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Empyronaut β Wargaming Reality
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Published: 2016-08-08 15:09:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 1694; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 14
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Comments: 35
That poor tyke's parents have done him no favours. 
Within a day he'll discover, as we all have, babies actually come from an act involving two Catacachan midgets, a soup bowl, and an extremely tolerant Campiero stallion.
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Just a glimpse for outsiders into the cruel abyss of the wargaming world...
And they think it`s just about pushing puppets...
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Yes the ignorant fools...
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And the warhead explodes releasing 1000's of mini torpedo's with seeker heads....
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They are his finest warriors... Β
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Sorry, Empy, but this is inaccurate. We all know Tabletop-gamers don't have relationships, therefore no sex and therefore no children.
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Tabletop-gamers do have relationships because they are almost always physically fit, thin, and attractive. Male tabletop gamers have strong, chiselled facial features and female ones are slender with a delicious blend of elegance and toughness. Games Workshop unequivocally proved this with the release of the Sixth Edition on page ix. These, according to GW, are real-life gamers.Β (image is safe for all ages)Β s3.postimg.org/49mojwlmr/Unicoβ¦
Honestly now, don't those two make a great couple? I'm certain they'll look fondly back each wedding anniversary on how they first met at a GW Hobby Centre and realized they were right for each other duringΒ the movement phase of their little plastic soldiers.
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Haha! Great one, mate!
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It's funny because it's true. 
If you'd like to offer a counter-theory he got that buff lugging around a padded foam case containing his 1800 point army, well... it's definitely a possibility.
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He carried all the metal-miniatures without any help - everytime, to every match he played.
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Now the real question is, if he's such a catch, why did the charming young lady on the right just turn down his offer for a date?
Likely choices include:
1.) She's saving herself for The Emperor.
Understandable. Many 115kg, acne scarred Ultra-Marine players behave the same way.
2.) She's saving herself for Johnny Depp.
Understandable. It's a minor semi-heretical cult throughout the imperium. Still tolerated so long as Depp is acknowledged to be an avatar of the Emperor.
3.) She's using her tape measure to explain the reason.
If that's the case, I feel bad for the chap. Particularly since she's pulled the tape out no further than 12cm.
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It may seems like a major plothole, but actually it was just a BIZARRO version of our reality. Because Tzeeny told me to do so. Then he told me I shouldn`t do it, and you know: he`s right half of the time, so I knew I was fucked anyway. And because this inception-illuminati-conspiracy kind of shit is confusing me too much, I will draw whatever the evil voices tell me from now on and ignore reality in any case. Β
If the voices would just stop laughing all the time... Β
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Yes....of course. Β
*bowing down to your superior masculinity*
Wait! What if we say "warp missiles"? Coming out of nowhere and suddenly stuck inside your hull? Β
(Unlocked bad and cheap rape joke level: ΓΌber 9000...)
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<---me right now. I just can't get over "Commissar Climax"
Random advice: Even after an exciting Deathwatch session, DON'T yell "Fire for effect!" in bed. Just don't.
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No.1 in 40k rap charts:
"Commissar Climax, bangin` SoBs and `ya hoe.
Betta prepare to taste da jiz of his enter-torpedoe."
(Album: Banghammer)
`Nuff said. MC Com-Clim keepin it real y`all. Straight in ya face, fulgrimfucka!
( )
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Hoffe die Links sind angekommen...Β
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Thanks.Β I love to make people smile or even laugh. It`s like drugs, but free and better in terms of health.
And both sides, you and me, profit from it, so why don`t we all do it more often?
Thanks for you continued support, pal! Β
TRIGGERWARNING!
Dear unrelated SJW reader and PC warrior.
This was just a rethorical Hippie-Hallelujah-Utopia-Question. No need for an article about humour or pseudo-psychology needed.
Please feel free to open your own tumblr and discuss it there, but leave us the fuck alone.
THIS is our kind of safespace.
Yours sincerly,
Cucks with Humour
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It's what I do X3
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Bonehammer 40k. Β (omg, who did this emoticon???)
BTW: 40k unrelated, but do you know where the woodelves got their name from? Just asking...Β
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Real answer: they live in the woods
Funny answer: literally tree fucking hippies.
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Oh. I thought they got wood all the time.
(dear warp, I hope I`m not wrong and "having wood" is really a funny english term for an erection. Or if I just look stupid now. (More than usualΒ ) Or if you`re trying to confuse me. Or...AAAAAAH!!!! )
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Yay, I is zmard. Β
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Loooooooool !
"Commisar Climax!" and "Cyclone torpedo"... I 'am guilty of laugthing to that !
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"...and once again, Commissar Climax saves the day."
Glad you like it. It`s not easy to make you laugh, so it`s a big compliment to me. Thank you! Β
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I think i will suggest commissar Climax to Renlof.... Β
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I already have the Ordo Eroticus pic with some story under it if he needs some inspiration. I would love to read something about Com. Climax from him, but if you will roleplay it, then please, please no photos. My heart can`t take such excitement anymore... Β
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I was joking ! I don't tell about my sex life on the internet !
I have enougth about Seth or Joshua Sexlife here i think !
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No, I thought you would tell him about Com.Climax and he would write something or paint something. I thought that`s what you meant. The roleplaying thing was just a joke, I am not too interested in your....how do I say it...."hobbies". Β
Β (Thinks: Yes, "hobbies", that was smart, Markus, very good...Β )
BTW: There is already a Commissar Climax emoticon here on Deviantart (oh god, who did this...?)
What? You don`t believe me? Β
Look: Β
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Thank you very much. It was more some kind of a filler, but I`m glad some people seem to like it... Β
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