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Description

Those who live around the great conifer forests know this resident well, either from the hoots and hollers that can be heard through the canopy, or from the lumps on their head from previous encounters with this temperamental species. The agropelter is the arboreal ape of the north, living atop the pines and making sure no one forgets that. While some would say that they are famous for their bizarre boneless limbs and elastic reach, their real infamy comes from what they do with them. At this point, everyone on the continent should know that agropelters are extremely territorial, and do not take kindly to larger beasts wandering below their tree top homes. Those that intrude will hear angry hooting coming from up above, and that is your first warning. If you do not turn tail and run at the mere sound of that, the agropelter will give one more chance. What comes shortly after is the sharp cracking sound of splitting wood, like someone just snapped off a tree branch. It sounds like that because it is that, as the agropelter starts grabbing tree limbs and ripping them off. That noise is the last warning you get, as what follows is the ape opening fire. While agropelters have weaker limbs compared to other primates, they make up for it by whipping their arms with extreme speed and force. Some compare it to a whip, others see it like an atlatl, but no matter the comparison, the agropelter has one hell of a baseball pitch. When it throws its woody projectiles, it does so with enough force to crack bone and leave splinters in the flesh. They launch as many missiles as they need until the intruder is either gone or dead. And if they run out of branches? Well, that doesn't bother them, as they will just grab anything in reach and fire away. They can use pine cones, chunks of bark or even bird nests to assault the trespasser. During the winter, they may also grab handfuls of ice and snow to launch, starting a one sided snowball fight that can easily result in missing teeth.

When not raging war on any creature that intrudes on their territory, the agropelter swings effortlessly through the conifer canopy in search of food. Agropelters are avivores, with a particular taste for owls and woodpeckers. They may hide in hollow trees in wait for these birds, then lash out with a tendriled arm to snag them. Some have used their incredible throwing power and aim to snipe them from the skies, exploding flying birds into a ball of feathers and then rushing after the falling corpse. These hollow trees aren't only for hunting, but also act as their nests when it is time to sleep and a musical instrument when the breeding season kicks in. This special season only comes every four years, and the forests explode into a cacophony of noise when it happens. Male agropelters snap off tree branches and drum them against their hollow tree trunk, all while adding a serenade of booming hoots and yelps. Females seek out the loudest of them all, which means that sometimes lesser males will team up and attempt to "tone down" the bigger competition. Some males have been found sabotaging tree trunks before the breeding season kicks in, using their arms and weaponry to bust them up and ruin their drumming potential. The bigger males must keep an eye out for these saboteurs, and they unleash a flurry of angry whipping arms at them til they scatter. Those that succeed in winning over a female will soon be father to three or five pups, which will spend their early years hiding in the hollow tree. They will be raised on the mother's milk while the male goes out to fetch birds for them. The young will also dine on owl and woodpecker, and will use the leftover bones to practice their throwing arm. Trees, birds and their siblings will be the target of their aim, but at such an age their throws are harmless.

For the people who lived around these forests, the agropelter was either one of two things. To those who loved the forest as it was, they were the guardians of it. To those who saw the forest as a profit, they were a menace. Agropelters are universally hated by all lumberjacks and loggers, as every job in a conifer forest is dealing with a painful rain of wood and pine cones. Their assaults on logging camps and the axe-wielding men within became so bad, that CTE was listed as the number one condition and death associated with being a lumberjack. Quite a few injuries came to be when some of the loggers decided to fight back, usually in a drunken state. After putting back a few, some of the men would take to throwing beer cans and bottles at the apes, giving them a taste of their own medicine. However, the apes would simply grab these lobbed missiles and do an ol' "return to sender." When doctors found themselves picking glass shards out of a logger's skull, they knew how such a grievous wound came to be.

