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Published: 2010-01-03 13:41:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 7836; Favourites: 333; Downloads: 289
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Molly had a permanent smile fixed to her face. It was just part of who she was. Sometimes this angered Rachael. She could be crying on Molly's shoulder and her companion would still be beaming away like an idiot.Rachael was always scornful when books talked about dogs knowing how their owners were feeling.
'Molly never has a fucking clue! She's just in a constant state of 'Happy'! She's the least empathic animal on the planet. I swear, her internal monologue is just 'I'm a dog! I'm a dog! I'm a dog!' on loop.'
Once Rachael had held Molly's tail down to try and stop it wagging. Molly had grinned at her, good-naturedly and the four vertebra at the base of the tail had continued to wiggle side to side.
Rachael and Molly spent a lot of time together on the front porch. They would survey the garden and listen to Rachael's parents scream at each other inside the house. Sometimes a parent would join them afterwards and say something like 'sorry you had to hear that, champ. It must be tough on you. Geeze! That mulberry is getting big! We'll have to cut it back soon.' Molly would radiate contentedness. 'I'm a dog! I'm a dog! I'm a dog!'
One day Rachael's mother told her to pack her things. They were going to visit Rachael's grandmother in Ohio for a 'girl's weekend'.
Rachael didn't want to go. She hated visiting relatives. They talked over her head about sore feet, dietitians and how Rachael's breasts were starting to grow at last.
Rachael said goodbye to her father with a quick kiss and to Molly with a belly-rub. Molly pulled a stupidly blissful face and her leg convulsed with pleasure. 'I'm a dog! I'm a dog! I'm a dog! Its good to be a dog!'
'See you Tuesday, Boof-head. You keep an eye on the mulberry for me.'
Rachael never saw Molly again. When they arrived in Ohio, her mother sent for their things. Her Grandma didn't have a garden so 'of course we can't get the dog sent up, Racheal! Please don't keep asking me about it!'
Six months later her dad came to visit. He brought her an ipod nano and a big poster of a band she had never heard of before but he thought she should get into. He beamed at her.
'How's Molly?'
'Aren't you glad to see me?'
'Not really.'
'Molly's gone to live with a new family. I've been working long hours and without you there to walk her Molly was really lonely. She'll be much happier now.'
'And you didn't think to call me and ask how I'd feel about this?'
Rachael stared at her father's fading smile. 'He's trying really hard' she told herself. She went out to lunch with him and didn't cry or yell the entire time. It felt like she was trying to hold all the atoms of her body together. Her father pulled out a digital camera and asked her to smile. She did. 'Is this what being a grown-up feels like?' Rachael wondered.
That night, Rachael dreamed she had big, floppy paws and a long tail and a nose which wanted to follow everything. In her dream her father flung his arms around her and cried into her big, shaggy shoulder. 'You don't understand! You don't have a fucking clue what its like!' he sobbed. 'I'm a dog!' thought Rachael and beamed.
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Comments: 157
h3llb0yn3cr0 In reply to ??? [2010-03-22 06:10:21 +0000 UTC]
Haha!! Hope you one day manage to actually make that novel
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Halohid In reply to h3llb0yn3cr0 [2010-03-22 06:45:08 +0000 UTC]
In the mean time, it beats taking sleeping pills.
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h3llb0yn3cr0 In reply to Halohid [2010-03-22 06:49:50 +0000 UTC]
It sure does.
Perhaps someone can market it that way? "Novel Writer TM!! The best writing software available!! Suggests different sentence structures, synonyms for the highlighted word, fixes spelling errors, and best of all, when you get bored of it, you fall asleep!! Certified cure for chronic insomnia!"
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Halohid In reply to h3llb0yn3cr0 [2010-03-27 13:26:33 +0000 UTC]
Haha, rad. I like the sound of it!
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artifice-child In reply to ??? [2010-03-20 08:41:31 +0000 UTC]
this almost made me cry.
it transitions from beaming and sunlit to practically haunting with an even, delicate cadence.
very, very nice work.
(although I think you typo-d "Rachael" as "Racheal" in the "never saw Molly again" paragraph...and is there any particular reason you used the single quotes?)
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Halohid In reply to artifice-child [2010-03-22 05:52:24 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much! And thanks for pointing out the creative spelling of 'Rachael'.
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JennyStarr [2010-03-20 08:30:42 +0000 UTC]
wow. i really love this piece. your characters are presented in such a detailed way ad the personal views whilst still in a third person narrative really had me hooked.
