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TranslucentWings — writer's block
Published: 2004-09-12 00:34:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 418; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 36
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Description --


a poetic calamity
is itching its way to the tip of my
pen

my metaphors are running on
           half a tank
across the patchwork of your face

as an aimless alliteration
      loses its way
in your eyes slightly glazed
           gazing in my direction.

my descriptions are tailgating
              adjectives
in a verbal traffic jam
        anchored under black
hair curiously misplaced
upon your skull

my ironic ending is summoning
enough of a temper
       to give your cigarette breath
and perfect teeth
the finger in passing.

a lone verb
veers left
between two freckles
    crashing at your lips

falling towards
calloused hands
bearing burn marks,
long

that i yearn to take in my own.


--
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[ TEXT ]


TranslucentWings - backseat driver
Comments: 51

TranslucentWings In reply to ??? [2004-11-06 13:48:17 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

KisaMogwai [2004-10-07 15:30:29 +0000 UTC]

DO you getwriter's block? ....

"my ironic ending is summoning
enough of a temper
to give your cigarette breath
and perfect teeth
the finger in passing"

i loooove that stanza

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SixFeetUnderwater [2004-09-29 13:48:59 +0000 UTC]

wow.. so sexy

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SixFeetUnderwater In reply to SixFeetUnderwater [2004-09-29 13:50:04 +0000 UTC]

not just sexy though.. the end is touching, its very beautiful and touching

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to SixFeetUnderwater [2004-09-29 23:45:24 +0000 UTC]

Awww you are so cute! Like, I dont even know you but you are just too cute. I'm glad to hear from you again thanks for the comment. I wish my writing was more sexy grrrr! Thanks though

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SixFeetUnderwater In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-09-30 10:58:26 +0000 UTC]

its sexy to me, very much so. haha and im very not cute, i spent the lazt two days getting stoned and not even being bothered to get out of bed plus I havent had a haircut in like a year and I dont eat enough like hardly anything plus im starting to look like shaggy out of scooby doo plus the sky is grey the streets are black the garage is empty im under attack er.. yes. ps: i love you

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to SixFeetUnderwater [2004-09-30 20:51:55 +0000 UTC]

and THAT is exactly why I think you are such a cutie.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SixFeetUnderwater In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-09-30 21:30:41 +0000 UTC]

its a pretty miserable way to be attractive though

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Maltaaduialien [2004-09-22 12:17:42 +0000 UTC]

Good job! Hehe. Yeah...I can't comment really because I don't have the capacity for rational thought...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

mournfulcrow [2004-09-20 20:36:37 +0000 UTC]

wow Carly great job once agian. You know what I love about your poetry, its so much fun to read. And the imagry is so inventive and creative, it is just great to read.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to mournfulcrow [2004-09-21 00:29:58 +0000 UTC]

lol, thank you so much will!! i miss ya!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

E-Salsa [2004-09-16 22:47:34 +0000 UTC]

black
hair?


perfect teeth?

This is about me isn't it. lol. Anyways, I salute you.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to E-Salsa [2004-09-17 01:38:53 +0000 UTC]

lol, too bad you don't have blue eyes.

thanks ericy!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

quintessa27 [2004-09-16 18:20:34 +0000 UTC]

GREAT JOB CARLY--you did an awesome job describing this--i know this feeling very well--espesially with my painting, everything is either of, for, or inspired by will and i can't help it. i also think it's cute how you fit in the glazed eyes and cigarette breathe--makes it more personalized . i especially love this line:

"a lone verb
veers left
between two freckles
    crashing at your lips"

awesome job

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to quintessa27 [2004-09-16 22:06:03 +0000 UTC]

yay! I'm so glad that you liked it! thanks so much for the comment

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sugarstoned [2004-09-14 21:09:48 +0000 UTC]

Eeek! I LOVE your style of writing sooo much! And the pic to go with is nice

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to sugarstoned [2004-09-16 22:03:32 +0000 UTC]

yay! thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Drained [2004-09-14 01:31:09 +0000 UTC]

so very awesome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to Drained [2004-09-14 01:36:11 +0000 UTC]

aha - thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

logey [2004-09-13 14:19:26 +0000 UTC]

I really like this, actually.

The first thing I've read in the past few days that I've felt the need to comment on.

I like the picture with it, even though I hate it when people say that and ignore the poem...

But I'm not ignoring the poem.

I can't.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to logey [2004-09-14 01:26:10 +0000 UTC]



You are the best.

