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Paradise by Coldplay

I awoke the next morning in my old room, not wanting to get up. Why didn't I sleep in my old room during the reunion you ask? Well, how could I turn down the opportunity to tease Kimmie? But now all the teasing was thrown out the window, and violently too.

After the fight last night I had slept in my old room while Kimmie slept in the guest room. We hadn't talked since then. Purposely I skipped breakfast, knowing that I wouldn't be able to handle sitting at the same table as her and difficult as it was, I forced myself back to sleep again. I squeezed my eyes tighter against the sun that shined through the curtains and clenched a fist onto my pillow, wishing everything had just been a bad dream, but I knew that it wasn't.

After laying in bed for about ten minutes without being able to fall back to sleep, I opened my eyes, squinting until they adjusted to the lighting. Posters of my favorite bands and movies covered the plain white walls and a flood of memories came rushing at me. I had a love for horror movies when I was a teenager, I wasn't the type of girl who went for the romance or sappy ones. I could already hear you thinking: Well, what about that time when you went to see the Memopad with Kim? That was Ms. Go not Shego.

Halfheartedly I sat up in my single bed, running a hand through my messy hair as I looked around my old room. The window was to my right, it's dark blue curtains not doing a good job at blocking out the sun. I had no clue why I chose my bed to be close to the window, when I hated the sun, but it was.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, looking around my old room again. The desk that was pushed up against one wall was semi neat with it's stacked CDs and old CD player and headphones. Used pencils with used erasers were scattered about and a picture frame was lying face down.

I got to my feet and walked over to the desk, running my fingers across the words etched onto it. Cool...Strong...Invincible... The words I wanted to be, the words I became. But one was missing: Jerk. My hands reached for the picture frame that was lying face down, but I remembered what it was, and my hands just hovered above it. I was torn between facing it up, but I knew that it would do me no good so I pulled my hand away. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring up old and buried memories. I sighed and sat down at my desk, burying my head in my hands.

Why couldn't this just be a bad dream? Why couldn't I just wake up to find that everything wasn't real? No matter how hard or how many times I tried, I was still here, in my old home with consequences and horrible days ahead. Not the best vacation I had away from Dr. D.

I took a deep breath I placed my hands over the words on the desk, tracing them slowly and feeling every rigid, rough part of every letter. It was time to start putting these words to use.

It was time to face the music.

When I came downstairs I found that everyone was gathered in front of the house. I hurriedly went out to join them to see what the buzz was about and what I saw, my heart dropped. Kimmie was standing before us with her suitcase in hand with a smile, but I could tell that it was strained and sad.

"I'm sorry that I have to leave so early, but thank you for your hospitality."

Our eyes made contact for a second and then she quickly looked away. She was leaving? Was it because of me? Had I pushed her too far? I didn't think that a kiss could be so harmful.

She hugged my brothers and my mother, but shook hands with my father. Her hug with my mom seemed to last the longest and I had a feeling my mom was telling her something. I was the last one to say goodbye. In the pits of my stomach I felt it clench as if someone had punched me repeatedly. I found I hard that neither of us could hold eye contact for long. Damn it...

"I guess I'll see you back in Middleton," she said, avoiding eye contact.

I wanted to say something, anything! Something to make her change her mind. But I couldn't. I could only manage a stiff nod and I mentally cursed myself.

She nodded back at me and then walked alongside Hego who would take her back to Middleton. And I watched, I watched Kim walk away, leaving me. Move you idiot! Move!

As she walked over to the car, I finally willed my feet to move. They felt like jello and I felt lightheaded, but I continued running after her as I called out her name.

"Kimmie!" I called, my fists clenching tightly until my nails dug into my palms.

She stopped, one leg in the car, but kept her back to me. She didn't say anything.

"I..." My arms were shaking and I squeezed my eyed shut with my head bowed. Come on Shego! Say something! "I'm sorry!"

She said nothing. There was nothing. Nothing but silence. The hum of the engine and the chirping of the baby birds in the distance were the only noises. Nobody uttered a word, and if they did, I would completely ignore them because I just wanted to hear Kim.

"You already said that."

My heart sunk. Was that all she could reply? My wide, surprised eyes watched her enter the car, and I stepped back to give the car some space, still shaking, eyes still wide, heart still thumping. Was that all I could say? She was right...I had already said that, and as many times I have said that, she refused to accept it just as much.

The car started to take off, shrinking and shrinking until it became a dot in the distance before disappearing around the corner. Even though she was long gone, I couldn't stop watching her leave me. I couldn't stop watching my chance escape.

