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w-oo-t — Fitting In pt1
Published: 2015-05-31 04:20:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 80329; Favourites: 1177; Downloads: 685
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"Can we talk somewhere alone?" Gabriela leaned over the picnic table and whispered to her boyfriend though a rigid, artificial smile."Sure- yeah, of course." They excused themselves from the buzz of the family reunion and walked behind the pavilion. "Hon, are you OK?"
Her smiling mask had fallen, replaced by raw panic. "It was all going so well! I was getting along great with your parents. Then more of your relatives started showing up. We were talking. It was fine. But then as time goes on, I start getting these stern, weird looks for absolutely no reason. Not just from one person, but like, multiple people. Do they think I'm not good enough for you?" Even though no others were within earshot, Gabriela lowered her voice. "Is it because I'm not white?" She was a minority in Location City, but here in Flyover she felt ultra-conspicuously brown.
He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. They were rimmed with tears of frustration. He kissed her forehead tenderly. "No- Gabby, they love you."
She sniffled. "Then why are they giving me these looks? Are you saying I'm just imaging them?"
"Uh," he stalled.
Angry fires stoked in her eyes. "YOU KNOW AND YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME?"
He raised his hands to shield himself from the scorching heat she projected. "Well, and you're gonna think this is ridiculous, but it's probably because you're still on plate number one."
She was expecting a good reason, so she couldn't process this information. "I'm still on the what-now?"
"It's a potluck. Everyone brought food. You're not, uh, enjoying food- their food. If my family looks offended, that's why. If you haven't noticed, we're all big eaters." He patted his keg of a stomach.
It finally sank in. "That's... it? Is that why you were miming at me with the fork earlier?" Gabriela gave a nervous, relieved laugh, then frowned. There was a reason she hadn't partaken much: the selection was sorely lacking. Picnic staples weren't healthy. Tables were altars that sagged under the weight of offerings to the twin gods of fat and carbs. Any fruit was canned and was either ruined by being trapped in whipped cream-slathered fruit salad, or it was suspended in sugary Gel-O. Even the veggies she had salvaged from a prepackaged snack tray were meant to be dipped in ranch dressing. He knew she was picky, why hadn't he warned her? "What am I supposed to eat?"
"I don't know- a hot dog?" He winced as she stuck her tongue out. "Potato salad. Oh come on- try for me."
"For you." Gabriela smiled indulgently.
Fitting In Pt2
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Comments: 81
one of my favorite stories, actually is in the top 3, but after reading the whole sequence for 3 times i was wondering, dude's family also is ''fat''?
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Thanks.
Yup- the Ludsons are a hefty folk. If she stopped at the weight she was in part 3 she would have blended right in.
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Oh... thanks for the additional information
it help me a lot , probably the women on the family are also chubby
when i saw the part 4 i was really surprised , well i hope you would continue with the Scooby Doo's one
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Honestly, I can sympathize with health-nuts, even ridiculous fat fiction straw women designed to be engorged down the line, as there is so many healthy and calorie laden foods to use that you never see in the wasteland of frozen pizza and casual junk they can see from their local Wal-mart in most stories. Where's the buffalo's milk, the avocados and olive oil drenched Mediterranean and seafoods? Hell, I know some of you are JoJo nerds, so where the hell is the squid ink pasta jokes or Trussardi references? There are so much cuisine in this world and yet they never try to use any of it.
But then again, what can I expect when most artists or writers aren't cooks except for the microwavable kind?
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Eh, if you want to read about someone getting fat off of crazy fancy restaurants, there's this
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Sorry if I came off attacking you, but I'm talking about more crossing the line into foodie fantasy of going into near Tolkien chapters lengths in describing how the texture of the food's presentation looked like it was a labor of love; the wonderful mixed aroma of ox heart tomatoes, basil, oregano and mozzarella never leaving the room, yet never oppressive in taking your attention. Simply tickling your senses and letting the tongue only imagine the actual taste of it as it goes in, down and stays in you. The chemical reaction bubbling up as she loved how heavy it felt -- that it wasn't some cheap shit to merely puff her out and to be crammed down like some flavorless gruel, but that it had a distinguishable weight and warmth that only added to her already great mass and branch out with each wonderful moment. The next bite of the Insalata Capresse, a delicate and fresh slice of buffalo milk mozzarella dripped from the plate to the tip of her mouth. And though she regretted missing any of the pale sticky milk trailing off the rest of the Salad of Capri, she had great difficultly in not drinking the the fluffy slice of white down too quickly or else she'd lose the taste of this piece too soon.
However, after the head of the dish went down, the rest of the meal soon shared the same fate as she craved even more.
Y'know, something like that.
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'"Sure- yeah, of course," he wisely consented.'
