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timekept — whats in a name
#abuse #bullying #comic #personal #vent
Published: 2017-02-12 20:01:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 1109; Favourites: 31; Downloads: 3
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Description
first comic in what will hopefull be a series abt my personal life & experience w abuse + mental illnesssome of the stuff i endured i can't depict well, or have repressed, or dont want to, or just can't be explained properly but i'll try as i make more of these
the first and last panel are from one incident that had a profound effect on me & my feelings of being subhuman and Wrong™
it was in either 6th or 7th grade spanish class, first period, about 30 kids. we were going to watch a spanish translation of HSM. my class was probably one of the worst and our young, pretty, sweet, freshly-earned-teaching-degree teacher couldn't handle it. the kids were incredibly cruel to her and before the year ended she had a nervous breakdown and needed to be hospitalized. On this particular day the kids finally managed to bully her enough that she left the classroom to presumably cry. I was probably the only one watching the movie and trying to fill out our worksheet, sat at the front of the room. With our teacher, the preferred victim, gone, i was the next best target. Our chairs had tennis balls attached to the bottom to keep them from scraping on the floor--after some giggling and a little verbal abuse which i didn't react to, kids started throwing the tennis balls at me. No one said anything. No one stood up for me, said, hey, don't be assholes. no one out of 30 kids thought 'hey, lets not.' I had no allies in that room. I don't like to think about it.
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Comments: 20
School "Guidance Counselors" are always just... shit. Why do they even fucking exist? When I was in HS I was grieving after a severely traumatic event involving my ex, attempted suicide, and him having a gun in-school... and after a week or so of being unable to function in that building WHATSOEVER after that this fucker had the audacity to tell me "It's been over a week, shouldn't you be past that by now?"
fUCK NO???
5-6 years and Im still not past it. The mental effects brought out BPD and more in me, and I'll likely be dealing with it for the remainder of my life. v.v
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I cant speak for teenage me because holy shit NO ONE wants to talk to that me but if this kind of situation were to happen now i would tried my best to stand up for you! I cant believe that class did that to the freaking teacher! and then to you!! like??? what the fuck?! my class was disrespectful but never like that damn. I am sorry you had to go threw that along with your teacher!
I personally am not wild about school guidance counsellors because like??? half the time they are like "tell them to stop and you'll be better!" like?! have they met a bully!?!? if you say stop it to a bully they are just gunna try harder! and if you ignore them THEN THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN!! my class was awful to me as well, i had like 2 friends and even then they would never help me with the bullying! i understand how you felt, my situation was a little different but still.
I hope these comics start to help you feel better hun, the work here is nice btw! the soft character designs are very cute and effectively get your point across <3
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aaa thank you sunny i kept this in my inbox for a couple days just to read it <33333 ily
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aww your welcome sweetie! thats so cute! i am glad my words meant something to you! <33 i love you more!
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dude i don't even know what to say omg i just. i'm so sorry you had to go through all of that 
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This is really personal and strong.. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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shit fam this is just the beginning,, get ready for a wild ride
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It's me again lol, gonna vent here again seriously sorry for throwing my life and own experiences everywhere ;_; -
edit: wasn't planning to make an 1 hour of writing text, wow.
I totally understand how you have felt during those moments. I was bullied for something like 10 years. So i'll try to make the story very short.
That was (almost) the same person who bullied me for 10 years, and had pit amount of people against me. From my second years of school to my last college hour - and even on graduation ceremony which was many time after, they were against me.
Well about that person, she wasn't that fine in his mind, and was (before coming to my school) beaten by his parents - that's why she comes here, because she changed home and comes in a foster family. Her foster mother always said to the school that her foster child shouldn't receive a special treatment in school because of what they lived in their biological family.
The school and college always did a special treatment for that. That child never get punished for what she did wrong, like calling me names, breaking and stealing my things, never gave back my money at college, stuff like that.
It has gone that far that at my last year of college, I was almost about to stop everything. My entire classroom was against me, I had no friend at all because of that manipulative child which was telling everyone bullshit - she (and her friends by the way) told everyone that I had pictures of dead animals and bloody things in my phone, and that I was in a sect which probably sacrifice animals and kill things, idk.
At lunch, I was forced to go eat at the same time than them because I don't wanted my gym bag or school bag - or even my mittens, or cap or whatever which i used to put into my school bag to dissapear again. I was always checked to go out before them to take my bag, or at the same time, hoping that they wouldn't go faster than me to go out because of the queue to put away meal trays.
