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#couple #daz3d #iray
Published: 2020-03-19 13:30:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 2887; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 61
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“Yeah, I didn’t make that decision lightly, but I was so frustrated and disappointed, well,...and shocked even,....I knew that it wasn’t gonna be working.”Bonnie looked into my eyes, as if she was searching for proof for what I’d just said. As if she was looking for confirmation that I’m not the bastard, she probably still thought I was.
“Hmm...ohhkayyy....that’s consequent. Respect.” Saying this, she nodded, just a little bit, and I was sure, I’d seen a fleeting smile on her lips.
“Look, Coop, I gotta go. Errmm....yeah...see you.”
She got up, but before she could turn around to leave, I said: “Just one more thing...errmm...I still owe you some money and...”
“Yeah, fifty bucks. You still remember? Really?” She seemed amused.
“Mhhmm, I do. So...I wanted to ask if I could perhaps....I mean....if you would..” -With an eager look she raised an eyebrow- “Can I invite you to dinner?”
Again she looked straight into my eyes longer than I thought was necessary, but I didn’t shy away, and so I could see how she suddenly raised her defenses.
But,.... I’d probably caught a glimpse of who was hiding behind her armour.
“You know my price tag, right? That would cost you a pretty penny!” While she said that, she avoided eye contact but her voice had taken on a condescending tone again.
Somehow I’d anticipated this. “Yep”, I nodded friendly, “that’s ok.”
Judging by her expression, that was not the answer she'd expected.
“Errmm..Cooper, that’s like five hundred or so. You’re an unemployed ex-cop. You’re sure?”
You’re not shaking me off that easy, I thought and, still smiling, replied, ”Of course I am! Just let that be my concern. And for the record, I'm an ex-cop, yes, but I never said, I'm unemployed.”
She shook her head disbelievingly but finally agreed amused, “Ok ....well, if you say so...tomorrow night then.. ....See you.”
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Comments: 16
geramdrir [2020-03-20 16:16:44 +0000 UTC]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AlexHellmann In reply to geramdrir [2020-03-21 07:13:57 +0000 UTC]
I’ve thought about the best method of telling this narrative further for a bit, before I started.
The dialogue-only form has, in my eyes, the advantage to keep the style dynamic and fluent but lacks of ways to describe additional aspects. How to explain a scene beyond the visual, when you’d like to include things like scents or emotional details or thoughts or sounds and so on?
So, as much as I prefer the dialogue for short stories spanning over just a few panels (and Bonnie’s night out was already too long for that after all), it would not have been the best choice for this little tale.
Thank you much for your comprehensive thoughts.
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
geramdrir In reply to AlexHellmann [2020-03-27 19:59:11 +0000 UTC]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AlexHellmann In reply to geramdrir [2020-03-28 15:15:32 +0000 UTC]
That’s the culprit indeed.
To just have one detailed first person view. I’ve been pondering already, whether or not I should try and ask one of the wonderfully talented female writers around here to take over the first person part for a femal protagonist. However, I’ve shied away from doing this because of the enormous effort in coordination. Maybe I’ll come back to this idea one day.
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
geramdrir In reply to AlexHellmann [2020-03-28 18:48:16 +0000 UTC]
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AlexHellmann In reply to geramdrir [2020-03-29 12:16:13 +0000 UTC]
I’m skeptical either, as to how this could work.
Provided I get into the mood to pursue this idea, I’ll give it some more thorough consideration.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
geramdrir In reply to AlexHellmann [2020-03-30 12:20:53 +0000 UTC]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
TawnyT [2020-03-19 22:40:32 +0000 UTC]
And I also thought he was unemployeed. For sure, that increases his chances with Bonnie. And maybe Bonnie will learn that there are still men who are worth trusting.
captivating storytelling and as I already mentioned at the other images I really like the atmospheric illustration ...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AlexHellmann In reply to TawnyT [2020-03-20 08:03:39 +0000 UTC]
It was just obvious to believe, he wouldn’t have a job.
But I’ve thought out something different.
To gain Bonnie’s trust would certainly be a long trip. We’ll see, if wants to go that path and if he does, if he succeeds.
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LmAnt [2020-03-19 18:31:54 +0000 UTC]
I'm lazy and just copy berseh
Again she perfectly hit the nail!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
berseh [2020-03-19 17:38:33 +0000 UTC]
I'm curious: What's his new job?
Alex you're very good with dialogs. Your story is cute and captivating at the same time. How you make each character give in or go forward is very well done.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AlexHellmann In reply to berseh [2020-03-19 20:30:27 +0000 UTC]
They might discuss his occupation during their time in the restaurant or maybe later. But it will become a topic.
Thank you B. Your kind words are encouraging.
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berseh In reply to AlexHellmann [2020-03-19 20:43:43 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome Alex. I'm really enjoying your series.
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