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InvaderIka β DIGITIAL CREEPYPASTA OC REFERENCE: Ally
Published: 2014-01-19 03:54:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 40381; Favourites: 421; Downloads: 79
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EDIT:// PLEASE LOOK AT THE REVISED REFERENCEΒ HEREBase (c) starbunnies :fav.me/d38r68q
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Comments: 428
Hmmm.. Let's begin. This is a well balanced OC,but maybe the clothes are too bright (red and black is a bad mix. It's common in Mary Sues.) Also,this is a creepypasta OC,so it should maybe have the 'anime' look lowered down. Because,the aim of creepypasta is to scare people,and I just think 'meh' when I see this. Other than that,you did a good job. Fix what's wrong,and then,you'll have yourself a good OC. If you write a story with it,I think that will be excellent aswell. As I said before,good job,it's a very balanced character,just fix the sue aspects. Have fun!
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Please go to the new reference since this ones outdated <3Β
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Vision:
Is this a Creepypasta?... Maybe. This does have pretty dark colors, but... The proxy symbols. Makes the Creepypasta part a bit too crazily obvious.
I dunno. It's just something I'd expect to see on some MS (Mary-Sue).
Originality:
It looks very original. Though proxy symbols are used a lot on these random OCs I've found.
I think knives and sugical knives are not even close to original. Way too many OCs and actual Creepypastas use knives.
Technique:
I guess the way the drawing was done is nice. Though, the red is beginning to sting my eyes and the art is a tiny bit messy.
Otherwise, it is quite nice!
Impact:
This category, in this case, for Creepypasta, must prove this OC to seem scary and really fit into the name CREEPYpasta.
I didn't find this scary... More cute, since it seems that is what was aimed for. I would like to view artwork in which this character is made to look creepy or scary.
Sorry to say, but I can't find much scariness that could come from this character if that were to happen.
Maybe a darker color palette could make that happen?
Extra:
- As I said, the red is stinging my eyes, to the point of a tissue being needed to wipe away the tears forming from my eyes. It hurts!
- Is this character a Slender OC? Because "black tendrils from back" definitely makes it seem that way.
- Too many use knives. Stick with those special powers/abilities to separate this Creepypasta from the rest.
- Too many proxy symbols!
- If Ally is 118 years old or so, maybe make her look like it. It completely defeats the fact that she is over 100 years old if she looks like a 12 year old.
- I can't exactly read their species down there. I'm guessing she is a doll or something? That would support their outfit more and the overall look of this OC. Maybe being an old doll of 118 years could make for some creepy additions!
At the end of the day, I found this OC to be 5/10; half-n-half.
I took 1 point away because of just adorableness, which goes against CREEPYpasta. Though, it was entirely fine for this cutsieness. I'd just like to see some scary artwork of them. Make me fear this character. Make me have sleepless nights after learning of them. That is the ultimate goal of a Creepypasta.
(Does the nightmare form look scary? A conversion from this to that would probably work out!)
1 points for the many proxy symbols scattered all over this outfit and for the burning, bright red.
2 points were taken away because of the knife factor. So many use this for their OCs that it has become extremely annoying to me.
1 more point for these powers: Voodooish Control, Blood Control, Shadow Control, Black Tendrils from Back, and Teleportation. These make the OC overpowered. And I'd expect it to go into this "Nightmare Form" very often. Maybe limitations on power usage would spread out this hunk of frosting on Ally's cake.
Overall, I actually enjoyed your OC, but I expect better things in the future.
But never lose that spark of creativity!
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This is actually very, very outdated dear!
Here's her new ref:
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Alright, thanks!
I'll review this to my best ability as well.
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Now starting with the drawing, there are many messy lines and such on the body I feel need to be fixed. With the color the eyes seem out of place in my opinion. The operating symbal is used to much, usually on proxy's (or people who offically have the symbol) it's usually ingraved in their skin, not on clothing as a fashion statement.
And I can't read clearly but if her species is vampire, I'm sorry but that has been over used and isn't that origina (don't be afraid to get creative and make a new species)l. And tenticals on back with teliportiation, this seems like a slenderman copy. What is this nightmare form you never seem to explain it anywhere from what I can see.
In my opinion this character isn't creepy, the whole point of creepy pasta is to creep you out. Ally is way to cute to be taken seriously... I suggest making her look more dead or doll like with what you are going with, since she's more than 1000 years old make her looked a little aged, that dress she's wearing can't stay intact for THAT long, make it look discolored, faded, ripped, warn out, and ect. And if you are making her a voodoo doll (by your discription) make her have a few tears in her skin or cracks to show she's aged and make her look creepier, just a suggestion you don't have to take it.
Now for a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down. I like your character I rarely see victorian styled creepypastas and I want to help you not hurt you. Her weaknesses seem reasonable and most of her color pallet is good, not the best but good.
And I hope you remake her for the better, bye ^^
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I agree, but look at the new reference, that one is a hell of a lot better in my opinion!
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yeah, i just don't like the cliche "part slenderman" thing...
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Yeah, but I still like the character.
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Look. Im really grateful for the feedback. But this is an extremely outdated reference. Do you want to critique the new one instead? ovo
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um sure, can you link it to me again
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((You should look at the new reference, it has much more information, and is much better. I think this was unfair because you didn't see the new reference and back story.))
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i did, and i judged that one too, she didn't really change anything only the artstyle
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Your character is very balanced, unlike typical mary sues who arnt. Her powers are very interesting! Her clothing is overall great and not really tight and super reveling! I totally love her facial details, very cute looking. She has a very original backstory! The details on her clothing are fab! Don't even get me started on her great nicknames!! I love that you added her languages she speaks! Very creative! Overall, you OC "The Victorian Doll" is a great oc!!!! Very good job you have done! I hope you do some more art of your OC of this account soon!
