HOME | DD
Published: 2015-04-25 22:56:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 771; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Chapter 4: Enemy at the gatesI march though the hallway refreshing the panic throughout the building. Emily already charging in front of me and ordering the man to organize against themselves. My security also disorganize hearing the news, most of them just as confuse then the police. It is possible that most of my security didn't know about this war. Possible, but Ronald knows and I need to get at him. They quickly prepare a defense perimeter while police sirens can be hear from a distance. I step my speed up and reach to the employee’s area.
Already now I notice that almost everyone that I know working here. Not once did I pass a friendly face, unless they were security. Make it feel a bit small here, like this isn't the place I love anymore. This has just become like another building with other people that I will never know. I simply continue before arriving at the security room where all of our camera feedback, and most importantly where he is.
I enter the security room with my security running around passing assault rifles to one another. Everyone screaming and organizing the room while only one remains calm. He stick out like a sore thumb with his pure white hair. Ronald was never one to panic. I walk up to him and he turns around. He smiles at me, happy to see me safe and sound.
“Oh Victor, it’s so nice to see you safe.” Says Ronald slowly getting up. He takes out his can from behind him before coming towards me and giving me a hug.
“I know. It must have been stressful lately.” I say giving him a hug back.
“It has been but at least you are safe.”
“Yes but Dad.” I say slowly before taking a small pause. He doesn't like it when I call him that but this time he didn't stop me. “What about Steven said earlier; that we don’t have a way out of here if the poké…”
“It’s not has bad has he put it. We may not have direct contact with the pokéumans but I don’t believe they will leave us to die. We just have to hold long enough.”
“Do you think we can do that?” He gives away with the hug and hold me shoulder to shoulder.
“If we can hold our position long enough, they will have to notice. Just like the pokéxtinction the pokéumans have agents all over the place.”
“They do?” I hate when I’m the one that doesn't know what’s going on. But it seems that they are everywhere.
“I’m so sorry that this had to be.”
“It’s ok Ronald, I’m sure you has your reasons.” Although I wish you could of told me earlier.
“It still doesn’t excuse me for lying all of those years. For that I am deeply sorry.”
“We’re going to make it out of here right?”
“Of course. We just need to organize the force and make sure the pokéxtinction never enter the bank. If we can manage that it shouldn't take too long. The pokéumans will come and rescue us. For now get everyone that cannot fight downstairs, I’ll explain everything when we have time.”
“Sure thing Ronald.”
“And son.” He never calls me that. Only when he gets emotional that he calls me his son. “Be safe.”
“I will, I will.” I leave the security room and quickly make my way to the lobby.
While on my way, Felix and Samantha rush into the opposite direction, facing me. I didn’t even know Felix was still here. He does know how to stay hiding but still, I expected him to leave after the heist.
“Felix, Sam. There you guys are.” I say to them halting their advancement.
“What’s going on boss?” Ask Felix moving his figures around nervously. Need to calm him down before he panics anymore.
“We are having a problem but it should be under control soon enough.”
“But the police is surrounding us as we speak.” He continues shacking in terror.
“We have it under control Felix, now get downstairs.”
“Why do we need to…?”
“Felix, listen to me. Go downstairs. You need to calm down alright?”
“Ah… alright sir.” They both look at each other scared and quickly run down the hall. The last thing I want is them getting hurt. Were already in a war that we never ask to be in, we can at least minimize the casualties.
Continuing one my way and reaching the lobby once again, I can already see the state of war this place is suffering. The police force with some of my security are using the furniture, tables and other movable objects has cover while we can clearly see an entire police platoon right on the other side of the road having secure the surrounding area. They have their cars creating on opposite to our defence, even if they on the other side of the road rather then right on our doorstep. Both side ready to fight, regardless of what happens. I quickly notice Peter, Steven, Leonard, John and Emily all screaming at each other in the backside of the lobby.
“Alright, it seems that I don’t need to say that they are all pokéxnction right?” I say to them stopping their arguments.