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Halohid In reply to JennyStarr [2010-03-22 05:50:14 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! I am chuffed to hear that. It is always tricky when writing such short stories to know if you have given the right clues to a character. You have to be so selective with what you include.
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Lit-Twitter In reply to ??? [2010-03-20 08:19:29 +0000 UTC]
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. [link]
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Freakomaniacadisical In reply to ??? [2010-03-16 07:01:52 +0000 UTC]
Rachel's feelings and emotions are very well brought out! A good thought provoking write! Brilliant!
Your fellow poet
My newest:
Draw a Blank world [link]
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Halohid In reply to Freakomaniacadisical [2010-03-22 05:48:45 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much!
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leyghan In reply to ??? [2010-03-14 23:29:39 +0000 UTC]
It's hard for me to say why I like this. Maybe it's the portrait of the dog Molly that you drew so well with your words or how unusual yet fitting the conclusion is. Sometimes a piece just touches you I guess and this definitely did.
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Halohid In reply to leyghan [2010-03-16 12:35:25 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much! I really appreciate hearing that. My writing tends to get lost here amid my photography and modeling so I get very excited when people find it and really think about it. Thanks!
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DailyLitDeviations In reply to ??? [2010-03-14 18:23:20 +0000 UTC]
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) and has been selected as our “Pick of the Day”. It is featured in a news article [link] and on our main page.
Keep writing and keep creating.
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Halohid In reply to DailyLitDeviations [2010-03-16 12:29:45 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! It really means a lot to me. My thanks.
And fantastic group, by the way! I didn't know you existed but I am watching now.
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Kitri-du-Lac In reply to ??? [2010-03-13 19:24:50 +0000 UTC]
This unusual piece blends dialogue, thought and narrative voice together in a smooth yet fragmented way. Discussing how we cope with loss, it creates a unique snapshot through the eyes of the character, and the clever use of free indirect speech helps to give insight into the characters. A well constructive voice.
~vital-organs suggested this piece to me and I have decided to suggest it to =DailyLitDeviations . If chosen your piece will feature in one of their daily newsletters. Good luck!
It would be appreciated if you would take the time to send me a note with a link to any prose pieces, by any other deviants, that you feel deserve to be featured.
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Halohid In reply to Kitri-du-Lac [2010-03-16 12:33:15 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much, miss. I will definitely send you a suggestion. I have one in mind. I just need a few decent, clear-headed minutes to write why I love it.
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MetalMagpie [2010-01-12 19:53:25 +0000 UTC]
A beautifully touching piece about a child dealing with a difficult stage. The story has a wonderful edge to it in that her parents seem to be dealing with the split so childishly.
And a great ending.
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Halohid In reply to MetalMagpie [2010-01-23 03:35:38 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! Greatly appreciated.
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Shauntinasha In reply to ??? [2010-01-11 22:54:57 +0000 UTC]
I like this story a lot and would be super honoured to do the illustration for it. C: I can mostly only do cartoon-type things, and I've been drawing a lot of dogs lately but realism would be fun to try if it suits your taste a little more, and it would definitely suit the story more, in my opinion.
My cat is just like Molly. It's kind of sad because on days where I just sit and cry he purrs and licks my face so I break out in hives. What an awful friend.
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Halohid In reply to Shauntinasha [2010-01-23 03:38:22 +0000 UTC]
One of my dogs is like Molly but I adore him for it. He is the happiest boof-head ever and a pleasure to have around.
And you have my blessings, lady. I would love to see what you come up with, be it cartoon or realism. Your choice. Good luck and enjoy. Be sure to put links back to the original story if you post it on the net.
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Shauntinasha In reply to Halohid [2010-01-23 20:21:24 +0000 UTC]
haha, agreed. On the breed of choice; I picture her as a beagle or a golden retriever but wasnt sure what you were thinking she is. Any opinions?
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Halohid In reply to Shauntinasha [2010-01-23 23:13:51 +0000 UTC]
I was thinking retriever just because then the girl can put her arms around her.
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Shauntinasha In reply to Halohid [2010-01-26 11:01:40 +0000 UTC]
awesome. C: I'll start as soon as I get that book report in. >.<
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sabre-toothed-wolf In reply to ??? [2010-01-11 00:22:19 +0000 UTC]
I really like this. I love the style. I believe that when you say 'empathic' you mean 'empathetic' I could be wrong about that, though.
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TheMaidenInBlack In reply to ??? [2010-01-10 18:04:40 +0000 UTC]
I wonder why i was convinced this was about a DOLL before starting to read it. Maybe your literature tag...