With the agropelters furiously guarding their domain, many forest loving folk came to believe that these massive pine forests would remain untouched. No logging company would risk the men and insurance costs to chop down these trees, so thus they would be left in peace. Sadly, that is not how things work in this day and age. The agropelters had their powerful throw and arsenal behind them, but at the end of the day, they were still fighting a war with sticks. A man with an axe was no match to that, and a man with a chainsaw fared no better. But when man in armored bulldozers and feller bunchers rolled onto the battlefield, they finally knew defeat. Logging companies fitted their vehicles like they were going to war, with extra armor and bulletproof glass. Some even went literal with it and hired sharpshooters to snipe the apes from the branches. The agropelters gave all they could, but mere sticks and pine cones did little against the unstoppable march of man and his machines. Many agropelter forests were logged, destroying their homes and scaring off their food source. Whenever the owls and woodpeckers left, the agropelters were forced to follow. Plenty of people in the public argued against this destruction and the eviction of these species, but lobbyists and lumber mills had the agropelter's infamy on their side. With those nasty apes gone, now you can hike in what's left of these woods in peace! Aren't you glad you can go for a walk through the pines without getting a concussion? And they eat precious owls and woodpeckers too! Why, if it wasn't for agropelters, we probably would still have the ivory-billed woodpecker around! The notoriety of these apes severely dampened whatever sympathy their fate garnered, and soon their numbers began to fall.

Though many of their habitat were lost, there were still forests left untouched and several pockets of these agropelters left in peace. Protests and legislation halted logging in some places, which added to the number of sanctuaries remaining. Here the agropelter can still remain, though threats to woodpecker and owl populations in general can still mean trouble for them. But these pine forests aren't the only place these apes are found now, as those who lost their homes didn't always lose their lives. When a forest was cleared out to set up residential areas and suburbs, what agropelters remained decided to move right in. Though their hollow trees are now gone, they found something appealing in the shiny lattice transmission towers and electrical poles. The sight of a bunch of dead branches and junk jammed into the center of these hollow towers is confirmation that an agropelter has set up shop. Some have broken into attics and chimneys, trying to make nests there, though the human residents are quick to evict them. While the owls and woodpeckers have left these areas, these urban agropelters have seemed to develop a taste for different birds, like crows, pigeons and geese. They still have a love for owls, which was an early problem during their settlement when agropelters were tricked by decoy owls people put on their roofs. The excited primate would rush to snag this prized treat, only to find it mere inedible plastic. Depriving them of this joy puts them in a foul mood, which meant lots of property damage. Folk in these areas have banned decoy owls, as the freak out that comes from frustrated agropelters has ruined many roofs, windows and cars. To make matters worse, they have substituted their weaponry as well, since tree branches aren't readily available. Shingles, gutters, bricks, even satellite dishes are launched at people who get too close. Multiple power outages have occurred when power company employees have tried to get rid of nesting agropelters and one of these primates started ripping at the transformers and cables. One infamous case had an agropelter taking up residence in the local church's steeple. When the church's minister was found brained by the cross that once sat atop the spire, police and animal control were called in to put the beast down. Though the agropelter was eventually shot, the famous photo of a church bell through a police car's windshield was slapped onto every paper in the country.

As of now, the fate of the agropelter seems up in the air. Those that still live in their forest homes may perhaps be safe from what the future brings, but those that still struggle to exist in the land of man may not be so lucky. They fight fiercely, but everyone knows what happens to the animal that dares bite the hand of humanity. Some believe it is only a matter of time before these urban agropelters are wiped out, and the species is kept confined to the pine trees. But some believers hold out the hope that a peace can be brokered, and that the two species can coexist. Despite their reputation, there are certainly people who have a love for the agropelter, and wish them a better fate. Most assume that these people watched the movie "Ed" as children, which was about a baseball loving agropelter. Who couldn't fall in love with Ed's wacky antics and mean pitch? Those who hold this fondness for this movie probably never looked up what happened behind the scenes during the sequel. In hindsight, it was a real dumb idea to let one of these apes near a bucket of real baseballs. You ever hear of that pitcher that killed a bird with his throw? Yeah, Ed has got him pretty beat on pitch speed and body count....

-----------------------------------------------

Lets toss in an ol Fearsome Critter with the crowd. Discussed this one with Lediblock2 !

