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BacktoBass — Murdoc's Birthday Request
by-nc-nd
Published: 2011-06-05 12:52:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 1923; Favourites: 50; Downloads: 53
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Description
Well, you know it's Murdoc's birthday tomorrow.... why not get him something we all know he'll use?
And yes, it's a take-off of the 'Got Milk?' campaign
But seriously, this one is dedicated to Hell-is-a-56 and I, a bit of a team effort thing.
Murdoc (C) Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett
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Comments: 93
wow nice story lol "Murdoc: When I'm good, I'm very, very good...but when I'm bad - I'm better." unbelievable BAD ASS XD lol
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Yeah, he is, isn't he? *happy sigh*
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LOL, you have great taste.
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i know check out my profile, [link]
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Not enough Murdoc, Peace, LOL. 
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All he wants for his birthday... *siiiiigh* =w=''
But we love him.
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Yep, which is why I had to make it!
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Hotter than the hinges of Hades, actually. But yeah. HOT.
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*squeals*
Team, please, I did the bare minimum here, you did fantastically!
Hee, the way you've drawn it, it looks like he's walked in on me watching some porn, actually.
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Hell, if that had happened, he would have been drooling.
Come to think of it....
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I want to say it'd never happen, because I'm too paranoid about locking doors and such, but since it's Murdoc, I suppose anything's possible.
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Murdoc: *swinging a huge ring of keys* Love, when are you going to realise I know EVERYTHING that goes on in this place, and have MASTERY over everything within it.
Hell: So what does that make me? A serf? A peon?
Murdoc: Spoil of war, actually.
Hell: So I'm just a chattel to you, then? Nice.
Murdoc: Love, not only do I own you, but I control your every thought, your merest imaginings. There is nothing you do that I don't know about.
Hell: *aghast* But...this is my room! You wouldn't!
Murdoc: I do, I did, I will.
Hell: That is so freaking creepy and stalkerish and-
Murdoc: I particularly enjoy it when you think you're alone and that I'm otherwise engaged with Coupes. Gets you all hot and bothered. It's most stimulated.
Hell: YOU WATCH ME???
Murdoc: Of course! You wouldn't expect anything else, admit it!
Hell: *narrowed eyes* You watch me. Somehow you watch me....*swinging around* WHERE IS IT? WHERE'S THE DAMN CAMERA!
Murdoc: Love, the things you do... mmmmmmmm.... fucking golden viewing...
Hell: *grabbing him by the front of his shirt* Birthday or not, I will END YOU if you don't show me where it is!
Murdoc: It's a viewing device you'll never find, kitten, no matter how hard you look.
Hell: TELL ME YOU DEVIOUS PERVERTED BASTARD!
Murdoc: *being shaken* Oooh, I love it when you let out the inner beast...
Hell: The inner beast is going to take to the outer Niccals with a pair of craft pliers in ten seconds if you don't tell me where the fuck it is!
Murdoc: *smugly* You'll never find it and you'll never get it out of me...
Hell: *furious* Last chance....
Murdoc: ...because it doesn't exist.
Hell: *ceasing treating Murdoc like a martini* Say what? What the hell are you saying?
Murdoc: I don't need a camera. I KNOW what you're like, I know what you like and I know what you do when it all gets too much and you can't get what you want, which is ME. All I have to do is close my eyes and let my mind wander and I see EVERYTHING.
Hell: *shaking hands turn to caressing ones* No camera? Just... your thoughts?... your... imagination?
Murdoc: You won't need batteries tonight, love *sweeps you off your feet* You'll be getting more than enough charge in a bit.
Hell: *melting again* Tell me a bedtime story?
Murdoc: *growling* I have a few favourites I could share....
Hell: *purring* Maybe more than one, then?
Murdoc: *laughing* And every one of them has a happy ending.
