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Chapter 29: The Moon and Back

Author’s Note: Hey look, a Gravity Falls picture that has absolutely, literally nothing to do with Gravity Falls.

Your boy CodyLabs actually did his research for this one. Since the moon has no atmosphere, there is no ambient light on its surface, and the only illumination comes directly from the sun. This makes all the shadows very crisp and dark. In addition, the lunar surface is so bright and reflective that the stars cannot be seen from the surface during the daytime, since the glare overpowers what little light they emit.

Also, the lunar soil contains comparatively high ratios of aluminum, iron, and titanium, meaning that (even in real life) it would be extremely fertile soil for you-know-what.

Waitwaitwait, actually you all don't even know what I'm talking about, do you? Yeah, you have to read the chapter first. Go ahead.

Nightmares.
Terrible nightmares.
Wendy was sick. The horrendous crash of the ship had racked her body with radiation, destroying her immune system and plunging her into delirium and fever. Her nose and eyes ran strange fluids, her muscles were weak, she was so tired, but her enemies had no such handicaps.
She was coming. No, she’s already here. She’s already been here… She came, she saw, she conquered, she did it again. He’s dead again! The despicable, hyperintelligent monster swore to murder every man woman and child in this entire town and she did! Everyone’s gone, and I’m the only one left!
And now she’s hunting you in the dark. And her voice is whispering taunts in your ear as you gasp for your last breath. “You messed up.” Gloating triumph hissing between dripping fangs. “You don’t know my work, and you can’t undo it all. I still know you. I still remember you. I still watch you, but all the more intently now, because I put together what you did. Once again you will come to the end of yourself… Murderer…”
The spear stabbed Wendy in the stomach.
Wendy opened her eyes, and sat bolt upright in bed.
And she felt…
Good.
She felt fresh, well-rested, alert, strong… Really good…
Too good to be true.
Much to good.
She looked around her room, searching for evidence to either confirm or deny her hopes and her fears and the nightmare that used to be true. What happened? What reality is this? Which side of my brain is telling the truth right now?
She gingerly felt over her body, searching for the bruises and stabs and burns of battle. She found a few, but they were small, and of the ordinary variety. On the inside, she didn’t hurt at all.
How about… How about the broken axe? The one that got shattered during Dipper’s duel to the death. Her eyes darted to her windowsill, but it wasn’t there anymore… She finally located it leaning by the foot of her bed beside her crossbow. It was all fixed.
Where was his journal? The book she kept as a guide in his absence… It wasn’t on her desk anymore. Instead of the blue, leather-bound book, there was just her own scrappy, spiral-bound diary, opened to the most recent page. Small words in her own handwriting had been scrawled in the center of the paper.
Never forget.
She stared at the words for a moment, long enough for her mind to finish waking up. By the time it did, she came to remember what was true. She took a deep breath, rubbed the last of the sleep from her eyes, and got out of bed.
Never forget.
Her dad was waiting in the kitchen, flipping through what looked like a stack of photographs. “Hey dad.” She mumbled. “…What’s goin’ on? I thought you’d be at work.”
“SUNDAY.” He grunted.
“Oh yeah…” She blinked. “Right. Yeah. I guess it would be…”
“ ’WOULD BE’ MY PITS. IT IS SUNDAY.”
“Uh… Yeah. Right. That’s what I meant.” Wendy glanced at the calendar.
“MADE YA BREAKFAST.” He pushed a plate of eggs and sausage toward her.
“Oh… Thanks.”
She ate in silence for a few minutes, scarcely believing how ordinary their food and conversation was. Across the table, her dad kept flipping through the photos, mumbling and grunting quietly under his breath as he scratched his neck restlessly. They must be something important to him. Something that riled him up inside, made him remember, or made him think. Maybe they were pictures of mom.
“What ya got there?” She asked.
“NOTHIN’.” He lied.
“Hmm.” She nodded.
Yeah, probably mom.
Wendy took another bite of eggs, and pulled out the time machine as she chewed. She rotated the device slowly in her hands, watching the light reflect off the symbol on the front, plucking the pull-tab curiously, and thinking.
Thinking of Dipper. Thinking of Betty and Barney. Thinking of the shapeshifter. Thinking of mom.
Thinking of time.
Thinking of fate.
Thinking of death.
Oh, curses, will I have to deal with these thoughts for the rest of my life? These Grim thoughts, thoughts of danger and horrendous responsibility and that awful lonely heroism, standing in the dark with no one beside her… Murder. Wendy the murderer. She clutched the time machine a little tighter.
“WHAT YA GOT THERE?” He asked.
“Nothin’.” She lied.
“HMM.” He nodded.
Never forget.
Breakfast continued in silence.

Dipper opened his eyes.
He’d barely slept a wink last night, and he didn’t even feel tired this morning. The first thought on his waking mind was the same one he’d finished the night with:
I ASKED WENDY OOOOUT!
I FINALLY DID IT! I FINALLY ACTUALLY DID IT FOR REAL AND SHE SAID YEEEEES!
YAAAAY!
He looked down at himself, and realized that he’d spent the entire night still fully dressed. In fact, not only was he still covered in jeans and a flannel jacket, but he was still wearing most of his armor. Apparently, he’d had so much craziness on his mind that he’d quite forgotten any of it was still there. Or maybe just because he’d spent the entire day in armor, and so had Wendy, so he left it on because it reminded him of her… Hmm… Well, now that he thought about it, that was kind of obsessive and weird. But maybe she wouldn’t mind a little obsessive weirdness now that she was his… Girlfriend…?
AAAAGH GIRLFRIEND THAT’S TOO MUCH NO I CAN’T DO THAT I’M JUST THIRTEEN!
…Naw. Naw, she ain’t my girlfriend. Just a girl I’m hanging out with.
Yeah. Let’s say that.
This was all such a HUGE deal for him.
When he got down to the kitchen, the whole family was still hunched around the table, chewing on Melodesserts (They were basically just biscuits with jam, but something had to replace last Summer’s atrocious ‘Stancakes’.)
“Hey. G’morning.” He addressed the family, as he grabbed a biscuit.
“Greetings.” Ford nodded.
“Hang loose, dawg.” Soos cocked a finger-gun at him.
“How’s it going, Dipper?” Melody smiled.
Stan looked up from the newspaper. “Diddja get any last night?”
Dipper frowned. “…Get any what?”
“Kisses.” Ford sighed, as he shot a sharp glance at his brother. “He’s asking if you got any kisses.”
“AAAGH! AHH! UHH. NOPE.” Dipper’s face when red, and he shook his head a little harder than would probably be normal. “NOPE NO. HUH-UH. I just… Yeah. No. I don’t think she even likes me really. I mean… She’s Wendy, you know Wendy, she’s too cool for… That. Yeah, I just asked her on a date. It’s no big deal. Nooooo big deal aaaaaaat aaaaaall- hey, why’s everyone staring at me?”
“HMPH.” Stan flicked the newspaper back up in front of his face. “Yer sister made it sound like a huge deal.”
“Yeah, she would, wouldn’t she…” Dipper scoffed, and glanced around the table. “Hey, where is she anyway?”
“WAITING FOR HER CUE!” She appeared at the top of the stairs at that precise moment, wearing a new indigo sweater that said ‘brobot’, and had a picture of a robot wearing Dipper’s hat. She slid noisily down the banister, and speed-strutted her way into the kitchen. A grander, more Mabel-esque entrance could not have been imagined.
But Dipper was still highly confused, because there was something sitting on top of Mabel’s head. Something he thought had been lost days ago. Something that had mysteriously disappeared in a flash of blue light. Something he knew was dangerous.
Juan.
“Hey!” Dipper said.
“My word!” Ford adjusted his glasses. “Where’d you find it?”
“Dudes, it’s that one robot bro!” Soos pointed.
“Don’t put it on your head!” Stan barked. “It’s got saws!”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry! Don’t worry!” Mabel untangled her hair from his treads, and brought him down. “He’s good! He’s friendly again, and sorry for sawing me! Aren’t you good and sorry, Juan?”
“You know perfectly well that that thing is too dangerous to live!” Ford drew a magnet gun. (He’d been keeping one handy ever since the whole robo-fiasco began.)
“NUH UH!” Mabel whipped out her phone, and held it in front of Juan. “If you shoot him, then you’ll fry my phone too, and then you’ll have to answer to my parents!”
“Curses!” Ford eased off the trigger.
Juan extended his saws and began casually chewing on the phone. Mabel didn’t care.
“Come on, Mabel!” Dipper told her. “Don’t be unreasonable about this. You know we have to kill these things after all that’s happened… It’s just responsible… And wait, where did you find it anyway?”
Mabel turned to him and smiled. “Dipper!” She beamed.
“Umm… Yeah, hi…”
She threw both arms around him and squeezed. Juan’s saws buzzed in her right hand uncomfortably close to his shoulder blades. “IT’S YOU! IT’S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU!”
“Yep!” He gasped for air in her embrace. “Yeah, I’m still me, thanks for asking. Not so tight please. Now, you have some explaining to do.”
“Not as much as you do, Romeo!” She released him from the hug, and elbowed him. “What were you two talking about last night, huh? Did you get any kisses?”
“I asked first.” Dipper frowned. “And seriously, could you try to stay on-topic for more than 3 seconds at a time?”
“Okay, okay, okay… Alright. Two things.” She said. “First of all: HAPPY TWIN BROTHER DAY!” She threw her arms around Dipper again.
“Gack! …Wait, Twin Brother’s Day isn’t a thing!” He couldn’t pry her loose.
“Yuh-huh! It’s a Hallmark holiday!” She explained. “Some company invented it to sell off their surplus greeting cards, it’s like a total corporate conspiracy, but we won’t buy into their lies! That’s why I didn’t get you a card, just a big hug! It’s a sentimental symbol that my love for you transcends all, up to and including time, space, and death itself!”
“What.”
“And second of all: FAMILY MEETING! I CALL A FAMILY MEETING!” She promptly jumped up on a chair, and made a big, sweeping motion with her arms, corralling everybody toward the kitchen table.
“We’re all here already…” Stan gestured around the table.
“I count as ‘family’, right?” Melody clarified. “As wife of the son-like-figure of the father-like-figure…? Right?”
“Oh yeah, yeah, you’re the new official mother-like-figure!” Mabel scooted her chair up to the table, and plopped herself down among them. “And since we know Abuelita always listens to everything, I guess we’re all here! Okay! Let’s talk about… The plan.”
“For dealing with the robots?”
“Yeah!”
“You mean Wendy and I’s plan?” Dipper clarified. “The whole gravitational reverse-nuke solution?” He realized that Wendy should probably be here for this, but the implications of calling her ‘family’ struck him as much too presumptuous, so he kept quiet.
“That’s part of the plan, but that’s not the whole plan.” Mabel said. “Your plan makes them all die. Every last one of them. And that way nobody will ever be able to use them and love them the way that I do.”
“Mabel…” Dipper said. “I know you hate it, but… They do have to die. I know it’s just been kind of whispered and talked about a lot, but now it’s coming true. The Forest of Daggers is dangerous to us and anybody who might come after us. And if the world of science started poking around in it, a lot of dangerous things could be invented. So it does have to be destroyed.”
For just a moment, a very serious, solemn look crossed Mabel’s face. “I know.” She said. But it passed just as quickly, as she launched onto her next spiel. “…But what if total extinction was more than we needed to stay safe? What if we could… Transplant part of it? Keep it safe until the world is ready for it?”
“Oh really?” Ford crossed his arms. “And would you please elaborate on what you could possibly have in mind?”
“Yep! But before we begin… Has everybody read Betty and Barney’s story?” Mabel asked.
“No.” Melody scratched her head.
“Yes.” Ford nodded.
“Oh, yeah, aren’t they those robot dawgs?” Soos was at least aware that the story existed.
“Who the heck is that?” Stan was not.
“They’re the alien robot people who planted the Forest, way back like a hundred zillion quadrablujlian years ago!” Mabel opened up the alien translation app on a tablet, and set it down on the table. “This is the story that Dipper and Wendy found… Uh… Yesterday. Back in that UFO. This explains everything, and it explains why the robots aren’t bad. They aren’t bad at all, they’re just in the wrong place… Go ahead! Read it!”
So they read it.