"You're not going to let her go, are you?" a voice asked, and I turned around.

It was only my father and I left outside, I hadn't even notice everyone had left already.

"What do you mean?"

"Its just like I asked. You're not going to let her go like that, right? She is your girlfriend after all."

I furrowed my eyebrows at him and scoffed, looking away. "Tch, girlfriend... When did you start approving?"

He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at me. "I see..."

"See what?!" I demanded irritably.

"You're pathetic. You can't even hold a relationship when you have a perfect one right now, and you're just going to let her slip through your hands?"

I growled, trying to hold back my temper. That would only feed him, to encourage him to go on, to keep pushing me over the edge.

"Here you are, standing before me and not going after her. Are you not faithful to your girlfriend?"

She's not my girlfriend. I desperately want to say. I could have, but why didn't I? Everything was over, she was no longer here so what was the point in keeping up this ruse?

"You're just going to let her walk away?" he pressed on. "You're just going to be pathetic and let your girlfriend get away from you like that when you to still have to apologize to each other?"

"No, I won't!"

With that last loud sentence I ended the morning buzz and the chirping birds. I glared at my father so intensely and yet he still stood there, unwavering.

"Prove it."

I stood there shell shocked and rooted to the ground. Prove it? Prove what?

"What are you doing?"

He turned around and opened the door to the house. I felt like a small child again as I stared at my father's back. His usual broad shoulders and huge build now slightly slouched and growing thin. Yet, he still had the ability to overcome me without a single flicker of emotion, without as much as lifting a finger. His words always pushed me off the edge, sending me falling deep into an endless pit of anger.

"I should ask you that."

And with that, he entered the house with the door shutting behind him. I stood there surprised, confused, staring at the door. His words had struck me in a way I never knew could happen to me before. He was an enigma to me even though he was my father. Always pushing me in a path I didn't want to walk, speak the words I didn't want to voice, and feel the things I didn't know how to handle. Everyday my father had been like this during my childhood. Always doing such mysterious things that always had a purpose in the end, that was always something hidden in the dark from us. I was never able to crack his code or even chip his mask one bit. So just where was he going to push me now? Into the pit, or onto a path?

"Damn it!" I shouted, lifting a fist up that was flared with my plasma before bringing it down to the earth, shattering the sidewalk. "This is stupid!"

I wanted to punch somebody, I wanted to yell and scream, I wanted to just run until my legs gave out, until I had no more strength. I wanted to ask the world why it was always against me, why I always had to experience such things. Then I questioned myself: Who is the stupid one?

My nails finally dug into my palms, but I couldn't feel the stinging over my rush of emotions and burning anger.

"I'm stupid..."

The rest of the day I sat about the house, contemplating on what to do. There were still two more days left until the reunion was over, but I wasn't in the mood to stay and put up with my family anymore. Then came the question: Should I go after her? If I did, what was I going to say? "Sorry?" Hah, like that's going to work again.

I brought my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knees, staring blankly at the t.v my twin brothers were playing. It was some shooting game with aliens and soldiers.

"Why is that you guys are eighteen year olds and still playing video games when you should have girlfriends?" I asked, wanting to take my mind off of Kimmie for once. It wasn't a good habit and it was giving me a headache.

"There are other kids at our school who still play video games!" the Wego on the left said.

"Yeah, and we have girlfriends!" the other piped.

"Stop lying."

They paused the game, and turned around at me in unison with mirrored grins.

"We,"

"Aren't."

"Ugh, I hate it when you two do that! It's creepy!"

"Our girlfriends don't think it's creepy," one twin said.

I rolled my eyes and sat Indian style with my arms crossed. "That's because they're weirdos like you."

"They are not!" they exclaimed in unison.

"Are too."

"Are not!"

"Are too."

"Are-"

"Alright!" said Mego who had come downstairs, glaring at us. "What the hell are you two dunderheads arguing about? I can't hear myself think!"

"Shego-" they started.

"Don't call me a dunderhead you eggplant!" I said.

"Eggplant? I'm no eggplant!"

I laughed. "And I thought you would have noticed it by now since you stare at the mirror too much, you narcissist!"

He glared at me and descended down the steps until he planted his feet on the wooden floor of the living room. He crossed his arms haughtily and I just raised eyebrow. He seriously thought he was all that!

"I could say the same thing to you too, string bean!"

I got up to my feet and lit a fist. He put his nose up to me, but that didn't make him seem any more intimidating because we were about the same height.