- arriving at the Winne to find a note on the door -
READS:
IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'M GUESSING YOU'VE DECIDED TO RETIRE EARLY. SINCE I WON'T BE BACK UNTIL LATER, I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF PUTTING TOGETHER A LITTLE SNACK FOR YOU. SINCE YOU'RE A LITTLE OLDER NOW, I THINK YOU CAN STAY UP LATE. WILL BRING YOUR SUPPER DOWN WHEN I RETURN. AND YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
XX COUPES
Murdoc: Awww, nice.
Hell: *opening door* Oh, wow....
- Murdoc's bed has been transformed into a four-poster canopy bed, complete with purple monogrammed velvety drapes. Tacked to the fridge door is a note saying EAT ME and DRINK ME.
Murdoc: *putting you back on your feet* Well, would you look at that....
Hell: *awestruck* Fyns, I don't know how you do it, but damn, you got taste.
Murdoc: *reading note and opening fridge* Aaaaaawwww.
Hell: *craning your neck to see* Caviar. Proscuitto. Smoked salmon. Oysters.
Murdoc: Beluga, too. *silent*
Hell: Wow. Look, maybe I should you know, leave this for when Fyns gets back...
Murdoc: *reaching into fridge* No need kitten. *holds note up to you to read*
BASS MAN, SHARE WITH A CLEAR CONSCIENCE. WHEN I RETURN, WE'LL BE HAVING WHAT'S ON THE SECOND SHELF. XX COUPES
PS. HELL? TUCK IN, DEARHEART. XX
Hell: Aaaawwww.
Murdoc: *examining lower shelf* Lobster and Kobe beef. *pauses* Right. Well, you heard her, let's get stuck in.
Hell: I'm not sure if I'm that hungry just yet-
Murdoc: I'm not talking about the food.
Hell: *smiling* ...but it couldn't hurt to work up an appetite, right?
Murdoc: C'mon Queenie, let's take this bed for a spin.
Hell: Yes, my Lord and Master. *kisses him*
Murdoc: Now that's the gift that keeps on giving.
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Later-
Hell: Oh wow, it's the same shade as the canopy!
Murdoc: Not for long it isn't...
Even later...er. Later still. Yeah, that's it-
Hell: *sniffs at the caviar* This. This is weird.
Murdoc: Why? You eat chicken eggs.
Hell: Chicken eggs are edible menses though! This...this is like...hundreds of little...gourmet abortions.
Murdoc: *pushes his plate aside* How about your birthday present to me is you just not talking? Hmm?
Hell: No way! I already sliced the shit out of my hands making your first one! Not to mention what I had to do to make your cake...*shudders*
Murdoc: I thought your grip was a little more...grippy than usual, heh. What did you make me?
Hell: I'll show you when you and Fyns are done. It's gonna be great! I tried really really hard to not suck!
Murdoc: I'm older and more mature now. I'm going to let that one just sllllllide right by. Can I at least have some cake?
Hell: Also no. You'll spoil your dinner. Besides, I already have it alllllll planned out!
Murdoc: Oh? *arches an eyebrow*
Hell: Yeah! You just had your birthday liason with me, then you'll have dinner and sex with Fyns, followed by sex with Fyns and concluded with sex with Fyns.
Murdoc: I like this plan...
Hell: Wait, there's more! Our first fifteen callers will get, in addition to the Ass-O-Matic Wonder Plug, the...oh shit, no, wrong...thing.
Murdoc: *quizzical look*
Hell: *traces back her lines of thought, moving her lips* Ah! Got it! But wait, there's more! After that, you're going to sleep for a few hours, and wake to find the cake I made and my super awesome present!
Murdoc: You've just got it all figured out, haven't you.
Hell: *nods frenetically*
Murdoc: Hmm. You're a weird little thing, but I think I'll keep you. *pats* Now get out so I can start your plan.
Hell: *races out* Yay! I love when things come together!
Murdoc: *settling back* So do I...
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Fynsie: *purring* Murdoc.... wake up, lover....
Murdoc: *waking from his nap in a hurry* Eh? Oh, Coupes. *yawns and stretches* Love the re-design *rumbling* And the designer's not bad either.
