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davidfoxfire — 2013-01-25-Rooftop Cheese Run 07
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Published: 2013-01-25 00:59:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 957; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 10
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[link]UPDATE: There was one correction I needed to make post haste. I also corrected it on the web site.
UPDATE 2: I completely revamped the page with a new page that's considerably better. Or at least I hope it is.
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Comments: 3
Yo, Davey, what's up. Can I offer some small critique comments?
I'm not sold on this 'tell your reader what to do in order to experience the comic' you know? I mean, I'm sure it looks original, but is it really necessary? Imagine if Watchmen had a BuckleyBox® at the start of every panel going all "okay, so for these next few pages you need to imagine a really dark, broody and slow music, like, something that would appear in a Lynch movie, you know?" Can you imagine that?
Ideally, what most comic artists intend is that the art alone conveys everything, it might be a tall order for now, but we need to be able to -feel- those rockin' guitar solos coming out of the vibrantness of the art, the layout, the action in the panels. I think going about it the way you are is kind of admitting defeat, like 'y'know I know this doesn't look too exciting but if you add music in the background it'll be the coolest, I promise!'
Remember that a comic, at heart, is something that a kid is supposed to read on the steps of his house along with some buddies and a whole bag of candy, a boombox shouldn't be necessary in the mix.
Still not sold on your 'LEAP!' 'VAULT!' noises, but at least you recognize now that they are more of 'your thing', rather than a legitimate resource. Hey, at least it's not 'HOLSTER!' anymore, props.
What's up with the middle, tan building in the first panel? It looks like an empty cardboard box because of the lines that don't quite match up on the top left. (granted, if it was empty space and Johnny just ran across it ala 'Coyote before he looks down' then it'd be cool, maybe show the other guy falling straight down.
The action in the 4th panel is kinda hard to follow. So his jump could reach the jingly jangly thing (whatever that is, sorry), but he deliberately aimed towards the right to slam into the wall?
Finally, I think there's no shame in straight up tracing or vectoring over a picture, to avoid things like the wibbly wobbly garbage truck at the end, I think straight, clean lines over that would help it a lot.
Okay just a couple cents, please don't get mad! You have improved some, just need to keep practicing and listening!
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Looks like I should, as the adage goes, Learn from My Own Fails. Won't be the first time. However that fist panel with the building askew, Holy Fsking $#!*. I'll correct that err pronto.
I'll refrain from any more Buckley Boxes in the future; that's filed under "Lessons Learned; do better next time."
The main reason why I do LEAP! and VAULT! is because of a lack of decent sound effect shapes out there. Granted there are brushes and graphics and all that. The problem remains on finding the right sound effect to use, and at times the perfect effect isn't there or haven't been found in time. In that case, I have to settle for using Artistic Text and the rule of "use the first word that comes to your mind, if it is appropriate and colorful" (Stephen King, On Writing; my #1 Textbook in Writing Fiction)
Having Johnny running across it like you mentioned would be a great improvement, ditto changing the fourth panel so that the poor schmoe misses more epically. It must be said that these three panels in the middle are in themselves a replacement of a previous strip where I had a wide view like in Panel 1. If I had another week to work on it I would've improved it earlier. (Cop out I know, but this is why I wanted to work at least a month ahead. So I can catch these problems while I'm working on it and not after the fact.)
I was a bit iffy on using pictures such as that garbage truck. I didn't want it to be a blatant copypasta (like what I did with that pickup earlier) and I wanted to add the toon barfing out the side, so I modified that vehicle over the lightbox. In future attempts, I'll use the vector tool.
Oh, and I'm not mad at all. I'm just glad you gave me the feedback without going into histronics. I'm glad that you see improvement in my strips and I hope it continues in the future.
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