Try and avoid using flowery speech attribution like this. Simple speech annotation is best- "said" is the best choice 9 times out of 10. This will seem counter intuitive at first, after all, aren't you giving the reader more information by telling us that Gabriela's partner "consented"? Well no. It should already be obvious to the reader that he's consented from what he's said, and it is. Likewise it's obvious that when he says "Uh", he's stalling. Moreover, because of the nature of the English language the attribution usually comes after what someone's said. If you are too forceful with your attribution this can lead to a serious disconnect for the reader- imagine reading 4 lines of placid dialogue followed by "he growled". Oh! He was supposed to be angry when he said that. I better re-read those 4 lines in an angry voice... In other cases, bad speech attribution simply suggest something impossible:
'"For you," Gabriela smiled indulgently.'
How can one "smile" a sentence? While the reader can intuit your meaning, it's not as easily parsed. The previous line is fine, since "winced" is not used as speech attribution.
I know I may be asking a lot but your writing is good and I think by tightening up a few words here and there you could really make it great.
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No, it's asking very little. Thanks for taking the time to write such a well constructed comment. You countered my "b-but more information" argument before I could make it. I feel pressured to maximize reader information due to my word limit, but that doesn't excuse clunky writing. Show, don't tell!
Some of the problems could be solved with simplifying and others with a subtle change in punctuation:
From '"For you," Gabriela smiled indulgently.' to '"For you." Gabriela smiled indulgently.'
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Next time we will move on to an advanced lesson: why all adverbs need to be taken out behind a barn and shot to death.
Of course, whether you've got a small amount of words or a large amount, you should always try to use as few as possible to convey what you mean. In the end, that's how you maximize information in a small space. This is how good books get a lot across in a quick, graceful manner, while other books feel slow and plodding, bundling the information you want in unnecessary words, like the bubble of air between the crust and the meat on cheap fried chicken.
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If she took off the mask...will he die?
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Ahh, good to see another person who knows writingcraft ^__^
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Willing to play along, while letting him know that she's doing him a HUGE FAVOR.
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Always great to see another sequence from you! Although I feel like this girl already has a head start in a couple departments...
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Interestingly, I started drawing from the middle of the series then working my way to the beginning and end. Or did I draw the end first and first last? Dessert first.
Anyways, she needed to be busty for what came later to make sense >:3
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That's an interesting strategy. I've been trying to learn to draw and I'll have to keep that in mind for when (or if) I try to do a sequence.
And that's fair enough. 
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My reactions in sequence:
1) Plz no racism-erino
2) I actually vaguely wanted this to be a woot-trolls-us comic for a moment in the middle here after the plot showed up. Call it the urge to resist peer pressure.
3) Oh, she eats healthy. That's neat. (<- is not actually sarcastic, believe it or not.)
4) No, wait, she's a health food NUT. She thinks she's too good for fruit salad? Ok, get the funnel, we have "instructing" to do.
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1) I wanted to keep it light.
2) It's true that I'm susceptible to trolling, but not this time. Promise!
3) Nothing wrong with that. She's very "eat to live" at this stage.
4) This is how I think after watching people doing negative youtube reaction videos to random junk food like new Oreo flavors or some other countries' candy bars. Treating cookies like they're poison? Go ahead and fuck off.
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Mmm. To me, apple flavored kit kats seem like a great idea, and there's a lot of neat stuff in the global world of food. But what confuses me most are the people who say it's good while they're eating it and then go back and act like the manufacturer is off their rocker for combining such things.
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Every journey begins with a single step (towards the banquet table).
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The prophesies spoke of a bench-bender.
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Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we don't want to have a bunch of leftovers.
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Hah, Gabriela is already pretty curvy, I imagine she's gonna blow up like a balloon once she gets started on junk food...
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It won't be hard with a family full of enablers.
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the combination of cool setting and plot with great art is what makes you so awesome woot
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Thanks- I love me some picnic fare.
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hopefully she'll change her mind after a few hotdogs ^^
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The power of Oscar Meyer compels you!
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The family was staring at her cause...well.....she's just too damn skinny for them! 
She's gotta put some more meat on them bones if she wants to be part of the family. Let's find out in part 2!!
Cause in the world of w-oo-t...fat chicks reign supreme!! 
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Who gave you a crystal ball? :]
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The amazing angus knows all and tells all! Hehhehheh...
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Under normal circumstances she's actually a fairly curvy and busty girl already. It's almost like she has a sexy headstart!
Can't wait for the rest of this series though.
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It's pretty telling that when I draw a "normal" girl, her breasts are still almost as big as her head. It's a good look, but so many others do it that I feel like I don't have to contribute to the already deep pool of images. So girls this size are either relegated to "before" duty or are secondary characters added to contrast with the curvier main girl.
I'm glad you like her though. If she's not cute now, she can't be cute later :]
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The art's all done- just gotta write 'em up. The gaps between installments should be short.
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any girl that turns down a hotdog is more than just picky lol.
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