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Published: 2014-10-19 20:53:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 5062; Favourites: 188; Downloads: 0
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Description
You're ugly.
You're stupid.
You'll never amount to anything.
No one will ever like you.
If you think he'll stay, you're mistaken.
You have no friends.
People hate you.
You are a freak.
You have no place here.
You are nothing more than a coward who
is too afraid to step outside half the time.
Your face is like something from a horror movie.
No one will ever truly fall in love with you.
Guys want girls that are beautiful and face it,
you are considered everything but that.
Hide behind your hair dye because you want to
feign like you don't care.
But inside the cruel eyes of others burn holes into
your soul.
You will never amount to anything.
The only thing you will ever be good for
is cleaning up dog shit.
You will never be good enough.
Why bother even dreaming?
How can you consider the possibility of love
when everything you do, the way you look, walk,
talk, move, think, can only ever be seen as
ugly.
Not only is the outside hideous;
the inside is no better.
Why do you think you've never been on a date?
You have nothing going for you because even your
personality sucks.
Your eyebrows are too thick.
Your nostrils are shaped funny.
Your face is too big and fat.
Your shoulders too broad.
Your stomach's too weird.
Your eyes are nothing special.
Your hands and feet too large
to belong to a woman.
Your teeth are crooked.
Your nose too big and wide.
Your build is something that
can never be desired.
You don't need to be here.
You have no point, no place.
Nothing to live for.
Just kill yourself already.
Voices set on replay
like a record in my head,
playing every single time I wish to sleep
or glance at my reflection.
Because sometimes in life you find,
the biggest bully of them all,
aren't the trolls and sharped tongued teens
you find online and in school buildings.
Sometimes the cruelest tormentor,
the one wishing you ill will,
is the person staring out at you
from a sheet of glass, mirror.
You are your hardest critic.
This has been said before but,
sometimes I can't help to think
that maybe all these things are said
for a certain reason.
Sticks and stones may break bones
but bones can be set and healed.
Yet words slice through your brain and soul
etch permanent cracks on the heart.
No matter how much glue you use,
the cracks always remain just below
the surface and each time they feel better;
each time the pain weakens,
the words start up again.
Impaling you with truths that cut
deeper than any knife could do and
causing much more damage.
Who can save you from yourself?
Who can stop the evil thoughts,
if you haven't the ability to
make them go away yourself?
I am my own enemy.
The destroyer of my own soul.
Hi, my name's Rebecca.
And I am a bully.
Related content
Comments: 108
howlingghostwolf In reply to ??? [2014-10-26 22:13:24 +0000 UTC]
I believe, in a way, that is true. Sometimes we let
the horrid things in our heads eat at us until that is
what we believe. But we are stronger than that and
most of the time try to tell ourselves it isn't true and
to quit with these thoughts but it is never that easy.
I wrote this to let others know that they are not alone
in their thoughts and feelings and that others feel this way
as well. Thank you~
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shadowzabimaru In reply to howlingghostwolf [2014-10-27 12:21:39 +0000 UTC]
Yes, you're right! We've got to do our best to tell that bully to shut up, even if she won't >_<
And for the record, having a "skinny" body that could probably fit into society standards of "beautiful" doesn't really help much with self confidence issues either. It's the same, so don't bother thinking "if i was skinnier i'd be happier" or something like that, it really doesn't help, unless it's something you've achieved that you can be proud of >_<
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howlingghostwolf In reply to shadowzabimaru [2014-10-29 03:34:35 +0000 UTC]
True!
And I know it can go both ways. Some people feel too skinny
while others feel too fat. Gaining and losing weight can be extremely
hard for some people because of a certain physical condition, as it is with me.
I believe that if you find change very difficult you should try to grow
comfortable in your shell until you can achieve your goal.
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GraphiteSerpent In reply to ??? [2014-10-25 03:41:28 +0000 UTC]
oh my god.
I knew from the first few lines that this was not about someone being a bully to someone else.Β
Why?
because this is exactly the sort of thing I hear almost full time from myself.Β
It's a horrible feeling, but you describe it so well.
Because
It's That kind of pain that comes from wanting to die, but being to cowardly and afraid to do it.
It's That kind of pain that comes from hating your every step, glance, heartbeat.
It's that kind of pain that kills you from the inside out, and pushing it down is like shoving the blade even deeper.
It's that kind of pain that keeps you up at night, wishing that you had anything to think about but yourself.
because all you want to do is stop existing
wiped from time
no one mourning
no one sad
no one in pain.
I try to make up for my complete and utter pointlessness by being as kind to people as I can.
But it can be hard to get through the day, walking, sitting, working, thinking, when all you want to do is curl up and cry.
I just wish that peoples' belief in me was deserved.
