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webdevelopwolf — Open Your Eyes by-nc-nd
Published: 2005-11-22 14:35:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 384; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 2
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Description Open your eyes,
I've got something to show you,
Pains, truths and lies,
Close them in vanity,
Draw the curtains, turn off the lights,
Disguising my sanity.

Open your eyes, before mine close,
Walk the path,
Where my strength goes,
Best foot forward, stumble and fall,
Wake up, snap back,
Stand up and stand tall.

Open your eyes, see whats not there,
Try to open your heart
And give half a care,
Just because you can't see,
Try to do the impossible,
look and see me.
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Comments: 8

iloveyouinvisibleink [2008-08-29 05:27:10 +0000 UTC]

Once again, I have the same sentiments towards this one as with "Wings to Fly." The simple rhyme scheme I feel oversimplifies the inner struggle of human beings that you are trying to capture.

And I just do not like the last three lines. That ending was like a feathered blow and leaving not so much of a graze.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

beansworth [2005-11-22 14:42:02 +0000 UTC]

Very well done, Wolfi3. The flow is smooth, the rhymes seem natural, and the poem itself is just awesome all around. Really good work. The only bad thing I have to say about it, is I find the commas at the end of every line to be a little distracting when reading it. Fantastic work, though! I'm faving it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

webdevelopwolf In reply to beansworth [2005-11-22 14:44:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks - It's great to get some feedback on my style and rhyme as well as content

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

outminder [2005-11-22 14:38:11 +0000 UTC]

I'm an amnesiac and know how you feel... you have my sympathy my fellow and well done on the poem...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

webdevelopwolf In reply to outminder [2005-11-22 14:39:21 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

Glad you could feel that way - means I'm doing good with my poetry

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

outminder In reply to webdevelopwolf [2005-11-22 14:40:58 +0000 UTC]

tis ok...

You're doing amazingly with your poems if that's how they turn out!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

webdevelopwolf In reply to outminder [2005-11-22 14:43:07 +0000 UTC]

*blushes* thanks - theres some of my other work on here too - check that out too

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

outminder In reply to webdevelopwolf [2005-11-22 14:57:21 +0000 UTC]

will do... just as soon as i've finished my bloody physics work!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0