Fynsie: *snuggling up* Did you have a nice rest?
Murdoc: Yeah, I did, actually. Hell took it out of me a bit earlier.
Fynsie: Then my plan worked to perfection.
Murdoc: Eh? YOUR plan?
Fynsie: Well, I couldn't very well not let Hell wish you happy birthday now, could I?
Murdoc: Very considerate of you, actually.
Fynsie: *nibbling his neck* Would you like me to wish you happy birthday now, my one and only? I've been waiting all day.
Murdoc: *rolling over to slide on top* Alright, where's my present, woman?
Fynsie: You're lying on it.
Murdoc: Aaaaaooooww.... somehow, I imagined something different.
Fynsie: *patiently* It's under the bed, bass man *laughs*
Murdoc: *grinning voraciously* Well, let's just have a little look-see, shall we? *rolls off, looks under the canopy bed*
Fynsie: Hope you like it.
Murdoc: *lifting a custom-made, black guitar case, ornamented with satanic symbols, highlighted with panels of smoked quartz inlay and filigree monogramme* Coupes....
Fynsie: *softly* I measured El Diablo scrupulously, but I wanted you to be the one to lay him to bed in it.
Murdoc: *laying it down reverently* You really have an uncanny knack for appropriate wording, love. I think that can wait though. This *gestures to the case, the canopy bed* is just marvellous.
Fynsie: *gently drawing him down by the hand* Draw the curtains, if you like. It's like we're in this little world all to ourselves, and I want to be surrounded by things that remind me of you, including you.
Murdoc: *rumbling* Surrounded it is. Maybe with a little bit of 'friendly fire' heh heh heh.
Fynsie: C'mere bass man...
- some time later -
Fynsie: *blissing*
Murdoc: *blissing*
Hell: *frantic* DAMMIT, I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THOSE OYSTERS! Gah! *rummages into drawer looking for fresh batteries*
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Hell: Oh THANK FUCK! *finds two of the right size* God damn sea-snot! Close your eyes and just swallow it, he says! When will I learn, WHEN? *sees her hand wound reopen from the rummaging* Son of a BITCH!
---
Murdoc: *being fed the last bits of buttery delicious lobster* Mmmmm. Warm, tender, and ssssssscrumptious. Like server, like meal.
Fynsie: So. Wanna give that a bit to digest, and then put your surf in my turf?
Murdoc: Only if you'll be so kind as to reciprocate.
Fynsie: Revers missionary, then, or shall I pull up a chair?
Murdoc: Surprise me.
Fynsie: *blindfolds him with a clean cloth napkin* Very well, Birthday Bassist.
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Fynsie: *going to door to admit a waiting Hell, whispering* Thought we should get your part of the celebration underway. Hope you don't mind.
Hell: *whispering* Not at all. Hey, before we do the cake thing, I've got an idea *muffled giggle as tells me*
Fynsie: *trying not to laugh* He'll go MENTAL! Let's do it!
Murdoc: *still blindfolded* Coooouuuuupes.. what are you up to...?
Fynsie: *gesturing Hell over* Well, you said surprise you, so.....
Hell and Fynsie: *each silently takes a side of the seated birthday boy and commence soothing caresses*
Murdoc: Mmmmmm, nice....*suddenly registers* hang on... *feels two pairs of hands, two pairs of lips on his cheek*
Fynsie: Mind sharing, Hell?
Hell: *grinning* Just this once? Nah. It's a special occasion and all.
Murdoc: *grin nearly splitting his face in half* You two....Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......
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Murdoc: *enjoying himself* How'd you get her to agree to this?
Hell: By reminding me it only happens once per year. *mumbles* Plus she's really cool...so...
Fynsie: Focus, dear.
Hell: Right.
---
You'll have to take over from here! I'm fine with it, but I don't know how to write three-ways, eheheh.
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Thanks my dear, I'd have altered the story a bit if you weren't cool with it
Murdoc: *still blindfolded* Ahhh Jesus H Christ....