"Call me string bean again and I'll make you into an eggplant soup!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" out of no where Hego came between us, pushing us away from each other and giving us a disapproving look.

"Mego, Shego, stop arguing and get along! You're siblings for Godsake and you should be looking out for each other not threatening one another!"

"I'm not planning to get frilly friendly with anyone!" I said, and Mego stuck his tongue out at me.

I gave him the finger and he glared while I smirked.

"Shego..." Hego said in a warning tone.

"What?" I asked irritably.

"Get along with your brother and apologize to him, and Mego will apologize to you."

"I'm not apologizing to anyone!"

"Shego!"

Mego crossed his arms, looking up at the ceiling with his self centered attitude blinding everyone. The ego in his name should have been capitalized just for that look!

"That's alright, Hego, I wasn't expecting her to apologize to me anyway. She can't even apologize right to her own girlfriend!"

That did it, I pushed Hego aside to roughly he landed on the couch. The twins ran behind the chair and I gripped the front of my older brother's shirt, glaring at him. He was glaring back at me but I could feel him trembling in my grip even if his upper lip curled into a snarl.

"Don't you even go there! I'll kick your ass to next Friday and you'd be lucky to even wake up!"

"You should kick your own ass back to last night so that you can apologize to Kim the proper way!"

"Don't tell me what to do with my own life you fu-"

"Stop it this instant!" a voice commanded, and I could see out of the corner of my eye my mother standing in the front door with grocery bags in hand.

I glared at him for a second longer before letting go of him, pushing him away so that he stumbled back.

"Why in the world are you two arguing?" my mother demanded to know and I just huffed, turning my head away at not being able to look at the human version of Barney.

"Well? Someone better answer me."

"She started it!" he said, and I whipped my head at him, glaring daggers.

"I started it? You're the one who butted that big head of yours into my conversation!"

"Its called America," he said.

"No, it's called people's business! Learn to respect it someday and I'm sure it'll come in handy for that common sense and politeness you lack!"

He glared a me and I didn't bother holding back a laugh. Looks like I hit something.

"You're one to talk about politeness! You-"

"Stop it!" my mother said, putting herself between my idiot brother and I, but that didn't stop me.

"Go ahead! Finish your sentence if that little brain you have can handle spewing out anymore bullcrap!"

"That's enough!" my mother said, silencing my brother before he could retort. I let a satisfied smirk claim my lips, knowing I had the last word. He glared at me with such intensity I couldn't help but tease him by pretending to cower under his deathly gaze.

"I'm done," I said, going up the stairs and to my room, letting my hips swing with pride, knowing I had put that egg head in his place.

God my brothers were so annoying! And how dare Mego bring up Kimmie into the conversation. She had nothing to do with any of it and he just dragged her onto the topic. That was low and pathetic. I wish I had the chance to bash his ugly face in to teach him a lesson!

I plopped down on my bed where my iPod laid, and put the earphones on, turning the volume up. Coldplay was playing Paradise and I closed my eyes, trying to drown in the music, wishing that I could be in paradise. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop my thoughts from wandering, I couldn't reach paradise.

I rolled over onto my side, wishing I was at a beach and getting a tan. Ugh, I really needed a vacation because this hellhole was no where near one. Living here during my childhood was even worse. I don't even know how I got through my childhood in this place with this crazy family.

There was not one of us who wasn't at another's throats or a single normal person without a dangerous job, a title to hold, or weird powers. Not to mention there was not one person in my family who had a clean mind and no perverted actions and comments. Now that definitely ran through the family.

I couldn't recall a single family member that hasn't done anything incredible. Our family had a respected name and bloodline that reached far back into history. Heroes, famous bosses, even some to very little, criminals. Yup, I was not the first and only criminal in the family, just probably first in many generations. My parents tried to hide the fact that we had a couple of criminals in our bloodline, but they couldn't hide them from me.

There was a time when I was a kid I had stumbled upon our family book that told of each generation, and when I had come across the criminals of our bloodline I couldn't help but become fascinated. Fighting criminals as a hero was not the only inspiration that made me switch sides as Hego thought. No, it was our own ancestors, and ever since then I never thought about looking back. Not once.

Thinking about my hero days reminded me painfully of my time as Ms. Go. I was aware of everyday I had spent trapped inside that body I could no longer control. I was aware of every feeling, every sappy word that I wouldn't even dare to say, much less think. They were just too cheesy and un Shego like. Ugh, it made me shiver with disgust!

