Time-Not-Found [2012-12-29 01:10:33 +0000 UTC]

What happened?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Time-Not-Found In reply to Sprinkles4Breakfast [2012-12-29 01:18:27 +0000 UTC]

I did another JohnKat thingie.. And there was some hilarious OOC involved. I seriously thought it was you until I got their dA. Even after I had my suspicions. See what you funny people do to me??

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Sprinkles4Breakfast In reply to Time-Not-Found [2012-12-29 04:07:31 +0000 UTC]

Ahahaha Can you put it up? LOL That happens. I actually found somebody again and had a same character RP with them about three weeks ago. She gave me her dA and I was like, "Oh! Remember me?" It was fairly heartwarming.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Time-Not-Found In reply to Sprinkles4Breakfast [2012-12-29 04:21:55 +0000 UTC]

That's awesome!!

[link]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

FlickeringShadow [2012-12-11 08:47:12 +0000 UTC]

That was beyond hilarious!!!! Both the story and the in between talking I could not stop laughing! I definitely want more of the story though. It is really interesting

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Time-Not-Found In reply to FlickeringShadow [2012-12-11 08:48:47 +0000 UTC]

Wow... I got a reply on this very quickly. I am pleased!

I will do my best to update with this stuff! Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0