Once, just after a one week traineeship, the headteacher called me to go in her office, i didn't know why. Then she literally yelled at me because in the traineeship, people were saying that I was doing nothing, didn't even say hi to people, went out before the hour and yelling that it was unacceptable because I was ruining college reputation. Everything was... Completely wrong. I don't even know how the fuck this was written by the internship mentor herself. Then I started crying, and her startedyelling at me "Well, now you don't even have anything to say! How does it feel to be in front of your faults?!" I don't remember what she said or did after - or even what I've done; guess my brain erased it when I was crying, head hidden in my arms on the desk, idk. Then she told me that I should go back to class now. I instantly stopped crying. Then there was a bit of silence, no one speaking, crying, nothing. Then she called me, told me again that i should go back to class and that she's already said that. I raised a bit my head, looked at her with an emotionless face, then sat properly and straight on my chair. ... And a smile has began to outline on my face. Then became a large smile, with a crazy look. I was thinking "I don't have anything to lose anymore, let the madness take possession of me." And she told at me "(insert my name here), you don't want?" I didn't answered anything so she asked for answer, saying that she will call supervisors if I don't move. I didn't moved, didn't stopped staring at her with my smile, and she called supervisors. Then I've went outside with two supervisors (which were supposed to take me back to my classroom... I mean, one is enough to make sure that i'll go back to class, not two? Did I looked that mad?) , instantly started crying and screaming rolled into a ball on the ground. The two didn't knew what to to, they asked me why i was crying, then that waited for me to calm down, but i could barely breathe, it took 10 minutes for me to catch my breathe and calm down a bit. I never told them what was really making me mad - throwed at them that i only was in a place i didn't like and in a thing i didn't wanted to do in my traineeship. That's all. Then they accompanied me to my classroom. I maked sure that no one will see that I've cried, and went back to my chair. I found a sheet of paper, i putted in on my desk with a pen, and... Started crying again. Then I tooked a pair of compasses and started cutting my hands with it. In front of everyone. Like, the guy at my right was literally scared, but saying nothing (he was a bit bullied too). During all the hour, the teacher was looking at me. Saying nothing. I was silently crying on my desk, cutting my own hands, but making sure to only make tiny stripes that hurt but don't bleed too much, and smiling because i couldn't control myself anymore.
At the end of the class, just before going to the other class. I stared a bit at her. She looked at me, probably waiting for me to go or say something. I just smiled. Then silently went to the other class.
When the time to go to highschool has come, I made myself a promise. I wouldn't talk to anyone anymore, never get too attached to people. At highschool I was in a class with many kind people. I've met people I called friends, before 4 college years with no one, people that made me laugh, people that I want to see again...
But now it's seriously hard for me to talk to people. I mean, I can't even ask something to someone I know she/he won't hurt me (except if it's a friend). Pay for something or just talk to people is so hard for me, my hands start shaking (sometimes m entire body shakes lol), i have shivers, i'm cold...
I didn't saw any therapist or other for that. Idk if I should. I can barely talk to people I don't know.
(sorry if my english sucks, it's not my native language ;v; )
Anyway, have a hug And seriously sorry for the very long comment
Btw I really love the way you drawn this. And that style - so much cuteness <3
(I might hide this after because it's very long oml)
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you're always welcome to vent, and don't worry, I can understand your comments just fine! I'm so sorry you went through all of that. I was lucky in that i was never ~totally~ friendless. my friends just weren't enough protection. I havent gone to college out of fear, i'm scared to leave the house or go to the mall in case i see those people again. very few people understand how bad abuse like that can hurt you, it sucks
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Sums up my school experience very well. Everyone thinks I'm crazy and I should be with the "special" students even though I can comprehend things okay when explained in a way I can understand. Kids every day ask me why I'm in the class when I can't even really be trusted with a pair of scissors and it's so frustrating how everyone treats me like I am stupid.
School is worthless and is just a great place to learn and hope Darwinism will take affect later on.
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what i really hate is that school ruined a lot of shit for me. like the peer abuse was traumatic but i'd get yelled at by teachers for reading too much, drawing, doodling, daydreaming...for being interested in things that fucking interested me! and it's such bullshit because if you see a kid that learns by being alone in a corner, reading and drawing why the FUCK wouldn't you take advantage of that? thats one more kid you dont have to worry about during a lecture?? i loved reading assignments, i loved art assignments, it would have been so easy to give me books on syllabus??? im pissed the education system isnt even about teaching its about pretending to help kids learn
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Same! For me, I need class discussion to learn because I have NVLD, and none of the teachers will ever help me! They expect me to learn from a video (especially in algebra) and expect me to get straight A's. My algebra teacher even said, IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS, I was failing! And this is an honors class! It's so frustrating, but hopefully college will be easier for me, as will hopefully vet school. I hate the education system here so much, but it does teach me how not to wring some necks of incredibly rude people.
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I am so sorry about that incident, that sounds awful... and all the others, too ;w;
I really like the way this was drawn, though, the style is so nice!
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thank you aa!! i like this style too its easy but cute
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this is a really amazing thing you are doing, and I am so glad you have found a way to channel the awful things that happened to you into this comic. it still continues to shock me every day, seeing how horrible kids can be -- I am incredibly sorry you had to be a victim of the worst kinds of people, and even more upset that not a single person stood up for you?? like?? what the actual fuck. :^ /
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hhhh thank you ;u; im recovering, slowly, but like, yea, i feel like at 20 u probably shouldnt still be having to recover from being 11/12?? idk it doesnt. seem fair
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SDFGDF sorry for the late reply omg!!
but its never too late to recover!! i am so happy you are taking the steps you need to finally heal ! <33
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