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Trigger Warning: This fic series contains suicide.

Gods, you loved him.

You cared for him so deeply, it was a burning flame inside your soul that he only fanned with his existence.

Lance Corporal Levi had always held such an important place in your heart – he saved you from certain death on multiple occasions. You were indebted to him; he was everything you were fighting for. The Titans, the traitors, the shifters, none of them mattered. You’d fight through all of them with your bare hands just for a chance to stand at his side.

There were times when you thought he shared the same love for you. Those looks he would send you in the halls, or the times that he would leap to your defence. He read you like an open book, knew you better than you knew yourself, he would know exactly how you were feeling and exactly what to do to cheer you up.

But, for some odd reason, he never seemed to notice the deep adoration you had for him.

You were standing in his office, and it had been nothing out of the ordinary. You’d known each other for years, you were his oldest friend and he yours, it’d only make sense that you spent your time together. You’d get an almost uncomfortable prickly sensation beneath your skin whenever you were close to him. You never could decide if you enjoyed it, or despised it.

His back was to you as he gazed out the window. There hadn’t been a sound between the two of you, but you were so comfortable with each other neither of you minded.

That morning, Levi had come to you declaring there was something important he wished to share with you. The whole day you had been riddled with excitement and anxiousness trying to figure out what it might be.

You didn’t have to wait much longer until he finally found his voice amidst the silence. “Hey… you know I care about you, right?”

Your heart fluttered at his words, but you forced down the happiness threatening to spill out and coaxed him to continue. “Yes?”

A sigh pushed from Levi’s lungs. “What I’m going to say is big; [First], it’s going to change both of us.”

Finally looking you in the face, your old friend strode over to you as he continued his words. But nothing could’ve prepared you for what he said next.

“I’m getting married, [First]. I’m starting a family.”

Your heart felt like it had collapsed in on itself. You felt sick, your head became light and your vision blurred as you resisted the urge to vomit. This entire time you had been pining after him, but only now you learn his heart belongs to someone else? This… was an injustice. You felt cheated, betrayed, but you also knew you were to blame. Maybe if you had stopped being such a coward, maybe if you were the warrior Levi taught you to be, maybe you could’ve told him how you felt. Maybe it would be you he was marrying.

But you loved him, and the last thing you wanted was for him to feel guilty for being happy. All you ever wanted was his happiness. You had hoped he would find it with you, but that seemed impossible now. You forced yourself to smile and fought back the cracks in your voice as you answered:

“Congratulations, Levi.”