bittersweetpoet [2005-01-08 18:01:41 +0000 UTC]

you are the
one
who gives up too easily
on it
but
chooses to remember me
by a lonely string of used condoms.
--thats my favorite part.

this poem, to me was perfect, i loved it and thought it was some of the best cafe poetry i have read in awhile

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Maltaaduialien [2004-08-23 21:59:03 +0000 UTC]

This is a good poem.

I have spoken.

Hehehehe. Actually I do like it. I don't really get the condom part, but oh well.

my summer paramour
rotting
against a divinity set for him
by giggling adolescents

I like that part the bestz0r. Now, is there a reason that you chose to use the word 'coughing' four times? Why not three, or five?

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LovelyJadedLoner [2004-08-23 03:23:56 +0000 UTC]

This is so well written... just everything, from the way you worded it, to the hidden meanings behind it... I love it.

*you are the
one
who gives up too easily
on it
but
chooses to remember me
by a lonely string of used condoms.

^There is just something about this particular stanza, the wording of it, the flow. Amazing.

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echo-si [2004-08-20 12:37:00 +0000 UTC]

While I think I understand the purpose of the structure of the second stanza, I think it might be a littl too jumpy. There are some killer lines here--"remember me/by a lonely string of used condoms" is brilliant, but I feel like something is missing. It needs to be fatter (just a bit).

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Drained [2004-08-20 01:10:53 +0000 UTC]

so awesome.

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moldycheesepuff [2004-08-19 20:47:18 +0000 UTC]

lol, and i love the preview image *giggles* lol

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moldycheesepuff [2004-08-19 20:46:52 +0000 UTC]

lover of vacant fields
and too many
board games:

i really love that line carly.... i loved this whole series of poems, they are evry well written and completely and uniquely you i love it! great job!

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FragileFish [2004-08-19 20:17:34 +0000 UTC]

i love your style. it seems random. randomness for a reason. my writing style was drifting in that direction before it came to a sudden halt... i dont even know why... but your poems are amazing. i cant wait to read more of them

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dubbilex [2004-08-19 12:03:00 +0000 UTC]

my summer paramour
rotting
against a divinity set for him
by giggling adolescents
(which turned out to be even
less
than he deserved.)


Just the other day I was thinking the exact same thing about someone completely different. Eerie.

Anyways, I think this is the best of the three by a long-shot. The preview picture isn't as good as number two, but I can let that slide Perhaps my one problem with it is the condom line - for some reason I think it's such a vivid image that is somehow seems contrived (as in, you only included it to keep the tone of the rest of the poem).

This also reminds me of marla again.

But hey - you should remember that i think he deserves every goddamn thing he gets. So I can't argue with the message. Good work.

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VoodooChild939 [2004-08-19 08:15:12 +0000 UTC]

and of course I love it, you can feel the anger of it, tis wonderful

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Lecco [2004-08-19 04:14:11 +0000 UTC]

What inspired a series, and how do you feel such conviction in the fact that this is the last? How does it feel "complete"? Just wondering because I never thought to do a series and know nothing of the mindset behind it.

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TerrapinFlyer [2004-08-19 02:07:37 +0000 UTC]

No way! I was just think the other day if you would post any more of either of your serires anytime soon. I must say the opnly disappointment here is that you claimed it to be the last I really like the second half, and the ending is quite powerful. Very emotional piece, nice

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foreverhope [2004-08-19 02:02:54 +0000 UTC]

I like the story hidden in these consise poems.
The thread of repetition thoughout is well done.
I like how it's "beer can breath" instead of the usual "beer breath."

It's interesting to observe how people cope with things such as love (and losing it.)
That's what this last one feels like-- that grasping feeling of trying to make sense of what you've just lost.

"a lonely string of used condoms" is a very poingnent line.


lover of vacant fields
and too many
board games

I enjoy lines that could have been from my journal-
except your language is much more fluid than mine would have been.


Nicely done.

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BeasPilgrim [2004-08-19 01:56:15 +0000 UTC]

Very beautiful Carly, not sure that beautiful is what I mean to say, but, well, you know. I really like it, all three. Very very good writing. And I LOVE your preview picture for this one. The Amish people, my mom is obsesed with them and its quite funny.
Bravo!

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sugarstoned [2004-08-19 01:16:47 +0000 UTC]

Aw. Seems like you're sad and angry at the same time. I like the way I feel the emotion for the good series

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