“I do not care what they are, they have surrounded my own man with the city’s police force. I will not tolerate for this.” Scream Leonard with all the air in his lungs. Even spitting out while screaming.
“I know this is insane but it’s happening.” Continue Emily. “We have no choice but to hold our ground until, whoever the hell Steven called them arrives.”
“The PRT. That’s the Pokéumans military division.” Reply Steven trying to calm the group.
“Then where the hell are those rescuers then? The entire plan is to wait for them yet we they have outnumber us.” Scream Leonard incapable to lower his voice.
“Their coming, I swear.” Steven’s answer did not bring hope to everyone.
“Well I’m not waiting here until we all die.” Reply Leonard taking out his phone and typing in some numbers.
“You’re not thinking clearly Leonard.” Both Steven and Leonard start to fight over the hardware until Emily and Peter separate them with Leonard still holding his phone.
“If you think that I’m going to sit here and wait for some secret organization comes and save us, then you are mistaken. I am the chief of police, it is my job to hold order and law for this city and is what I’m going to do.”
“Leonard, we just have to hold out.” Leonard regain the red in his face from that.
“And then what? You think we will be capable to come back here? You think that I’m willing to let this little terrorist group force me down a hole and continue their activities? No! I will never surrender to a bunch of defectors. You hear me?” The room as gotten silent as Leonard slowly calming himself down.
“I plead my life to this city and I will not leave it behind.” He grabs his phone and start typing down numbers once more.
“What are you doing?” Continued Steven ready to stop him again.
“Getting reinforcement, better ones then what we are supposed to have now.”
“And how are you supposed to get some? Last I check it’s your police force that is holding us here.” Looks like Steven is taken the offensive now.
“It’s can’t be everyone, so there are to be some that are still trust wordy.”
“And what if they are a defector like those outside?”
“Then we are already dead.” He dials in a number and picks it up ignoring all of us now.
“So Victor.” Starts John looking stress out. It’s still not lunch and he looks like he didn’t sleep for a week. “Are you going to explain all of this?” Both Emily and Peter look at me with some kind of answer.
“I would once I know what is going on.”
“Wait, you still don’t know? What the hell were you doing all this time? Steven told me you finally unlock the file and you still don’t know what’s going on?”
“Well I’m sorry if I was attack by those pokéxtinction who I may add have surrounded us. I was held at gunpoint within my own office and nearly died, again!” John looks at me in shock. Just looking at him I can tell he didn’t mean to say what he said.
“I’m sorry, it’s just a lot to take in. I just can’t imagine dying here like this you know.”
“Yes John, I know.”
“What do you mean there no report for this surrounding?” Yell Leonard from the background catching our attention. “I ask you to retrieve the files regarding this and you can’t find anything?” We remains silent with his yelling.
“This is illegal then William. Part of the local police force could have been contacting this kind of activities for years now. This is no laughing matter and we need to put a stop to…” He stops in his sentence has a loud gunfire echoes getting everyone to hit the ground. Leonard slowly falls on the ground with a large bullet hole on the back of his head. The sight alone force everyone else within the lobby to find somewhere safe. Gunfire continue to thunder within the lobby as bullets fly above our heads.
“Shoots fired. Shoots fired.” Scream Emily as she scramble to reach cover. Everyone started to panic from this. The lobby is already becoming a battleground with gunshot firing at both sides. The timeless walls and furniture cover in bullet holes, the pride of my heritage all but destroyed.
“Holy shit, they shoot the chief! Why would they do such a thing?” Yell Peter next to me. Bullets continue to fly but none of them actually hitting low enough to hurt us.
“I don’t know but the line has been draw. Fire back at them. I do not care if you know them by name, they are traitors now.” Order Emily within the confusing. Quickly, the police officer alongside my security start to fire with in pokéxtinction lines. Unfortunately most of them only have pistols and other smaller arms while the pokéxtinction have fully automatic rifles. The only good thing from my lobby being destroy by bullets is that it gives good cover for us, preventing us from getting killed. At least some of us, I can find two other bodies lying on the ground bleeding into my floor, other than the chief himself.
