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arrowmaker — Familiar
Published: 2007-05-16 03:00:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 144; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 5
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After substantial arguement over what kind of familiar Ili would give her four-year-old daughter, (Ili refused a horse, squirrel, bird, and monkey) they agreed on a wolf. (I realize he looks more like a hell hound) Ili has decided that it's not even worth it to try to change Xena's mind about the name.
Don't get me wrong; Ili loves her daughter to death, but some days....
Ili and Xena (c) Me
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Comments: 27
Oh dear oh dear. Stinky! 
I think this is why Kia never got a familiar. She was something of a Mary-Sue in her early years, so wanted a cute little wolf cub. Unfortunately, her aunt would not allow the muddy paws into her house.
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To be fair, he'll be renamed Sti in later years when she realizes her mistake.
You know, if Kia still wants a familiar when she's older, Ili has some more spells. But she refuses squirrels, horses, marmosets, and birds.
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Oh yes, it really does. It's an expression my characters are all too familiar with.
Kia says she's considering it, but is still trying to regain her strength after having her body taken over by a psychotic 2000-year-old murderess and does not believe herself fit to look after an animal.
(Any particular reason she refuses them? I'm curious now.
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I don't doubt it.
Psychotic murderess? It wasn't one of Ili's ancestors, was it?
Birds: An enemy mage's bird familiar took out her right eye.
Marmosets: A marmoset stole her clothes.
Squirrels: As told by Adin; "This happened sometime in the first month after Ili was ressurected. She was camping out in the forests of Amn. She had recently got into a rather nasty fight with a wild boar, and some of its blood was left on her clothes. While she was waiting for her shirt and boots to dry, she sat under the tree in her pants and her bra, meditating in order to regain some of her spells. A squirrel in another tree took that moment to leap towards the tree that Ili was sitting under. Unfortunately, it missed the branch and fell, landing right inbetween Ili's boobs. Tan was asleep at the time, and woke up to the sound of Ili's shrieking. When he asked what was wrong her reply was, "THERE'S A F***ING SQUIRREL IN MY T***!!!!" She threw the squirrel against the tree, where it was knocked unconscious by the impact. Ili glared at the stunned creature and hissed, "I hate the surface," before storming off."
Horses:
Ili: *running from guards in her first year on the surface* *jumps onto a horse* Let's go, Seabiscuit.
*The horse runs out the door. Unfortunately for Ili, she does not duck in the doorway, hitting her head on the door mantle and sailing off the horse, landing in a sticky brown substance*
Ili: ...I sincerely hope this is mud.
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It'll probably spoil what will happen in the sequel, but if you want to know, I'll tell you. Just don't read this next paragraph if you would rather wait - although given my writing speed, it will be a fantastically long wait.
Kia leaves Neverwinter when the adventure is over, a bit angry at everything that's happened. She doesn't get to say goodbye to Peregrine or Kyral, because both of them are in rather massive trouble. So she's generally a little bit fed up with life. When she arrives in Hilltop, she meets a guy. His name is Reuben, he's a half-elf and he has no surname. The two seem to click immediately, and eventually they get together. When Kia has to go find the artefacts, which she inevitably does, Reuben goes with her and Dorna. Unfortunately, he is completely under the slightly insane thumb of Aelaeri, a 2000-year-old woman who killed the man she had to marry on their wedding night (yes, that girl from Regret. She lives inside a knife, and speaks to him in his dreams because they've been in such close contact for so long. And it turns out that she liked the look of Kia's body. So Reuben knifes her in the arm (a non-fatal wound) so that Aelaeri can exit the knife and get into Kia. It's a sub-plot throughout the SoU fic and the HotU fic - Kia versus Aelaeri.
There. Spoilery ends here.
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I like it, but I have one question. Is Rueben still the son of you-know who? And if so, how does that all tie into this?
Kind of sad really. Her daddy's a ranger, so by rules of genetics she should be lucky in SOME regards. But I guess her branch was cheated.
Ili arched an eyebrow and said, "What kind of lessons?"
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No, he isn't any more. I changed that bit. Now he's just a semi-insane slave to a completely cracked elf lady. (And no, I don't mean Kyral.
Oh dear. 
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Aw, I think he would be an awesome slave to a cracked Kyral.
Ili: I do not kill everything in sight! *gasp* SQUIRREL! *shoots a lightning bolt at it* Damned little rodent. *covers her chest protectively*
Good luck Kia. As a start, I recommend not suggesting that someone polymorph Aiden or Corran into a squirrel.
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Reuben/Kyral was a (slightly insane and highly sado-masochistic) pairing I had not considered... I may have to write alternate-universe fanfic in which she runs off with him at the end of DoN as opposed to what will actually happen, and then they run around committing evil together!
Kia: Right, Ili. I think the first thing you need to learn is that Not Every Squirrel Is The Enemy...
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I would love to see that. And Kia would probably be so pissed at Kyral for stealing him. Catfight!
Tel does realize that Rel is a pain-crazed bondage S&M dominatrix, right?
Ili: That's a filthy lie. *shoots a squirrel with a fireball, it goes up in flames* HA!