To be honest, there were days when I didn't mind it. I had...gotten close to Kimmie and I realized how much we were so alike even though we were destined to be enemies. We liked the same shops, the same foods, even the taste for art! But at the same time we were different.

She had loving parents who were always there for her, never letting their job get in the way while at the same time making sure that she didn't step out line. They would only gently nudge her in the right direction and never forced her to continue on if she didn't like it. I envied her. Yes, I envied Kimberly Anne Possible, my arch enemy.

And then there was that day I had almost told her something I was harboring for years. I shut my eyes to try and block it out, but my mind wouldn't let me be at peace as it recalled the memory.

"Hego's right, it was good to be on the same side."

I reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, finally making a decision of voicing what I had kept inside me all these years. My mind was screaming no, trying to control my body, but it had other ideas. My tongue would not obey me.

"Yeah, Kimmie, I could tell you this when I was evil- Agghhh!"

Suddenly, a bright light of red consumed my body, sending sharp pains of electricity. I gritted my teeth in pain and when the last of the stinging had stopped, my shoulders slouched forward with exhausted and my body hissed and steamed.

Oh God...I was so close to telling her!

I looked up at Kimmie and glared, the smile no longer on her lips and instead of the warmth in her jade eyes that I had grown accustomed to over the days were filled with shock and reverting to their old ways.

"Mistake! Sorry!" the buffoon said, backing away and reaching for the attitudinator that and fallen to the ground. "Hang on! Hang on! I can fix this!"

But just as he reached for it, a pole had crushed it.

"Shego, I need you!" Dr. D exclaimed from the hovercraft, bumping accidentally into other poles along the way.

I smirked as a ladder dropped down for me. "He needs me. See you later, Kimmie!"

I was lifted off the ground, watching her shrink smaller and smaller as I drifted away. I couldn't believe I had almost told her.

When I opened my eyes I glared at the ceiling, frowning at the memory. Damn, I was so close to telling her...she was so close to knowing. For once I was glad the buffoon existed because he had saved me from a crap load of embarrassment. And I don't think that my mental state would be able to handle all goody two shoes attitude again if I was kept like that.

I rolled over onto my side, heaving out a sigh when the song was gradually coming to it's end. I reached over to my nightstand, grabbing my wallet. Maybe I should go out shopping to help ease my mind. I opened my wallet to check how much money I had on me and saw something sticking out at the back of my wallet in a secret slit I had made. My fingers hesitantly reached for it until I gave in, pulling the picture out. The top of the picture was half burnt, but the rest was still intact, leaving the picture of Kimmie and I untouched.

"What am I going to do with you Kimmie?"

It was late in the morning the next day when I had made my decision. As I placed my hand on the doorknob of my room, I gave it one last look. Memories flooded my mind of my childhood and I let a faint smile claim my lips before I opened the door to leave it behind and to enter back into my adult life, the present.

My brothers were gathered in the living room, playing a card game and they all looked up at me when I had made my entrance. Mego glared at me and I only rolled my eyes as the twins looked at me, I adjusted the duffle bag on my shoulder, not liking being stared at.

"Are you leaving?" Hego asked, setting his hand of cards down on the glass table.

"Isn't it obvious?"

He stood and came over to me with arms spread out. I punched him in his chest, although I found that surprisingly my punch was done halfheartedly.

"You know I don't do the mushy stuff."

He smiled at me and rubbed his chest even though I knew it hardly affected him. "Right," instead he stuck out his hand to me. "It was nice seeing you after all these years sis."

I rolled my eyes and gripped his hand, shaking it firmly. "Yeah, yeah, whatever blueberry."

After I shook hands with my older brother my younger ones didn't bother shaking hands and instead settled for a bear hug. I smirked and patted their heads, they were as tall as me now.

"We'll miss you sis!" they said in unison.

"Make sure you come back," one said.

"So you can meet our girlfriends!" the other completed.

I laughed. "Yeah sure, we'll see."

Everyone turned to Mego who was occupying himself with shuffling the cards, not making eye contact.

"Well I guess I'll go say bye to mom and dad," I said, and began to move, but Mego growled.

"Alright fine!" he said, standing up and approaching me.

I grinned and placed a hand on my cocked hip. "What up, egg plant?"

He glared at me and stuck his hand out, and I shook it firmly.

"See you whenever string bean."

