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Published: 2004-07-07 00:42:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 419; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 34
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Description
-Our trees have been withered
denounced into
crouching shrubs - aplogetic, almost,
it seems.
Replaced
(Quickly and cost-friendly, mind you)
by some binary plastic twigs and leaves
Surveyed, with the accompanying
symmetrical dreams of robots, digging.
so that we may continue lounging,
reading our glossies,
popping our prozacs.
even the wind is generated
and today the blowing rate
is adjusted to setting number four
so it's a bit chilly
and slowly, even now,
we're choking out the sun
and Helios with all his glory
is feeling time, and his lids droop more each day
(unlike us)
A salty, salty drop has been emitted
from my eye, to my cheek
But I'm not sure, anymore
if it's me feeling or if it's the time
programmed for me to cry.
I suppose I could check -
what with all the clocks
and planners bunched around my
feet in small, time-efficient clumps.
Can't even,
Can't even tell if
any of us care anymore
but it doesn't particularly matter,
as long as our future
will be able to dig us up
to find us,
beautiful
+beautifulbeautifulbeautiful
white teeth, bright eyes
+thinthinthin
smiling in our plastic coffins!
-
Related content
Comments: 60
notrust [2004-07-17 19:28:40 +0000 UTC]
The first stanza and the last line are my favorite...great choice of topic and wonderful portrayal of it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to notrust [2004-07-17 23:50:42 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your comments
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Lecco [2004-07-08 19:19:42 +0000 UTC]
Very profound for a short little poem. It almost has a "1984" feel to it...and seems like it could be played to the song "In the year 2525" (If ya don't know that song, download it. Great old one hit wonder classic about man killing himself over time.)
I LOVED the one little line "symmetrical dreams of robots." That so well encapsulated the expressionless road we're taking and how it makes us lose originality...I dunno why, I just loved that line so damn much!!
One of your better poems. And that's saying something.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to Lecco [2004-07-09 02:37:32 +0000 UTC]
yeah i was thinking about 1984 a bit when i was writing it. like the part with the controlled wind. anyway thanks a lot for the comment lec!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
E-Salsa [2004-07-07 19:32:44 +0000 UTC]
and slowly, even now,
we're choking out the sun
and Helios with all his glory
is feeling time, and his lids droop more each day
(unlike us)
A salty, salty drop has been emitted
from my eye, to my cheek
But I'm not sure, anymore
if it's me feeling or if it's the time
programmed for me to cry.
I really like those lines, I don't know why. Theyre just clever I guess. I really like this Carly. I think I'll favorite it. It's different from your normal work, but in a great way. It reminds me of several things. Radiohead, Rage, the Matrix, Jack Black(lol)-->sticking it to the man. Anyways, awesome job. I like the idea behind it and like I said, one of my favorites of yours yet.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to E-Salsa [2004-07-08 01:03:17 +0000 UTC]
lol thank you ericy i love ya
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
quintessa27 [2004-07-07 17:47:16 +0000 UTC]
sweet!!! i really like it--it reminds me of "the giver" with all the controled nature and feelings. it's scarey and sad--and i love how you play with language with things like
"Can't even,
Can't even tell if
any of us care anymore
but it doesn't particularly matter,
as long as our future
will be able to dig us up"
it makes the poem have a very cool almost conversational, ALMOST apathetic tone. coolness.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to quintessa27 [2004-07-08 01:01:07 +0000 UTC]
yeah i was going for the apathetic tone in it to reflect many people's unrecognizing attitude towards it. thanks meg i'm glad ya liked it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
musical-nymph [2004-07-07 15:58:59 +0000 UTC]
wow.
this made me cry.
