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zero-code — Lost on the corner of White...
Published: 2005-11-07 07:38:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 74; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 5
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Description I found you,
lying upon the pavement
so cracked and torn.
I plucked from your resting place,
unfolding your wings like butterfly.
Who were you in days of glory?
What happened to make you so empty?
Your skin so weathered with age.
Face marked with a name.
A band?
A drug?
Under your left wing a person,
a star.
Carelessness landed you here
baking in July sun.
Did he know you were left behind?
like fallen soldiers on the battlefield.
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zero-code - untitled
Comments: 12

zero-code [2005-12-06 23:18:11 +0000 UTC]

here's a revision of this. tell me what you guys think.

On the corner of White and Range

I found you,
lying upon the pavement
so cracked and torn.
I plucked from the earth,
unfolding your wings like a butterfly
about to take flight.
Who were you in days of glory
What happened to make you so empty
Your skin so weathered with age.
Carelessness landed you here
baking in July sun.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Rickbw1 [2005-11-16 16:39:12 +0000 UTC]

Pretty good.

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zero-code In reply to Rickbw1 [2005-11-16 22:09:44 +0000 UTC]

danka, it needs a ton of work though.

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Rickbw1 In reply to zero-code [2005-11-16 23:29:53 +0000 UTC]

isn't all art a neverending work in progress. i'll have to stop by and read some more.

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zero-code In reply to Rickbw1 [2005-11-17 05:15:08 +0000 UTC]

yeah...you're welcome to read anytime

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Rickbw1 In reply to zero-code [2005-11-17 12:54:01 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.... and I will

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zero-code In reply to Rickbw1 [2005-11-17 22:55:15 +0000 UTC]

good.

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B-x0 [2005-11-07 22:34:57 +0000 UTC]

Thats pretty<3 Your choice of words are beautiful to me: ))

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zero-code In reply to B-x0 [2005-11-08 00:14:49 +0000 UTC]

danka. i work shopped this thing today and it got torn apart. i need to re-write it.

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AAnti-Thesiss [2005-11-07 08:10:02 +0000 UTC]

I like this one. Has some tones of loss it seems to me. You seem to like them short but sweet lol. I don't make much of a critic myself unfortunately

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AAnti-Thesiss In reply to AAnti-Thesiss [2005-11-09 03:34:23 +0000 UTC]

lol that is sheer beauty man.. Good play on words

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zero-code In reply to AAnti-Thesiss [2005-11-07 21:04:53 +0000 UTC]

s'ok. i used the idea of someone finding someone's (my) wallet on the side walk of my street.

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