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YouInventedMe β€” given up by ghosts
Published: 2009-08-31 19:32:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 7260; Favourites: 138; Downloads: 38
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Description I want a wreck I
can connect with

some un-
settled sun
to be sung
and soon strung
from
strings

previously
unattached

a heartsong
plucked
in resplendent
collapse

breath snatched
in gasps
hands clasped
spanning gaps
and gulfs
engulfed
in our
grasp
a long longing
that laughs
as it lasts

we'll make
memories
(a thing
ofthe past)
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Comments: 194

YouInventedMe In reply to ??? [2020-01-16 00:45:28 +0000 UTC]

Haha. Thanks. Great to hear from you.

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JessaMar [2019-02-16 15:51:47 +0000 UTC]

This is lovely... I really like the title, as well.

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YouInventedMe In reply to JessaMar [2019-02-16 17:50:15 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much on both counts.

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QuirkyCuriousBex [2019-02-05 18:40:50 +0000 UTC]

You make me want to get back into writing poetry... and here I was trying to get back into drawing. Thanks for that, Shane! Haha, but seriously, this is just beautiful.Β 

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YouInventedMe In reply to QuirkyCuriousBex [2019-02-05 21:26:53 +0000 UTC]


Thank you for all of that.

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LiliWrites [2019-01-23 06:20:46 +0000 UTC]

Another one knocked right out of the park, Shane. Your opening is fantastic, the rhythm is always on point, and all that delicious word play ("breath snatched/ in gasps/ hands clasped / spanning gaps" ) is just delightful.Β 

So, remind me when your book is coming out again?

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YouInventedMe In reply to LiliWrites [2019-01-23 16:47:32 +0000 UTC]

Β  You are too kind.

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Zivylla [2019-01-20 22:38:52 +0000 UTC]

Wow!! This reminds me completely with how I connect to people...

"I want a wreck I can connect with"

DAMN RIGHTΒ 

"previously unattached"

YESSSSSS

No words can tell you, how much I love your poetry Such a beautiful, real, and tangibly human way of writing <3

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YouInventedMe In reply to Zivylla [2019-01-21 02:26:38 +0000 UTC]

Very sweet of you. Thank you.

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Zivylla In reply to YouInventedMe [2019-01-21 08:50:10 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome!!

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freyaintranslation [2019-01-16 18:39:44 +0000 UTC]

Such abandonment! Explosively emotive and the images are heart stopping.Β  Β  So unique.

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YouInventedMe In reply to freyaintranslation [2019-01-17 05:11:47 +0000 UTC]

Very kind of you. Thanks so much.

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Moonbeams [2019-01-16 05:42:23 +0000 UTC]

There's so much to love in this (I particularly love the first three stanzas).Β  And the rhythmic alliteration is a bonus. Β 

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YouInventedMe In reply to Moonbeams [2019-01-17 05:11:19 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much. Always nice to a get a positive reaction on older work.

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rhunel [2019-01-12 22:56:54 +0000 UTC]

Β 

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YouInventedMe In reply to rhunel [2019-01-13 21:28:24 +0000 UTC]

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Tiger--eyes [2019-01-12 21:39:03 +0000 UTC]

Oh, also...

if I'm writing about her and
she's writing about him, should he
be writing about me?

I like to think that this sort of agony is where Leonard Cohen’s β€œFamous Blue Raincoat” came from.

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YouInventedMe In reply to Tiger--eyes [2019-01-13 03:55:46 +0000 UTC]

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Tiger--eyes [2019-01-12 21:21:47 +0000 UTC]

Ah, those opening lines! You’re a beautiful personβ€”and a word wizard, to boot. The sound in this is amazing. I’m going to keep reading it aloud until I get it right.

My favorite part:

a long longing
that laughs
as it lasts

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YouInventedMe In reply to Tiger--eyes [2019-01-13 04:02:19 +0000 UTC]

You are just the best.


Thank you.


I worked all day/night & am back at 8am, so

I'm going to try the whole sleep thing immediately

(I am not good at sleeping), but tomorrow you will

be visited by three spirits... and/or possibly get all

the comments I wanted to leave today.


πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Tiger--eyes In reply to YouInventedMe [2019-01-13 19:17:55 +0000 UTC]

Jesus. I hope you got some rest.