Her daddy actually has an army of killer-attack squirrels. Maybe that could help somehow.
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Kia probably would. 
Yep, Tel does realise.
Kia: Ilivarra, your behaviour is counter-productive and also a waste of good spells. You could be killing things that actually deserve it.
Maybe it could...
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Care to show it to the rest of us?
Rel says that as long as he's discreet, she doesn't care what he does outside of her seeing and hearing range. But she will kill any woman she catches him with.
Ili: *arches an eyebrow* I'm an assassin. You are in no position to tell me what to kill or not to kill. *loads her crossbow and takes out another squirrel*
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When it's done, yes. It'll probably only be short. And slightly stupid. God only knows why, but I've been in that kind of mood lately.
Tel just gulped and mumbled something like, "Sorry, Carassa."
Kia: 
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It's almost the end of school. I blame finals.
Yep. She's a dead woman. Rel will probably sacrifice her to Loviatar. And maybe molest her. And make Tel watch.
Ili: I thought so. *dropkicks a squirrel*
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Me too.
Carassa would go down fighting, though. She's a go-down-fighting kind of person. She also makes an appearance in Sun-City, because I liked her a bit. She was mean at Tel.
Kyral: That looks like fun. *shoots a squirrel*
Are all my characters insane, or is it just me?
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Carassa can try, but Rel has the goddess of pain on her side.
Ili will make an attempt to warn him.
Ili: You realize that she's had twelve husbands, right?
Tel: *not really listening* Uh-huh.
Ili: And that all of them have died under "mysterious circumstances"?
Tel: Uh-huh.
Ili: And that she's been with somewhere near 30,000 men? And perhaps 29,000 women? With a good 21,000 hermaphrodites?
Tel: Uh-huh.
Ili: And that she has more piercings than just the navel and ears she displays?
Tel: *snaps out of it* Are you serious?
Ili: Ha! That got your attention.
Tel: Uh-huh.
Ili: *infuriated* THAX! Make him pay attention!
Those poor squirrels.
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Thax: TEL, you slimy excuse for a git!
Tel: Uh-huh.
Thax: Bloody Thasamaii... are you completely deaf?!
Tel: Uh-huh.
Thax: All right. You leave me no choice, you know...
Tel: Uh-huh.
Thax: TELATH NAMENAR WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO THE NICE DROW LADY NOW!!!
Tel: *snaps out of it* Hey! Nobody ever calls me Telath.
Thax: Yeah? I just did. Now listen, bub.
Oh dear, I think Tel is going to be for it very soon...
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Ili: *sigh* I suppose we should just let it go. Perhaps Rel can knock some sense into him.
Rel: *walks into the room, spots Tel, walks over, straddles his lap, and plants a wet one on his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck and curling her fingers into his hair*
Ili: *scowl* Never mind.
But will it be at the hands of Ili, Thax, or Rel?
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I don't know. Possibly (almost definitely) all three!
I'm working on the Kyral/Reuben thing. It was going to be slightly amusing, but it got darker and a bit horrible. I quite like it, though, and I'll finish it when I get a spare moment (and an extra dose of caffeine to keep me awake
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Yes, but Rel can ressurect him so she has multiple times, I believe.
You know, when you think about it, Rel and Tel have to be one of the most twisted couples to walk the planes.
Creepy tiefling girl?
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Good point. (Thax wishes she knew how to do that.)
Indeed. They want to hate each other but they don't. That must be very scary...
Her name is Sajra, and she crept in while I wasn't looking, along with Merell the human lady and the Unnamed Half-Orc. She's like a little sister to Reuben.
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Rel says that should she join her amongst the clergy of Loviatar, she may learn how.
On the bright side, they'll never reproduce and create even more twisted people to wreak havoc across the planes.
That sounds good actually. Kia could get used to one teifling, then be more empathetic towards Valen.
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Thax says, and I quote: "Not a fracking chance in hell, you bloody scackheaded underdressed tart."
Good point!
I think that would work - and the way the sequel to DoN is unfolding in my brain, there would be a place for Sajra. Along with Merell and the UHO. Speaking of which, why oh why does everything I ever write stray so foolishly from what I planned?!
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Rel: *narrows eyes* Enjoy your pathetic life of killing others for profit then squandering it all moping over your deceased twit of a male, you pale, overmuscled, asinine excuse for a demoness.
A Reltel would be the end of existence itself....
The writer's curse, I believe...
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Athaxai: If Yivar was a twit, what the fracking hell does that make you, you brainless whore? *deathglare*
If they had twins, I think they should be called Teloniira and Relath.
Yep. It's a very annoying curse, though. I think I may have to get my fictionals to maul it.
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Rel: *chuckles* I find a delightful irony in your accusation of my being brainless when you yourself barely have enough education to--
Ili: Rel, shut up and go do something useful.
Rel: Very well, "matron."
Ili: *twitches* Don't call me that.
I think the twins would by the age of ten eventually run out of people to molest and start molesting each other.
Good luck.
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Thax: Who needs education when you have claws?
Ayali: Athaxai... for Raniau's sake, give up.
Thax: Fine. *goes back to removing the old wallpaper from the flat with her claws*
I think this would be true. Twincest!
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