Author’s Note:
Aka, the entirety of Chapter 15. You remember that, don’t you?

Soos was ready to cry by the time they reached the end of the document. Melody was at his shoulder comforting him, trying to convince him that their marriage wouldn’t end in lonely death. Ford was pointing out plot holes under his breath, Stan had already lost interest, Abuelita heard everything, and Dipper was first realizing how much of a dork Barney was.
“So you see?” Mabel encouraged them.
“See what?” Dipper asked.
“See that the robot creatures aren’t bad! They’re just regular, innocent animals. Maybe a little too territorial, but in the end, their whole problem is that they just don’t belong on Earth. The only reason they’re here is a misunderstanding; Betty and Barney didn’t know this planet had people, because there were probably only a few Indians in Oregon at that point, who I bet were super easy to miss.”
“Yeah.” Dipper nodded. “I guess.”
“So where do you think they do belong?” Melody asked. “If not on Earth, then where…?” She put a hand over her mouth. “Wow.” She frowned. “You know, the conversations in this house are just the weirdest…”
“Oh no, this is only the most mundane, dude.” Soos patted her hand. “Wait till we get into dream demons and time babies, ha ha!”
“Yeah, yeah, okay, see, here?” Mabel pointed to a place near the middle of the document. “Barney describes their homeworld right here! He said that it’s a little rocky moon with no air.”
“Hmm…” Ford scratched his chin. “It does sound quite similar to a few of Jupiter or Saturn’s larger satellites… Or perhaps the planets Pluto or Mercury, excepting the temperature difference.”
“Yeeeeaaaah, how about something a little closer to home?” Mabel smiled. “Some place like…” She rushed over to the kitchen window, and paused for effect before flinging aside the drapes. “THE MOOOON!”
They all gazed up at her target: the familiar crescent hanging low in the morning sky.
“Okay.” Dipper hummed. “Now I see where you’re going with this.”
“Yeah! Think about it!” Mabel explained. “There’s no people up there! There aren’t even any animals or anything at all that could be hurt or even inconvenienced! Just some old spaceships and flags to chew on! That means if we put them on the dark side, where astronomers can’t see, then they’d never be able to be exploited or used by evil people! Science people of Earth might discover them eventually, but before they can actually get to catch them or see how they work, they’d have time to think about them a long time and get ready for them. Science will have time to be wise with them… And besides… This is what Betty and Barney probably would’ve wanted.”
“Hmm…” Ford nodded. “Fascinating…”
“What…?” Melody frowned. “I mean seriously, what? Are you saying we should put them up there? How? You know you can’t just take a plane! You’d need a… A…” Her eyes drifted over toward the driveway, which was currently being occupied by a fully-functional flying saucer. “Oh yeaaah.”
“Yes, I thought that was the rather obvious part of the plan.” Ford said.
“Even I put that together.” Stan added.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Melody put up her hands. “I’m not used to thinking about stuff like this, alright?”
“Dude!” Soos smiled. “Dude, I love this! Dude! We’re like NASA or something! I never in my life thought I would ever get to be a part of something so surpassingly bodacious! It’s like we all get to be astronauts vicariously! I need to construct a cardboard flight control center post-haste! Who wants to practice saying ‘Houston’ and ‘ignition’ and ‘we are go’ and other space words with me?!?”
“I do!” Mabel hooted.
“Same!” Melody smiled.
“Yes yes, it is quite a fine idea…” Ford muttered, and turned back to his great niece. “Okay Mabel, it sounds like a good idea… And I do quite like it, but let’s think about this, shall we?” He pulled out a paper, and began to sketch a rough outline.
“Yeah! We are go for Operation Pines Colony Dark-Side Alpha™!” Mabel hooted.
“No, not ‘go’! We are not yet go…” Ford told her. “The plan has several fundamental problems that I noticed right away, including but not limited to: 1) the difficulties of remotely controlling a translunar flight on a hillbilly budget, 2) the science of shipping a minimum breeding population for at least dozens of species, 3) the trickiness of keeping the specimens from eating each other during transit or immediately after landing, and 4) the ethical issues of large-scale extraterrestrial cross-contamination.”
“Uhh…” Mabel stared blankly. “Well if Noah could do it with a big wood boat, I bet we can do it with a spaceship!”
“Noah’s ark was the size of a modern-day destroyer.” Ford reminded her. “We have what amounts to a moving van. With a nuclear system powering a gravity drive which we scarcely understand.”
“Er, uh, yeah, well…”
Dipper listened to the ensuing discussion with half an ear. To him, all those technical problems sounded relatively easy to overcome. Most of them could probably be resolved using various clever engineering solutions, or just be handwaved some other way.
All in all, he had to admit that he was actually a little proud of his sister. She’d put a good amount of thought into this. She’d been selfless enough to be recognize when things needed to end, and then be willing to part with the things she cared about; make sacrifices in the name of the greater good. She’d taken the time to be wise. And it was a good idea.
But he did have a few problems. “Hey.” He said. “Uh… Few things. For one, I think Juan’s species may be extinct already. I think he might be the last one left.”
“…Really?” Mabel’s face fell.
“Yeah… Wendy and I smashed a pack of maybe 7 with the saucer yesterday, and I doubt the ecosystem could have ever supported many more large carnivores…”
“Oh. Hmm…” Mabel nodded.
“And secondly, why isn’t Wendy here?” Dipper added. “That flying saucer isn’t ours. Wendy was the one who found it and flew it home. It’s hers. She dibsed it.”
Ford looked up with a frown. “What’s ‘dibs’ mean?”
“Oh, dude, you’ve never heard of ‘dibs’?” Soos asked. “That’s the universal code of laying claim, dude.”
“Her actions seem to be in full compliance.” Melody added with a nod. “Her ownership of the vehicle is unassailable.”
“Yeah!” Mabel piped up. “And she’s part of our extended Mystery Family too, so we really shouldn’t do anything without her!”
“YEAH!” Dipper agreed a little too enthusiastically.
“Alright, alright, fine…” Ford turned back to his sketch. “We won’t be touch the ship today then. You can talk to her about it on your date tonight.”
“AUGH!” Dipper yelped. “Oh… Oh yeah… That… Yeah, that’s actually happening, isn’t it? Wow…”
“Just because you can’t believe it doesn’t make it not so.” Ford winked at him. “That’s a common thread underlying all science.” The old adventurer stood, rolled up the blueprints for Operation Pines Colony Dark-Side Alpha™, and made for the door. “Come on kids; we’ll definitely need to get McGucket’s input on this.”
“Okay!” Mabel hugged Dipper one last time as they made for the door. He shrugged her off, wondering what all this affection was about.

