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YouInventedMe — tread quiet, tread deep
Published: 2009-01-14 19:48:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 2819; Favourites: 112; Downloads: 16
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Description
night is the stale scentof collected breaths
leaving the light on
in spite of despising it
the almost never silent
the blood
and the body
hope is a half-truth
hope lies in hiding it
the days rest their weight
in the lines of your face
imperfect permanence
they age
and they ache
skin's a scribbled-on postcard
sincere and unsent
and a memory's
forever
(where you left it)
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Comments: 149
"Her indifference fills the room..."
Sometimes we spend far too much time
reading the words scratched into the skin of others,
and neglect the writing on our own.
Thank you for reminding me.
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leaving the light on
in spite of despising it
Those lines were the truest for me. ^-^
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mmm <3
"skin's a scribbled-on postcard
sincere and unsent"
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Stunning and sincere. I love it, especially the rhythm.
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your imagery and similes are deliciously evocative. I love this, particularly "skin is a scribbled on postcard" and the final line and the despised light that is left on - a wonderful psychological detail.
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thanks very much
xo!
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you are welcome
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This reminds me of someone waiting for someone to call, sitting in some cheap motel somewhere late at night. The atmosphere this piece conjures is almost tangible, excellent stuff.
Also,
I especially love this:
skin's a scribbled-on postcard
sincere and unsent
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i love the atmosphere of this poem.
"night is the stale scent
of collected breaths"
gorgeous,=.
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DAMN, shayshay.
this one is like a 1,2 punch or something. great piece.
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Tastes good to read it.
very. . . human; which might sound obvious or plain, but you make it a beautiful story.
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thank you very much
nice to hear from you
xo!
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My regrets for taking so long.
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shall we play the fav game once again ... ? i kinda miss it ...
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if the mood strikes you
xo!
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one fact for one fav? remember?
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the days rest their weight
in the lines of your face
imperfect permanence
they age
and they ache
I absolutely adore how that flows!
Your writing amazes me and takes my breath away
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You had my attention at the first stanza, hhaha.
If the memories would only stay still long enough from me to mend them.
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thanks.
and I feel you feel you feel you
on the memory thing. well said.
xo!
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the ending makes me bawl,
it screams like pretty circles. crop circles maybe
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what a wonderful thing to say.
thank you.
xo!
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and a memory's
forever
where you left it
And if i can't remember where i left it?
Great piece, wonderful structure. Flows nicely and leaves an image of staring at the ceiling wondering where the world went.
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haha. thanks you.
also, I am thrilled with your description,
as I was laying in bed, unable to sleep
(which is a normal problem for me, as you
can see), and starting at the ceiling when
I wrote this.
xo!
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i'm not sure what it means but it flows and sounds deep and meaningful *wishes i knew what i meant*
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beautiful, you've got an amazing way with words.
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imperfect permanence
they age
and they ache
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oh man, you are my Jesus.
everything you write, i jut feel so connected to. like your words stick to the soles of my shoes.
hey that rhymed : D
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oh, my! thanks so much.
this comment is new my
jeebus.
xo!
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