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How to Live with Introverts (PDF available!)
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Published: 2012-03-20 04:06:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 1232884; Favourites: 14557; Downloads: 6322
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Description
I thought a lot of folks out there could benefit from learning how to with introverted people.I drove my ex crazy by being introverted. He thought that I was being "distant" and "purposely ignoring him as part of a passive-aggressive power play". Here I was just enjoying his company without talking.
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Chinese translation: www.guokr.com/post/411816/
Polish translation: imageshack.us/a/img827/110/int…
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Comments: 3174
This is about personality. Intro/extroversion is a major component of personality. How does that fact alone equate that a guide isn't necessary. Have you even taken psychology? Personality is a very complex concept, so categorizing and understanding personality types is very helpful in psychology. If you can't understand that, then don't claim to.
I just told you, the comic is meant to help people understand introverts based on one introvert's experiences. I defend this comic because you don't seem to understand that it is not about making anyone look better than the other. Extroverts get energy from socializing, introverts do not. Extroverts need to socialize, introverts need alone time to recharge. It literally says that. This is not an issue about pity, it only explained the differences. And pointing out how you seem to be suggesting extroverts can't handle things is not me suggesting any time of pity is needed. Never at any time did I say introverts were better and never at any time did I say extroverts were better. I did not say introverts were incapable of handling the fact some people will not like them. But wouldn't it be nice for people to understand why you are such a stuck-up loner? I said before, the majority of people are extroverts. Extroverts generally don't need to explain to people why they like to socialize. Since you didn't believe me when I said the world is tailored for extroverts, link link
I didn't say your opinion is wrong, I just said it wasn't your place to demand something from the artist because you had an issue with the comic. It is very insulting and disrespectful.
For the record, it wouldn't be the same. The artist is not an extrovert, so making a comic from the opposite perspective wouldn't have the same type of personal experience to back it up. How can you not understand that? It is one thing to understand another group of people, it is another to tell people how to interact with a group of people you don't belong to. It would be like me saying you shouldn't let a Jew eat pork. I can understand eating pork is against their beliefs, but I have no place telling you what you should restrict from that Jew when the Jew perfectly capable of saying so themselves. Does that make me hypocritical for saying you shouldn't let a Jew eat pork? No, not really.
If you want a comic like this for extroverts, find one made by an extrovert.
It is hypocritical of you to say this comic makes one side look bad, then proceed to make one look better by making the other look bad. That has been the entire basis of your argument, that introverts are 'the most selfish people' and extroverts are 'kind and caring.' So don't give me that pile of hypocrisy.
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Okay, your first link is more about gender, and these are both from the same author, more specifically the opinion of one person. Since you don't take mine seriously, I will not take Cain's seriously.
And I'm not being a hypocrite. I'm just evening out what this comic said by defending the other side.
You don't seem to get that I feel that this comic is insulting. To both sides, but more so to extroverts.
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Both are not from the same author. One is by Jenna Goudreau, who referenced Cain, and the other is by Vanessa Barford. Further, it talked about how introverts have to make themselves 'more extrovert,' in a sense, because that's the way society works; the main focus was not about genders.
You were being hypocritical. Saying, "Introverts have got to be the most selfish people on the planet" and then going off and telling everyone else you should not refer to extroverts as "obnoxious energy-suckers" while saying the comic is biased because it makes one side look bad is hypocritical. Defending the other side should never involved bringing the other side down.
I do understand you feel this comic is insulting. But you feel it's insulting to somebody other than yourself as if you can accurately represent them. What if no extroverts found this insulting? Then all you are doing is getting insulted on somebody else's behalf when it isn't necessary. You also stated the comic helped no one as if it were fact, yet an extrovert (Kira-kitty15) commented saying, "Yes! This has helped me and my boyfriend understand each other that one step further. Me = Extrovert, Him = Introvert." And another user(Uzaji-chan) said, "My friend is the introvert and im the extrovert. I'M A VAMPIRE THAT SUCKS ALL HAPPINESSS!!!! But I give some too! Sometimes... Not really. But yeah, this is MY FRIEND. EXACTLY LIKE MY FRIEND. but she's a girl. she did find me annoying at first because i seemed really pushy and annoying and i didn't really give her any space and this guide really helps me understand her more. thank you! :3 but after awhile she got used to it and she started being pushy and annoying too lol" So saying it is insulting really doesn't do you much good when an extrovert, one of the people you are trying to defend because the comic is "insulting," is not insulted in the least but is actually grateful for it. It helped an extrovert understand why an introvert appeared to be too quiet or anti-social or a stuck-up loner.
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Call it whatever you want, but it's fairness, not hypocrisy.
Then let me have my opinion and leave it alone. It's ridiculous, the lengths you're going to to try to prove me wrong when there is nothing to prove. I'm balanced between introversion and extroversion, and I've been offended. I feel like half of me has been called annoying, and the other half has been called helpless. That's the end of it. Why is that so hard to understand?
You can throw facts at me all you want, but you won't change how I feel.
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Hypocrisy is not fairness no matter what way you throw it.
