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Description
This will be a very lengthy post. Also WARNING as this may upset or trigger someone’s own feelings.

I made this originally for a Heromachine contest I believe. Years ago. I can’t quite remember what it was about, but something on human expression and making it into a physical being. I chose depression. This picture here is much more edited with colors than the original. I used the app Facetune 2 to fix it up.

I’ve thought of posting this for awhile, but always decide not to. I was about to delete all this and not push submit. I have anxiety already about it. I hate doubting myself and criticizing myself, as I do it too much. I don’t want to take the subject lightly or present something that fails to capture the emotion. But most importantly, posting such a picture based off a mental illness would beg the question, “how do you know how it feels?”.

Since I don’t like talking about it or bringing any sort of attention to myself, but this platform keeps me anonymous, I can admit I know how depression encumbers one’s spirit. I battle that monster everyday. It may take me down, but I’m not out.

I like to think I’m stronger than the creature that tries to wrap me up, restrict me, and swallow my mind. Depression is a monster, a dark entity that clings to you and slowly drains all of what makes you, you. It’s easy to cave into the weight of this dark parasite, for it’s easier to just take a knee than carry such a heavy burden.

Depression comes from the void and wraps it’s tendrils around you, dragging you into darkness where it feeds on your sense of worth. It’s a hungry, gluttonous beast and demands more and more from you, as it constricts tighter, so you feel as if you can’t move. All the while, slithering around your head, nestling and using whispers of soothing comforts to keep you from trying to fight back. You’re alone in a dark corner of the world, where you feel a longing to be home while you’re already home.

The creature cripples you and pulls you away from socializing and living life, keeping you alone with its whispers. The feeling is so deep and hard to explain. It’s like you’re empty, missing a crucial piece of yourself and can see this piece far from your reach, so far that you can’t quite make out what that piece exactly is.

Apathy is one of the heaviest tendrils depression grasps you with. Color from life is taken, all you see is black and white, so you might as well not bother to look at all anymore. Your favorite colors in life become a washed out version and thus, are no longer interesting.

This isn’t sadness or feeling down. It’s a feeling of loss when you don’t understand what you’ve exactly lost. Sometimes you want to cry, but even that sense of release has been taken from you. You’re lost, slowly fading away as the world carries on without you.

Digging yourself out of these dark depths is even harder, as when you crawl towards the opening, the ground beneath you crumbles away, always leaving you just out of reach from grabbing the top. You become stuck and frustrated you can’t leave depression’s dark lair.

You start seeing yourself as the enemy. You don’t even want to talk yourself, so why would anyone else? You deserve to be alone and left behind. You’re a dark cloud to everyone’s sunny day. You amount to nothing and no one cares what you do anyway. You’re just a waste of time and space. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, you’re pathetic. Why are you like this, why can’t you just get up and go!?
You don’t want to deal with yourself, so you decide not to exist for awhile and close your eyes as depression cradles you to sleep, in hopes tomorrow will be better.

You long to be home when you’re already at home.
~~~
I wrote that as it came to me just now, let my thoughts take the wheel and drive. I’m sorry if what I say upsets anyone or they feel attacked. This is just simply what my experience and fight against depression is like expressed through a creative outlet. Others’ experience may be different, but this is mine.

Like I said, I’m only saying what I am now because you have no idea who I am, and thus makes it easier to say. I don’t want to be identified as someone with depression, so this is the only place where I’ll admit to it. I know one thing for certain, talking to someone…anyone…is helpful. The most craving aspect of depression, for me at least, is to be understood. I know there are others out there like me, and I hope you find happiness. If you do, speak out and share your light to help ward off the dark beast that latches upon someone else.

Creating art (especially on Heromachine) and sharing it helps keep me going, though it’s been tough lately. I felt like posting this as a method of facing self doubt and getting it off my chest. I’m not one to share anything on myself, I usually do all the listening. It feels good to let it out sometimes. So thank you for reading this. You getting to this point means you’ve read every word and I deeply appreciate it.

I know it’s Halloween, my favorite holiday, but depression is one of the scariest monsters of all.

Anyone who feels the same, just remember you’re not alone. You matter. You have purpose, even if it’s small. Know talking about it with someone can help you and even them feel better too. The most important thing you can do for someone who begins to open up to you about depression is to simply listen. Not just hear them, but listen. If you can empathize, do, but if you don’t understand, just be a source of comfort for them to open up to. You never know when you can inspire someone. And that’s how you matter, being one of the many fighting the monster that is depression. Allow yourself to be heard so others may fight along side you.
I find it easier to visualize depression as a physical force or entity, that way I know it’s something I can defeat. Slaying it would make my brain recognize it’s dead, gone from my world.

Thanks to those who inspire me on here. You’re more important to me than you know.

~~~
Here are some songs that I like to think express what I’m think for me.
-Unwell: Matchbox 20
-Ordinary: Train
-New Low: Middle Class Rut
-You’re a wolf: Seawolf
-My Life: Imagine Dragons
-Bury Me: Stealth
-Fooling Yourself: Styx (I had someone who I looked up to tell me that this song reminded him of me).
-Welcome to My Life and You’re Just a Kid: Simple Plan. Cliche? Maybe. But I really resonated with the lyrics of those songs as a kid.
-Superman: Five for Fighting
-Pain and The Middle: Jimmy eat World. I know The Middle says “little girl” but I was a little boy and my mom told me to listen to it when I was down about not being included. It applied to me the same.
-Maybe: Sick Puppies
-Drive: Incubus
-All I Want: A Day to Remember

Description
This will be a very lengthy post. Also WARNING as this may upset or trigger someone’s own feelings.