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howlingghostwolf In reply to GraphiteSerpent [2014-10-26 22:12:50 +0000 UTC]
It is definitely the sort of thing that keeps you up at night,
tossing and turning because you feel there is no end.
I feel the exact same as you have described above and
it is exhausting. I wish you peace from these thoughts soon
and hope that one day you will see that it is alright. The
stupid words in your mind are utter nonsense. Yes, it is
easier to say this to others than to oneself, I know firsthand
but I believe in you~
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BrownEyes2013 [2014-10-25 02:10:10 +0000 UTC]
Dang! This is more than 50 fathoms deep. Great job.
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BrownEyes2013 In reply to howlingghostwolf [2014-10-28 15:19:24 +0000 UTC]
Yer Welcome!
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walkingwithgiraffes In reply to ??? [2014-10-25 01:06:11 +0000 UTC]
The ones who write their feelings are more brave than the ones who show it in artwork. I really like your writing.
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howlingghostwolf In reply to walkingwithgiraffes [2014-10-26 21:44:45 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much~
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LifeIsArtInMyEyes In reply to ??? [2014-10-24 18:45:40 +0000 UTC]
I feel your pain, Rebecca.
You are not alone on this.
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howlingghostwolf In reply to DenitaTwoDragons [2014-10-26 21:45:09 +0000 UTC]
We all too often do this to ourselves.
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TheGalleryOfEve [2014-10-24 18:18:32 +0000 UTC]
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!!
Iβm very happy for you!!!
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howlingghostwolf In reply to TheGalleryOfEve [2014-10-26 21:45:27 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much!!!
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SpioradAisce In reply to ??? [2014-10-24 17:54:19 +0000 UTC]
It's like listening to myself.
Very personal, very well done. Congrats on the DD
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howlingghostwolf In reply to SpioradAisce [2014-10-26 21:39:07 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much C:
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iMoniki In reply to CowardForward [2014-10-25 03:10:47 +0000 UTC]
what on earth is this. iΒ mean i'm sorry that you're in that situation and i hope that you can sort it out bc that sucks but at the same time
under no circumstances should you say stuff like that.
it is perfectly okay to think that you need to be strong, that's what most people's motivation is. there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you're your own "bully" because if you don't, you're not going to get better. acknowledging that you're your own "bully" is acknowledging that the bullies in the outside world's words only go so far. they are not capable of making them go around in your head 24/7, even if they put them there.
it might suck at the time to acknowledge that- but the TRUTH is that if thinking about that is enough to make you worse, then you're not ready to try and get better. a lot of people seem to forget this- there is no time limit. you are perfectly and absolutely allowed to take a breather and focus on keeping yourself happy rather than trying to move forward.
a psychologist and psychiatrist can't change how you think (i mean unless you're doing something like CBT but you still need to consent and be wiling to go along with it for that to work- and it still requires your own work) - there is no magical pill, saying, quote or word that can change your situation. they are not miracle workers. if you shy away and get stuck in thinking that you're "lost" (which is what you do) then they can't do jack shit to help you. you can't just start seeing them and wait for them to come up with something, because that's not how it works.
if you are unable to cope with the process of getting better- IE, acknowledging that bullies only have so much power over what you think and accepting that you do in fact need to pull your on weight to get better, then you are not in fact ready to get better and need to have some time to think things through in your head and focus on staying happy - and that's totally okay because mental health professionals are 100% okay with going at your pace -- because getting better does involve your own work, you need to pull your weight and you need to be willing to leave your comfort zone and be open to that kinda thing, that's what pretty much all treatments involve and you can't get away from that- it doesn't mean that it needs to be all tough lovey and if you come across a professional like that- i suggest that you get a new one, because they're there to hold your hand through it all and advise you on what to do.
really though please don't say stuff like that on a public forum like this. idc if people disagree but comments like these are the kinds of comments that stop people from trying to reach out, that stop people from going to a professional and make people think that all they need is friends and some softly-softly type love to change their life when it couldn't be far from that (not to say that those people dont exist- it's entirely possible for some people, just not everybody)
and these comments also reinforce the idea that mental health professionals are these magic fairies that can just hear your story and make you better just like that, which is what people DON'T need, because it's the exact opposite - if you're seeing professionals, it can often take a verrrry long time to even figure out what you need to get better. you are not lost- nobody is. you've just been through some shit and aren't ready to take that step to get better, which is perfectly okay and 100% natural, because we're all human and humans have limits.
okay i said a lot. i didn't intend to say that much but this kinda thing is p close to me. sorry if i come off as rude or something bc i don't mean to be at all and again i really do hope that you, or anybody else like this, gets better, because its a terrible feeling when you're like this. i probably won't reply to anybody that comments on this, which i expect bc there's a surprising amount of people that disagree with me considering the few google searches it and first-hand-accounts it would take to say otherwise.
