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Description
Richard Shepard was not a model soldier. Rude, abrasive, and prone to brash actions, he had earned the ire of plenty for his caustic remarks, as well as the nickname, 'Dick', derived from his original first name. But despite this, he had developed an attraction for Miranda Lawson that was much more potent than people would have first believed.

Most of the crew had learned to adjust to Dick's grouchy demeanor, understanding that despite everything, he meant well, and it was just his way. He and Miranda, however, bickered constantly. They had the good sense not to do it directly in front of the crew, but he had no trouble antagonizing her in private. Of course, that had all changed when Dick had gone above and beyond helping her to rescue her sister, even encouraging her to speak to the littler Lawson at the end of the mission, while he waited with uncharacteristic patience at the end of the terminal, occasionally smiling over when he saw them speak. Since then, something sweet had blossomed between the two of them.

However, that was not to say that Dick didn't slip back into his original self occasionally, and still delighted in provoking Miranda. (She was adorable when she was angry…not that he'd tell her that. Or anyone. Ever.)

So when he found himself with an opportunity to troll her little sister as her, he couldn't resist.

"Brought you a plate of rations." The soldier informed the XO, placing the item and utensils on her desk, right alongside her usual mug of coffee. "You skipped dinner again, which I remind you, is really unhealthy for biotics. Paperwork?"

"Always." Miranda frowned at his lecturing comment about her biotics, then smiled wryly, and let out a brief yawn. "I just need to speak with the Illusive man, and then I'll get to this. Thank you, Dick."

As she stepped out of the room and headed for the briefing chamber, Dick took a seat in the chair at her desk, and grinned, planting his foot on the ground, then turning, the chair spinning him and his linebacker frame around. Five-year-olds had the right idea when it came to these things.

But before he could really get started, a message popped up on Miranda's screen.

OriannaL: Randa? You there?

Dick should have let it be. He should have told her that Miranda would be back soon. The problem was…he was sort of a terrible person, sometimes, and felt very little regret for it. So, without hesitation, Dick offered the screen a diabolic grin, and began typing.

Mlaws: Hey dude, what's going on?
OriannaL: Dude?
Mlaws: Shut up. I can say whatever I want.

Dick frowned. He probably needed to sound smarter. More terse. Like Miranda. Whatever. He'd keep going until she figured it out.

OriannaL: Right. So Danner talked to me today.
Mlaws: And?
OriannaL: And it was nice, but he still doesn't really notice me.
Mlaws: Have you tried showing him the goods?
OriannaL: WTF? No! Why don't you go do that to that guy that was with you at the terminal?!

A grin struck Dick's face. So Miranda had told her sister? Good. He'd mentioned Miranda to his own little sister a couple times. (Not that he needed to, since she was the commander of the ship, and had eyes everywhere. But it was the principle of the matter…)

Mlaws: Oh, I'm not into him anymore. He's gross. I like someone else.
OriannaL: Oh? Who?

The soldier allowed his mind to wander. Jack? Too obvious. Zaeed? No way. Jacob? Miranda was way out of his league. Hell, Dick still didn't even know how he himself had tricked her into getting involved with him. His sister? Still too busy pining over Kaidan. And the whole Lazarus angle just made it weird. What if Miranda had Kill-Billed her during the project? Oh god, that was a horrible image…happy thoughts, happy thoughts…Kelly? Hilarious. But he could do better…

Mlaws: Let me tell you, Ori, I woke up this morning, walked into the mess hall, and I saw the most beautiful thing I've ever seen standing in front of the hashbrown pot. It was me. But then Mordin walked in. He's cute too.
OriannaL: Oh, who's that?
Mlaws: Oh, he's sooo dreamy, Ori! When I listen to his high, nasally voice talk about scientific facts and data, and see those bulbous black eyes turned on me, I just melt into a puddle…IN MY PANTS.
OriannaL: Uhm. Ew. Wait…bulbuous?
Mlaws: He's a salarian. A SCIENTIST salarian.
OriannaL: Don't they have little to no sex drive? At all?
Mlaws: Shut up! You can't tell me what to do! You're not my real dad!
OriannaL: I never said I--
Mlaws: Besides, you underestimate my pheromones. And my ability to slip drugs into people's drinks. Who says he has to be conscious?
OriannaL: This is getting weird.
Mlaws: I guess. I just really like him, Ori!
OriannaL: Try looking up what 'Dear Dinah' has to say.
Mlaws: Why don't you send it to me?
OriannaL: You know I can't read, Randa.

Dick nearly spit out the coffee he'd stolen from Miranda's mug. Was she trolling him back?

Mlaws: Srsly?
OriannaL: Yep. I've had a disfigured midget reading this aloud for me. I hire him for all my literacy needs.
Mlaws: Well played, Little Lawson.
OriannaL: You're welcome. When's the real Randa coming back?
Mlaws: Should be soo

He hadn't meant to send tha unfinished sentence, but Miranda's palm slapping the desk had jolted him right out of his typing spree.

"What the HELL are you doing?"

But before he could even explain, her laser-quick eyes darted over the conversation lines, and processed it immediately. After about a nano-second of thought, Miranda considered her options, and promptly punched Dick in the face. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?! That's my sister! My LITTLE sister! Just because you and the commander screw with each other all the time doesn't mean you can take the initiative with me!"

"Jesus!" He swore, clutching his face as she stormed out of the room.

"You hit like a cheerleader!" He called after her, putting on a brave face before he went back to clutching his jaw. Dear god, she might have broken a tooth…

On a rational level, Dick realized that he had deserved that. Miranda was very protective of Orianna, after all. He had been a shit, and he owed her an apology.

But it was really…really funny. And if he ever got the opportunity again, he'd make Miranda into the biggest troll the extranet had ever seen. Maybe.