“Victor.” Now yell Steven using a metal table has cover. All of the antics and other precious decoration laying broken on the floor. “We need to activate the defense system.”
“What defense system?”
“The same programme you use to active the scan. The one you had earlier.” He’s talking about the tablet thing that I had. It makes sense, if it can scan the bank then it should be capable to protect it, like an anti-virus. Unfortunately I forget it in my officer when I left it.
“It’s in my office.” Hearing this, Steven lightly pushes the table and make his way to me.
“Follow me sir.” I crunch down behind the table until we make are way out the lobby. There we could see the hallway directed to my office, and best of all bullets aren't flying from there to my office. Bullets hitting at the table but the table could hold the shots. It did make it harder to actually carry it but it did keep us safe. Arriving at the hallway we dash to my office and waste no time. It was still on my desk where I left it; alongside the dead defectors still rotting in my office.
I grab it and is brought exactly where I left the programme. Alright, the menu for defense protocol should be what I’m looking for. Has I open it gives me multiple options once more but I skim through them until I can find one with the word defense, turret or anything that I could find useful. The first I found is call defense shield. That sounds like a good bet.
I tab it madly until the words defense shield flashing though my screen, bullets noise start to stop until nothing more than an echoes. Everything remain silent.
“What did I do?” I ask to Steven still holding his pistol.
“I’m not sure.” We head to the lobby once more until we realise what we have done. All of the access point were now cover within some kind of green transparent blanket. It must of preventing anything more to enter the building. Some shield that is.
“What did I do?” I said to Steven once more just before Emily comes up to me a bit agitated. Her hand holding her gun is shaking uncontrollably.
“I didn’t know we could do that.” Say Steven in amaze. Emily quick arrives with a few of her man all holding pistols.
“Ok, I don’t know what the hell just happened but at least were safe for now.” Started Emily beat out and breathing heavily.
“Well I’m not sure either but it seem to be working.” Everyone within the lobby started to question among themselves. Almost like a reunion but with the possibility of death at any moment.
“I was wonder how long it would last. I mean it looks like the ability protect and it’s not good for long time usage.” What is Steven raving about now?
“Protect?”
“Protect is an ability that the pokémon can use on themselves at times preventing anything to hurt them, but it never last for more than a few second.” I check my device again to double check and see enough its mention the deadline until it depletes. 6 minutes to be exact.
“Alright, so we have six minutes until the shield depletes.”
“Then we better get ready for a counter-offensive.” Yell Emily putting her pistol back in her hustler. Everyone stops taking and take notice of her. “I refuse to die here. Especially after what they did to Leonard.” She take a break and looking at his dead body. If we don’t do something we will end up like him. If they are willing to kill the chef police, then they will kill anyone that stand in their way.
“And get me a bigger gun Victor.” She order at me. “Those traitors will not get away with murdering Leonard.”
“Steven?” I say turning around to him. “Have you open up the armory?”
“Yes but haven’t gotten the chance to pass the weaponry around.” I turn around and see Peter still holding his gun in pure fear. He’s even shaking a little.
“Get on it Peter.” I order him. Without wasting a moment he runs to the armory and bring a few of the cops with him. If I keep him busy and out of the fighting zone it should calm him down, at least for now.
John appease before me still in a state of panic.
“I’ll go downstairs.” He says quietly and defeated.
“Steven, I need your help.” I say to Steven as everyone is starting to move around.
“With what Vic?”
“What the hell is this thing?” I say presenting my table computer thing to him.
“That is the bank’s portable computer. It connect to your computer wires sly so you can access all the bank control features no matter where you are. Think of it as your computer but portable.”
“And why was I never inform of this?” He takes a moment knowing I would say this.
“It only works if the computer is open on the pokéuman operating system, which is what you use to open the shied and the scan earlier.” He’s trying to run from the question.