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CowardForward In reply to iMoniki [2014-10-26 11:08:41 +0000 UTC]
I'm sorry I came off ad rude.
When I read this I just started to panic. I agree with every you have said, and you're right. I can't keep my shit together.
The purpose of what I wrote was in the beginning intended as advice. Because I've experienced that viewing things in that light to backfire.
I've had some bad experiences but I'd better keep those to myself.
Of course if it works then it works and that's that. Everyone has their own kind of problems and their own answers.
Life can be good, and you can get out of the shit that you're going through and get happy.
I'm sorry.
I wish you a super awesome life
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Rin-Shinozaki In reply to ??? [2014-10-24 15:23:55 +0000 UTC]
Congratulations on the DD!
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DownInUniverse [2014-10-24 10:14:46 +0000 UTC]
I can't even tell you how brilliant this is! I think a lot of people feel this way, it's amazing to see someone found the words to express it so perfectly.
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Eremitik In reply to ??? [2014-10-24 09:46:50 +0000 UTC]
When I first started reading this my initial reaction was one of distaste, thinking that the poem was meant to take a stand against a bully by being a bully in return- something that is not morally right.
I am glad I kept reading. With a quick change of font, you completely turn the poem around into something wonderfully clever, heartfelt and beautifully sad. You open up the world of self criticism, revealing just how close we can come to hating ourselves. This kind of doubt can eat away at our hearts and happiness, coloring our day to day interactions with anger and loathing. Looking deeper, this lack of positive self image can also be the reason some bullies are the way they are.
Excellent work and congratulations on the DD. It is well deserved.
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howlingghostwolf In reply to Eremitik [2014-10-26 21:42:48 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much for taking the time to continue reading it.
It was something I myself had never considered before until
the other day I was looking in the mirror and beating myself up.
My younger siblings are in school and have been having assemblies and
such that go against bullying for Bully Awareness and as I stood there, I
said to myself, "You know doing this, making myself feel this way, is a form
of bullying that I bet most people don't realize or overlook as something real."
Thank you~
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Eremitik In reply to howlingghostwolf [2014-10-27 16:12:09 +0000 UTC]
You are most welcome. It was my pleasure entirely.
It is something I never really considered either.
Its good to open other peoples eyes to different perspectives.
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PyroShadow18 [2014-10-24 09:35:47 +0000 UTC]
This poem is really good.
I'm a bully as well. Though I'm trying not to be.
I don't want to hate myself anymore.
Thank you for sharing this. It's really beautiful.
Have a good day.
~Josh~
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howlingghostwolf In reply to PyroShadow18 [2014-10-26 21:44:01 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much.
It is never something easy to do but have faith in yourself
and you can do anything.
I hope you have a wonderful day as well.
~Rebecca
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PyroShadow18 In reply to howlingghostwolf [2014-10-26 22:21:10 +0000 UTC]
Thanks. I hope you do as well.
~Josh~
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howlingghostwolf In reply to LostLittleDream [2014-10-26 21:43:00 +0000 UTC]
Thank you!!
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PhoenixOfFury In reply to ??? [2014-10-24 08:03:57 +0000 UTC]
This made me tear up a bit. So direct and true! Great job!Β Β
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howlingghostwolf In reply to PhoenixOfFury [2014-10-26 21:38:53 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! C:
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paulypants In reply to ??? [2014-10-23 12:30:13 +0000 UTC]
This piece would be perfect for a project we are developing -- an online gallery for artists who have been bullied or who explore the theme of bullying in their work. It's called the You Will Rise Project. Check it out here: http://youwillriseproject.com Β and read the "Submit Work" section for details about sharing your work on our site. Thanks!
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howlingghostwolf In reply to paulypants [2014-10-23 17:59:15 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for the information!
I will check that out!
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Inu47yasha In reply to ??? [2014-10-23 08:12:43 +0000 UTC]
This is a really good poem. I must say though I think I preferred the snappiness of the first half a little more then the longer lines of the second. The first half of the poem is very reminiscent of a bully making short snide snappy remarks. While I understand the need for the second half and the change it tone, I find it fractures the poem a little. Just my thoughts though.
Still I love the whole poem.
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howlingghostwolf In reply to Inu47yasha [2014-10-23 18:00:29 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your opinion~
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topoftheunderworld In reply to ??? [2014-10-23 03:30:40 +0000 UTC]
Really effective structure, wonderful poem!
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howlingghostwolf In reply to topoftheunderworld [2014-10-23 05:09:41 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much!
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DoveAngel8 In reply to ??? [2014-10-22 22:55:57 +0000 UTC]
Big hugs
You can erase the words when you stop believing them
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howlingghostwolf In reply to DoveAngel8 [2014-10-23 05:10:02 +0000 UTC]
*hugs*
True, it is not easy.
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