You had began by saying you were an aggressive introvert, so it felt as if you were trying to defend a group of people who were the exact opposite of you when they didn't need you to defend them. Now that you're calling yourself someone more balanced(disregarding the inconsistency), I can understand better. However, I don't think this comic really applies to more balanced people as much, since they have characteristics of both. It's just different than being an introvert or being an extrovert. So the differences in our views with this may boil down to something like this: You view this comic as saying there is something wrong with both introverts and extroverts; most introverts probably view it as saying there is nothing wrong with them, they just associate with people differently; extroverts might view it as saying that introverts aren't stuck-up loners, they just associate with people differently.
I still don't feel like it was polite of you to tell the artist to make another comic because you had an issue with it. You might have just wanted a second comic, but it felt demanding. I've had people demand I take a request I made for them off dA because it wasn't exactly to their liking and demand one slightly different, and stuff like that doesn't sit well with me.
Can I say sorry? I got defensive because it felt like you were saying introverts don't deserve people to be considerate to them every now and then because introverts are just selfish, stuck-up loners while extroverts are saints that don't need to understand introverts. So when it came across that way, I felt like I had to prove that it was more balanced than what you seemed to be saying. Hence my emphasis on 'both' and 'understand.'
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I prefer to think of it as evening the insult score for the side that otherwise can't argue for itself because it isn't present.
And, you know what, I need to apologize too. Reading back, I did sound demanding and insensitive, but I guess that's what happens when you feel hurt.
The only reason I even get upset at introvert/extrovert junk, (and you probably really don't care about this, but I'm telling it anyway), is because my ex-best friend, (she betrayed me in a really bad way, but that's another story), used to claim to be severely introverted all the time, largely due to social anxiety, and she used to try to tell me I was extroverted simply because I didn't freak out over being in crowded places like she did. Yet, whenever I'd sit and be quiet and just watch and listen, (as introverts tend to do), she'd look at me and ask if there was something wrong. It wasn't really even an issue of introvert understanding extrovert, it was like...introverts not understanding each other, I guess. So, as your articles suggested, I made myself more extroverted to fit what I believed my then best friend thought I was, which is why I take both sides. I feel one way, yet had to live up to the other. Eventually just accepted it as a "both complex," I guess.
So now, whenever understanding debates and blah come up, it really grinds my gears because..bad experience. In my world, understanding and trying to teach understanding was impossible and tedious because I always had someone near me who claimed that their way was THE way of that personality, and if you weren't up to par with that, you simply weren't in that category.
I think it makes me upset because it seems very...black and white in this comic. Not all introverts are super quiet and junk, (or even get energy drained like that as it claims), and not all extroverts are just, "omg let me talk to you forever" social butterflies. It's actually kind of misleading and only applies to a small group of either side. 'Cause, I mean really, someone can be introverted, yet still know how to take care of business in a public setting. And someone can be extroverted, yet still get choked up and quiet if they feel embarrassed in public or whatever.
It's not black and white because, like you said, personalities are so complicated, and probably shouldn't be treated as such.
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I still don't like that, but I'm going to let it drop. I need to learn to be less stubborn sometimes.
Yeah, I can understand that. People will just lash out in whatever ways they can, whether or not they realize how the message comes across.
I don't mind listening, don't worry about it. Your problem with your friend sound basically like friends not quite understanding each other. I don't have that problem since my best friend and I are so similar. Taking both sides isn't bad, since you do have a bit of both worlds, but I guess it can put you in an interesting spot that's difficult to understand since people tend to group others into 'introvert' and 'extrovert,' and that can cause problems for people who don't necessarily fit into either category. Learning I was an introvert helped me because people kept telling me I had to have more fun and go to school dances, but those things weren't really what I wanted to do and nobody seemed to understand that. Maybe if you could find something that was geared more toward understanding those people with the 'both complex,' it would help you feel more understood like learning I was introvert did for me.
I can understand that now. This all makes more sense now that I know you aren't as much of an introvert as I initially thought you were. Understanding people is difficult, especially when they act different in different situations. Which was probably part of your problem. It happens to me sometimes too, I have slightly different personalities depending on who I am with. Earlier, you said something about there being no absolute introvert or extrovert, and that's completely true. People and personalities are so complicated because of that. If everything was as simple as pure extrovert or introvert, we probably wouldn't have been arguing in the first place.
I'm really glad we're not arguing about this anymore. Most arguments I have end on a bad note because there's either a misunderstanding, or I'm too stubborn to let the other person get the last word. Most of the time though, I avoid conflict.
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Oh, believe me, I'm ridiculously stubborn too. That's probably why this went on as long as it did.
But yeah, the understanding thing isn't really an issue for me. The sympathy part is, though. It's hard for me to pass sympathy out, since I never got any with my own situation. But I guess that's because my whole family is more extroverted while I'm more introverted, and my ex friend thought she was the only one allowed to be shy in crowds or whatever. Blah...
It sounds like you and I aren't so different. We obviously both have strong feelings about..well, our feelings, lol.
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Most likely. I just have a hard time letting other people have the last word. It would always drive my mom nuts when my sister and I got into an argument.
