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WordOfChen — These Words Aren't Pretty
Published: 2013-01-20 16:35:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 13796; Favourites: 868; Downloads: 189
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These Words Aren't Pretty:My verses are ugly and I admit to the fact
I can't use pretty language when I'm working with rap
Because the things that I write, are just the things that I feel
I ain't an Edgar Allan Poe or a Danielle Steel
And I'll be honest with you, I've got an envy inside
Because some poets got a flow that's as smooth as the tide
I read some stuff that they write, it's just so dope I ignite
Burning shame and my anger at the beautiful sight
And like birds of a feather, they're flocking together
These poets are the Gods and I'm nailed by the weather
But as the rain pours down, lightning resound;
I try to write pretty words but my lips remain bound
So deeply silenced by fear - the darkness I hear,
Afraid to be unloved by the ones I hold dear
I've hit the limit of time; my lyrical crime
These words that I've lived are just turning to grime.
So I wish I had their talent; just a sliver of that
If their skill was a mountain then I've broken my back
It's like the city of Gotham, where my poetry bleeds
I'm just the poet they've got, but not the one they need...
-Chen Yuan Wen, 21st January 2013
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Comments: 128
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These Words Aren't Pretty
I was stoked to see you had returned, and even more so, when I read this piece. You talk about the words you write, and how raw they are, so much so, that they aren't pretty. You look at other Poets work, and compare it to yours, and you find that it isn't the same, smooth feeling. Which is how I feel when I look at your work.
The flow on this piece is brilliant, you present your feelings through a rap verse, filled with truthful emotion. You get by what it is that you wanted to get by.
The truth about the way you feel in this poem is what sets it off the most for me. Because even someone as talented as you, has these feelings. It's something I can relate to, and I feel you did a superb job, to say the least.
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There is a definite feel and rhythm to this piece. It captured me from the start, especially with the kind of references you made. If rap was like this more often than what it is about today (all drinking and smoking and crazy-club-sexy-dance-time and the n-word) then perhaps I would actually listen to more than just Eminem.
But I digress from my point.
You have a talent with writing in your own amazing way. Other writers should inspire you, yes, but you should never feel inferior (or superior) to them; for everyone has their own feel, their own rhythm, and their own experiences to guide their words.
Honestly, I just keep reading this particular poem/rap over and over again because I really like the message and the way you string your words together. I would love to hear this spoken with a beat behind it.
All in all, excellent work.
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Wow, I actually rapped this in my head as I read it. Fantastic!
There are those moments in every poet's or writer's life where he feels like an amateur, unworthy even. But I think that's what keeps us all humble. I'm sure even the greats feel like monkeys with pencils when they compare themselves to some others. Everyone's style is unique, which is why comparisons are woefully inaccurate and prove nothing.
Don't try to imitate someone else, because his audience will compare you to him, and you'll come up short. Keep staying true to yourself, and your own audience will find and appreciate you for you.
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superb this sent shivers down my spine when you read this you feel you can relate to it in a way or maybe that's just me.it makes pictures appear in your head which is what a good writer does and it also makes you think i think or at least it makes me think of something.the poem flows well each line rhymes with the next as if it has almost flowed from the writers tongue onto the computer screen.its almost as the writer is trying to admit something to his/her readers.the writer compares themselves to great poets which they wish they were like.
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This is as most of your work very moving, the only thing is that I didn't get the message from it but I reread it and found a message that made me look into the soul of your work.
Very good, and well done, I would expect this type of writing from someone who puts their heart and soul into it and that is exactly what you do.
I like the fact that each time I read your stories and poems, they have a message and a feeling to them that makes the reader feel like them are the main character or the one being expressing themselves by the poem.
I wish you as always luck on your amazing work.
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It's a lie to say you can't freestyle eloquently.
You see without rules, the verse is free... to fly without limitation,
For we are the fore-runners of innovation.
Sure, there are some that like the words to remain the same,
To see style repeated and for nothing to change.
But in a society of evolution that concept is strange to me.
As a rapper, a thinker, a writer of words, I'm sure we can move on past simple slang
And be one with the birds.
Don't nail yourself to the wall or a cross for that matter,
Throw words at the page and leave the rules in tatters.
For when you try, you see that limitations fall away,
So take the day and say:
This is my world, my words and my right. I am the one with the pen tonight.
