mournfulcrow [2004-07-20 19:08:56 +0000 UTC]

Hey Carly Wharly. I know that I haven't commented on your wonderful (and Im not just saying that) poetry in forever. But know that I have not forgotten about you. Actually I have about 15 of your poems still setting in my in box waiting for me to get to. And I will, all in good time.

But since It has been so long, I'd figure Id really think long and hard about your words, and at least give you a comment that goes alittle beyond amazing.

Your style as always is expirenmental and free flowing. That is one thing I LOVE reading your poems. Your poems are free in a way that is different than any one I have ever read.

I hope you dont mind, but I'd thought in telling you what Sharpeing is to me. Give you my take on it. And just so you know, I am prob %100 wrong.

"I've discovered
today
that I don't know how to answer the telephone
anymore."

Thoughts are escaping and so disoriented that something like a telephone ring, ring ringing in your head you dont know how to hear , how to answer to make sense of it.
And because of this, your thoughts are dazed and confused because you dont exactly know what you think, what they are, or how to take anything. Frustration grows,

"So,
My thoughts are like stumbling little peasants
Searching for someone to unload upon"

And this uncertainity grows, about what to think, how to feel what to believe.

"I know he's around;
Yeah;
He's probably waiting for me."

You know your thoughts are there, and prob waiting for you to figure them out.

"Aha, ha
He walked in
Prancing
little mattresses shielding his eyes

Aha, ha
His eyes, eyes, eyes
his eyes
boring little, little
little fucking holes
into my little, little
little semi-concious bran
those same little holes like
the ones you'd see at a waterfall

like some little, little,
little rock got caught
got caught in some whirlpool

and couldn't get out."

(Brilliant)

You found him, your thoughts, but it isn't a good feeling of what you believe, and your thoughts now frighten you now that you know what they are.

"I could tell he was staring at me from across the room,
So,
I looked back.

(Just to make him feel uncomfortable.)"

Now I see it as an act of almost difience, trying to scare the thoughts away, make them feel uncomfortable with staring at you.

"And so,
So I'm figuring that the best poet
is really, maybe,
just the most talented whiner.

And I'm sharpening my skills lately
Because everyone has been making me
Yawn.

And I figure that's a good enough
reason to complain."

With the conclusion of your thoughts, being vacant and confused, to finding them, to them scaring you. I think its like "dam I shoudl quite my bitching" but maybe the best whiners are the best poets (something I am inclinded to agree with) and with that fact as truth, and what the poem has been about so far at least for me, its like "ya im becoming a good whiner" feeling at the end, cause everything else is boring.

I think I am prob wrong. And I hope you dont mind me going on an alantical trip, ripping apart your poem and studying it. Just with great work like this, I hope to have an understanding, even though that undrestanding may be in my own head, something that the writer never meant for me to get, atleast I can say I get something.

On a whole Carly, Amazing work. (Off to journey with your others)

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SixFeetUnderwater [2004-07-04 12:36:13 +0000 UTC]

ooh err nice

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

champion-of-idiots [2004-06-30 06:07:26 +0000 UTC]

delicious. this barely clings to reality. which is several degrees of ironic. given my interpretation.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

r3s3nt [2004-06-23 03:16:56 +0000 UTC]

very metaphorical, I think

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

WoundedWeapon [2004-06-23 00:12:14 +0000 UTC]

Good stuff, as usual.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

punxrox [2004-06-20 02:58:13 +0000 UTC]

Meh lubs -fave-

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Maltaaduialien [2004-06-20 00:08:52 +0000 UTC]

Nice poem! I think the way you wrote it is pretty sweet. It's more free.

Model, Model

I could tell he was staring at me from across the room,
So,
I looked back.

(Just to make him feel uncomfortable.)

I like that part the best I think. It's kind of funny. And I know what you're saying.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

E-Salsa [2004-06-19 21:32:10 +0000 UTC]

Nice. Im not a big Ani Defranco fan, but there's always a clue about her in the newer crossword puzzles. Anyways, cool poem. Keep writing hoLmes.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Lecco [2004-06-19 08:42:09 +0000 UTC]

I LOVE Ani DiFranco. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this line!!!!!

"And so,
So I'm figuring that the best poet
is really, maybe,
just the most talented whiner."

SO WONDERFUL! Great poetry is whining without making someone puke. I do agree. You do actually write a little like Ani. Which is a compliment.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

moldycheesepuff [2004-06-19 02:32:30 +0000 UTC]

lol, i love the end... i also really like how u compared his eyes to the pot holes made by waterfalls.... its awesome! i love it carly! great job!!! ANI DIFRANCO IS HARDCORE!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Drained [2004-06-19 01:29:02 +0000 UTC]

extremly awesome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

sugarstoned [2004-06-19 01:25:10 +0000 UTC]

Love it. I really enjoyed the structure. I'll have to try writing more freely like this sometime 'cause its so awesome to read! Great work!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TerrapinFlyer [2004-06-19 01:06:10 +0000 UTC]

Damn, I just saw the preview picture, and that is one fly pencil sharpener..alright, there's my irrelevant comment for today, tootlz

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TerrapinFlyer [2004-06-19 01:04:24 +0000 UTC]

Ah, I really love the first line about the telephone as well. And I can definitely see the Ani shining through this, as Matt said...but that's not at all to say I don't enjoy rough, sort of in-your-face, raw tone Spectacular piece, as always

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

quintessa27 [2004-06-19 00:02:23 +0000 UTC]

and will told me to tell you that your first line about the telephone is "a line of GREATNESS"--he really likes it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

quintessa27 [2004-06-18 23:57:14 +0000 UTC]

"So,
My thoughts are like stumbling little peasants
Searching for someone to unload upon

Scuttering, Skittering
           through these little, suffocated
Streets"

great lines! this poem seems very funny to me, i like it. the last line really makes me laugh too, but i don't know exactly why. i really like your last two poems (this one and the last one--ur on a really awesome kick *thumbs up*

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dubbilex [2004-06-18 23:17:04 +0000 UTC]

This is a change - your poetry seems to be getting more and more angry (I guess that's the Ani shining through).

This one seems mush less...desperate, in a way than many (or most) of your others. It seems like you're completely resolved now, which seems different from past poems where you've ended them by contradicting what the poem was actually about to show that, although you write many of these things you don't mean them.

Anyways, I like the tone of it - good work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

KisaMogwai [2004-06-18 22:30:15 +0000 UTC]

haha very kool

👍: 0 ⏩: 1