Wendy spent a good long time in thought, and slowly put it all together into a plan she didn’t like.
“HEY.” Dan finally broke the silence. “BOYS AND I WERE GONNA GO FISHING IN A BIT. YOU WANNA COME?”
When she didn’t respond or react for a minute, he frowned. “HEY!” He repeated, a little louder. “WENDY! YOU WANNA COME?”
“I huh? What?” She broke out of her brooding with a little start. “What’d ya say?”
“I SAID WE’RE GOIN’ FISHING. WANNA COME?”
“Uh… No thanks. I’m good. I’ve got… Things. Stuff. Gotta do today.”
“YA MEAN THAT DATE?”
“Uh… Yeah… That… Too…” She pushed away her unfinished breakfast.
“MM.” He shuffled all the pictures together, and shoved them in his pocket. “WHERE’S THE DATE?”
“Uh… Uh… I dunno, wherever. Like, to tacos or something maybe, and then hang around the arcade if we get bored… I dunno, it was kinda non-specific I guess…” She suddenly changed the topic, and shoved the tape measure into her own pocket. “…Hey dad, can I borrow the truck today?”
“YOU EXPECT US TO WALK TA THE LAKE?”
“Uh… Oh yeah. Right. That… Uh… Never mind.”
“YOU ALRIGHT?” Dan frowned. “YER ACTIN’ REAL CONFUSED.”
“No. Yeah. Well-no. I mean… No, I’m fine… I’m fine…”
Dan stared at her for a minute. “UH… IF YA NEED THE TRUCK FER THE DATE, I COULD DRIVE YA WHEREVER. DROP YOU AND THE GUY OFF IN TOWN. PICK YA UP LATER…”
“Uh… You…? No!” She seemed to regain her focus.
“WHY NOT?”
“’Cause!”
“’CAUSE WHY?”
“You’ll just make it terrible because you won’t like him!”
“WHY NOT? HE ANOTHER ONE LIKE JOE?”
“Look, I know Joe turned out to be a bottom-feeding scum-sucker--”
“YET ‘ERE WE ARE 2 MONTHS LATER AND YA ALREADY GOT ANOTHER ONE I’M GONNA HATE.”
“He ain’t like Joe! And… Aaaaugh, it’s just Dipper! The Pines dude? You know him. Gideon’s nemesis, friends with the Manotaurs, the tree on the zodiac…? You know him, right?”
“YEAH, I’VE MET HIM.” Dan growled. “HE’S A…” He suddenly paused. “WAIT… ‘DIPPER’?”
“Yeah.”
“HIS REAL, ACTUAL NAME… IS DIPPER.”
“No, that’s just a nickname. His real name is a secret.”
Dan blinked.
“Couldn’t make this up if I wanted to.”
“EH… AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’L HATE HIM?”
“’Cause… Uh… ‘Cause you always hate everyone I hang around with! You hated Russ for being a self-important jock, Eli for being a crybaby, the guy with tattoos for just having tattoos, Robbie for wearing eyeliner, Trevor because I don’t even know why but he was scared to death of you, you hated Joe before I did, and you’ll probably hate Dipper too, just because he’s a wimpy little 13-year-old city-boy with a baby face and a squeaky puberty voice!”
Dan set his jaw.
“He’s a what?!?” Her 8-year-old brother (who was about Dipper’s size) popped around the corner, and asked loud enough for the whole cabin to hear. “You’re dating a BABY?!?”
“Haw haw!” Her 11-year-old brother called from the bathroom.
“You sure know how ta pick ‘em, sis!” Her 14-year-old brother came walking up behind her and reached for the last of her sausage.
“Ya SEE why I don’t tell you guys things?!?” She jammed her fork into the table between his fingers, halting his approach toward the meat.
“Oh, you did not just pull a Bishop on me.” He squinted at the fork.
“And you did not just try to take my food.”
“LOOK, WENDY-” Dan started.
“What.” She left the fork in the table straddling his fingers, and crossed her arms.
“WELL…” He caught his tongue, then suddenly reared up and roared at the other kids. “WHAT’RE YOU ALL GAWKING AT? YA READY TO GO YET?”
“Oh yeah!” The eldest rushed out of the kitchen in the direction of his room. “I’ll get the life vests!”
“And I’ll get the nets!” Her youngest brother yelled, and darted up the ladder toward the loft.
“And I’ll grab the boxing gloves!” The middle one stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles. “Won’t be no survivors!”
Once he and Wendy were alone again in the kitchen, Dan turned back to her.
“Y’KNOW WENDY…”
“Dad, you’re always trying to butt into my life! You always have some advice or something to give, and you’re always yelling that advice, and making all these little annoyed grunts and growls whenever I do anything on my own! ‘You need to get a job!’ ‘You need to be more responsible!’ ‘You need to stop hanging out with jerks!’ ‘You need to do more sports!’ But I think I’m fine! I think my life isn’t super terrible, and I think it’s actually… Like… I think I’m turning out okay… I think it’s all going well… I think… I think… I think if you left me alone, I could know what I’m doing… I could figure it out… I dunno.”
Dan frowned. “IS THAT HOW I ACT?”
“Well… Yeah, sometimes, I guess. I dunno.”
“…WELL I DO MEAN IT. I’M NOT TRYIN’ TA BE MEAN, BUT I MEAN ALL I SAY.”
“Yeah. I know.”
The table was silent for a moment, while they both thought about things.
“LISTEN, WENDY… I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YER DATING. I MEAN… YER OLD ENOUGH… AND… UH… THIS KID SEEMS LIKE A DECENT KID FROM WHAT I’VE HEARD.”
“Yeah, I know.” Wendy grunted. “He’s the best. Like I been saying.”
“GREAT!”
“Great!”
“...ALRIGHT, SO WHY IN BLAZES ARE YOU SO UPSET, HUH?!?”
“Because…!” Wendy rubbed her face through her hands. “Because… No, it’s not the date. The date’s okay. The date’s fine. The date’s great…! Oh, heck, the date doesn’t even matter… It’s not about the date.”
“WELL THEN WHAT’S IT ABOUT?”
She glared at him.
“I AIN’T TRYIN’ TA BUTT IN, I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW THE HECK I CAN HELP! I JUST WANNA KNOW MY LITTLE GIRL’S OKAY, OKAY?!?”
She set her jaw. “…It’s a secret.”
He glared back at her for a few seconds more.
He hated this. He hated when things were needlessly cryptic. He hated when people were mysterious or vague. He hated when he couldn’t understand things that had every right to be simple. He hated when there was nothing concrete he could do to fix things. But most of all, he hated seeing his own daughter suffer. He hated this. But if she didn’t want to talk, there wasn’t much he could do. There wasn’t anything he could do.
He may as well leave. “WE’LL BE BACK BY FOUR.” He grunted as he stood up from the table. “I’LL DRIVE YA BOTH TO THE DATE, AND I WON’T ‘THROW A FUSS’ OR RUIN ANYTHING… I’LL JUST BE THE DAD. JUST THE DAD.”
“Ugh… Alright.”
“ALRIGHT.”
He made for the door, buckling up his suspenders as he did.
“Wait…” Wendy mumbled behind him. He turned around to see her standing now too. “Uh… Hey… How soon are you leaving?”
“ROUND ’BOUT NOW.”
“…Do you think you could give me a lift? On your way to fishing? Just… Drop me off somewhere?”
“WHERE YA NEED TA GO?”
“Uh…” She hesitantly started for her room, as she shoved the tape measure into her pocket. “…McGucket manor first, I think… Then there’s a place up in the hills. I just… I think I need to do something… Lemme grab some stuff first.”
“…ALRIGHT.”
“Right.”
Ten minutes later, Wendy threw a big, bulging duffle bag into the back of the truck, in next to the fishing supplies. Dan cast a curious glance back at it as he started the engine.
Fifteen minutes after that, they pulled up front of McGucket Manor. Wendy shouldered the bag again, and disappear through the screen door.

“DERN-TOOTIN’ CLOD-HOPPIN’ BREECHES-BENDIN’ BASKET BRISTLES! I reckon I can holler me up a satellite uplink to wrangle ‘er the telemetry past the ionosphere, and from there it ain’t nothin’ but a hop, skip an’ a 20-minute prograde impulse to skedaddle ‘er into lunar orbit!”
“Yes.” Ford agreed. “But-”
“C’mere! We need to start a-fiddly-jinkerin’!”
Needless to say, McGucket quite liked the plan. He half-dragged Ford up an ornate flight of stairs, off toward the mansion’s design and fabrication wing, while Dipper and Mabel followed behind at a more leisurely pace.
“Well, he seems to like it.” Mabel stated the obvious. “But you know, before we launch it, you and Wendy should totally go on a date in that thing! Like, fly it to the beach or something! As a test flight for both the moon mission and for your heavenly love affair!”
“Okay, look Mabel.” Dipper spun on her. “First of all, Wendy and I aren’t ‘in love’. ‘In love’ is for creeps, old-timey heroes, and song writers. And second, I think you’re seriously underappreciating the inherent dangers of nuclear… Uh… Uh…”
A far-away sort of look crossed his face, and his voice tapered off as he stared over her shoulder down the hall.
“Nuclear what? Nuclear bonding? Hyuk hyuk!”
“Yeah, uh… Uh… Bonding” Dipper stared.
“Huh? What’s with you?” Mabel turned around to follow his gaze, and saw the source of his distraction: Wendy herself was in the hall. She must have just come up the stairs from the lobby just a few minutes behind them, and was walking the other direction. She rounded a corner out of sight without noticing them. “Oh, I see….” Mabel smiled. “And to think that you just had the audacity to tell me you’re not mindlessly head-over-heels in love with her.”
“Huh… So she’s here too…” Dipper’s absentmindedly shuffled his feet. “She looks like she could use help carrying that bag. It looks heavy.”
“Ooooh, yeah, I bet she’s just waiting for some strapping young man to walk up and help her with it.” Mabel stifled a laugh.
“Uh… Wait, what did you say?”
Mabel put a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “I said that you are clearly enamored. Go to her.”
“Huh? Uh… Okay, might as well, I suppose.” He began walking down the hallway after her, obviously putting in an effort to keep it calm, chill, and slow.
They grow up so fast. Mabel chuckled to herself, then decided to follow Stan and Ford to wherever they’d ended up.
When she found them, the laboratory was in pandemonium.
McGucket was quite engrossed with scrawling notes, graphs, and computations over papers, notebooks, and the wall, while his handwriting suffered from an energetic jig his legs were dancing. An incomprehensible amalgamation of redneck slurs and highly sophisticated technobabble poured from his mouth, and Ford seemed just as lost as Mabel trying to keep up with any of it.
“But…! Fiddleford, wait! Hold on! So you really don’t think automatic correction for errors in the telemetry network will be a problem?”
“’Problem’? By me granny’s buried bonnet, there’s loads a’ problems, problems through the whole plan! Just like old times, wouldn’t ya say? Why, my pal Ernie said we’d NEVER perfect a self-sustaining transuniversal polydimensional metavortex, but you and I had that thing purrin’ in 10 months flat, didn’t we?”
“No! I mean yes, but…! I mean the whole project, it’s not feasible! I don’t think we can actually launch a lunar mission within any sort of reasonable timeframe, and considering the rather limited resources at our disposal-”
“Aw, shut yer yaps an’ bar the door! This’s gotta be the best darn-tootin’ project what ever come across me desk! If ye woulda’ told me a year ago that I’d be jury-rigging the autonomous launch of an extrateralien spaceship for the good of mankind, I woulda fed ya ta the beavers!”
“Well… If you say so, I suppose. But what about internal space? It isn’t a large vehicle, and I’d like to know how we’d-”
“Why, I’d tell ya the same think I told my pappy as a young’n! When we’s was trying to figure how ta fit all our cows in the house after the barn blew down, I told him we’d have loads of room if’n we just magnetized ‘em to the ceiling!”
“What.”
“Here!” McGucket pushed a calculator and a pencil into Ford’s hands, and gave him an old scrap of cardboard to write on. “You hornswaggle up a differential model for the gravitational thruster dipole so’s we can get ‘er flying in a straight line, and I’ll get to sketchin’ on a retracting stasis harness fer the critters! We can patch up some of the tanks from yer ol’ bunker, eh?”
“Umm…” Ford looked down at the cardboard. “You mean, like, right now?”
“Oh, calm down, ya sissy! I already pulled the numbers on power efficiency and gyroscopic tolerance yersterevenin’! It’s right over there on the ‘puter!”
“All right… Uh…” Ford turned toward the computer.
“No, not that one! Use the super’puter, silly!”
“Oh…” Ford turned to behold the looming mass of McGucket’s supercomputer. “Right… Of course… The supercomputer…” He scratched his head and turned back to Mabel. “Well.” He said. “Uh… McGucket seems to think that… Umm…”
“He thinks we can do it?” Mabel asked hopefully.
McGucket yelped and slapped his knee. “DO IT?!? IT’S TOO HORN-SWAGGLIN’ COOL TA NOT DO! EE-HEE-HEE-HAW-HAW!” He spat, evoking a loud ring from a spittoon by his desk.
“Yes.” Ford nodded. “Yes, he thinks we can do it. Umm… Daresay, I believe he’s getting into one of his moods. Looks like we’ll be busy at this awhile… Alright, you and Mason try not to get into any trouble while I’m busy. I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Alright!”
She skipped out of the room, and ran almost straight into her brother again.
“Woah, hey Dipstick! Looks like we’re go for launch! Where’s Wendy? Did you talk to her about names for kids yet? I was thinking either ‘Tyrone’ or-”
“Mabel, SHH!” Dipper waved for her to be quiet, and glanced over his shoulder. “Hey.” He started, in a low voice. “Did McGucket ever build a… Death ray that you know of?”
“Uh…” Mabel did know of a death ray… But they’d only ever used it a few days from now though, after Dipper died… “Uh… No!” Mabel smiled as innocently as possible.
“Yeah, I know, I’ve never heard of the weapon either…” Dipper scratched his head and began to mutter to himself under his breath. “So how did Wendy know about it then…? And why did she just walk into a dark room, find it in an unlabeled box, stuff it in a bag, and walk back out without taking the instruction manual? What’s she doing with it, and where’s she going…? It doesn’t make any sense… Should I talk to her? Should I help? What doesn’t she want me to know, and why…?”
“HA HA! I don’t know!” Mabel’s heart began to beat nervously. “I bet you’re just imagining stuff! I personally find it highly unlikely that McGucket would build an ultra-powerful death ray in secret for the express purpose of killing robots. Naturally I would have no reason to lie about something like that; you’re the one acting suspicious!”
He shot her a sharp glance. “Also, it occurs to me that you never did explain where you found Juan.” He nodded to the creature tucked into her sweater like a kangaroo pouch. “Or how he disappeared. Or at least why it wouldn’t be an issue anymore…”
“Oh, psh, yeah, uh… Uh… I guess he just inexplicably found his way up to our room again…” Mabel shrugged. “And… Uh… I think his disappearing was just… You know, just one of those things? Like, things happen, and maybe they have a reason, or maybe they don’t, and maybe they used to have one reason but now the reason is different, but all you can really do is take them for what they are and deal with the consequences… You know, like taxes!”
“Seriously? That’s what you’re going with?”
“MIND-WIPE!” She mind-wiped him.
He peeled it off his face in annoyance. “This is a baby wipe.”
“Yeah, but it’s still funny though.”
He held her eye for a minute. “If he asks, tell Ford I’ve gone ghost-hunting.”
And then he turned and sprinted away.