That makes sense. I wish people would have understood you more, it probably would have helped a lot. I have a friend who likes to complain about his life and it's hard to sympathize with him when he turns things toward his bad situation whenever I complain about something in my life. I had to learn not to trust him with my feelings. With him, it feels like I'm not allowed to have social anxiety problems because his social anxiety is worse or something like that. So I can understand that it's frustrating when your ex friend acted like she was the only one allowed to be shy.
True enough. It think it's a good thing, despite it being part of what caused our argument.
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I wonder if that's a common thing amongst people with social issues like that; acting like they're the only ones allowed to have problems because they're "worse" or whatever. Kinda makes you lose sympathy for those people. No wonder social issues aren't really taken seriously, though. My ex friend would always roll her eyes at my issues and try to say hers were worse, or mine weren't the same, and all that. I eventually just stopped feeling sorry for her because I felt that she simply didn't deserve it. She certainly wasn't appreciating it, at any rate.
But the awesome thing is that karma continues to bite her in the butt for being a traitor and being so selfish. :)
Must be those repelling poles, lol.
You're pretty good at arguing. xD
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It must be. I can understand why they do that(because they're issues aren't taken seriously) but it doesn't make it any less annoying when they have to emphasize their problems like their life is harder than anyone else's. I don't want to be rude to my friend, but I'm kind of looking forward to when our friendship dies. I'm not going to suddenly end our friendship, but I'm not really going to try to maintain it. Mostly because I've lost sympathy for him. He's always negative about everything, it's hard to be sympathetic to someone like that. So, yeah, I understand completely.
I simultaneously feel sorry for her and feel happy she got was she deserved. XD
Must be.
I can be sometimes. Texting arguments I usually do fairly well, but I'm a weak speaker. I'd never be able to have a face-to-face argument with someone I don't know. It's alright with people I do know, but that's more up in the air. I just hate being wrong. I know I should just drop things and accept when I'm wrong more often than I do. It's a flaw of mine I should work on. On the bright side, I bounce back from arguments well. I don't hold grudges.
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I love this so much. It is so much like me!
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Hard to say. I'm a person with mild Asperger's syndrome, so sometimes I'll go into introverted mode because I feel too socially awkward. Some people accuse me of being arrogant or uncaring because of it, and that's really not the case. I can actually be really extroverted in a positive way depending on the environment and people around me- but it is hard getting out of the hamster ball. Pretty much anybody who earns my trust (and I've had many people break it before by betrayal) has it permanently and I'm quite loyal. But until then I'm quite distant
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I'm exactly the same. At the beggining, I don't really want to talk, but when people talk to me and earn my trust, I slowly "get more extroverted", but it takes a looong time. But when I'm with a great friend, I'm a completely diffrent person from the one I'm in public!
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This is so incredibly perfect. I've seen this before and have been wishing I could find it again. As an introvert, I have a grand total of 3 people who can crawl into my hamster ball with me without permission (one being my husband and the other two being my younger brothers). I especially love the energy generation idea. This really is just too perfect.
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Your username is awesome
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Always nice to see that I'm not alone with this
And your description is as perfect as it gets, thank you for sharing it
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Ahh, I wish everyone I knew could see this. You really hit the nail on the head with this! Thank you for creating this fun little guide
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I am a extremly introvert person and this gave me a big smile ^^ Thank you for making this!
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I shall be showing this to people who think I am being mean by not saying anything to them, when really I'm just not spending my energy on menial conversation.
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....This picture summed up how i live my whole life...
nice guide ^^
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How can I tell if I'm introvert? I feel like that description is like me. But sometimes I'm not like this though. SO CONFUSED!!
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My Lord. You explain this better than anyone I've ever met. Thinking about it, Mom's an introvert too. I should show this to her sometime. : D
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That's a sacrily accurate description right there.
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nice to know that not all think introverts hate everything about being social
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I'm an introvert, and I do enjoy socializing. Just not too much socialization, it wears me out.
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That's me 100%.
Pft, and family are all extraverts who want constant attention.
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Ouch, that sounds rough for everyone involved.
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This describes me in so many ways.
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If someone ever lives with me, this will probably be a good starting guide for them.
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you have my permission to hug me.....
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YOU'RE WELCOME!!!!
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I my self am an introvert & I appreciate your understanding. I like to joke w/ my friends that: if I can slap you your too close.
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I guess I'm introverted judging from the similarities I have with this.
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WOW. Someone really understands! This description is a dead-on accurate picture of me, also my mother... I think I always knew what my "problem" was, but seeing it from someone else's perspective clears up any doubts. Thank You!!!!!
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You're welcome! Glad I could help you!
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My friend is the introvert and im the extrovert. I'M A VAMPIRE THAT SUCKS ALL HAPPINESSS!!!! But I give some too! Sometimes... Not really. But yeah, this is MY FRIEND. EXACTLY LIKE MY FRIEND. but she's a girl. she did find me annoying at first because i seemed really pushy and annoying and i didn't really give her any space and this guide really helps me understand her more. thank you! :3 but after awhile she got used to it and she started being pushy and annoying too lol
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Aww, you and your friend sound cute
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Thank you!~ She moved away though... and I'm all alone....
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