Description
Richard Shepard was not a model soldier. Rude, abrasive, and prone to brash actions, he had earned the ire of plenty for his caustic remarks, as well as the nickname, 'Dick', derived from his original first name. But despite this, he had developed an attraction for Miranda Lawson that was much more potent than people would have first believed.

Most of the crew had learned to adjust to Dick's grouchy demeanor, understanding that despite everything, he meant well, and it was just his way. He and Miranda, however, bickered constantly. They had the good sense not to do it directly in front of the crew, but he had no trouble antagonizing her in private. Of course, that had all changed when Dick had gone above and beyond helping her to rescue her sister, even encouraging her to speak to the littler Lawson at the end of the mission, while he waited with uncharacteristic patience at the end of the terminal, occasionally smiling over when he saw them speak. Since then, something sweet had blossomed between the two of them.

However, that was not to say that Dick didn't slip back into his original self occasionally, and still delighted in provoking Miranda. (She was adorable when she was angry…not that he'd tell her that. Or anyone. Ever.)

So when he found himself with an opportunity to troll her little sister as her, he couldn't resist.

"Brought you a plate of rations." The soldier informed the XO, placing the item and utensils on her desk, right alongside her usual mug of coffee. "You skipped dinner again, which I remind you, is really unhealthy for biotics. Paperwork?"

"Always." Miranda frowned at his lecturing comment about her biotics, then smiled wryly, and let out a brief yawn. "I just need to speak with the Illusive man, and then I'll get to this. Thank you, Dick."

As she stepped out of the room and headed for the briefing chamber, Dick took a seat in the chair at her desk, and grinned, planting his foot on the ground, then turning, the chair spinning him and his linebacker frame around. Five-year-olds had the right idea when it came to these things.

But before he could really get started, a message popped up on Miranda's screen.

OriannaL: Randa? You there?

Dick should have let it be. He should have told her that Miranda would be back soon. The problem was…he was sort of a terrible person, sometimes, and felt very little regret for it. So, without hesitation, Dick offered the screen a diabolic grin, and began typing.

Mlaws: Hey dude, what's going on?
OriannaL: Dude?
Mlaws: Shut up. I can say whatever I want.

Dick frowned. He probably needed to sound smarter. More terse. Like Miranda. Whatever. He'd keep going until she figured it out.

OriannaL: Right. So Danner talked to me today.
Mlaws: And?
OriannaL: And it was nice, but he still doesn't really notice me.
Mlaws: Have you tried showing him the goods?
OriannaL: WTF? No! Why don't you go do that to that guy that was with you at the terminal?!

A grin struck Dick's face. So Miranda had told her sister? Good. He'd mentioned Miranda to his own little sister a couple times. (Not that he needed to, since she was the commander of the ship, and had eyes everywhere. But it was the principle of the matter…)

Mlaws: Oh, I'm not into him anymore. He's gross. I like someone else.
OriannaL: Oh? Who?

The soldier allowed his mind to wander. Jack? Too obvious. Zaeed? No way. Jacob? Miranda was way out of his league. Hell, Dick still didn't even know how he himself had tricked her into getting involved with him. His sister? Still too busy pining over Kaidan. And the whole Lazarus angle just made it weird. What if Miranda had Kill-Billed her during the project? Oh god, that was a horrible image…happy thoughts, happy thoughts…Kelly? Hilarious. But he could do better…

Mlaws: Let me tell you, Ori, I woke up this morning, walked into the mess hall, and I saw the most beautiful thing I've ever seen standing in front of the hashbrown pot. It was me. But then Mordin walked in. He's cute too.
OriannaL: Oh, who's that?
Mlaws: Oh, he's sooo dreamy, Ori! When I listen to his high, nasally voice talk about scientific facts and data, and see those bulbous black eyes turned on me, I just melt into a puddle…IN MY PANTS.
OriannaL: Uhm. Ew. Wait…bulbuous?
Mlaws: He's a salarian. A SCIENTIST salarian.
OriannaL: Don't they have little to no sex drive? At all?
Mlaws: Shut up! You can't tell me what to do! You're not my real dad!
OriannaL: I never said I--
Mlaws: Besides, you underestimate my pheromones. And my ability to slip drugs into people's drinks. Who says he has to be conscious?
OriannaL: This is getting weird.
Mlaws: I guess. I just really like him, Ori!
OriannaL: Try looking up what 'Dear Dinah' has to say.
Mlaws: Why don't you send it to me?
OriannaL: You know I can't read, Randa.

Dick nearly spit out the coffee he'd stolen from Miranda's mug. Was she trolling him back?

Mlaws: Srsly?
OriannaL: Yep. I've had a disfigured midget reading this aloud for me. I hire him for all my literacy needs.
Mlaws: Well played, Little Lawson.
OriannaL: You're welcome. When's the real Randa coming back?
Mlaws: Should be soo

He hadn't meant to send tha unfinished sentence, but Miranda's palm slapping the desk had jolted him right out of his typing spree.

"What the HELL are you doing?"

But before he could even explain, her laser-quick eyes darted over the conversation lines, and processed it immediately. After about a nano-second of thought, Miranda considered her options, and promptly punched Dick in the face. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?! That's my sister! My LITTLE sister! Just because you and the commander screw with each other all the time doesn't mean you can take the initiative with me!"

"Jesus!" He swore, clutching his face as she stormed out of the room.

"You hit like a cheerleader!" He called after her, putting on a brave face before he went back to clutching his jaw. Dear god, she might have broken a tooth…

On a rational level, Dick realized that he had deserved that. Miranda was very protective of Orianna, after all. He had been a shit, and he owed her an apology.

But it was really…really funny. And if he ever got the opportunity again, he'd make Miranda into the biggest troll the extranet had ever seen. Maybe.