Dan’s daughter came back out of the mansion in a few minutes. Her duffle bag looked considerably bigger and heavier now as she wordlessly tossed it in the load bed and climbed back into the cab. They briefly consulted a map for their next destination, then pulled out of the lot.
Half an hour later, they came to a stop near the end of a narrow logging road.
“Are we there yet?” The youngest brother whined.
“Heeey, this isn’t the lake!” The oldest brother observed.
“I wanna wrassle some fish!” The middle brother explained.
“THIS THE PLACE?” Dan asked.
“Yeah.” Wendy opened the door and stepped down. “Close enough.”
She stumbled a little under the weight of the duffle bag. As it tilted, Dan caught a glimpse of her makeshift armor through a gap in the zipper. Suddenly wary, he glanced about the trees. “WENDY…” He frowned, and lowered his voice. “IS THIS THE ROBOT PLACE?”
She adjusted the shoulder strap to sit a little tighter. “It’s close enough. Thanks for the ride.” She finally got the bag balanced comfortably on her shoulder, then she pushed the door closed, and started off into the trees.
“WENDY, WH-”
“I’ll be fine, dad.” She said over her shoulder, and never stopped walking. “It’s fine.”
He jumped out of the truck and stomped after her. “WENDY!” He bellowed. “I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FART IF IT’S MY BUSINESS OR NOT, BUT YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON!”
As soon as Dan reached her, she spun around, grabbed his hand, flicked out a knife, and pricked him before he could react. “OW!” He thundered, and drew his hand back. “WHAT?!?”
They both stood there looking at the drop of red oozing from his finger.
“That was just to make sure you’re human.” Wendy said (as if that were any explanation at all). “Sorry… Dad. Sorry. Uh… Do you trust me?”
“I…” He looked from her, to his hand, to the bag, to the truck, to the forest, and for a difficult moment, he wasn’t even sure. “WELL… WELL!” He grunted. “WELL I DO, BUT I’M STILL YER FATHER, AND YER STILL MY GIRL… AND… AND WHAT…?”
“…Then could you let me just go, dad? Just let me do something on my own. It’s kind of private, and kind of important, and I just really don’t… I dunno. Just could you please just trust me?”
He held her eye for a minute. “UH… OKAY… OKAY, I TRUST YA… I JUST… HMM ARIGHT.”
“…Also I’m sorry.” Wendy said. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, dad, and I’m sorry I pricked you just now. I’m sorry. I… I got myself into a big stupid mess, and I’m sorry if it’s causing you trouble… And… When… When I’m not there tonight… Would you tell Dipper I’m sorry? I’m really sorry. Because he deserves one heck of a lot better than all this… And I never meant to break his heart.”
“WAIT… SO YER NOT GOING TO THE DATE?”
“…It’s… Not looking that way.”
“…HMM.”
“It’ll all be better.” Wendy promised. “Tell him it’ll all be better, and that he won’t have a thing to worry about… Neither will you, or Mabel, or anybody else… Soon enough, nobody will.”
“WHAT…?”
“Just… Just tell him that. Tell him it’s nothing personal… And if he wonders where I am and needs to know… Tell him there’s a note on my desk that I want him to read.”
“…HIM? WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU WRITE ANYTHING FOR ME?”
“Do you trust me?”
“STOP ASKING THAT!”
“Because I promise it’ll all be fine!” She told him. “I promise that somehow it’ll all be okay in the end. And nothing can change that! …I promise!”
“WELL… OKAY…”
“Okay.”
“OKAY.”
“Bye dad.” And she started back into the trees; one hand on the duffle bag, one hand in her right pocket. Dan watched until she disappeared from view beyond the trunks and the bushes and the rocks. Until she was gone for good.
A minute or two later, he eased back into the cab.
“Dad, where’s she going?”
He hesitated for a moment, trying piece that very thing together himself. “WELL.” He finally started. “WELL SON… UH… I AIN’T SURE…. I GUESS SOMETIMES YA JUST GET TIRED OF LIVING UNDER SOMEONE ELSE. SOMETIMES YA GET A FEELIN’ THAT YA HAFTA GO OFF AND… DISCOVER YERSELF. GOTTA MAKE YER OWN DECISIONS, GO OFF AND DO THE THINGS THAT’RE IMPORTANT TA YOU ALONE… MAN’S GOTTA GO OUT AND BECOME HIS OWN MAN. FIND ‘IMSELF.”
“But she’s not a man, dad. She’s a girl.”
Dan’s voice rose to an absolutely thundering volume. “AND THAT’S WHY I HAVE NO FRIGGIN CLUE WHAT IN PAUL BUNYAN’S NAME SHE’S DOIN’!” He roared, as he slammed a fist against the steering wheel. “HOW’M I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW GIRL BRAINS WORK?!? I NEVER KNEW WHAT WENT ON INSIDE YER MOTHER, AND I LIVED WITH ‘ER FOR NINETEEN YEARS, REST ‘ER SOUL!! I DUNNO WHAT WENDY’S DOIN! TRYIN’ TA KILL ‘ERSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE BY THE LOOKS OF IT! I DON’T…! RRRRGH! AAAAARGH!” He punched the steering wheel again. This time a piece of plastic broke off the dashboard and bounced off his forehead. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TA DO!”
The boys looked at each other.
“We could go after her!” The oldest one said.
“Yeah, we could trap her in the fishing net!” The youngest one said.
“And I can hit her on the head if she tries to fight!” The middle one waved a heavy stick.
“NO…” Dan growled.
“Or we could just wrassle her! It might work if we all teamed up!”
“And I’ll tickle her so she can’t breathe!”
“No, pull her hair!”
“Yeah, her hair is her weakness.”
“I don’t want to pull her hair! She starts fighting dirty when we do that!
“Last time she bit me!”
“SHUT UP!” Dan barked, and once again looked after her. And he made a decision of his own. “NO. NO, SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING…” He said. “YEAH, SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE’S DOIN’…”
“Well, what is she doing?”
“Yeah, what’s in the bag?”
“Did she tell you why she’s dating a baby?”
Dan put the truck in reverse, and began to back down the hill. “I DUNNO… BUT IT AIN’T NONE OF OUR BUSINESS ANYMORE… SHE’LL COME ‘ROUND.”
“But what if she doesn’t?”
“…IT’LL ALL TURN OUT ALRIGHT.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“…THEN WE GRAB THE GUNS AND THAT BOYFRIEND BABY, AND WE GO SAVE HER.”
“Okay!”

It’s nothing personal…
It’s nothing personal…
That’s what Wendy kept repeating to herself as she stood in the middle of the gap in the trees: the part where the soil was just ever-so-slightly too toxic for normal trees to grow, but with slightly too little metal content for the alien trees to really take root. A few feet to her left stood a particular tree trunk that her and Dipper had spray-painted the last time they were here: DANGER, KILLER ROBOTS BEYOND THIS POINT.
Wendy fitted on the last of her armor, and buckled the helmet into place across her chin. Then she reached into the bag, and removed the last piece of hardware: McGucket’s death ray. He didn’t exactly know she’d taken it, but that didn’t make it stealing, did it? What’s a little theft between friends, especially when she was gonna give it back? Yeah, borrowing. Just borrowing. Besides, it was nothing personal.
Nothing personal…
She began to flip switches and press buttons on the side of the weapon. Finally one of them powered it on, and another one calibrated it. She remembered which one ignited the pilot light, and pressed it just for a test. The barrel of the gun lit up bright pink, now ready to fire a beam that could annihilate anything in a second. Destroy armor, end life, remove any ability the target might have had to change the future or affect the lives of another. The robot lions could probably be immobilized in a single blast, and if not, it was semi-auto until it overheated. Anything of the least capability would be utterly decimated.
She turned it back off, and held the appropriate button at the ready.
And it was NOTHING personal.
It really, really wasn’t, was it?
She pulled out the time machine.
I’m sorry Dipper.
It sure was fun while it lasted, and I KNOW it’ll work out again.
But before something worse happens, to you or anyone else…

I have to undo it all.

