HOME | DD

Description
hmm yea. I think this is nothing special just something I drew out of boredom. Even the story of it isn't anything special, but oh well. *shrugs*

Okay, I try to explain. These little kids are me, yet they are not. Quite weird. The one on the right is me as a satanist and the other one on the left side is... how to call it.. you know, that kind of usual, ordinary girl. looking girly and acting girly. Or what? I don't know if there's any word for it. but... you know!! *<<-- nervous grin* None of them is really me though they pretty muchly look like me. The one on the right side is what they think I am. the left-side-one is what they wish I was. Not really want me to be. But they would be happy.
so, it's based on the thing that I figured out a weird thing, which scared me a very little bit too. My mother thinks that I'm a kind of satanist or whatever, because of a few reasons... at the first place, she thinks I'm a rocker. And rocker=satanist, so that's it. I like things like vampires and vampires are the creature of Satan, so here we go. Sometimes I draw some quite bloody stuff, not really that rude, just a little bloody. I don't even dare show them to her because she would send me to a therapist or something... blah blah. Lot of other things.

So anyways, I wanted to draw this because of the comparison. At first, I was just wondering how would I look like a satanist. Just look at her, on the right side. Straight black hair, black and red makeup, piercings, dark blue jeans... oh yeah, I'm not sure if it's readable or not, the t-shirt says 'I <3 Satan' - I should have left the writing white, but it was too late and I'm sure the paper could haven't bear a second erasing, since it was very very thin. So... she has a bag too, that's very famous between hungarian rockers - what's more, every rocker MUST own a bag like this! It has to be a particular shade of oil green, it has to have a lot of buckles and it must have the names of different bands or kind of symbols in it, depending on the taste of the rocker. And finally, the weird-looking boots. Actually, I would like to look like this. except for the satanist part.... and probably the piercings? I don't think that I would like to have any.
And the other one. Totally sweet and nice, aaaall the way... aww, what a cute dress They always keep on telling me that I should wear skirts, or shorter things than long jeans. And when I suddenly appear in something like this they say it's so sexy and cute and whatsoever... but for a reason it's not like my aim in my little life to be sexy... nah don't get me wrong, it's cool to be sexy, but it's not like the most important thing in my life above everything. Oh yeah... *points* look at the sketchbook. Full of peaceful, lovely and beautiful things. This isn't outstanding in the picture of course, but since I drew this I can see details which are not even drawn. For example, the satanist-me has a tattoo on her back. It's on her left shoulder-blade, about as big as my palm is, and it's simple black, some kind of nonfigurative stuff. Anyways, back to the sweet girl for a second... My family loves me but they would love me a lot more if I was this. I strongly believe that. Everyone would be more happy I guess....

But I'm not this. Not the sweet one, not the satanist one. Not even something between them, if some of you would like to think probably. I'm just... I don't know. I'm nothing. I just do what I like, and I don't like to have labels on my neck when I go to people. Unfortunately, they love to put labels on others. And now even my family does. Even my mother does... that's really, really bad.
I wish I ever could explain my mother who I am. I cannnot do it, I'm not good at words, never was. And how to explain this to someone who can't see any difference between Linkin Park and Slipknot... no that's not her fault, no way... it's just not her world, not her life. probably this is the matter? but it's still.. really bad. I feel like if I was standing behind a picture made up by her, and I can't rip it, I can't make her see me, who I actually am....

Ooookay, something about the picture itself now... hmm. The sort of 'concept' is, how to say, like the most typical and unoriginal thing ever, but I don't really care since this is all and just the truth behind it, and I liked that idea anyways. The result... so-so. I don't like the colours at some parts, and for a reason I don't feel that pleased and comfortable about it... hm, my brother gave me the idea for the background, he said it should be dark green and blue, and I trust him with things like that. And, I discovered a very interesting thing. To draw the satanist one, it took like 15 minutes for the longest; to draw the pretty, it was a very hard job and I had to have a big fight until it came out this way (well bigger than I expected). That's... quite interesting. Well, I don't really know. maybe I'll remove this to scraps, maybe not.

And only one more thing. While I was scanning the picture, suddenly my mom came around and managed to take a look. Her first reaction was, 'ooohh, the one on the right side, it's you! am I right?' I answered 'naaah, it's not me. She quite looks like me though.' 'Oh, well then. Err.... then the other one, is you?' 'Neither. But there is an actual resemblance.'

