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bite06me — Crap Poem.
Published: 2004-02-20 23:34:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 3041; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 1421
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Description
For charliemay
---------------------------
12 years old and stuck in a rut
Confused and lost- unsure of life
Led by pain to pain, it's rough
There's a lovely pain in gashes
An addiction, or attraction
The only thing I needed.
The only thing i need.
There were nights it'd be so hard
To stop the blade- the blood
But it felt so good, so calming
Like my world, crashing- stopped
I would carry blades around with me
Daily, waiting for an urge
Even when I had quit- arms clean
I couldn't stay away
Remove the image from my mind.
Even with pale whte smooth skin
Scars nearly faded
I can still see in my mind
Sites of what could be.
I was tired of hiding
Tired of them finding
Cleaning up my mess-
blood soaked rags
Broken razors on the ground.
And the hurt thats in their eyes
Stings me deep down
I can't stand to bring them pain
So with the love i have for them
i vowed to try to stop
I can't stand to see that look- expression
I want us all to be perfect
I need to stay clean.
For them, us, and me.
--
and i dont know why this got on top favourite... im really sorry if you dont like this kind of writing- the depressing, woe is me type....- i dont always write this vividly and horribly. heh....
im sorry you had to read this...
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Comments: 139
From what I can understand, the reason this poem is so popular is because you wrote about something that people can relate to, without thinking about it, something that gives them comfort in knowing that they are not the only ones to feel as they do. I myself have felt such emotions, and gone through experiences like that, but…….. how do I explain myself…… it’s such an incredibly angsty topic……… I am not a fan of teenage angst at all (despite having written teenage angst pieces myself) but I recognise that there can be some value in angst, if it is written well. To be perfectly frank, I do not think that this is well written at all, I have read many poems similar to this on DA, the same images, the same phrases, the same metaphors, the same way of explaining emotions, the same conclusion. you have brought nothing new to the feeling of angst, thus I do not think that this has any value to it.
However in some ways, I can see that you have the ability, or the potential at least, to be able to write, but you need to be consciously aware of what you are writing, rather than just letting it flow to become an angsty clichéd mess such as this. I mean this in all good intentions, I’m not much older than you (17) but I am aware of teenage angst, and thus make a BIG effort to now use the clichés that are so commonly used in this style of poetry.
On a technical level – to prove that I have actually read this poem – I think it would be a GREAT idea to put some punctuation in, as stated before………… although I do not think that punctuation could save this……….
However it may be interesting to take this idea and write it in a whole new way…….. it is clear from the amount of attention this has received that this is a topic that many can relate to….. so perhaps you could try to bring something new to it…..
I’m sorry if you perceive this to be an attack on you, but I think it’s a terrible tragedy that a poem like this made it into the favourites…. there are so many *good* poems out there that don’t receive nearly this amount of attention.
oh god..... I just wrote you a mini essay......
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Not to be a style-critic, but try rewriting this
without the line-start capitalization. It's awkward,
visually, and places undue emphasis on the words,
leaving the others to live less meaningful lives.
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Very good poem! I can relate to getting tired of hiding, I used to cut all the time, but it sucked having to always wear long sleaved shirts, and I even got to the point where I had to cut my ankles also, so then I had to wear long pants too. I still cant dress for p.e. because the scars still havnt faded.
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The topic is overdone, but I can't even tell that from your poem.
I love it.
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I really like that, its very good, i can relate to it, i kno how that feels.. many hugs! things will get better eventually
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Absolutely ace poem i can really relate its amazing tho how alone you feel but theres millions of others just like us doin the same thing cryin about the same thing over n over each nite wishing for death i just hate the people who think they understand but dont god i hate them so much and your mother pays someone because she doesnt have the time to talk or listen to a fuckin word you say and your father sneaks into ur bedroom at night to fuckin abuse you then pays you to keep your mouth shut so he wont go to prison and get ass raped
sorry im in a mood today =S i've let somethin out tho kinda feels better now
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This poem doesn't suck,it's not crap,i love it
And I left a link to it in my journal
~Charlie
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the fact that this was in the dtf is depressing because it certainly does suck.
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I love it, i think its brilliant, i can relate to it awesomely. i try writing my own stuff but it doesnt sound near as good as that. i love it. you can check mine out if you like. i go through the same stuff as you. thanks for posting it, helps me know im not alone.
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Wow it's an extrememly powerful poem that alot of people go through I relate I really do. Good job ^_^
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it is an overrated topics indeed but you write about it in a way i have never seen, and that is maybe why you have so many favorite.
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you're doing extremely well for your age! im 13, and im not doing as well as you are! u have a great start on your path to poetry! good work! well done! i like it, i like it alot!