“And why was I not informed of this as well?”
“I’m going to go now.” Says Emily backing away. “I’ll check if Peter got the guns…” She simply leaves us while we wait in the silence. Steven is not comfortable with this situation. He’s having issues looking at me in the eyes.
“Victor, we did this to protect not only you, but us.”
“What do you mean?” Is that why he’s hesitant to tell me? Because he wants to protect me?
“Because you didn’t know about the war, we didn’t have to work for the PRT anymore. It was our chance to get away from the war and have a normal life. A chance to live life without having to worry about a secret war being fought right under everyone’s noise. It was now in other people’s hands, not ours. But it seems that we can hid from the war, and only run from it.”
My device interrupted us with a large beeping sound indicating that we had 5 minutes left.
“I wish I had more time to explain but I just don’t. Let me at bring you downstairs while we get ready.” I made my way to the basement as Steven turns around for a split second.
“Prepare the lobby for a counter-offensive, this shield isn’t going to last forever.” Order Steven to the remaining Police officers still within the lobby area.
“Yes sir.” Reply the police officers already construction on sandbag. And by sandbags I mean my destroy furniture that I’ve spend thousands on. Part of me wants to yell at them but I swallow my pride before following Steven to the lower levels.
“Oh God what is that thing?” Yelled a police man interrupting both Steven and I. Everyone within the lobby gets caught by him while he points outside. Even though there was a green cover though out the broken glass door, we could clearly see the other side of the place, and it was terrifying. A giant metal and rock creature comes out of a van stand strong has it scream in the sky. It stand at seven feet tall and look ready to ripe us open if it gotten the chance. Most of us stood there horrified of such a creature existing. However, a few of the cops start to move toward the door; similar to what some did earlier when my brother. Chanting the words “One of them” with no regard for their safety.
“Stop them.” Order Steven as the non-zombie cops force their friends on the ground. Quickly they bring their friends out of harm where they seem to turn back to normal again, looking very confuse.
“What just happened?” Ask one of the officer still attending his buddy. His buddy in question started to look around not sure of what just happened.
“Sleeper agents, would have walk outside if we didn’t stop them. Or at least I think. I’m not sure if we can past the shield but I’m not intending to find out.” Sleeper, walking through a shield. Just focus on one thing at the time, if I ask everything at once I’m going to lose it.
“Sleeper agents?” Yell one of the cops that was walking blindly outside just a few minutes ago. “I’m not a sleeper agent. I’m not one of those defectors.”
“No, you are not. You have been hypnosis some time ago by unwillingly capturing pokéumans.”
“What!” He gets up again and is only stop by his buddy trying to keep him safe.
“It’s alright Jerry. Just relax.” They both sit down and continue to talk about the situation. Steven lightly grabs me and brings me to our basement.
“A sleeper Steven?”
“Yep, those pokéxtinction will do anything to capture a pokéuman. At least sleepers aren’t part of their organization.”
“If you count that as a victory then sure.” We head down the employee’s area where the stair case will bring us downwards.
“What we really have to worry about is the Aggron.”
“The what?” Does anyone make simple names anymore?
“A pokéuman. The giant metal monster that is on our door step. Either willing or brainwash, not that it matters much. What is certain is that our gun will never hurt him. He’s cover in metal.”
“Oh, and they just have to stand behind it has moving cover.”
“Yes.” Wonderful. They have a way to get in.
“I have an idea Victor, but it may backfire.” Say Steven quickly walking down to the employee’s area.
“We are has good has dead so may as well try it.” I say following him.
“Good point. But I’m going to need your help.”
“What do you have in mind Steven?” My device interrupt us diving us four minutes. He remains silent until we enter the employee’s area and are alone.
“So what are we getting anyway?” I say breaking the silence.
“The P-032 lascanon. A prototype laser gun we never got to use.” He replies with full proudness.
“Laser gun?”