Coloured pencils, August 29th, 2004. Enjoy

Description
hmm yea. I think this is nothing special just something I drew out of boredom. Even the story of it isn't anything special, but oh well. *shrugs*

Okay, I try to explain. These little kids are me, yet they are not. Quite weird. The one on the right is me as a satanist and the other one on the left side is... how to call it.. you know, that kind of usual, ordinary girl. looking girly and acting girly. Or what? I don't know if there's any word for it. but... you know!! *<<-- nervous grin* None of them is really me though they pretty muchly look like me. The one on the right side is what they think I am. the left-side-one is what they wish I was. Not really want me to be. But they would be happy.
so, it's based on the thing that I figured out a weird thing, which scared me a very little bit too. My mother thinks that I'm a kind of satanist or whatever, because of a few reasons... at the first place, she thinks I'm a rocker. And rocker=satanist, so that's it. I like things like vampires and vampires are the creature of Satan, so here we go. Sometimes I draw some quite bloody stuff, not really that rude, just a little bloody. I don't even dare show them to her because she would send me to a therapist or something... blah blah. Lot of other things.

So anyways, I wanted to draw this because of the comparison. At first, I was just wondering how would I look like a satanist. Just look at her, on the right side. Straight black hair, black and red makeup, piercings, dark blue jeans... oh yeah, I'm not sure if it's readable or not, the t-shirt says 'I <3 Satan' - I should have left the writing white, but it was too late and I'm sure the paper could haven't bear a second erasing, since it was very very thin. So... she has a bag too, that's very famous between hungarian rockers - what's more, every rocker MUST own a bag like this! It has to be a particular shade of oil green, it has to have a lot of buckles and it must have the names of different bands or kind of symbols in it, depending on the taste of the rocker. And finally, the weird-looking boots. Actually, I would like to look like this. except for the satanist part.... and probably the piercings? I don't think that I would like to have any.
And the other one. Totally sweet and nice, aaaall the way... aww, what a cute dress They always keep on telling me that I should wear skirts, or shorter things than long jeans. And when I suddenly appear in something like this they say it's so sexy and cute and whatsoever... but for a reason it's not like my aim in my little life to be sexy... nah don't get me wrong, it's cool to be sexy, but it's not like the most important thing in my life above everything. Oh yeah... *points* look at the sketchbook. Full of peaceful, lovely and beautiful things. This isn't outstanding in the picture of course, but since I drew this I can see details which are not even drawn. For example, the satanist-me has a tattoo on her back. It's on her left shoulder-blade, about as big as my palm is, and it's simple black, some kind of nonfigurative stuff. Anyways, back to the sweet girl for a second... My family loves me but they would love me a lot more if I was this. I strongly believe that. Everyone would be more happy I guess....

But I'm not this. Not the sweet one, not the satanist one. Not even something between them, if some of you would like to think probably. I'm just... I don't know. I'm nothing. I just do what I like, and I don't like to have labels on my neck when I go to people. Unfortunately, they love to put labels on others. And now even my family does. Even my mother does... that's really, really bad.
I wish I ever could explain my mother who I am. I cannnot do it, I'm not good at words, never was. And how to explain this to someone who can't see any difference between Linkin Park and Slipknot... no that's not her fault, no way... it's just not her world, not her life. probably this is the matter? but it's still.. really bad. I feel like if I was standing behind a picture made up by her, and I can't rip it, I can't make her see me, who I actually am....

Ooookay, something about the picture itself now... hmm. The sort of 'concept' is, how to say, like the most typical and unoriginal thing ever, but I don't really care since this is all and just the truth behind it, and I liked that idea anyways. The result... so-so. I don't like the colours at some parts, and for a reason I don't feel that pleased and comfortable about it... hm, my brother gave me the idea for the background, he said it should be dark green and blue, and I trust him with things like that. And, I discovered a very interesting thing. To draw the satanist one, it took like 15 minutes for the longest; to draw the pretty, it was a very hard job and I had to have a big fight until it came out this way (well bigger than I expected). That's... quite interesting. Well, I don't really know. maybe I'll remove this to scraps, maybe not.

And only one more thing. While I was scanning the picture, suddenly my mom came around and managed to take a look. Her first reaction was, 'ooohh, the one on the right side, it's you! am I right?' I answered 'naaah, it's not me. She quite looks like me though.' 'Oh, well then. Err.... then the other one, is you?' 'Neither. But there is an actual resemblance.'

Coloured pencils, August 29th, 2004. Enjoy