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Ooo im 16.5- but thank you, very polite of you
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Don't let the overwhelming presence of favs get to your head, you need a lot of work. Even if you don't like this piece, you should at least make an effort to improve it. I suggest you follow the guidelines ~darkcrescendo has so generously set for you, perhaps if you work on it some more, you'll end up liking it.
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too bad about all the random "this sucks etc" without constructive crits. people are just having spastic jealous fits because it got on the front page.
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thanks for putting what so many of us have felt into such beautiful words
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So humble . . . it's actually quite good. I think it would make a better song than a poem. Poems aren't so frank, generally.
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How hypocritical. You tell people to stop telling you that it's bad, yet respond with great warmth to those that tell you opposite of "what you think."
You disgust me.
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^^ what that person said
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o sweetie this is amazing i love it..great work
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very powerful poem...
i cannot explain this in words...
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dang babydoll_ o.O
this here is pretty intense_
the thoughts of confused love_
i lixes alot_
such a tender age when all shit hits, when life really hits hard, i truly understand but @ a different level_
hopefully ull see --}[link]
im glad this wasnt one of those lines which wallow with out conclusion_ & the ending is truly touching_
smile sweet heart _
LAtez
clever oNe
only oNe
t_r_i_p_p_ _o_u_t ---}[link]
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This is a great poem. I can not only personally relate to it, but I can also relate to it being the one tending to the "cutter". I've seen both sides, and this is a great reminder of where I've come from.
Thank you.
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it's about time someone wrote about stopping the horrible habit/dissease of cutting. i commend you...
not only that, but the style of writing is nice as well, this is not crap like you think it is. i am guessing that the only reason you think it's crap is because it hits an emotion in you that makes you feel bad.
thank you for posting this.
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The last part has alot of merit...it really is good in that it speaks of addiction...without the references to cutting...it could be about...food, sex, alcohol, drugs...addiction.
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Very Graphic, it gives people a voice. I like it.
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I can't believe ~darkcrescendo 's amazing depth on such a shallow piece.
Please relish these "plusfaves" the blind are generously handing you. I'm sure it's not "your thing," which explains why everyone seems to relate to it so well 
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oh I'm glad you said it, I wasn't sure if I was the only one to feel that he gave the poem way more attention than what it deserved.
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A writer I respect asked me to give the poem a once-over.
I did so. Seems like it was a waste of time though.
Ah well. C'est la vie. At least I was not flamed.
Benedictions.
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i can't believe it...
why does shit like this have to happen. this is not good poetry, in fact i don't really believe this is poetry. in this piece all you do is tell us how you feel, that is not what poetry is about.
and i don't even want to get into how cliched this is.
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that is very moving and emotional, from all the people i know youve worded it quiet well, the look of hurt in their eyes, it is truly one of the worst things, thank you so much for sharing that i dont know if u have ever and taht is why but it was moving adn to me it was inspiring a beauiful thank you
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I dunno, I think it's a fav cus god nows how many angsty artists have done this. I'm not meaning to offend or anything, this is just my p.o.v.. It's not my favorite poem, but it's still, I mean, heh, there are so many nights where I'm just sitting around seething wanting to pick up my knife again and go at it. Burn, cut, anything. It's an addiction to feel...You're poem is good simply because it makes us all remember our own struggle with it. The "you're not alone" thing.
heh, we should start a group. I'm actually kinda serious. I mean, it's so much easier to deal with if you talk about it. Everytime I want to, I can't talk to anyone, because I don't want my friends to feel I'm being angsty and dramatic and stupid. They don't understand what it's like because they never cut. I'm the person who they hear about or see in the mall with the cut marks that they ignore because they don't know if it's their place to say anything.
That's why you're work is good.
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SHHH!!! Quiet!
All the angsty poets will rise up and crucify you!
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I'd think they'd give up halfway through
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yeah, they'd all start crying and writing crappy poems and patting each other on the back cause it was 'so deep'.
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Not at all a fan of poetry in any form, but as the subject concerns me... well.
It's enormously refreshing to see the topic of self-injury in a 'breakinf of addiction' light, instead of 'I cut, look what you've done, mine are worse than yours'. So well done for that.
I do have in my gallery an image of my arms, though somewhat old, and it's been the cause of several nasty spats. Actually, I should delete it, but there you go.
The point of that bit, I suppose, is that I commend you for the courage to not only break the habit, but to talk about it openly, even in the face of everybody who isn't willing to realise that it is a big problem and isn't just an attention-seeking gambit. Unless it is, in which case, eat my fist.
Anyway. I think I'm done now.
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I like this style. Your poem is beautiful, full of emotion....Great job
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