Hell: *applying her skills to the left side*
Fynsie: *applying hers to his right side*
Murdoc: I feel like a fucking King right now...
Fynsie: Hmmm, *kisses her way down his neck* You feel all hot and bothered to me...
Hell *pausing in her caresses southward* You feel pretty awesome to me too! *tightens grip gently for added effect*
Murdoc: Fuck, can I take this bloody blindfold off now? *purring*
Fynsie: Sorry Bass man, that's our only condition of entry.
Hell: *grinning* You won't know where we'll move next, or which part of you we are going to devote ourselves to...
Fynsie: ...the suspense will drive you WILD....that's the whole idea.
Murdoc: *panting and beginning to twitch* Can we at least take this to the royal bed? This fucking chair is in the way of me feeling as much as I can.
Fynsie: But of course! Tonight, your every whim is our greatest concern.
Murdoc: *rumbling* Might need an intermission at some stage.
Hell: *brightly* We have half time oranges!
- some considerable but most enjoyable time later -
Murdoc: *comatose but with an enormous smile on his face*
Fynsie: Thanks for fetching his cake while I er, gifted him, Hell.
Hell: No problem, Fyns. Much as I'd like to learn your skills, I'd prefer to do it in a share situation. *giggling* Besides, I helped worked him up enough earlier.
Fynsie: Never seen him so, er, rabidly keen before.
Hell: Four hands, two mouths Fyns - he didn't know which way to go!
Fynsie: Oh he knew how to go alright, he just couldn't make up his mind, ha ha! Anyway, if there are any pieces left after tonight, feel free to work your charms again.
Hell: Fyns - he's stuffed to the gills with gourmet food, alcohol and has been totally and most thoroughly drained by both of us today. Think I'll let him sleep for once.
Fynsie: *hugging you* So considerate. Alright, I'll wake him up and you can do your cake thing. What did you get him anyway?
Hell: You'll see in a little while. OK, get his Highness out of the royal bedchamber, I'll get the plates.
Fynsie: Consider it done.
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Murdoc: Alllllright then, Hellcat. What've you got for me?
Hell: Ahem. Well. Somehow I didn't think we'd be sharing it, but after what just transpired, which by the way, you are not to breathe a word of untill all my parents and friends are dead, I don't think it matters much.
Murdoc: Get on with it.
Hell: *clears throat, looks off to the side* Right. I present...Lt. Hellisa's *clears throat again* Island Glazed *mumbles something*
Murdoc: *hears part of it* I'm sorry...what? Lt. Hellisa's what? *grins super wide*
Fynsie: I didn't catch that at all, what'd she say?
Murdoc: *eyes glimmering with enjoyment* Say it Hell.
Hell: *scrunches her eyes closed* Lt. Hellisa's Island Glazed Snatch Cake. *whips off the top of the dessert tray*. Dig in.
Fynsie: *eyes widen* That's...that cake is in the shape of a-!
Murdoc: That cake is in the shape of her-!
Hell: JUST SHUT UP AND EAT IT. *sits down* Happy Birthday.
Fynsie: Where did you get this done?
Hell: I had to....get my...myself...3D scanned. And then I took an order to a custom metal caster in Brighton. *puts her head in her hands* He works alongside his elderly MOTHER! *head slumps to the table*
Fynsie: You endured all that shame? Aww, Hellish!
Murdoc: No candles?
Hell: I'd already went through all that, you really think I could've handled seeing my man-trap burned in effigy?
Murdoc: *has already carved his slice* Mmmm. Almost as good as the original.
Fynsie: *taking her own bit* That is good? What's in it, Hell?
Hell: It's island style black rum cake. I aged the batter, well soaked with rum, for a year and a half, and instead of the traditional fruit ckae mix, I added peaches and bits of cherry.
Murdoc: And then you glazed it.
Hell: *wincing* Yeah. That. Now behave, will you?
Murdoc: But, sweetness! The puns!
Hell: Or I won't give you your gift!
Murdoc: I'll be good then. Prom-*belches* hah! I promise, love.