Description

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Chapter 29: The Moon and Back

Author’s Note: Hey look, a Gravity Falls picture that has absolutely, literally nothing to do with Gravity Falls.

Your boy CodyLabs actually did his research for this one. Since the moon has no atmosphere, there is no ambient light on its surface, and the only illumination comes directly from the sun. This makes all the shadows very crisp and dark. In addition, the lunar surface is so bright and reflective that the stars cannot be seen from the surface during the daytime, since the glare overpowers what little light they emit.

Also, the lunar soil contains comparatively high ratios of aluminum, iron, and titanium, meaning that (even in real life) it would be extremely fertile soil for you-know-what.

Waitwaitwait, actually you all don't even know what I'm talking about, do you? Yeah, you have to read the chapter first. Go ahead.

Nightmares.
Terrible nightmares.
Wendy was sick. The horrendous crash of the ship had racked her body with radiation, destroying her immune system and plunging her into delirium and fever. Her nose and eyes ran strange fluids, her muscles were weak, she was so tired, but her enemies had no such handicaps.
She was coming. No, she’s already here. She’s already been here… She came, she saw, she conquered, she did it again. He’s dead again! The despicable, hyperintelligent monster swore to murder every man woman and child in this entire town and she did! Everyone’s gone, and I’m the only one left!
And now she’s hunting you in the dark. And her voice is whispering taunts in your ear as you gasp for your last breath. “You messed up.” Gloating triumph hissing between dripping fangs. “You don’t know my work, and you can’t undo it all. I still know you. I still remember you. I still watch you, but all the more intently now, because I put together what you did. Once again you will come to the end of yourself… Murderer…”
The spear stabbed Wendy in the stomach.
Wendy opened her eyes, and sat bolt upright in bed.
And she felt…
Good.
She felt fresh, well-rested, alert, strong… Really good…
Too good to be true.
Much to good.
She looked around her room, searching for evidence to either confirm or deny her hopes and her fears and the nightmare that used to be true. What happened? What reality is this? Which side of my brain is telling the truth right now?
She gingerly felt over her body, searching for the bruises and stabs and burns of battle. She found a few, but they were small, and of the ordinary variety. On the inside, she didn’t hurt at all.
How about… How about the broken axe? The one that got shattered during Dipper’s duel to the death. Her eyes darted to her windowsill, but it wasn’t there anymore… She finally located it leaning by the foot of her bed beside her crossbow. It was all fixed.
Where was his journal? The book she kept as a guide in his absence… It wasn’t on her desk anymore. Instead of the blue, leather-bound book, there was just her own scrappy, spiral-bound diary, opened to the most recent page. Small words in her own handwriting had been scrawled in the center of the paper.
Never forget.
She stared at the words for a moment, long enough for her mind to finish waking up. By the time it did, she came to remember what was true. She took a deep breath, rubbed the last of the sleep from her eyes, and got out of bed.
Never forget.
Her dad was waiting in the kitchen, flipping through what looked like a stack of photographs. “Hey dad.” She mumbled. “…What’s goin’ on? I thought you’d be at work.”
“SUNDAY.” He grunted.
“Oh yeah…” She blinked. “Right. Yeah. I guess it would be…”
“ ’WOULD BE’ MY PITS. IT IS SUNDAY.”
“Uh… Yeah. Right. That’s what I meant.” Wendy glanced at the calendar.
“MADE YA BREAKFAST.” He pushed a plate of eggs and sausage toward her.
“Oh… Thanks.”
She ate in silence for a few minutes, scarcely believing how ordinary their food and conversation was. Across the table, her dad kept flipping through the photos, mumbling and grunting quietly under his breath as he scratched his neck restlessly. They must be something important to him. Something that riled him up inside, made him remember, or made him think. Maybe they were pictures of mom.
“What ya got there?” She asked.
“NOTHIN’.” He lied.
“Hmm.” She nodded.
Yeah, probably mom.
Wendy took another bite of eggs, and pulled out the time machine as she chewed. She rotated the device slowly in her hands, watching the light reflect off the symbol on the front, plucking the pull-tab curiously, and thinking.
Thinking of Dipper. Thinking of Betty and Barney. Thinking of the shapeshifter. Thinking of mom.
Thinking of time.
Thinking of fate.
Thinking of death.
Oh, curses, will I have to deal with these thoughts for the rest of my life? These Grim thoughts, thoughts of danger and horrendous responsibility and that awful lonely heroism, standing in the dark with no one beside her… Murder. Wendy the murderer. She clutched the time machine a little tighter.
“WHAT YA GOT THERE?” He asked.
“Nothin’.” She lied.
“HMM.” He nodded.
Never forget.
Breakfast continued in silence.

Dipper opened his eyes.
He’d barely slept a wink last night, and he didn’t even feel tired this morning. The first thought on his waking mind was the same one he’d finished the night with:
I ASKED WENDY OOOOUT!
I FINALLY DID IT! I FINALLY ACTUALLY DID IT FOR REAL AND SHE SAID YEEEEES!
YAAAAY!
He looked down at himself, and realized that he’d spent the entire night still fully dressed. In fact, not only was he still covered in jeans and a flannel jacket, but he was still wearing most of his armor. Apparently, he’d had so much craziness on his mind that he’d quite forgotten any of it was still there. Or maybe just because he’d spent the entire day in armor, and so had Wendy, so he left it on because it reminded him of her… Hmm… Well, now that he thought about it, that was kind of obsessive and weird. But maybe she wouldn’t mind a little obsessive weirdness now that she was his… Girlfriend…?
AAAAGH GIRLFRIEND THAT’S TOO MUCH NO I CAN’T DO THAT I’M JUST THIRTEEN!
…Naw. Naw, she ain’t my girlfriend. Just a girl I’m hanging out with.
Yeah. Let’s say that.
This was all such a HUGE deal for him.
When he got down to the kitchen, the whole family was still hunched around the table, chewing on Melodesserts (They were basically just biscuits with jam, but something had to replace last Summer’s atrocious ‘Stancakes’.)
“Hey. G’morning.” He addressed the family, as he grabbed a biscuit.
“Greetings.” Ford nodded.
“Hang loose, dawg.” Soos cocked a finger-gun at him.
“How’s it going, Dipper?” Melody smiled.
Stan looked up from the newspaper. “Diddja get any last night?”
Dipper frowned. “…Get any what?”
“Kisses.” Ford sighed, as he shot a sharp glance at his brother. “He’s asking if you got any kisses.”
“AAAGH! AHH! UHH. NOPE.” Dipper’s face when red, and he shook his head a little harder than would probably be normal. “NOPE NO. HUH-UH. I just… Yeah. No. I don’t think she even likes me really. I mean… She’s Wendy, you know Wendy, she’s too cool for… That. Yeah, I just asked her on a date. It’s no big deal. Nooooo big deal aaaaaaat aaaaaall- hey, why’s everyone staring at me?”
“HMPH.” Stan flicked the newspaper back up in front of his face. “Yer sister made it sound like a huge deal.”
“Yeah, she would, wouldn’t she…” Dipper scoffed, and glanced around the table. “Hey, where is she anyway?”
“WAITING FOR HER CUE!” She appeared at the top of the stairs at that precise moment, wearing a new indigo sweater that said ‘brobot’, and had a picture of a robot wearing Dipper’s hat. She slid noisily down the banister, and speed-strutted her way into the kitchen. A grander, more Mabel-esque entrance could not have been imagined.
But Dipper was still highly confused, because there was something sitting on top of Mabel’s head. Something he thought had been lost days ago. Something that had mysteriously disappeared in a flash of blue light. Something he knew was dangerous.
Juan.
“Hey!” Dipper said.
“My word!” Ford adjusted his glasses. “Where’d you find it?”
“Dudes, it’s that one robot bro!” Soos pointed.
“Don’t put it on your head!” Stan barked. “It’s got saws!”
“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry! Don’t worry!” Mabel untangled her hair from his treads, and brought him down. “He’s good! He’s friendly again, and sorry for sawing me! Aren’t you good and sorry, Juan?”
“You know perfectly well that that thing is too dangerous to live!” Ford drew a magnet gun. (He’d been keeping one handy ever since the whole robo-fiasco began.)
“NUH UH!” Mabel whipped out her phone, and held it in front of Juan. “If you shoot him, then you’ll fry my phone too, and then you’ll have to answer to my parents!”
“Curses!” Ford eased off the trigger.
Juan extended his saws and began casually chewing on the phone. Mabel didn’t care.
“Come on, Mabel!” Dipper told her. “Don’t be unreasonable about this. You know we have to kill these things after all that’s happened… It’s just responsible… And wait, where did you find it anyway?”
Mabel turned to him and smiled. “Dipper!” She beamed.
“Umm… Yeah, hi…”
She threw both arms around him and squeezed. Juan’s saws buzzed in her right hand uncomfortably close to his shoulder blades. “IT’S YOU! IT’S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU!”
“Yep!” He gasped for air in her embrace. “Yeah, I’m still me, thanks for asking. Not so tight please. Now, you have some explaining to do.”
“Not as much as you do, Romeo!” She released him from the hug, and elbowed him. “What were you two talking about last night, huh? Did you get any kisses?”
“I asked first.” Dipper frowned. “And seriously, could you try to stay on-topic for more than 3 seconds at a time?”
“Okay, okay, okay… Alright. Two things.” She said. “First of all: HAPPY TWIN BROTHER DAY!” She threw her arms around Dipper again.
“Gack! …Wait, Twin Brother’s Day isn’t a thing!” He couldn’t pry her loose.
“Yuh-huh! It’s a Hallmark holiday!” She explained. “Some company invented it to sell off their surplus greeting cards, it’s like a total corporate conspiracy, but we won’t buy into their lies! That’s why I didn’t get you a card, just a big hug! It’s a sentimental symbol that my love for you transcends all, up to and including time, space, and death itself!”
“What.”
“And second of all: FAMILY MEETING! I CALL A FAMILY MEETING!” She promptly jumped up on a chair, and made a big, sweeping motion with her arms, corralling everybody toward the kitchen table.
“We’re all here already…” Stan gestured around the table.
“I count as ‘family’, right?” Melody clarified. “As wife of the son-like-figure of the father-like-figure…? Right?”
“Oh yeah, yeah, you’re the new official mother-like-figure!” Mabel scooted her chair up to the table, and plopped herself down among them. “And since we know Abuelita always listens to everything, I guess we’re all here! Okay! Let’s talk about… The plan.”
“For dealing with the robots?”
“Yeah!”
“You mean Wendy and I’s plan?” Dipper clarified. “The whole gravitational reverse-nuke solution?” He realized that Wendy should probably be here for this, but the implications of calling her ‘family’ struck him as much too presumptuous, so he kept quiet.
“That’s part of the plan, but that’s not the whole plan.” Mabel said. “Your plan makes them all die. Every last one of them. And that way nobody will ever be able to use them and love them the way that I do.”
“Mabel…” Dipper said. “I know you hate it, but… They do have to die. I know it’s just been kind of whispered and talked about a lot, but now it’s coming true. The Forest of Daggers is dangerous to us and anybody who might come after us. And if the world of science started poking around in it, a lot of dangerous things could be invented. So it does have to be destroyed.”
For just a moment, a very serious, solemn look crossed Mabel’s face. “I know.” She said. But it passed just as quickly, as she launched onto her next spiel. “…But what if total extinction was more than we needed to stay safe? What if we could… Transplant part of it? Keep it safe until the world is ready for it?”
“Oh really?” Ford crossed his arms. “And would you please elaborate on what you could possibly have in mind?”
“Yep! But before we begin… Has everybody read Betty and Barney’s story?” Mabel asked.
“No.” Melody scratched her head.
“Yes.” Ford nodded.
“Oh, yeah, aren’t they those robot dawgs?” Soos was at least aware that the story existed.
“Who the heck is that?” Stan was not.
“They’re the alien robot people who planted the Forest, way back like a hundred zillion quadrablujlian years ago!” Mabel opened up the alien translation app on a tablet, and set it down on the table. “This is the story that Dipper and Wendy found… Uh… Yesterday. Back in that UFO. This explains everything, and it explains why the robots aren’t bad. They aren’t bad at all, they’re just in the wrong place… Go ahead! Read it!”
So they read it.

