AElfrics-Cat [2010-05-26 08:57:15 +0000 UTC]

those last three lines nearly broke mine as well... beautifully expressed.

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Miss-Tbones [2010-05-25 19:16:51 +0000 UTC]

Ohh, the words, the imagery! Beautiful! I can relate. I always wish I could go back and fix what was. Some times I feel lonely and empty. But I know it is not good to dwell on what I can't change.

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MotleyMurmurs [2010-05-25 02:39:11 +0000 UTC]

This actually leaves me with a heavy feeling in my heart. I love the way you use so little words to get so much emotion and thought across. Perhaps all we need both as writers and readers is just a little brevity to help us think and feel for ourselves.

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FantasyDreams46 [2010-05-24 23:56:12 +0000 UTC]

WOW. WOw. Wow. wow. That was like a masterpiece in 32 words. Intense, man, this is intense stuff. Now this is my favorite part:
"and through this
deafening silence
I simply cannot
hear my own
heart breaking."
I won't be surprised if everyone loves that part. This one is DEFINITELY going into my favorites.

Yeah, I know. I'm supposed to be a critique for the-writers-review. But this poem is just outstanding work! ;] Hope to read more from you! Great job, Brian!

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ExplosiveCurls [2010-05-22 21:16:40 +0000 UTC]

I love this. It makes me sigh and reminince of the past...and what might have been.
It's so simple yet so meaningful and leaves space for interpretation. It's structure is jagged yet mellifluous.
May I ask did this come naturally or did you need to edit? Because I know many beautiful pieces just come as a burst as a flash of inspiration fully formed, whilst others which are just as lovely, take time and more effort.

Nazz

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Caity-Kitten [2010-05-19 18:53:48 +0000 UTC]

I like teh format, the pucntuaiont(very little but what is there works and Iw ouldn't add more). I like the words you used and I thought it was a succesfful piece. I wouldn't end with the word "to" on teh second ilne, try to end with stronger words though because of teh format it doesn't bother me all that much, it kind of helps link it to the next line so that would depend on teh reader I think. I didn't like "deafening silence" I feel like this is a cliche, I've used this cliche I'll admit to that, but maybe if you ued different words and didn't spell it out so much it would be better because I thought the restof it was very tstrong, though that may make up for that line.

From the founder of #The-Writers-Review

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joshwlt [2010-05-18 00:56:39 +0000 UTC]

so call it cheesy or off-base if you'd like but for me this has a striking similarity to MUSE's line from "Hoodoo":

...And i've had recurring nightmares
That I was loved for who I am
And missed the opportunity
To be a better man...

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crimsha [2010-05-13 01:46:12 +0000 UTC]

like i said! you say so much with so few words! ALL of your writings just have a beautful, heartfelt "flow".

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bomracer [2010-05-12 13:34:54 +0000 UTC]

simple ,lyrical,devastating! awesome job, and thanks so much for the fave!!

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PearlOfGreatPrice [2010-05-11 21:39:59 +0000 UTC]

Its a very lonely poem, something that we can all relate to on some level. Simply beautiful, there was actually a little cry caught in my throat

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knittingknots [2010-05-10 19:36:21 +0000 UTC]

OK, I just discovered you today. I love your ear for how word flows.

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SalemCat [2010-05-08 19:15:43 +0000 UTC]

Fabulous work Darling,this is so beautiful!

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KJ-Illustration [2010-05-08 12:50:55 +0000 UTC]

Really sad but somehow really beautiful Great work :]

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mspadfoot2 [2010-05-08 01:58:05 +0000 UTC]

That last line is simply amazing. I really love it.

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chollydolly [2010-05-07 20:38:46 +0000 UTC]

this is the first time i've read your work, and i must say this is great! very simple and poignant.

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ChildrenOfPain [2010-05-07 17:52:33 +0000 UTC]

Dude, you are simply THE man when it comes to write short poems with concentrated meaning into every single word!

Super gift you have to transcend words and bring a world of emotions to your writters!

I bow to down my good sir!

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darkelvenfaerie [2010-05-07 15:08:15 +0000 UTC]

If you rewind time, you will change who you are.
Yes you might not be lonely, but it might make you unhappy other places.

Blessed Be,
Midnight Writer Shadow

Founder of Candlelight Writers

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littleshireling [2010-05-07 04:35:38 +0000 UTC]

Heartrending. Beautiful as always, darling.

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Kamal-Q [2010-05-07 00:06:53 +0000 UTC]

The way you've got it phrased matches the emotional content you convey - nice work man

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