Hell: Right. *sets forth a gift basket* I couldn't give you one super huge awesome thing like Fyns did, so I went this route.
Inside the basket are six pairs of black y-front briefs with different (manly) colored piping, a highly illegal in this realm box of Leviathan's Lungs cigars, and-
Murdoc: *shreds the plastic wrap in excitement* A ring. A...gold...Sigil of Baphomet ring. Is that a ruby it's inlaid on?
Hell: It's a blood garnet. *at you* Not like a blood diamond, it's made from actual blood. Of the damned.
Murdoc: You went to Hell?
Hell: Only far down enough to get it commisioned and help make it. And hey, after the cake tin, it was easy, heh.
Murdoc: *slips it on his middle finger and stares at it*
Fynsie: Well done, thou good and faithful Hellish.
Hell: *smiles to herself* Yay.
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Murdoc: You know, as birthdays go, this one would be pretty fucking hard to beat
Fynsie: Well, you MUST know that at least one of us would go to hell and back for you, Bass man.
Murdoc: *far more introspectively than anyone would have given him credit for* Yeah. Yeah.
Hell: Well, if you've had enough cake, I think that's my cue to vanish
Murdoc: *grabbing you and pulling you onto his lap* Not until I thank you properly *kisses very very thoroughly and enjoyably* Right, now you can go.
Hell: *dreamily* Yeah. Go find some fresh batteries *giggles*
Murdoc: I'll make it up to you tomorrow, Hellish
Hell: OK. Don't overdo it with the cake
Murdoc: I'll swap between the sweet and the savoury versions, love.
Hell: Night you two *exits*
Fynsie: So, what do you have in mind next, O moon of my eternal delight?
Murdoc: *stretching* It's been a big day. Think it's time for some R&R.
Fynsie: Name your poison.
Murdoc: How about you feed me another slice of that cake to put me in the mood. That bit
*points* right there.
Fynsie: That's an incredibly realistic cherry isn't it?
Murdoc: Anatomically correct too.
Fynsie: Fancy a nibble?
Murdoc: Consdiering this *gestures to cake* is a pale imitation- no, that's not strictly true- of the real thing, some nibbling on one of the original models is preferable.
Fynsie: Mmmmm, sounds positively delicious. Whose birthday is it again?
Murdoc: Mine, but only for the next *checks time* 42 minutes.
Fynsie: I can spin that out so you see your birthday out with a bang.
Murdoc: *purring* Perfectly acceptable. Shall we? *takes my arm and leads me to the canopy bed*
Fynsie: Let's see if I can make you feel as if all your birthdays have come at once....
Murdoc: *purring louder* Sorry, I only heard the last three words you said.
End?
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Murdoc: *spent and happy* Rrrrrrr.
Fynsie: *spent and happy* Ahhhhhhh.
Hell: *violently cleaning things in the absensce of fresh batteries and 2D* Rrrrrrrrrrrahhhhhh!
Russel: Is that a damn toothpick?
Hell: *somehow decently mopping the floor with it* YESSSSS.
END!
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Ha ha ha ha! Gah, I love you so much, you know?
I hope Murdoc had a great birthday I know WE sure did, LOL.
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Me: no i don't have porn..... but i have my body
Murdoc: works for me
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i'll second that emotion!
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Murdoc: what emotion?
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Me: hmhmmm.... the 'i don't have porn but i have my body' one.
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Me: well we're gonna need to take turnes, because i'm not very bi
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Me: I am a female, luv.
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Me: so am i....
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Me: Hmmmm.... So what do you say, Murdoc? Want to have a little party? *shakes hips*
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Me: -kisses his neck- yeah come one honey
Murdoc: ok
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Me: Mmmmm.... Good, good... *pins you down on bed, smirking*
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Me: i've never done a 3 way before.
Murdoc: trust me, if you can do it with me, the she can join the fun
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Murdoc: -removes my shirt-
Me: -blushes-
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Me: Hay why does SHE get to go first? T.T
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