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Description
I thought I knew what fear was. I had seen snippets of scary movies and had nightmares. I had heard bumps in the night and felt a chill down my spine. I had contemplated it, seen it simulated on TV. Usually it was a result of something, well, scary. Something bad. A murderer, a possessed doll, a rapist, the devil. All things that, when listed, sound bad. But what if I said the word “Baby”? you probably just felt that little warm feeling in your chest as you pictured little chubby hands and feet, a toothless smile, a gurgled squeal of delight. They are so cute aren’t they? And you want one don’t you? A cute little bundle of your own? I do. I want to look into those lash-framed little eyes and know they're mine. They come from me, I made them. I want to buy little clothes with bows and polka-dots. And a little teddy bear and blankie for my baby to hold tight. I want one. But not now. Not yet. Oh, god, not yet. I'm too young. I don’t know how to do calculus yet, or how physics works. How can I raise a child when I still am one? It wasn’t even my fault. I didn’t want this. Well I did, I did! But not now! And the thing is, a small part of me is happy because, like I said, a baby! Everyone wants one! But that part is so smothered by this feeling of dread that it almost doesn’t exist. And as afraid as I am of what’s to come, nothing scares me more than saying it aloud, being completely honest with her. The one person whose opinion of me really matters: my mommy.

Description
I thought I knew what fear was. I had seen snippets of scary movies and had nightmares. I had heard bumps in the night and felt a chill down my spine. I had contemplated it, seen it simulated on TV. Usually it was a result of something, well, scary. Something bad. A murderer, a possessed doll, a rapist, the devil. All things that, when listed, sound bad. But what if I said the word “Baby”? you probably just felt that little warm feeling in your chest as you pictured little chubby hands and feet, a toothless smile, a gurgled squeal of delight. They are so cute aren’t they? And you want one don’t you? A cute little bundle of your own? I do. I want to look into those lash-framed little eyes and know they're mine. They come from me, I made them. I want to buy little clothes with bows and polka-dots. And a little teddy bear and blankie for my baby to hold tight. I want one. But not now. Not yet. Oh, god, not yet. I'm too young. I don’t know how to do calculus yet, or how physics works. How can I raise a child when I still am one? It wasn’t even my fault. I didn’t want this. Well I did, I did! But not now! And the thing is, a small part of me is happy because, like I said, a baby! Everyone wants one! But that part is so smothered by this feeling of dread that it almost doesn’t exist. And as afraid as I am of what’s to come, nothing scares me more than saying it aloud, being completely honest with her. The one person whose opinion of me really matters: my mommy.