Nobody tells me to stay within the lines, nobody confines, nobody defines,
I am the rapper with a thesaurus at hand. I am one of the band, the ones that make a stand.
I am the one that will go my own way. Today. We stay, and we stand together.
In short. Choosing rap as a medium isn't an excuse to choose slang words or simplistic language. If you look at people like "Watsky" or "Dan Bull" or "Epic" (check the three out on youtube) you'll see all use wording that isn't found in mainstream rap music but that flows beautifully.
The answer is flick through a thesaurus at some point. Keep one to hand (even just as a webpage bookmark), look for interesting words to use. Never stop writing.
And I am no great example but these are the sort of rap / free style poems I write: [link]
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Hmmm, I see your point, but I must say. Using a thesaurus lacks feeling. The real rap comes from inside you, from that inborn rhythm. I may not imitate the greats and I may use simple language, but that's what makes me resonate ^^
-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates
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No it doesn't lack feeling. Instead, it gives you more words to express how you feel. And resonating requires striking a chord within others. Being better able to express oneself allows for better resonation. Once again. Go and listen to "Dan Bull", "Watsky" or "Epic" and note how all of those use more than just basic rap language in their rapping and yet it rolls off their tongues without effort.
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In that case I'd just be copying someone else's style. Nah, I'll resonate in my own way using what I've picked up myself. That will be my own style :3
If I try to mimic another style it'll work for awhile, but I won't be able to go beyond myself since I won't know myself. Hence for me, that sort of thing, completely lacks feeling, realism and originality.
-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates
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The problem is when you lock yourself in a box, you resonate only with yourself. You will just rehash the same words over and over without ever expanding or improving...
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That is only assuming you don't learn from other sources 
A lot of poetry that is written terribly can still resonate with a large crowd. Therefore, it is about combining these factors and rehashing them in your own style, that will create a better resonance. Imitation can only go so far and that is what truly locks you in a box. If you have your own style then you can always mould, shape and upgrade it to find a new, better voice. Or at least that has been my experience here (as evidenced from my gallery ^^
-Captain Chen of the Black Fedora Pirates
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First of all, I can't write poetry to save my life, so I'm impressed by anyone who can. But this was so, so good. While reading it, I could hear the rhythm behind it, like it was rapping itself.
I liked the fact that you used simple language to convey the feelings of the piece, because even though individually, the words and phrases are straightforward, they come together to make a much more complex whole. Normally, I don't care for rhyming couplets, but in the context of the piece, combined with its rap-style form, it works really well.
I also like that you chose rap as a way to express your feelings of inadequacy--so many times, rap is used to brag about how awesome the rapper is, and you're using it as an expression of humility and honesty about your own art. (I know there's plenty of rap that's not bragging, but you know what I mean.)
In all, I actually think that in its simplicity, the piece as a whole is, in fact, quite beautiful. It's something that everyone can relate to, and captures the feelings of being unsure about one's place in the artistic world quite eloquently.
Overall, awesome job.
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I can't believe I have to re-write this thing several times, due to me accidentally pressing the escape key when I was trying to get my laptop screen to work.
Anyway, this is a feeling I am incredibly familiar with, as whenever I write something and consider it to be good, I would then read something by Kurt Vonnegut or Stephen King, and then I would come to the crushing realization that compared to them, I'm a mere hack who's probably wasting his own time.
And I remember this feeling of envy well, especially when I try my hand on writing stories or song lyrics, it seems as if compared to my inspirations, my pieces lacked the flow and rich prose so prevalent in their works, that it is nothing but a poor imitation of the original.
Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if my favorite author stumble upon any of my works, he would probably dismiss me as an amateur and they would tell me to stop writing, and all the while I would just pray to even have even a tenth of their writing skill.
Excellent job, Captain. Excellent.
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Captain, you done it again, both amused and impressed me simultaneously. Yes, your writings are "ugly" but they are straightforward, which is to your credit. Nobody can be Edgar Allen Poe, although I tried a few times. Danielle Steele I haven't read yet. Nonetheless, you have that knack that I have read in not too many writers in my acquaintance, and I wish to go on reading.
The first couplet is your usual slanted rhyme, and I appreciate that.
Stanza 3 begins both with the old proverb and that you sued it as a "feminine" or internal rhyme. The remainder is you, tried and true.