Thanks for the comment.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

punxrox [2004-09-13 10:47:21 +0000 UTC]

I'm in an art funk right now!! Except I can't seem to stop using exclamation points!! WE HAVE NO JUICE!!! NO JUIICEE!!!!! But uhh.. yeah.. the most I've drawn recently is a doodle of a dragon which turned out kidna good but it really easy 'cause he has no.. uhh.. limbs!! He has a head, though!! I'm proud of the prescence of his head!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to punxrox [2004-09-14 01:25:15 +0000 UTC]

I'm proud of you too Kayleigh!!!! DRAW MORE!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

dubbilex [2004-09-13 00:12:02 +0000 UTC]

yeah - it's actually IS kind of funny how he's giving you more to write about than you ever have had before.

as an aimless alliteration
loses its way
in your eyes slightly glazed
gazing in my direction.

That's a nice bit. I get a lot out of those few words.

I guess I'm not really feeling thoughtful tonight, so I'll hold off on any criticisms that I have for now lest I make an ass of myself. That is, unless you'd like to hear them anyways.

But hey - this is real groovyl, carly. It's great seeing new stuff from you

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-09-14 01:24:30 +0000 UTC]

Ahh you can let your criticisms run rampant, if you'd like.

Thanks for the comment

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-09-14 03:06:48 +0000 UTC]

one of these days i'll get my head together and write something meaningful for you. i can't really put my thoughts together right now. I think I'm going insane again. I'll read it a few more times and hopefully something thoughtful will come in the next few days.

And you're very welcome

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-09-16 22:02:02 +0000 UTC]

lol, why going insane again!?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-09-16 23:50:19 +0000 UTC]

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just need to get away from everything? To just get in your car, drive for the sunset and never look back on the people you know? You know that feeling where you just wish everyone will forget about you and you can just, to borrow a word, fade out?

I guess I'm just distanced from everybody lately. I've heard it said that being alone lets a person realize things about themselves that they never would have otherwise. I guess It's finally dawning on me that I'm a different sort of person than I thought I was.

a crazy person.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-09-17 01:39:50 +0000 UTC]

lol. yeah i went through that really badly last year as you somewhat know. i'm crazy too.


👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-09-17 12:01:21 +0000 UTC]

Yep - I can remember that. I think I like the feeling.

i dunno why it took me this long to snap, really.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to dubbilex [2004-09-17 19:20:37 +0000 UTC]

lol, i know man. you late bloomer you

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dubbilex In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-09-17 21:29:13 +0000 UTC]



well I'm glad to be here, finally.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

dubbilex In reply to dubbilex [2004-09-13 00:12:42 +0000 UTC]

groovy.* Ahh fuck my ass.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

jolie-etoile [2004-09-12 23:35:07 +0000 UTC]

and so by blocking your inspirations.......he's given you inspiration for a great poem....intriguing!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to jolie-etoile [2004-09-14 01:23:32 +0000 UTC]

lol yes! irony at its best! Thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LovelyJadedLoner [2004-09-12 22:12:52 +0000 UTC]

I like this... I can't write when I'm having a writers block, but you can... you put words together to express that you can't write!!! Ah, this is great!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to LovelyJadedLoner [2004-09-12 22:18:18 +0000 UTC]

lol, thank you very much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Lecco [2004-09-12 16:05:23 +0000 UTC]

Woo, I REALLY like this a LOT! I normally don't do this, especially for you because you get faves all the time and it makes me go grrrr I'm no good, BUT.... I have to.....+fave!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to Lecco [2004-09-12 22:17:29 +0000 UTC]

haha - I'm so honored Lec!! Thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

FragileFish [2004-09-12 15:17:59 +0000 UTC]

wow... i cant write anymore. i tip my hat to you... your brain is better than mine i think... i am envious of your talent.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to FragileFish [2004-09-12 22:16:53 +0000 UTC]

lol aww i am sure you can write. maybe the inspiration isn't hitting you right? anyway, thank you muchly love!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

OutofFilm [2004-09-12 14:59:43 +0000 UTC]

my descriptions are tailgating
              adjectives
in a verbal traffic jam
        anchored under black
hair curiously misplaced
upon your skull

Flippin amazing mah dear!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to OutofFilm [2004-09-12 22:16:07 +0000 UTC]

ahh why thank you darling!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TerrapinFlyer [2004-09-12 00:59:35 +0000 UTC]

I like all the references to struggling poetry...yet it still comes out beautifully

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to TerrapinFlyer [2004-09-12 01:44:23 +0000 UTC]

Awww. . . thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

VoodooChild939 [2004-09-12 00:40:14 +0000 UTC]

oh my god that is so cool! I love how eloquently you described the feeling, it's so beautifully ironic!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to VoodooChild939 [2004-09-12 01:44:04 +0000 UTC]

Ahh thank you!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

VoodooChild939 In reply to TranslucentWings [2004-09-12 02:22:39 +0000 UTC]

well you're more than welcome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

OrbingPunk [2004-09-12 00:36:38 +0000 UTC]

I can soooooo relate to this. Nice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TranslucentWings In reply to OrbingPunk [2004-09-12 01:42:36 +0000 UTC]

Thank you Nice avatar by the way

👍: 0 ⏩: 0