Anyway. I loved it and how you inserted the dialogues... it seems like they are sudden, like when something comes to mind unexpectedly, I love that. Really good work.
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Halohid In reply to TheMaidenInBlack [2010-01-23 03:40:11 +0000 UTC]
Haha, the tag is very doll like but it is actually me.
Thank you very much! I'm really glad to hear that the dialogue works like that.
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TheMaidenInBlack In reply to Halohid [2010-01-24 00:00:57 +0000 UTC]
Oh wow is it?!
*facepalms* Lol I'm an idiot for not noticing.
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tigertailzlc In reply to ??? [2010-01-09 08:08:55 +0000 UTC]
Whoah. That was really good!
I like the idea, how Molly is so similar to Rachael; how, in the end, Rachael is forced to block everything out and just put on a facade. Ignorance is bliss?
Apart from the idea, the way this is written is also amazing. I love the voice. It's easy to read, no grammatical errors, and it's narrated really well. To answer your question, the dialogue is fine.
Great work!
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vital-organs In reply to ??? [2010-01-08 17:12:46 +0000 UTC]
Wow. Just wow.
I'm busy trying to figure out what the end means to me. I'm almost getting a "just grin and bear it" feel from this, and yet I'm not. Maybe because Rachael, like a dog, has no real choice over her fate. Both she and Molly were just uprooted without being given a say in the matter. Though at teh end it seems that Rachael is forced to fake a smile.
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Halohid In reply to vital-organs [2010-01-09 02:53:04 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! There are a lot of possible meanings, I think. I sort of think about it as growing up and realising that sometimes you aren't the only one having a tough time. Rachael smiling helped her dad feel better and perhaps that makes Rachael realise how much Molly supported her. But it is up for interpretation. I'm always guessing myself.
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vital-organs In reply to Halohid [2010-01-09 03:22:19 +0000 UTC]
Hm, that's a much better way of looking about it.
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Satanasko In reply to ??? [2010-01-04 13:50:54 +0000 UTC]
Where's the body ?!
I kinda got used to bodies in the last few writings ^^
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Halohid In reply to Satanasko [2010-01-06 12:33:23 +0000 UTC]
Haha, yeah, I wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me there.
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nightmareanatomy In reply to ??? [2010-01-04 00:07:12 +0000 UTC]
this is such a touching story. i wish it had been longer, otherwise it was wonderful.
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Halohid In reply to nightmareanatomy [2010-01-06 12:34:14 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! My goal for that day was to write a VERY short story. Not just because I wanted to go bed early.
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elephantshoe13 In reply to Halohid [2010-07-02 16:08:38 +0000 UTC]
haha, it is an amazing story.. I wonder how it would have turned out if you didn't go to bed. lol.
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CurseUDifferentOnes [2010-01-03 17:31:09 +0000 UTC]
Wow.
Poor Molly and Rachael.
The thing I liked most (which is going to make sound like a freak) is the repetition of the dog's inner monologue. It turns from a piece of humor into an echoing theme, a statement if you will. And at the end, even though it's uttered with the usual content and blind happiness, it sounds very poignant, very insightful.
Also, when Rachael said "Not really" to her father, I was like "Awwww. That susks." It reminded me of a lot of my friends who come from divorced households and when the dad or mom visits, they're always...detached about it. That's what I got from Rachael. She feels detached from her father, as if he's almost a stranger to her. It's actually very sad.
One critique though...at the section "Six months later," the descriptions all center of Rachael's dad and what he is doing. But then, the first dialogue--"How's Molly?"--obviously comes from Rachael, but you wouldn't know that until you reread it a few times. It's like...an agreement error where the appositive and the preposition do not match, a 'she' with a 'man' sort of situation. It's not clear whose speaking at that moment. On first pass, you assume it's the dad because the section before that focused on his actions. But it doesn't sound like something he'd say, becuase he should know how Molly is, since she stayed with him. So it creates a jarring moment for the reader.
Whoa. That was a lot. Please find this constructive. That grammar rant was a lot and I truly meant it to be supportive and helpful. I can't wait to see your next tale! Best of a broken leg!
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Halohid In reply to CurseUDifferentOnes [2010-01-06 12:43:00 +0000 UTC]
Possum, I'm fine with constructive criticism. When it is politely phrased and someone has clearly thought about it a lot, you'd have to be a silly person to take offense.
Thank you for taking the time and thinking about my work so much. I do appreciate that.
And I didn't make it to seven. Six was a good effort. And I think this may be my favourite so it was a good note to finish on.
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