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YouInventedMe In reply to Tiger--eyes [2019-01-13 21:22:06 +0000 UTC]

I got a little, but more importantly, I got some delicious

poke after work and (for now) am feeling revitalized.


(This comment is just a flurry before the coming storm.

I hope it doesn't hurt your head.)

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Tiger--eyes In reply to YouInventedMe [2019-01-14 15:53:31 +0000 UTC]

Just my cheeks!

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Joesmo25 [2019-01-12 12:14:00 +0000 UTC]

damn, that's great.Β  It goes about with a fun, springy cadence.Β 

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YouInventedMe In reply to Joesmo25 [2019-01-12 15:48:12 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, sir.

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iambtru [2019-01-12 05:07:12 +0000 UTC]

Wow! I love the consonance and assonance; the poem seems to trip along, bouncing along joyfully. I love the line β€œa heart song plucked in resplendent collapse”. Wonderful work!

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YouInventedMe In reply to iambtru [2019-01-12 05:20:57 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, my friend. Much appreciated.

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PermanentlyExhausted [2019-01-12 04:04:52 +0000 UTC]

he should probably be writing about you

as logic goes.

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YouInventedMe In reply to PermanentlyExhausted [2019-01-12 04:25:38 +0000 UTC]

Indeed, but the heart pays no heed.

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PermanentlyExhausted In reply to YouInventedMe [2019-01-12 17:38:17 +0000 UTC]

one of the truest things

ever spoken.

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poetzzz [2016-08-22 02:11:49 +0000 UTC]

Reminds me of my own, 'Holy Gulf'. I don't understand the parentheses. Seems to radically promote the moment's experience, dismissing the past's "un-settled".

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licoricefactory [2010-01-12 11:07:37 +0000 UTC]

nice

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YouInventedMe In reply to licoricefactory [2010-01-13 01:16:16 +0000 UTC]

thanks!

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Aadea [2009-11-23 01:52:24 +0000 UTC]

Allll I can do is grumble

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YouInventedMe In reply to Aadea [2009-11-24 01:59:17 +0000 UTC]

grumble all you want
just be the purple
to my blue

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LNIN9 [2009-11-06 10:31:55 +0000 UTC]

a heartsong
plucked
in resplendent
collapse

the comments are agreeable...understandable..

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YouInventedMe In reply to LNIN9 [2009-11-11 01:57:57 +0000 UTC]

thank ya, luke

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cutelilkittie [2009-11-04 05:40:41 +0000 UTC]

I was wondering why I didn't comment your poetry when I favorite it at the time, but it turns out I was just speechless every time I read it over ha ha

Great poem

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YouInventedMe In reply to cutelilkittie [2009-11-04 22:54:47 +0000 UTC]

thank ya much

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cutelilkittie In reply to YouInventedMe [2009-11-07 03:27:56 +0000 UTC]

you're welc- *becomes speechless again from reading it*

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schriftsteller [2009-10-27 03:32:04 +0000 UTC]

You continue to amaze me. The beat in this is magnetic-- you just can't stop until it's over. Then, once it is, you wish it'd go on forever.

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YouInventedMe In reply to schriftsteller [2009-11-02 00:14:03 +0000 UTC]

thanks, love.

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schriftsteller In reply to YouInventedMe [2009-11-03 00:37:27 +0000 UTC]

But of course.

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thefireflyliberation [2009-10-12 06:56:30 +0000 UTC]

you really are just genius.

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YouInventedMe In reply to thefireflyliberation [2009-10-13 00:09:43 +0000 UTC]

thanks very much

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iamchlorine [2009-10-04 18:08:09 +0000 UTC]

I can see this one.
It unfolds magnificently.

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YouInventedMe In reply to iamchlorine [2009-10-04 20:03:10 +0000 UTC]

thanks, love

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en-couleur [2009-10-04 06:09:09 +0000 UTC]

i'd love to hear this spoken live. has a good flow.

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YouInventedMe In reply to en-couleur [2009-10-04 06:16:43 +0000 UTC]

please do read aloud
as you read anything I write
...I do as I write it
and the line breaks etc
are set up for maximum recital
quality

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VetchVespers [2009-09-23 16:16:46 +0000 UTC]

I love those last 4 lines.

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