Author’s Note:
Aka, the entirety of Chapter 15. You remember that, don’t you?

Soos was ready to cry by the time they reached the end of the document. Melody was at his shoulder comforting him, trying to convince him that their marriage wouldn’t end in lonely death. Ford was pointing out plot holes under his breath, Stan had already lost interest, Abuelita heard everything, and Dipper was first realizing how much of a dork Barney was.
“So you see?” Mabel encouraged them.
“See what?” Dipper asked.
“See that the robot creatures aren’t bad! They’re just regular, innocent animals. Maybe a little too territorial, but in the end, their whole problem is that they just don’t belong on Earth. The only reason they’re here is a misunderstanding; Betty and Barney didn’t know this planet had people, because there were probably only a few Indians in Oregon at that point, who I bet were super easy to miss.”
“Yeah.” Dipper nodded. “I guess.”
“So where do you think they do belong?” Melody asked. “If not on Earth, then where…?” She put a hand over her mouth. “Wow.” She frowned. “You know, the conversations in this house are just the weirdest…”
“Oh no, this is only the most mundane, dude.” Soos patted her hand. “Wait till we get into dream demons and time babies, ha ha!”
“Yeah, yeah, okay, see, here?” Mabel pointed to a place near the middle of the document. “Barney describes their homeworld right here! He said that it’s a little rocky moon with no air.”
“Hmm…” Ford scratched his chin. “It does sound quite similar to a few of Jupiter or Saturn’s larger satellites… Or perhaps the planets Pluto or Mercury, excepting the temperature difference.”
“Yeeeeaaaah, how about something a little closer to home?” Mabel smiled. “Some place like…” She rushed over to the kitchen window, and paused for effect before flinging aside the drapes. “THE MOOOON!”
They all gazed up at her target: the familiar crescent hanging low in the morning sky.
“Okay.” Dipper hummed. “Now I see where you’re going with this.”
“Yeah! Think about it!” Mabel explained. “There’s no people up there! There aren’t even any animals or anything at all that could be hurt or even inconvenienced! Just some old spaceships and flags to chew on! That means if we put them on the dark side, where astronomers can’t see, then they’d never be able to be exploited or used by evil people! Science people of Earth might discover them eventually, but before they can actually get to catch them or see how they work, they’d have time to think about them a long time and get ready for them. Science will have time to be wise with them… And besides… This is what Betty and Barney probably would’ve wanted.”
“Hmm…” Ford nodded. “Fascinating…”
“What…?” Melody frowned. “I mean seriously, what? Are you saying we should put them up there? How? You know you can’t just take a plane! You’d need a… A…” Her eyes drifted over toward the driveway, which was currently being occupied by a fully-functional flying saucer. “Oh yeaaah.”
“Yes, I thought that was the rather obvious part of the plan.” Ford said.
“Even I put that together.” Stan added.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Melody put up her hands. “I’m not used to thinking about stuff like this, alright?”
“Dude!” Soos smiled. “Dude, I love this! Dude! We’re like NASA or something! I never in my life thought I would ever get to be a part of something so surpassingly bodacious! It’s like we all get to be astronauts vicariously! I need to construct a cardboard flight control center post-haste! Who wants to practice saying ‘Houston’ and ‘ignition’ and ‘we are go’ and other space words with me?!?”
“I do!” Mabel hooted.
“Same!” Melody smiled.
“Yes yes, it is quite a fine idea…” Ford muttered, and turned back to his great niece. “Okay Mabel, it sounds like a good idea… And I do quite like it, but let’s think about this, shall we?” He pulled out a paper, and began to sketch a rough outline.
“Yeah! We are go for Operation Pines Colony Dark-Side Alpha™!” Mabel hooted.
“No, not ‘go’! We are not yet go…” Ford told her. “The plan has several fundamental problems that I noticed right away, including but not limited to: 1) the difficulties of remotely controlling a translunar flight on a hillbilly budget, 2) the science of shipping a minimum breeding population for at least dozens of species, 3) the trickiness of keeping the specimens from eating each other during transit or immediately after landing, and 4) the ethical issues of large-scale extraterrestrial cross-contamination.”
“Uhh…” Mabel stared blankly. “Well if Noah could do it with a big wood boat, I bet we can do it with a spaceship!”
“Noah’s ark was the size of a modern-day destroyer.” Ford reminded her. “We have what amounts to a moving van. With a nuclear system powering a gravity drive which we scarcely understand.”
“Er, uh, yeah, well…”
Dipper listened to the ensuing discussion with half an ear. To him, all those technical problems sounded relatively easy to overcome. Most of them could probably be resolved using various clever engineering solutions, or just be handwaved some other way.
All in all, he had to admit that he was actually a little proud of his sister. She’d put a good amount of thought into this. She’d been selfless enough to be recognize when things needed to end, and then be willing to part with the things she cared about; make sacrifices in the name of the greater good. She’d taken the time to be wise. And it was a good idea.
But he did have a few problems. “Hey.” He said. “Uh… Few things. For one, I think Juan’s species may be extinct already. I think he might be the last one left.”
“…Really?” Mabel’s face fell.
“Yeah… Wendy and I smashed a pack of maybe 7 with the saucer yesterday, and I doubt the ecosystem could have ever supported many more large carnivores…”
“Oh. Hmm…” Mabel nodded.
“And secondly, why isn’t Wendy here?” Dipper added. “That flying saucer isn’t ours. Wendy was the one who found it and flew it home. It’s hers. She dibsed it.”
Ford looked up with a frown. “What’s ‘dibs’ mean?”
“Oh, dude, you’ve never heard of ‘dibs’?” Soos asked. “That’s the universal code of laying claim, dude.”
“Her actions seem to be in full compliance.” Melody added with a nod. “Her ownership of the vehicle is unassailable.”
“Yeah!” Mabel piped up. “And she’s part of our extended Mystery Family too, so we really shouldn’t do anything without her!”
“YEAH!” Dipper agreed a little too enthusiastically.
“Alright, alright, fine…” Ford turned back to his sketch. “We won’t be touch the ship today then. You can talk to her about it on your date tonight.”
“AUGH!” Dipper yelped. “Oh… Oh yeah… That… Yeah, that’s actually happening, isn’t it? Wow…”
“Just because you can’t believe it doesn’t make it not so.” Ford winked at him. “That’s a common thread underlying all science.” The old adventurer stood, rolled up the blueprints for Operation Pines Colony Dark-Side Alpha™, and made for the door. “Come on kids; we’ll definitely need to get McGucket’s input on this.”
“Okay!” Mabel hugged Dipper one last time as they made for the door. He shrugged her off, wondering what all this affection was about.