His glare seemed to have softened just for a second, and I pretended I didn't notice. After we let go, he quickly went back to the table, furiously shuffling the cards again. I tried not to laugh as I went to find my mom. Of course she was always where I used to find her, in the kitchen cooking. She always liked spending time in the kitchen, coming up with new recipes to serve to us, and they were actually good. I don't know why she didn't take a culinary class.

Music was playing from the radio of an oldies song and my mom was singing to it as she mixed something on the oven. A delicious aroma filled the air and I inhaled deeply, imagining what the food would taste like. I cleared my throat to announce my presence and she turned around, singing halted.

"I'm leaving," I told her. She looked sad at first but quickly recovered and set the fire on low.

"You're not going to stay a little while longer for the food?" she asked.

I shook my head. No matter how good her cooking was, I had a whole lot of important things awaiting for my return, along with a crap load of mess I had created.

"I need to get back to Middleton," I told her.

She nodded sadly and hugged me. "I'll keep the deal we made, but I hope that we can see each other occasionally..."

I let a faint smile grow on my lips as I hugged her back, trying to remember when the last time was when we had hugged each other like this. Years definitely. Long when I was still with the family.

She held me at arms length and gave my face a good look as if burning it into memory. "You've grown into a fine young woman."

"I know," I said, a smirk playing on my lips.

She hugged me again and whispered into my ear, "Go get her."

When we broke apart I gave her a confused look but she only beamed at me and resumed cooking. Without a word I left her to her job and went off in search of my father, knowing that he had to be in his study.

With slight hesitation I raised my hand up to the wooden door and knocked three times. He didn't answer at first and I thought he might not be in there but then he spoke.

"Who is it?"

"It's me," I said. "I just wanted to say bye because I'm leaving."

Silence.

I was about to leave it at that but then he spoke up again. "Come in."

I turned the doorknob and eased the door open. My sense of smell was smacked with old books and paper, and the faint smell of coffee. I shut the door as quietly as I could behind me and looked about the room, having never been in here before. The walls were all shelves of books, endless and old. In one corner there was a filing cabinet and across from me was my father behind his big desk, scribbling on a paper as he spoke on the phone.

"Yes...yes I understand. Keep on investigating, perhaps you missed something."

He ended the call and set the phone back in it's holder, peering up at me above his rimless glasses. I've never seen him use glasses until now and it made him look like a grandfather reading a book on the porch instead of a grumpy, mean looking father who was interrupted from his work. I swallowed hard.

"I just wanted to say bye," I said.

He just continued to stare at me as if expecting more, but I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there awkwardly, biting my tongue from saying anything stupid and rash like I always do.

"You're not really sick, are you?"

Ah, too late.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Who told you that? I'm in perfect condition for my age."

I tried not to let my jaw drop to the floor, but I felt my shoulder sink a bit. My mom lied to me! She lied to her own daughter! I could literally hear her laughing in my head with an apology.

"Nevermind," I grumbled, trying not to let it get to me. I turned around to head for the door, but my father's voice sliced the air like a sharp knife.

"Wait, Gabrielle."

I turned back around and my father and I saw this look in his eyes that was so unfamiliar to me. The air of authority that he emitted seemed to waver for a moment before easing altogether. My aging father removed his glasses that were perched on the bridge of his crooked nose and turned his gaze to me. That unfamiliar look in his eyes was still there, but only faintly behind his demanding and hard eyes.

"I know we were never on best terms and that we rarely talked, but I'm still your father, and I know I should act like one."

I tried not to act surprise, but I couldn't help it. This side of him was...weird. New to me, a rare side of my father anyone saw. He always kept a mask adjusted securely to conceal his true intentions and thoughts, only voicing them when he had the feeling and knowledge that it would end with a good purpose. But this...this was something else.

"Even though you...chose a different side of the law, I still care for you," he said, his eyes burning into mine. "Just be careful out there."

He held out his aged hand and I looked at him in surprise. "It was nice seeing you again, Gabrielle. Or should I say Shego?"

I smirked at the change of names. He knew that I didn't like being called by my real name anymore because I always believed that Gabrielle was long gone. Shego was born the day Gabrielle died. Shego was the girl...no, woman Gabrielle longed to be.

"Nice meeting you too, dad."

We shook hands firmly and I swore I saw a faint smile on his face. How long ago since I shook hands with my father? How longagog has it been since we were able to hold a civil conversation? Whenever that was, it was a long time ago, and something told me that I had to savor this moment.

I turned around and began walking towards the door, opening it and left his study, left my childhood home, Gabrielle's home. I gave the house one last look before I set off on my way back to Middleton. My new hometown. Shego's home.