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zephyrus7 β Riven
Published: 2004-04-11 22:35:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 430; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 61
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Description
As this angel in front of me opens her heartThe darkness inside me relinquishes
And all I am left with is a vision of hope
Of love, of kindness, of beauty, of trust
All my woes and doubts submit
To the newfound strength of my soul
Reinforced by the love surrounding me
So pure, flawless in every respect
The dust blown away from the statue,
She comes to life at once, and all is forgiven
Dream becomes reality, and all that was riven
Has been fixated forever inside my brain
But all those fragments have been mended again
And here before me stands this angel
An ideal of everything I ever dreamed of
And for onceβ¦.
I am content with my life
Aug. β03
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Comments: 19
I too always have a lot to say when writing about someone I love and you really have said some great things. Beautifully written and structured
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lol thank you! My feelings are still generally exaggerated in my poems...lol, and this is a prime example of exaggeration. Ah well, exaggeration for effect I always say. Thanks for stopping by!
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My boyfriend never does things like that for me
This is a little mushy for my liking but ...it is well written
laura
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I'm sure he his own little things that he does that make you smile though, right? lol Laura is the name of my girlfriend...you have a good name!
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i like it~ its a very sweet and straightforward piece~ very clear what you want to say, i like the flow of the poem, very smooth up until the last couple of lines in the poem.
specifically, these two lines:
"...Has been fixated forever inside my brain
But all those fragments have been mended again..."
i stumbled on the fixated forever in my mind- maybe a different word for fixated, the line after that i find a bit too wordy, maybe shortening it into something like: "but these fragments are mended before me."
the ending line too, i have a slight problem with, i feel you used to weak a word by using "content", maybe using a stronger word would help give a bigger impact/impression~ give it a strong finish
hope i've helped
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Hey thanks a lot 
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i was thinking the exact same thing at the same time.
then we broke up a month later.
but this is very good. it sums up exactly how true love feels.
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ah...yea we broke up about a month later too! weird lol
thanks
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It's been done before, but it's got true emotional touches in it. I won't say it's my favorite poem of all time, but it's not half bad. ^^
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lol yea pretty .... traditional I'd say! Thanks for the comment though, any crit / help / praise / advice is always welcome
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hey thanks
Heartfelt kinda stuff, hehe
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Aww.. I wish i could always go back to writing stuff like this
Damn the real world!! Arr Pain!!!! x,x
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lol I do too...i just found it in a notebook from ages ago and decided to post it. Haven't been able to write that kinda stuff for bout half a year now! 
~Zephyrus7~
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Stole your idea!?!? Shock horror! How? I wrote that last August 
How did i steal ur idea? Now i'm just confused!
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Changing the preview pic
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