Wendy spent a good long time in thought, and slowly put it all together into a plan she didn’t like.
“HEY.” Dan finally broke the silence. “BOYS AND I WERE GONNA GO FISHING IN A BIT. YOU WANNA COME?”
When she didn’t respond or react for a minute, he frowned. “HEY!” He repeated, a little louder. “WENDY! YOU WANNA COME?”
“I huh? What?” She broke out of her brooding with a little start. “What’d ya say?”
“I SAID WE’RE GOIN’ FISHING. WANNA COME?”
“Uh… No thanks. I’m good. I’ve got… Things. Stuff. Gotta do today.”
“YA MEAN THAT DATE?”
“Uh… Yeah… That… Too…” She pushed away her unfinished breakfast.
“MM.” He shuffled all the pictures together, and shoved them in his pocket. “WHERE’S THE DATE?”
“Uh… Uh… I dunno, wherever. Like, to tacos or something maybe, and then hang around the arcade if we get bored… I dunno, it was kinda non-specific I guess…” She suddenly changed the topic, and shoved the tape measure into her own pocket. “…Hey dad, can I borrow the truck today?”
“YOU EXPECT US TO WALK TA THE LAKE?”
“Uh… Oh yeah. Right. That… Uh… Never mind.”
“YOU ALRIGHT?” Dan frowned. “YER ACTIN’ REAL CONFUSED.”
“No. Yeah. Well-no. I mean… No, I’m fine… I’m fine…”
Dan stared at her for a minute. “UH… IF YA NEED THE TRUCK FER THE DATE, I COULD DRIVE YA WHEREVER. DROP YOU AND THE GUY OFF IN TOWN. PICK YA UP LATER…”
“Uh… You…? No!” She seemed to regain her focus.
“WHY NOT?”
“’Cause!”
“’CAUSE WHY?”
“You’ll just make it terrible because you won’t like him!”
“WHY NOT? HE ANOTHER ONE LIKE JOE?”
“Look, I know Joe turned out to be a bottom-feeding scum-sucker--”
“YET ‘ERE WE ARE 2 MONTHS LATER AND YA ALREADY GOT ANOTHER ONE I’M GONNA HATE.”
“He ain’t like Joe! And… Aaaaugh, it’s just Dipper! The Pines dude? You know him. Gideon’s nemesis, friends with the Manotaurs, the tree on the zodiac…? You know him, right?”
“YEAH, I’VE MET HIM.” Dan growled. “HE’S A…” He suddenly paused. “WAIT… ‘DIPPER’?”
“Yeah.”
“HIS REAL, ACTUAL NAME… IS DIPPER.”
“No, that’s just a nickname. His real name is a secret.”
Dan blinked.
“Couldn’t make this up if I wanted to.”
“EH… AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I’L HATE HIM?”
“’Cause… Uh… ‘Cause you always hate everyone I hang around with! You hated Russ for being a self-important jock, Eli for being a crybaby, the guy with tattoos for just having tattoos, Robbie for wearing eyeliner, Trevor because I don’t even know why but he was scared to death of you, you hated Joe before I did, and you’ll probably hate Dipper too, just because he’s a wimpy little 13-year-old city-boy with a baby face and a squeaky puberty voice!”
Dan set his jaw.
“He’s a what?!?” Her 8-year-old brother (who was about Dipper’s size) popped around the corner, and asked loud enough for the whole cabin to hear. “You’re dating a BABY?!?”
“Haw haw!” Her 11-year-old brother called from the bathroom.
“You sure know how ta pick ‘em, sis!” Her 14-year-old brother came walking up behind her and reached for the last of her sausage.
“Ya SEE why I don’t tell you guys things?!?” She jammed her fork into the table between his fingers, halting his approach toward the meat.
“Oh, you did not just pull a Bishop on me.” He squinted at the fork.
“And you did not just try to take my food.”
“LOOK, WENDY-” Dan started.
“What.” She left the fork in the table straddling his fingers, and crossed her arms.
“WELL…” He caught his tongue, then suddenly reared up and roared at the other kids. “WHAT’RE YOU ALL GAWKING AT? YA READY TO GO YET?”
“Oh yeah!” The eldest rushed out of the kitchen in the direction of his room. “I’ll get the life vests!”
“And I’ll get the nets!” Her youngest brother yelled, and darted up the ladder toward the loft.
“And I’ll grab the boxing gloves!” The middle one stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles. “Won’t be no survivors!”
Once he and Wendy were alone again in the kitchen, Dan turned back to her.
“Y’KNOW WENDY…”
“Dad, you’re always trying to butt into my life! You always have some advice or something to give, and you’re always yelling that advice, and making all these little annoyed grunts and growls whenever I do anything on my own! ‘You need to get a job!’ ‘You need to be more responsible!’ ‘You need to stop hanging out with jerks!’ ‘You need to do more sports!’ But I think I’m fine! I think my life isn’t super terrible, and I think it’s actually… Like… I think I’m turning out okay… I think it’s all going well… I think… I think… I think if you left me alone, I could know what I’m doing… I could figure it out… I dunno.”
Dan frowned. “IS THAT HOW I ACT?”
“Well… Yeah, sometimes, I guess. I dunno.”
“…WELL I DO MEAN IT. I’M NOT TRYIN’ TA BE MEAN, BUT I MEAN ALL I SAY.”
“Yeah. I know.”
The table was silent for a moment, while they both thought about things.
“LISTEN, WENDY… I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YER DATING. I MEAN… YER OLD ENOUGH… AND… UH… THIS KID SEEMS LIKE A DECENT KID FROM WHAT I’VE HEARD.”
“Yeah, I know.” Wendy grunted. “He’s the best. Like I been saying.”
“GREAT!”
“Great!”
“...ALRIGHT, SO WHY IN BLAZES ARE YOU SO UPSET, HUH?!?”
“Because…!” Wendy rubbed her face through her hands. “Because… No, it’s not the date. The date’s okay. The date’s fine. The date’s great…! Oh, heck, the date doesn’t even matter… It’s not about the date.”
“WELL THEN WHAT’S IT ABOUT?”
She glared at him.
“I AIN’T TRYIN’ TA BUTT IN, I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW THE HECK I CAN HELP! I JUST WANNA KNOW MY LITTLE GIRL’S OKAY, OKAY?!?”
She set her jaw. “…It’s a secret.”
He glared back at her for a few seconds more.
He hated this. He hated when things were needlessly cryptic. He hated when people were mysterious or vague. He hated when he couldn’t understand things that had every right to be simple. He hated when there was nothing concrete he could do to fix things. But most of all, he hated seeing his own daughter suffer. He hated this. But if she didn’t want to talk, there wasn’t much he could do. There wasn’t anything he could do.
He may as well leave. “WE’LL BE BACK BY FOUR.” He grunted as he stood up from the table. “I’LL DRIVE YA BOTH TO THE DATE, AND I WON’T ‘THROW A FUSS’ OR RUIN ANYTHING… I’LL JUST BE THE DAD. JUST THE DAD.”
“Ugh… Alright.”
“ALRIGHT.”
He made for the door, buckling up his suspenders as he did.
“Wait…” Wendy mumbled behind him. He turned around to see her standing now too. “Uh… Hey… How soon are you leaving?”
“ROUND ’BOUT NOW.”
“…Do you think you could give me a lift? On your way to fishing? Just… Drop me off somewhere?”
“WHERE YA NEED TA GO?”
“Uh…” She hesitantly started for her room, as she shoved the tape measure into her pocket. “…McGucket manor first, I think… Then there’s a place up in the hills. I just… I think I need to do something… Lemme grab some stuff first.”
“…ALRIGHT.”
“Right.”
Ten minutes later, Wendy threw a big, bulging duffle bag into the back of the truck, in next to the fishing supplies. Dan cast a curious glance back at it as he started the engine.
Fifteen minutes after that, they pulled up front of McGucket Manor. Wendy shouldered the bag again, and disappear through the screen door.

“DERN-TOOTIN’ CLOD-HOPPIN’ BREECHES-BENDIN’ BASKET BRISTLES! I reckon I can holler me up a satellite uplink to wrangle ‘er the telemetry past the ionosphere, and from there it ain’t nothin’ but a hop, skip an’ a 20-minute prograde impulse to skedaddle ‘er into lunar orbit!”
“Yes.” Ford agreed. “But-”
“C’mere! We need to start a-fiddly-jinkerin’!”
Needless to say, McGucket quite liked the plan. He half-dragged Ford up an ornate flight of stairs, off toward the mansion’s design and fabrication wing, while Dipper and Mabel followed behind at a more leisurely pace.
“Well, he seems to like it.” Mabel stated the obvious. “But you know, before we launch it, you and Wendy should totally go on a date in that thing! Like, fly it to the beach or something! As a test flight for both the moon mission and for your heavenly love affair!”
“Okay, look Mabel.” Dipper spun on her. “First of all, Wendy and I aren’t ‘in love’. ‘In love’ is for creeps, old-timey heroes, and song writers. And second, I think you’re seriously underappreciating the inherent dangers of nuclear… Uh… Uh…”
A far-away sort of look crossed his face, and his voice tapered off as he stared over her shoulder down the hall.
“Nuclear what? Nuclear bonding? Hyuk hyuk!”
“Yeah, uh… Uh… Bonding” Dipper stared.
“Huh? What’s with you?” Mabel turned around to follow his gaze, and saw the source of his distraction: Wendy herself was in the hall. She must have just come up the stairs from the lobby just a few minutes behind them, and was walking the other direction. She rounded a corner out of sight without noticing them. “Oh, I see….” Mabel smiled. “And to think that you just had the audacity to tell me you’re not mindlessly head-over-heels in love with her.”
“Huh… So she’s here too…” Dipper’s absentmindedly shuffled his feet. “She looks like she could use help carrying that bag. It looks heavy.”
“Ooooh, yeah, I bet she’s just waiting for some strapping young man to walk up and help her with it.” Mabel stifled a laugh.
“Uh… Wait, what did you say?”
Mabel put a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “I said that you are clearly enamored. Go to her.”
“Huh? Uh… Okay, might as well, I suppose.” He began walking down the hallway after her, obviously putting in an effort to keep it calm, chill, and slow.
They grow up so fast. Mabel chuckled to herself, then decided to follow Stan and Ford to wherever they’d ended up.
When she found them, the laboratory was in pandemonium.
McGucket was quite engrossed with scrawling notes, graphs, and computations over papers, notebooks, and the wall, while his handwriting suffered from an energetic jig his legs were dancing. An incomprehensible amalgamation of redneck slurs and highly sophisticated technobabble poured from his mouth, and Ford seemed just as lost as Mabel trying to keep up with any of it.
“But…! Fiddleford, wait! Hold on! So you really don’t think automatic correction for errors in the telemetry network will be a problem?”
“’Problem’? By me granny’s buried bonnet, there’s loads a’ problems, problems through the whole plan! Just like old times, wouldn’t ya say? Why, my pal Ernie said we’d NEVER perfect a self-sustaining transuniversal polydimensional metavortex, but you and I had that thing purrin’ in 10 months flat, didn’t we?”
“No! I mean yes, but…! I mean the whole project, it’s not feasible! I don’t think we can actually launch a lunar mission within any sort of reasonable timeframe, and considering the rather limited resources at our disposal-”
“Aw, shut yer yaps an’ bar the door! This’s gotta be the best darn-tootin’ project what ever come across me desk! If ye woulda’ told me a year ago that I’d be jury-rigging the autonomous launch of an extrateralien spaceship for the good of mankind, I woulda fed ya ta the beavers!”
“Well… If you say so, I suppose. But what about internal space? It isn’t a large vehicle, and I’d like to know how we’d-”
“Why, I’d tell ya the same think I told my pappy as a young’n! When we’s was trying to figure how ta fit all our cows in the house after the barn blew down, I told him we’d have loads of room if’n we just magnetized ‘em to the ceiling!”
“What.”
“Here!” McGucket pushed a calculator and a pencil into Ford’s hands, and gave him an old scrap of cardboard to write on. “You hornswaggle up a differential model for the gravitational thruster dipole so’s we can get ‘er flying in a straight line, and I’ll get to sketchin’ on a retracting stasis harness fer the critters! We can patch up some of the tanks from yer ol’ bunker, eh?”
“Umm…” Ford looked down at the cardboard. “You mean, like, right now?”
“Oh, calm down, ya sissy! I already pulled the numbers on power efficiency and gyroscopic tolerance yersterevenin’! It’s right over there on the ‘puter!”
“All right… Uh…” Ford turned toward the computer.
“No, not that one! Use the super’puter, silly!”
“Oh…” Ford turned to behold the looming mass of McGucket’s supercomputer. “Right… Of course… The supercomputer…” He scratched his head and turned back to Mabel. “Well.” He said. “Uh… McGucket seems to think that… Umm…”
“He thinks we can do it?” Mabel asked hopefully.
McGucket yelped and slapped his knee. “DO IT?!? IT’S TOO HORN-SWAGGLIN’ COOL TA NOT DO! EE-HEE-HEE-HAW-HAW!” He spat, evoking a loud ring from a spittoon by his desk.
“Yes.” Ford nodded. “Yes, he thinks we can do it. Umm… Daresay, I believe he’s getting into one of his moods. Looks like we’ll be busy at this awhile… Alright, you and Mason try not to get into any trouble while I’m busy. I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Alright!”
She skipped out of the room, and ran almost straight into her brother again.
“Woah, hey Dipstick! Looks like we’re go for launch! Where’s Wendy? Did you talk to her about names for kids yet? I was thinking either ‘Tyrone’ or-”
“Mabel, SHH!” Dipper waved for her to be quiet, and glanced over his shoulder. “Hey.” He started, in a low voice. “Did McGucket ever build a… Death ray that you know of?”
“Uh…” Mabel did know of a death ray… But they’d only ever used it a few days from now though, after Dipper died… “Uh… No!” Mabel smiled as innocently as possible.
“Yeah, I know, I’ve never heard of the weapon either…” Dipper scratched his head and began to mutter to himself under his breath. “So how did Wendy know about it then…? And why did she just walk into a dark room, find it in an unlabeled box, stuff it in a bag, and walk back out without taking the instruction manual? What’s she doing with it, and where’s she going…? It doesn’t make any sense… Should I talk to her? Should I help? What doesn’t she want me to know, and why…?”
“HA HA! I don’t know!” Mabel’s heart began to beat nervously. “I bet you’re just imagining stuff! I personally find it highly unlikely that McGucket would build an ultra-powerful death ray in secret for the express purpose of killing robots. Naturally I would have no reason to lie about something like that; you’re the one acting suspicious!”
He shot her a sharp glance. “Also, it occurs to me that you never did explain where you found Juan.” He nodded to the creature tucked into her sweater like a kangaroo pouch. “Or how he disappeared. Or at least why it wouldn’t be an issue anymore…”
“Oh, psh, yeah, uh… Uh… I guess he just inexplicably found his way up to our room again…” Mabel shrugged. “And… Uh… I think his disappearing was just… You know, just one of those things? Like, things happen, and maybe they have a reason, or maybe they don’t, and maybe they used to have one reason but now the reason is different, but all you can really do is take them for what they are and deal with the consequences… You know, like taxes!”
“Seriously? That’s what you’re going with?”
“MIND-WIPE!” She mind-wiped him.
He peeled it off his face in annoyance. “This is a baby wipe.”
“Yeah, but it’s still funny though.”
He held her eye for a minute. “If he asks, tell Ford I’ve gone ghost-hunting.”
And then he turned and sprinted away.