Description

Those who live around the great conifer forests know this resident well, either from the hoots and hollers that can be heard through the canopy, or from the lumps on their head from previous encounters with this temperamental species. The agropelter is the arboreal ape of the north, living atop the pines and making sure no one forgets that. While some would say that they are famous for their bizarre boneless limbs and elastic reach, their real infamy comes from what they do with them. At this point, everyone on the continent should know that agropelters are extremely territorial, and do not take kindly to larger beasts wandering below their tree top homes. Those that intrude will hear angry hooting coming from up above, and that is your first warning. If you do not turn tail and run at the mere sound of that, the agropelter will give one more chance. What comes shortly after is the sharp cracking sound of splitting wood, like someone just snapped off a tree branch. It sounds like that because it is that, as the agropelter starts grabbing tree limbs and ripping them off. That noise is the last warning you get, as what follows is the ape opening fire. While agropelters have weaker limbs compared to other primates, they make up for it by whipping their arms with extreme speed and force. Some compare it to a whip, others see it like an atlatl, but no matter the comparison, the agropelter has one hell of a baseball pitch. When it throws its woody projectiles, it does so with enough force to crack bone and leave splinters in the flesh. They launch as many missiles as they need until the intruder is either gone or dead. And if they run out of branches? Well, that doesn't bother them, as they will just grab anything in reach and fire away. They can use pine cones, chunks of bark or even bird nests to assault the trespasser. During the winter, they may also grab handfuls of ice and snow to launch, starting a one sided snowball fight that can easily result in missing teeth.

When not raging war on any creature that intrudes on their territory, the agropelter swings effortlessly through the conifer canopy in search of food. Agropelters are avivores, with a particular taste for owls and woodpeckers. They may hide in hollow trees in wait for these birds, then lash out with a tendriled arm to snag them. Some have used their incredible throwing power and aim to snipe them from the skies, exploding flying birds into a ball of feathers and then rushing after the falling corpse. These hollow trees aren't only for hunting, but also act as their nests when it is time to sleep and a musical instrument when the breeding season kicks in. This special season only comes every four years, and the forests explode into a cacophony of noise when it happens. Male agropelters snap off tree branches and drum them against their hollow tree trunk, all while adding a serenade of booming hoots and yelps. Females seek out the loudest of them all, which means that sometimes lesser males will team up and attempt to "tone down" the bigger competition. Some males have been found sabotaging tree trunks before the breeding season kicks in, using their arms and weaponry to bust them up and ruin their drumming potential. The bigger males must keep an eye out for these saboteurs, and they unleash a flurry of angry whipping arms at them til they scatter. Those that succeed in winning over a female will soon be father to three or five pups, which will spend their early years hiding in the hollow tree. They will be raised on the mother's milk while the male goes out to fetch birds for them. The young will also dine on owl and woodpecker, and will use the leftover bones to practice their throwing arm. Trees, birds and their siblings will be the target of their aim, but at such an age their throws are harmless.

For the people who lived around these forests, the agropelter was either one of two things. To those who loved the forest as it was, they were the guardians of it. To those who saw the forest as a profit, they were a menace. Agropelters are universally hated by all lumberjacks and loggers, as every job in a conifer forest is dealing with a painful rain of wood and pine cones. Their assaults on logging camps and the axe-wielding men within became so bad, that CTE was listed as the number one condition and death associated with being a lumberjack. Quite a few injuries came to be when some of the loggers decided to fight back, usually in a drunken state. After putting back a few, some of the men would take to throwing beer cans and bottles at the apes, giving them a taste of their own medicine. However, the apes would simply grab these lobbed missiles and do an ol' "return to sender." When doctors found themselves picking glass shards out of a logger's skull, they knew how such a grievous wound came to be.