“Laser guns are a common weapon that the pokéxtinction use. We were capable to replicate such weapon over the years and even hold some here. But when our contract was terminated, the PRT took the laser guns. All but one.”
“And that one is the prototype.”
“Yep. Your father himself design it to be more capable at fighting armor vehicles or area of effect damage. A laser bazooka he would call it.” A laser… so monster aren’t the only thing to exist but advance technologies. I’m starting to feel that I’ve enter a world in illogical ideals.
“I don’t even know how to think about this.” I say to him a bit discourage.
“Don’t, that’s what I did when I was all of this.” I know he's lay back but still.
“Alright, and you be sure this weapon could kill the monster?”
“That or it will blow up in our face.”
“You are not making is any easier Steven.” I say to him without pausing.
“It’s the best chance we got. I’m sure it will work fine ok.”
“Alright.” We continue down the hallway back into the security room where this time it was mostly empty. Most have already gone and help with the defense, except for Ronald once again.
“Ronald what is the password for the prototype?” Ask Steven before Ronald even have a chance to acknowledge our existence.
“You do know how dangerous that thing is right?” Says Ronald without even turning at us, still hiding behind his chair.
“I am willing to take that risk Ronald.”
“Alright then. It’s mt17. Haven’t change it since Greg Sr. died.”
“Thanks you.” We both make our way to the door right before we stop hearing Ronald taking a staggering breath and mumbling a bit.
“And Steven, in case it doesn’t work, it’s been an honor to work with you.” Say Ronald without looking back at us.
“Likewise.”
“Victor. I’m happy that I was capable to see you grow ever since you were a child and I’m so sorry this had to some to this.” He then stop and continues to mumble to himself. We step out without as quickly as we entered.
“So you know Ronald for that long?” Starts Steven as we walk down to the armory.
“Yes. Ever since I was ten my father started to ignore me. It was then that Ronald took care of me and show me things a father would to their sons. He was there when I needed him and even now, at the age of 81, he remains here to help me.”
“Damn. I knew you guys went back but that this back.”
“He never told you?”
“Never asked.” We made it to the armory where I quickly notice that it was empty. Not only of people but of guns as well. We had at least 30 or so assault rifle in case of emergency and they are all gone. Hope we can put them to good use.
Steven quickly move to the farthest wall and put his hand on it. Before I could question him, the wall opens up with a small rectangular opening reviling a secret vault. Quickly Steven enter the password. I grab my device again with it tell me we have three minute left. However, this time it tell me of another problem. The power generator are going into meltdown.
“What do we have power generator and why is it going into meltdown?” I ask Steven as he open the door reviling a large snow white gun. The gun is so large in fact it station on some wheels.
“Oh that. Well like I explain earlier, we have to blow this place up if we are to escape.”
“Why is it already activated?”
“Victor, this bank is too important to be lost at the pokéxtinction.” He turns back and grabs the gun from the vault.
“Like what? The pokéumans seem to have taken a lot of things before leaving. So what the hell did they leave behind that could be so important.”
“The only thing that they could not bring with them, the factory.”
“The what…”
“There is a factory right under this bank which was fabricated to create whatever the PRT would need. Anything from experimental weapons and militarize vehicles to miscellaneous things such things kitchen hardware’s and wooding dolls for training. Hell this thing even help creating a few of the base close by. If they take this place over the will find the factory and they will have an unimaginable lead. They would have pokéumans technologies and the ways to recreate them to near perfection. It will change this war forever and if we need to make sure that pokéxtinction doesn’t get the upper hand by blowing this bank, then so be it.”
“And who’s to say that the factory still works? They could have destroy it or made it impossible to be use since they took everything else as well.”
“That’s what I thought for the last six years but when the scan report arrive, Ronald and I weren’t sure anymore. If the defense system still works then maybe the factory does as well. And if the power reactors work then the factory definitely works.” My device beeps again warning me that we have two minutes.
“We really don’t have time for this Victor.” Say Steven grabbing the large gun and putting it on its wheels. “I wish I had more time but we need to get this upstairs.” He’s right. This is it and we don’t have time to think about it. Either we died standing or we come out of here alive.
