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(( Sorry for the length, have to go to the dentist but wanted to finish this in time!))

" Uncultured swine!? What the hell does that even mean!?" Alfred exclaimed to no one in particular as he swung open the large door to his Glade Apple Pie scented home. He has just been on another date with (y/n), and his attempts to woo and impression his significant other had fallen flat. Almost as quickly as he now fell onto his red, white, and blue bed, pulling his stuffed Eagle ("George") in close. He was in dire need of some Americone Dream ice cream to fill the hole in his heart.

It had been their fifth date to the 50's themed diner, Johnny Rockets, when (y/n) had made the brutally wounding, malicious comment.

" Y'know one day I am going to get tired of burgers and shakes for every date, we should branch out."
" What's wrong with burgers and shakes!?"
" Nothing but... why don't we try something new! Expand our horizons you uncultured swine!"

Oh sure, they had said it lovingly enough, smiling up at him with those big (e/c) eyes as they ever so innocently sipped on their shake. As if they were completely oblivious to the crushing offensive blow they had just delivered to him. How was it possible for someone to get tired of burgers!? Ever since he mastered the burger he had been eating them every single day of his life. There were so many ways to make a burger, if they were getting tired of the original why didn't they order a double layered, or mushroom swiss, or baconator, or whatever. Put fries on the inside or four different types of meat. There had to be some mistake. The love of milkshakes and burgers had no expiration date!

And yet, there (y/n) was... denying a shared passion for the double decker heart clogging goodness.

Looking around his room and the freedom blue walls, his rolling waves of grain carpet, the ceiling fan with attached miniature flags, it slowly began to seep into his soul like 60's horror movie sludge. Maybe he was a little bit mono-cultural.

He had to find someway to redeem himself.

His first thought: More america!
His second thought: (after realizing that's what got him here in the first place) was simply to deny that he was uncultured, but that would be hard to do while clutching Commander and Chief George the Eagle.
But his THIRD thought was golden:

" I'll give (y/n) the most culture packed day anyone as ever seen!"

~~~~ This time skip was brought to you by SOUTHERN MOTHER FECKING DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICANS ~~~~~

" Are you ready for this (y/n)!?"
"Y-yeah? I mean YEAH!"

There was good reason for (y/n)'s hesitance. Alfred was a good man but he had a 'go big or go home' policy for pretty much anything he ever did during the entirety of his life. Most of the time when he had a surprise, it was something ridiculous. Like the time he adopted a whale, or built his own car ( that kind of sorta worked) with no mechanical background, or when he ordered a 600 pound cake as a birthday present. Point is, Alfred can sometimes go a little overboard.

He had shown up on the doorstep earlier that morning wearing the most ridiculous ensemble you had ever seen him in...and that's saying something. He wore a German soccer team jersey, a large stereotypical Chinese hat, polished Italian dress shoes, Russian and Japanese flag patterned socks, and French pants. Or, at least you assumed they were French by how extra tight they appeared on him.

If that wasn't weird enough you were now blindfolded in the car riding to a mysterious destination. It sounded ominous enough but it was really just the park. It was reliving and confusing, it didn't help when he said something about other countries eating outside a lot in an attempt to explain his logic. He had a pretty...unique idea of the rest of the world, (y/n) blamed the media.

On the bright side, the evening was a lovely one. The sky was all but devoid of clouds. Those that remained were long and wispy like cotton candy being pulled from the spindle, the effect only being heightened by the soft pink glow that the growing sunset painted on their bellies. Even the chosen location, a patch of thick blue green grass atop of a cleared hill with a singular, towering White Oak, was perfection. Despite it being summer the temperature was warm but forgiving with a cooling breeze that did just enough to bring comfort without chilling or disrupting. The weather seemed to be simpatico with their date.

However, the large quilt made out of miniature flags covered in Panda Express takeout was a bit of an eyesore.

" Comrade!" Alfred yelled as he motioned his arms out dramatically to the "international spread". It was something he heard Russia use a lot, so he figured it must be pretty Russian, and technically it was...

Pulling (y/n) over by the hand he helped get them situated before going over to a large vinyl player ( he thought everything vintage had to be British) and began to play "Ma Belle Evangeline" from The Princess and the Frog, the epitome of French music.

"So what do you think? Am I still uncultured swine?" He asked with a smug grin spread across his face. Surely this had to have worked. There was no possible way he could have packed any more seemingly authentic culture into the picnic.
As a response, (y/n) slurped up a noodle from the box and as it entered their mouth with a 'pop!', kissed Alfred on the cheek.

" Hah! I'm taking that as a 'no Alfred, you're the cooliest most culterist person ever!' "
" Oh no, you're definitely the most uncultured person I've ever met. I just love you."

And there is was. What mad everything all worth it. Was hearing those three words. For all of the suffering he endured, the countless meetings, all the fighting, he would do it all over again to this point. Eating faux Chinese food in the most ridiculous get up he had ever worn, listening to Disney music with not even a real sentence of French in it, with his number one.

" So can we go back to burgers...please?"
" OH HELL YEAH!"