thank you. poetry rarely moves me so much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to musical-nymph [2004-07-08 00:59:58 +0000 UTC]
thank you so much. it was a very emotional piece for me too.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
SixFeetUnderwater [2004-07-07 10:53:31 +0000 UTC]
This poem is so clever in so many ways, I've been sitting here for like 5 mins just thinking about what I would write in response as I think it deserves a decent comment.. but alas, all I can think of saying is how good it is. So many clever thoughts and expressions in such a neat little package. did I mention its good? its good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to SixFeetUnderwater [2004-07-07 15:27:04 +0000 UTC]
ah you are too kind thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
tricksociety [2004-07-07 06:02:48 +0000 UTC]
this is great. gives me a sense of how the beauty of nature and the beauty of technology can make one ugly outcome if not put together in a concept of harmony. lovely! +fav
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to KisaMogwai [2004-07-07 15:20:35 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad that you liked it thanks
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
VoodooChild939 [2004-07-07 05:35:00 +0000 UTC]
this is most definitely very cool, I like it a lot
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
LovelyJadedLoner [2004-07-07 05:00:56 +0000 UTC]
First thought, Radiohead. I'm loving this piece... unique, and just well written with a wonderful flow. Wow, I'm likin it!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to LovelyJadedLoner [2004-07-07 15:19:45 +0000 UTC]
Ahh thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TerrapinFlyer [2004-07-07 04:01:07 +0000 UTC]
Oooo, me like Especially the bit about Helios and the idea of his eyelids drooping. And as Matt said, I've not seen anything like this from you before, but I like it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
punxrox [2004-07-07 02:16:11 +0000 UTC]
O_O that kicks ass... -faves immedietely as if in limited stock-
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thecakeeater [2004-07-07 02:05:05 +0000 UTC]
real good.. i like the references to corporate take over and the reference to machine likenesses...good
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex [2004-07-07 01:36:42 +0000 UTC]
I like this alot -I'm getting this radiohead vibe from it (from, if I remember right, fake plastic trees).
I like all the groovy technical words too (like 'binary', etc etc)
even the wind is generated
and today the blowing rate
is adjusted to setting number four
so it's a bit chilly
I like those lines because I love my electric fan - it keeps me cool.
This is the kind of thing I've never really seen from you before - and I have to say it's pretty cool. Wanna do us all a favor and write some more? :-p
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-07 02:37:07 +0000 UTC]
Thanks And I got the Radiohead vibe from myself when I was writing it, lol. I almost used the term 'plastic trees' but was like 'wait where have i heard that?' lol i love thom. anyway, thanks for the comment and i'm glad that you liked it. i write like this a lot but i never really bother posting much because it's so out of my regular genre i post.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-07-07 03:47:26 +0000 UTC]
Oh man I hear ya - lately I've been a sucker for radiohead too. Which is strange, because I've never been before. Anyways, I think I just like this style - we don't get to see enough of crusader-carly.
Oh yeah - and you're very welcome
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TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-07 15:18:58 +0000 UTC]
Yeah it's because Radiohead rocks. Seriously, I <3 Thom Yorke and the gang
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-07-08 00:47:14 +0000 UTC]
I think I'm finding I do too
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TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-08 01:05:18 +0000 UTC]
hell yah you are - you can't NOT think that they're awesome. i bought an awesome radiohead shirt. oh and guess what? Thom Yorke and I have the same birthday!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-07-08 01:13:26 +0000 UTC]
Dude - no fucking way
Yeah - I was actually thinking of buying a cd one of these days. Do you think I should I get Hail to the Thief?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-08 01:19:58 +0000 UTC]
hmm i guess. i mean i really like it but i think ok computer or bends would be better to start out with
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-07-08 02:58:32 +0000 UTC]
Hmm. I think I might still have the bends around on tape, so I suppose OK Computer it is. Thanks
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-08 03:25:19 +0000 UTC]
you're welcome OK computer is easier to get into but HTTT is really sad, but awesome. So it's up to you
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-07-08 13:51:45 +0000 UTC]
I've actually been trying for like, three damn days to downlod the entire album at once. I have the first six songs or so - and sail to the moon is awesome I think I'll probably just finish downloading this one and buy the others to atone for my sins
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-08 14:17:06 +0000 UTC]
lol, my favorite on the CD are 2+2=5; Backdrifters; and Myxomatosis. Get OK Computer toooooooo!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-07-08 16:48:35 +0000 UTC]
Oh we'll see. I actually have a job now (more or less) so I have money to burn
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-08 17:12:47 +0000 UTC]
yeah dude i've got 2 jobs now - egh. are you working for jesse's dad?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-07-09 02:23:55 +0000 UTC]
Yep. I'm also gonna get to Barnes and Noble in the next few days and pick up an application. I think working in a bookstore would freaking rock
Where are you working?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-07-09 02:39:25 +0000 UTC]
Tastee Treat and Thacher Park.
Dude, get one at Border's instead
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
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