Dan’s daughter came back out of the mansion in a few minutes. Her duffle bag looked considerably bigger and heavier now as she wordlessly tossed it in the load bed and climbed back into the cab. They briefly consulted a map for their next destination, then pulled out of the lot.
Half an hour later, they came to a stop near the end of a narrow logging road.
“Are we there yet?” The youngest brother whined.
“Heeey, this isn’t the lake!” The oldest brother observed.
“I wanna wrassle some fish!” The middle brother explained.
“THIS THE PLACE?” Dan asked.
“Yeah.” Wendy opened the door and stepped down. “Close enough.”
She stumbled a little under the weight of the duffle bag. As it tilted, Dan caught a glimpse of her makeshift armor through a gap in the zipper. Suddenly wary, he glanced about the trees. “WENDY…” He frowned, and lowered his voice. “IS THIS THE ROBOT PLACE?”
She adjusted the shoulder strap to sit a little tighter. “It’s close enough. Thanks for the ride.” She finally got the bag balanced comfortably on her shoulder, then she pushed the door closed, and started off into the trees.
“WENDY, WH-”
“I’ll be fine, dad.” She said over her shoulder, and never stopped walking. “It’s fine.”
He jumped out of the truck and stomped after her. “WENDY!” He bellowed. “I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FART IF IT’S MY BUSINESS OR NOT, BUT YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON!”
As soon as Dan reached her, she spun around, grabbed his hand, flicked out a knife, and pricked him before he could react. “OW!” He thundered, and drew his hand back. “WHAT?!?”
They both stood there looking at the drop of red oozing from his finger.
“That was just to make sure you’re human.” Wendy said (as if that were any explanation at all). “Sorry… Dad. Sorry. Uh… Do you trust me?”
“I…” He looked from her, to his hand, to the bag, to the truck, to the forest, and for a difficult moment, he wasn’t even sure. “WELL… WELL!” He grunted. “WELL I DO, BUT I’M STILL YER FATHER, AND YER STILL MY GIRL… AND… AND WHAT…?”
“…Then could you let me just go, dad? Just let me do something on my own. It’s kind of private, and kind of important, and I just really don’t… I dunno. Just could you please just trust me?”
He held her eye for a minute. “UH… OKAY… OKAY, I TRUST YA… I JUST… HMM ARIGHT.”
“…Also I’m sorry.” Wendy said. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, dad, and I’m sorry I pricked you just now. I’m sorry. I… I got myself into a big stupid mess, and I’m sorry if it’s causing you trouble… And… When… When I’m not there tonight… Would you tell Dipper I’m sorry? I’m really sorry. Because he deserves one heck of a lot better than all this… And I never meant to break his heart.”
“WAIT… SO YER NOT GOING TO THE DATE?”
“…It’s… Not looking that way.”
“…HMM.”
“It’ll all be better.” Wendy promised. “Tell him it’ll all be better, and that he won’t have a thing to worry about… Neither will you, or Mabel, or anybody else… Soon enough, nobody will.”
“WHAT…?”
“Just… Just tell him that. Tell him it’s nothing personal… And if he wonders where I am and needs to know… Tell him there’s a note on my desk that I want him to read.”
“…HIM? WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU WRITE ANYTHING FOR ME?”
“Do you trust me?”
“STOP ASKING THAT!”
“Because I promise it’ll all be fine!” She told him. “I promise that somehow it’ll all be okay in the end. And nothing can change that! …I promise!”
“WELL… OKAY…”
“Okay.”
“OKAY.”
“Bye dad.” And she started back into the trees; one hand on the duffle bag, one hand in her right pocket. Dan watched until she disappeared from view beyond the trunks and the bushes and the rocks. Until she was gone for good.
A minute or two later, he eased back into the cab.
“Dad, where’s she going?”
He hesitated for a moment, trying piece that very thing together himself. “WELL.” He finally started. “WELL SON… UH… I AIN’T SURE…. I GUESS SOMETIMES YA JUST GET TIRED OF LIVING UNDER SOMEONE ELSE. SOMETIMES YA GET A FEELIN’ THAT YA HAFTA GO OFF AND… DISCOVER YERSELF. GOTTA MAKE YER OWN DECISIONS, GO OFF AND DO THE THINGS THAT’RE IMPORTANT TA YOU ALONE… MAN’S GOTTA GO OUT AND BECOME HIS OWN MAN. FIND ‘IMSELF.”
“But she’s not a man, dad. She’s a girl.”
Dan’s voice rose to an absolutely thundering volume. “AND THAT’S WHY I HAVE NO FRIGGIN CLUE WHAT IN PAUL BUNYAN’S NAME SHE’S DOIN’!” He roared, as he slammed a fist against the steering wheel. “HOW’M I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW GIRL BRAINS WORK?!? I NEVER KNEW WHAT WENT ON INSIDE YER MOTHER, AND I LIVED WITH ‘ER FOR NINETEEN YEARS, REST ‘ER SOUL!! I DUNNO WHAT WENDY’S DOIN! TRYIN’ TA KILL ‘ERSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE BY THE LOOKS OF IT! I DON’T…! RRRRGH! AAAAARGH!” He punched the steering wheel again. This time a piece of plastic broke off the dashboard and bounced off his forehead. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TA DO!”
The boys looked at each other.
“We could go after her!” The oldest one said.
“Yeah, we could trap her in the fishing net!” The youngest one said.
“And I can hit her on the head if she tries to fight!” The middle one waved a heavy stick.
“NO…” Dan growled.
“Or we could just wrassle her! It might work if we all teamed up!”
“And I’ll tickle her so she can’t breathe!”
“No, pull her hair!”
“Yeah, her hair is her weakness.”
“I don’t want to pull her hair! She starts fighting dirty when we do that!
“Last time she bit me!”
“SHUT UP!” Dan barked, and once again looked after her. And he made a decision of his own. “NO. NO, SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING…” He said. “YEAH, SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE’S DOIN’…”
“Well, what is she doing?”
“Yeah, what’s in the bag?”
“Did she tell you why she’s dating a baby?”
Dan put the truck in reverse, and began to back down the hill. “I DUNNO… BUT IT AIN’T NONE OF OUR BUSINESS ANYMORE… SHE’LL COME ‘ROUND.”
“But what if she doesn’t?”
“…IT’LL ALL TURN OUT ALRIGHT.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“…THEN WE GRAB THE GUNS AND THAT BOYFRIEND BABY, AND WE GO SAVE HER.”
“Okay!”

It’s nothing personal…
It’s nothing personal…
That’s what Wendy kept repeating to herself as she stood in the middle of the gap in the trees: the part where the soil was just ever-so-slightly too toxic for normal trees to grow, but with slightly too little metal content for the alien trees to really take root. A few feet to her left stood a particular tree trunk that her and Dipper had spray-painted the last time they were here: DANGER, KILLER ROBOTS BEYOND THIS POINT.
Wendy fitted on the last of her armor, and buckled the helmet into place across her chin. Then she reached into the bag, and removed the last piece of hardware: McGucket’s death ray. He didn’t exactly know she’d taken it, but that didn’t make it stealing, did it? What’s a little theft between friends, especially when she was gonna give it back? Yeah, borrowing. Just borrowing. Besides, it was nothing personal.
Nothing personal…
She began to flip switches and press buttons on the side of the weapon. Finally one of them powered it on, and another one calibrated it. She remembered which one ignited the pilot light, and pressed it just for a test. The barrel of the gun lit up bright pink, now ready to fire a beam that could annihilate anything in a second. Destroy armor, end life, remove any ability the target might have had to change the future or affect the lives of another. The robot lions could probably be immobilized in a single blast, and if not, it was semi-auto until it overheated. Anything of the least capability would be utterly decimated.
She turned it back off, and held the appropriate button at the ready.
And it was NOTHING personal.
It really, really wasn’t, was it?
She pulled out the time machine.
I’m sorry Dipper.
It sure was fun while it lasted, and I KNOW it’ll work out again.
But before something worse happens, to you or anyone else…

I have to undo it all.