“You better.”
“I will. Now help me get this thing it’s really heavy.” He start to pull the weapon while I push it down the alleyway. The wheels make it a lot easier to move it around. Now I wish I would have gone to the gym more. We’re not even out of the hallway and I’m exhausted. Even at Stevens’s age he still manage to pull it harder than I can keep up. He’s older than me and I’m the one that can’t keep up. None the less we make it at the defense line before my devise beep again.
At the lobby, we can see that everything capable to bring cover is being use for cover. Desks, tables, metal plates attach to the tables and other heavy furniture use to cover the main door. Most of the cops have every door and window form the lobby cover and ready to fire back with much larger guns then they had before.
On the other side of the shield the pokéxtinction have also build a defensive line. They have the entire street cover in cars and other makeshift protecting they could find. All of them pointing their guns at us. I do worry with the fact the armor beast is nowhere to be seen.
“Victor.” Arrive Emily with an assault rifle in her hands. “I am not even going to ask why you have so many weapons but thank God you do.”
“I am a great advocate of the second amendment.” She takes a moment to process what I’ve just said. She doesn’t seem to amuse knowing why I hold this many guns.
“I guess so.” She turns back without trying to say anything else to me.
“Help me set up the gun.” Yell Steven putting down between two tables, leaving on opening for the barrel.
“And how do we do that?”
“Lock the wheels. It’s like one of those tables with wheels.” I quickly get in my knees and starts pulling small levers next to the wheels. Sure enough it cause the gun to stay immobile. Nothing was going to move this thing.
“Ready Steven.” I yelled with locking the wheels in place. Only 20 seconds before the shield foes offline.
“Alright, this is it.” Started Emily holding her assault rifle. “Either we die here or we fight to live another day. This well be the most difficult battle in our lives, but we must not let them enter the bank. This is the only and final line of defense we have and if we fail, we will die. Now hold your ground and fight until we can push them back.”
“Yes ma’am!” Yell not only the police officers but also my security. It seems she’s in control now, especially if Leonard is dead.
“Ten seconds!” I yell making sure everyone is ready. Everyone in cover pointing their weapon towards the enemy.
“Five!” Total silence before the fight.
“Four!” Although the pokéxtinction seem ready, they don’t know when this shield is going to go off.
“Three!” I’ve notice that the armor beast is nowhere to be seen, at least were I’m hiding.
“Two!” More silence to fill the halls.
“One!” Everyone taken one last breather before the storm.
“Attack!” The shield shuts off right on queue. The police force fire the first shots into the attacking forces. Soon the thunder of bullets continue with both side refusing to back down. Both sides have themselves well protected, this firefight will take a while to solve. It seems our cover is holding up just fine and no one as falling victim yet. Unfortunately my greatest worry came into realisation.
The armor beast starts marching closer into the line of fire, with every bullet bouncing off its metal shell. Most of the pokéxtinction are firing in cover or hiding behind the monster ready to walk right in here. The creature scream in intimidation which is scaring some of us. It doesn’t take long before Emily continue to encourage them from retreating in fear. I almost want to run away but the monster hasn’t come close enough. Ignoring all bullets, the monster made its way into the sidewalk and prepares to charge head on.
“The Aggron is in my sight.” Yell Steven waiting for an order.
“FIRE!”
The weapon fire a large light beam into the enemy lines and follow by an exploding. It’s so bright that everyone stops to fire and cover their eyes. The silence and deathing light fools me into believe in my demise but the light quickly discard into nothingness. By the time we dare to look again, we see the enemy position completely destroy. All that is left is a two foot deep crater in the middle of the road.
There is no more trace of people fight there or that creature that would march into my bank. Outside of the crater there was still remainds of what was their defensive line but in total ruins. Most of the cars have exploded with the burning coupes of the pokéxtinction laying around. There is only death and destruction.