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I haven't been on in soooo long and so this was like a straight up present for my return xD Amazing job captain, I really liked the Batman part (and the rest of it too)
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Very cleaver , entertaining and beautiful =]
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I watch a lot of poets and different artists. I've only got three that truly inspire me, you, *BittersweetObsession , and ~Eonlie There are others that I wish I could write like, but you three are the ones I look up to.
What I like about this piece, is that it can relate to a lot of stuff. When I was reading this through, it made me think on how I've changed. I used to be a lot different. Something happened, like nothing bad or anything, but it did get me into a bit of trouble with some friends, and my friend sat me down and talked to me about it. Looking back, it was only this summer past, but I've changed a lot. I remember I kept saying I was gonna, but never really did when I tried to, and then one day, it was like, hey! I'm completely different! When did this happen?
hehe Long comment is long.
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Oh my goodness! Chills!! I absolutely love this so much! This is so real and completely genuine...
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I think this is fantastic! For what it's worth, I tend to be the "pretty word" poet but often wish I could loosen up a bit and write with a more current flare, as you have done. It felt liberating reading it, despite your words describing otherwise. Great job!
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your perfect word just pierced my heart,
pulp fiction style, struck from the start.
hard core rythm and a sexy soul,
suffice to say you reached your goal.
lol i just came up with a little verse, your creativity is pretty overwhelming, and im just standing here wowed by people better than me.
Thanks for brightening my day, im happy now.
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I LOVE THIS! It's amazing, and actually when I read the word "rap", I thought what this would sound like if I rap while I read this. Anyway, great job!
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This applies to most people so it's easy to relate to.
Nice job Captain! c:
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im not a poet im a song writer but i see what u mean. the hardest part isnt the writing its what you are trying to show people about urself in ur own way. through that is when it flows through ur body mind heart and soul ever changing the way u think and through that you are being YOU!
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i aso wouldnt mind it u looked at my journal entries and see what i mean
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Is it bad that Dan Bull sings your raps in my head?
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WordOfChen -- I like you writing. FAV. it as well. As a fellow writer I wouldn't mind you looking over my piece and giving your thought and opinion on it.
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i really liked i actually started rapping it in my head, but for some reason i kept replacing "as smooth as the tide." with as steady as the rain. i'm not saying that i don't like it the way it is because i really do like it. my brain just does stuff like that sometimes. it can be hard to read things lol. but i think you have a lot of talent.
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Glad to see you're back Capn'.
Recently something like this literally just happened to me.
I came to the same realization that you're good at what you're good at, and that's what you should write about.
I dig the vibe from this piece.
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Astounding, they flow brilliantly and they rhyme perfectly. You are very talented
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It sounds much, much better out loud than it does it my head. And you know what? All of this makes so much more sense to me. I found line 6 to be ironic, because from reading this out loud you have an excellent flow.
Here you are in control.
And it had to be the title that drew me here of all things as well as the line: "I can't use pretty language when I'm working with rap". Somehow I can't help that the mainstream "world's" view of modern hip-hop was a factor. Or maybe that's just me.
Sweet shit, though.
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Okay, gotta follow up my first impression here:
I have never before stopped and read a whole piece of poetry and liked it at the end, But this... I liked this from the start. It is really good.
Tried to rap it two times (I am surely not the first one to try it either.)
So glad to see something as good as this on the frontpage, that just makes me stop scrolling down.
Dude, I'm one of your new watchers.
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How could you be insecure of you work?? You have a poem on the front page at least once a week! I wish I had half of your skills!
This is really good. X3 I was sort of reading it like a rap
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I usually don't read poetry on DA, partly because soe of it doesn't sound well and partly because I want to writ. I want to be able to say the things others do, but everytime I write it feels like plagerism. So take it as a compliment when I say, yours are the only lyrics I read ^^ Usually I stumble across them by default, because a word or a title attracts my attention, yet without fail you are the author of the pieces I click on. Just thought you should know ^^ and I still love the whole pirate thing; think I've said it before xD
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I actually rapped this. This is possibly one of the coolest things ever, and I think it's great that you put your thoughts into this xD
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This is so very awesome! I'm totally watching you. Just so you know, you are a great poet. I look up to people like you!
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im trying to rap this out loud by first i must remember it since its so good!
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