I made this originally for a Heromachine contest I believe. Years ago. I can’t quite remember what it was about, but something on human expression and making it into a physical being. I chose depression. This picture here is much more edited with colors than the original. I used the app Facetune 2 to fix it up.

I’ve thought of posting this for awhile, but always decide not to. I was about to delete all this and not push submit. I have anxiety already about it. I hate doubting myself and criticizing myself, as I do it too much. I don’t want to take the subject lightly or present something that fails to capture the emotion. But most importantly, posting such a picture based off a mental illness would beg the question, “how do you know how it feels?”.

Since I don’t like talking about it or bringing any sort of attention to myself, but this platform keeps me anonymous, I can admit I know how depression encumbers one’s spirit. I battle that monster everyday. It may take me down, but I’m not out.

I like to think I’m stronger than the creature that tries to wrap me up, restrict me, and swallow my mind. Depression is a monster, a dark entity that clings to you and slowly drains all of what makes you, you. It’s easy to cave into the weight of this dark parasite, for it’s easier to just take a knee than carry such a heavy burden.

Depression comes from the void and wraps it’s tendrils around you, dragging you into darkness where it feeds on your sense of worth. It’s a hungry, gluttonous beast and demands more and more from you, as it constricts tighter, so you feel as if you can’t move. All the while, slithering around your head, nestling and using whispers of soothing comforts to keep you from trying to fight back. You’re alone in a dark corner of the world, where you feel a longing to be home while you’re already home.

The creature cripples you and pulls you away from socializing and living life, keeping you alone with its whispers. The feeling is so deep and hard to explain. It’s like you’re empty, missing a crucial piece of yourself and can see this piece far from your reach, so far that you can’t quite make out what that piece exactly is.

Apathy is one of the heaviest tendrils depression grasps you with. Color from life is taken, all you see is black and white, so you might as well not bother to look at all anymore. Your favorite colors in life become a washed out version and thus, are no longer interesting.

This isn’t sadness or feeling down. It’s a feeling of loss when you don’t understand what you’ve exactly lost. Sometimes you want to cry, but even that sense of release has been taken from you. You’re lost, slowly fading away as the world carries on without you.

Digging yourself out of these dark depths is even harder, as when you crawl towards the opening, the ground beneath you crumbles away, always leaving you just out of reach from grabbing the top. You become stuck and frustrated you can’t leave depression’s dark lair.

You start seeing yourself as the enemy. You don’t even want to talk yourself, so why would anyone else? You deserve to be alone and left behind. You’re a dark cloud to everyone’s sunny day. You amount to nothing and no one cares what you do anyway. You’re just a waste of time and space. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, you’re pathetic. Why are you like this, why can’t you just get up and go!?
You don’t want to deal with yourself, so you decide not to exist for awhile and close your eyes as depression cradles you to sleep, in hopes tomorrow will be better.

You long to be home when you’re already at home.
~~~
I wrote that as it came to me just now, let my thoughts take the wheel and drive. I’m sorry if what I say upsets anyone or they feel attacked. This is just simply what my experience and fight against depression is like expressed through a creative outlet. Others’ experience may be different, but this is mine.

Like I said, I’m only saying what I am now because you have no idea who I am, and thus makes it easier to say. I don’t want to be identified as someone with depression, so this is the only place where I’ll admit to it. I know one thing for certain, talking to someone…anyone…is helpful. The most craving aspect of depression, for me at least, is to be understood. I know there are others out there like me, and I hope you find happiness. If you do, speak out and share your light to help ward off the dark beast that latches upon someone else.

Creating art (especially on Heromachine) and sharing it helps keep me going, though it’s been tough lately. I felt like posting this as a method of facing self doubt and getting it off my chest. I’m not one to share anything on myself, I usually do all the listening. It feels good to let it out sometimes. So thank you for reading this. You getting to this point means you’ve read every word and I deeply appreciate it.

I know it’s Halloween, my favorite holiday, but depression is one of the scariest monsters of all.

Anyone who feels the same, just remember you’re not alone. You matter. You have purpose, even if it’s small. Know talking about it with someone can help you and even them feel better too. The most important thing you can do for someone who begins to open up to you about depression is to simply listen. Not just hear them, but listen. If you can empathize, do, but if you don’t understand, just be a source of comfort for them to open up to. You never know when you can inspire someone. And that’s how you matter, being one of the many fighting the monster that is depression. Allow yourself to be heard so others may fight along side you.
I find it easier to visualize depression as a physical force or entity, that way I know it’s something I can defeat. Slaying it would make my brain recognize it’s dead, gone from my world.

Thanks to those who inspire me on here. You’re more important to me than you know.

~~~
Here are some songs that I like to think express what I’m think for me.
-Unwell: Matchbox 20
-Ordinary: Train
-New Low: Middle Class Rut
-You’re a wolf: Seawolf
-My Life: Imagine Dragons
-Bury Me: Stealth
-Fooling Yourself: Styx (I had someone who I looked up to tell me that this song reminded him of me).
-Welcome to My Life and You’re Just a Kid: Simple Plan. Cliche? Maybe. But I really resonated with the lyrics of those songs as a kid.
-Superman: Five for Fighting
-Pain and The Middle: Jimmy eat World. I know The Middle says “little girl” but I was a little boy and my mom told me to listen to it when I was down about not being included. It applied to me the same.
-Maybe: Sick Puppies
-Drive: Incubus
-All I Want: A Day to Remember