“We did it.” Yelled a police officer has the rest start to cheer. But has they cheer, I see those of the surving extinction that were outside of the blast radius starting to retreat. The police gun them down but it’s obvious that some made it out.
There’s not much left of them but it seems that we just won this battle.
The man cheering, dancing and overall happy that we could fight off what we assume to be an unbeatable force. Now we just had to wait for rescue to arrive. My device starts to ring again, this time indicating a call. Ronald is trying to call me. I don’t waste any time and answer it.
“Victor, we have a problem.” Starts Ronald from the other end. I already don’t like the sound of this.
“What is it Ronald?”
“We have intercept a pokéxtinction message that they have fail in there operation at the bank and have started Operation Martial Law.”
“And what is this operation about?” I have an idea but I need Ronald to confirm my suspicions.
“They will cut all communication from outside the city, took control of the local government and erase all trace of their existence. It will also mean that they will come and either capture us or kill us right in the open.”
“Oh my.” In trying to save ourselves, we doom the city into this war.
“The battle of Lexington as begun Victor; and we are in the middle of it.”
Related content
Comments: 10
Man-in-crowd-4 [2015-05-01 22:10:53 +0000 UTC]
This is still looking really good. The only real issue is, er, spelling and grammar errors. I know, I know, you spent ages looking for them - a lot of them are words or tenses that are spelt correctly but not appropriate for the sentence (like saying 'I throw the Ball and caught a Pokemon' - all technically correct, but the tense swaps mid-sentence). I mention that because AutoCorrect may not bring those up, so that might contribute to them being harder to spot. Also, I think I'm starting to lose track of character names!
Apart from those, though, this chapter is really, really good - keep going at it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Trackwolf In reply to Man-in-crowd-4 [2015-05-01 22:29:55 +0000 UTC]
The past and present is what always got me in the past and it seem that I still have problem with them. I've gotten a bit better but it's noway perfect. I'll just have to look for them a bit harder and with time i should be even better at it.
And now mentioning it there was a lot of characters in this chapter. Unfortunately this was a time where most of the important characters were to be so I kind of dig myself a small hole there. At least the next few chapters will have the characters given more room and not put on a time limit.
None the less thanks for the criticism.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Man-in-crowd-4 In reply to Trackwolf [2015-05-02 09:03:29 +0000 UTC]
No problem. It's just a case of being scrupulous and really nitpicky with spelling mistakes.
Yeah... lots of names in a high concentration without mini-reminders of who they are again gets to be an issue if you have an infrequent upload schedule.
No problem. Like I say, this is still a really good story - the biggest issue is readability, not the content itself.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Trackwolf In reply to Man-in-crowd-4 [2015-05-02 13:34:00 +0000 UTC]
Well I'll keep these things in mind for the next chapter/one-shot I'll be working on.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
space-time-parallel [2015-04-26 20:23:06 +0000 UTC]
D: Try rereading. I saw several grammatical errors. And the battle of Lexington had only a few shots fired. Nonetheless, I greatly enjoyed this piece.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Trackwolf In reply to space-time-parallel [2015-04-26 20:55:31 +0000 UTC]
Well that's a bit disappointed. Took an entire week to simply reread it and correct any errors and I still manage to leave several unchecked.
And technically the battle as only started. It's not like pokéxtinction are going to roll over and let a simply human resistance push them around.
None the less I'm glade you enjoy it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
space-time-parallel In reply to Trackwolf [2015-04-27 03:42:45 +0000 UTC]
Yes. Perhaps have a friend check it over. But no major errors. Just simple ones.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Trackwolf In reply to ShadowFire2921 [2015-04-26 17:43:43 +0000 UTC]
You like it? Thought i would have story were the pokéuman war come and effect normal humans instead of the typical pokéumans and pokéxtinction.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ShadowFire2921 In reply to Trackwolf [2015-04-26 23:27:16 +0000 UTC]
Nice, another twist to the already interesting world
👍: 0 ⏩: 0