With the agropelters furiously guarding their domain, many forest loving folk came to believe that these massive pine forests would remain untouched. No logging company would risk the men and insurance costs to chop down these trees, so thus they would be left in peace. Sadly, that is not how things work in this day and age. The agropelters had their powerful throw and arsenal behind them, but at the end of the day, they were still fighting a war with sticks. A man with an axe was no match to that, and a man with a chainsaw fared no better. But when man in armored bulldozers and feller bunchers rolled onto the battlefield, they finally knew defeat. Logging companies fitted their vehicles like they were going to war, with extra armor and bulletproof glass. Some even went literal with it and hired sharpshooters to snipe the apes from the branches. The agropelters gave all they could, but mere sticks and pine cones did little against the unstoppable march of man and his machines. Many agropelter forests were logged, destroying their homes and scaring off their food source. Whenever the owls and woodpeckers left, the agropelters were forced to follow. Plenty of people in the public argued against this destruction and the eviction of these species, but lobbyists and lumber mills had the agropelter's infamy on their side. With those nasty apes gone, now you can hike in what's left of these woods in peace! Aren't you glad you can go for a walk through the pines without getting a concussion? And they eat precious owls and woodpeckers too! Why, if it wasn't for agropelters, we probably would still have the ivory-billed woodpecker around! The notoriety of these apes severely dampened whatever sympathy their fate garnered, and soon their numbers began to fall.

Though many of their habitat were lost, there were still forests left untouched and several pockets of these agropelters left in peace. Protests and legislation halted logging in some places, which added to the number of sanctuaries remaining. Here the agropelter can still remain, though threats to woodpecker and owl populations in general can still mean trouble for them. But these pine forests aren't the only place these apes are found now, as those who lost their homes didn't always lose their lives. When a forest was cleared out to set up residential areas and suburbs, what agropelters remained decided to move right in. Though their hollow trees are now gone, they found something appealing in the shiny lattice transmission towers and electrical poles. The sight of a bunch of dead branches and junk jammed into the center of these hollow towers is confirmation that an agropelter has set up shop. Some have broken into attics and chimneys, trying to make nests there, though the human residents are quick to evict them. While the owls and woodpeckers have left these areas, these urban agropelters have seemed to develop a taste for different birds, like crows, pigeons and geese. They still have a love for owls, which was an early problem during their settlement when agropelters were tricked by decoy owls people put on their roofs. The excited primate would rush to snag this prized treat, only to find it mere inedible plastic. Depriving them of this joy puts them in a foul mood, which meant lots of property damage. Folk in these areas have banned decoy owls, as the freak out that comes from frustrated agropelters has ruined many roofs, windows and cars. To make matters worse, they have substituted their weaponry as well, since tree branches aren't readily available. Shingles, gutters, bricks, even satellite dishes are launched at people who get too close. Multiple power outages have occurred when power company employees have tried to get rid of nesting agropelters and one of these primates started ripping at the transformers and cables. One infamous case had an agropelter taking up residence in the local church's steeple. When the church's minister was found brained by the cross that once sat atop the spire, police and animal control were called in to put the beast down. Though the agropelter was eventually shot, the famous photo of a church bell through a police car's windshield was slapped onto every paper in the country.

As of now, the fate of the agropelter seems up in the air. Those that still live in their forest homes may perhaps be safe from what the future brings, but those that still struggle to exist in the land of man may not be so lucky. They fight fiercely, but everyone knows what happens to the animal that dares bite the hand of humanity. Some believe it is only a matter of time before these urban agropelters are wiped out, and the species is kept confined to the pine trees. But some believers hold out the hope that a peace can be brokered, and that the two species can coexist. Despite their reputation, there are certainly people who have a love for the agropelter, and wish them a better fate. Most assume that these people watched the movie "Ed" as children, which was about a baseball loving agropelter. Who couldn't fall in love with Ed's wacky antics and mean pitch? Those who hold this fondness for this movie probably never looked up what happened behind the scenes during the sequel. In hindsight, it was a real dumb idea to let one of these apes near a bucket of real baseballs. You ever hear of that pitcher that killed a bird with his throw? Yeah, Ed has got him pretty beat on pitch speed and body count....

-----------------------------------------------

Lets toss in an ol Fearsome Critter with the crowd. Discussed this one with Lediblock2 !