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This is my first time ever writing a critique so I'm going to do the upsides and the downsides on what I think about Ally <3 So ill be starting with the art then the info.
Art wise - every artist has a long way in their art career so I cannot judge your style. I read one critique saying the art is rather choppy. I agree that art wise it's a messy though all the extra information such as her head shots and expressions it made up for the quality u v ub
Okay here's information wise -
everything seems pretty good from the name to special items :0
I won't say anything about the amount of powers as long as the weaknesses have some sort of balance on both her powers and strengths. I like how the weaknesses are actual physical downsides to her though I feel like she still needs more flaws to even out things more.
Her history is really well made oh my god. It isn't 100% original though I am not the best critic to rate stories but there wasn't much flaws to it considering her character now.
everything after her history info seems pretty well done as well but then I get to the Nightmare form notes.
"Childish but in a more twisted sense" okay but then " mature but very sarcastic and sharped tongue." errrrr to be honest I can see Nightmare Ally explained as cocky though childish but mature?? I think you are meaning onto something else but I feel like you should change that part because it doesn't make much sense to me? xD
So you put so much effort into her information wise which is quite hard in ocs. Ally isn't really original being so as the plot/her being a doll though you do actually put reasons/ information to explain everything so good job u v u b
sorryiwrotealotomg
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She is a very good and original OC, and I liker her a lot. You are obviously very devoted to her, but ever heard the phrase, "First, kill your darlings?" but personallythough, I think she is rather overpowered, and has too many abilities and strengths. Also, it is EXTREMELY common to see OCs that are schizophrenic and copy Slender's powers, it is overused and boring. As is being immortal and looking like a teen, that is unbelievably common. Also, although she looks somewhat creepy, she would likely not scare me unless she is in her 'nightmare' form. I hope I have not offended you in my review, I am only being honest, as a reviewer who has waded neck-deep in "Mary Sue" shit.
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Now to me she is actually a very well written well done character, now my only problem is the slender part that she is a "Slender Doll" I am not trying to be rude in anyway, personally i think that cuteness covering up darkness is one of the best things i see in characters cause i do, that myself again that was my only problem with her but other than that she is very very well written well done character to be very clear to you, i do like her. I would want to rp with you one day, Cause i do have characters myself that are in the creepypasta fandom to. Again very good character i hope that i didn't offend you in anyway and well that's all i really do have to say.
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Ally is a very well made Oc. Her Appearance, background, Abilities, etc, are fairly amazing and well done! Ika clearly worked very hard on designing and improving Ally. I really love the reference sheet since it explains a lot about the Oc. Specially the way that Ally has her counter part, Nightmare Ally. It's better than just saying 'She went insane and became a proxy'. Her mental disorders are a really great help and reason to why she became what she is today!
Very well done Oc. One of the best ones perhaps! She clearly put a lot and I mean a LOT of work into making Ally~!
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This picture is absolutely beautiful! Ally's big blue orbs create a lovely vision of innocence and that gentle face of her's really does cover up her mean side! Ally's dress proves that the artist has a unique sense of fashion! I would buy that dress any day, seriously. The sketch does prove to be a little choppy, but this adorable little REF shows how much dedication and effort the artist had put into her OC. So, the choppy quality doesn't matter very much. I applaud your efforts, Ika! This is very impressive...and I would appreciate it if you gave me the link to Ally's story?
(If you've made it, that is?)
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Aww thank you for the kind words xD
I had a bit of trouble with drawing the overall reference so it became really oddly sketchy xD;
Here is the condensed version of her backstory~:
CP SUMMARY: Ally's Background Story Condensed
Β Β You see, before her death (or murder preferably) she was a young Victorian-era child born with the name Adeline Abendroth. She was the youngest of 4, living in the slums of Berlin, Germany. Her father abused the whiskey that he craved, an addiction taken up shortly after Adeline was born handicapped. She had 3 brothers, who were named Johnathan, Sebastian and Raimund. Johnathan was the youngest out of the brothers that Adeline had and he was 11 years her senior and he was the one who mainly took care of her even though in that society's eyes, her mental issues was viewed as madness and disliked.
Mr. Abendroth and his sons worked in the coal mines that surrounded the area on the outskirts of the city and due to the unfair conditions of the mines and his fury when drunk, Mr. Abendroth started to abuse his family. He mainly targeted Adeline, due to her mental sickness and tendencies to speak about the "voices" in her head and other v
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Uh, excuse me but if this is a creepypasta oc, it's supposed to be scary and unnerving, not cute. Β And they are supposed to leave an impact of fear. When making them, try to scare yourself.
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I have some critique if you don't mind, the oc and the concept of the voodoo doll is good overall, but some of the color's are too bright like the red, and the proxy symbols on her dress make it kind of sue-ish. She seems a bit overpowered considering she is immune to poison and physic attacks, she can be a bit harmed by poison or attacks but not too much so you should put an immunity chart with a color code instead. But this is just my opinion, overall she is a very good character ^_^
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whatever you say boo
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btw "immune to poison psychic attacks" "paralyzes her" what is she? a pokemon?
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Β· I couldn't have said it any better 
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she has a new reference sheet
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i dont really care
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Very rude for someone whos suppose to be an artist
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different people act different ways it has nothing o do with being an artist or not. and what do you mean by 'suppose to be'?
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May you draw my OC? They are called The Phantom. They have a jacko lantern like mask, long and messy black hair, basically a phantom with a double sided scythe.
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Maybe just so people don't confuse this with your current revised oc you could delete this picture or edit the picture itself. Sorry.
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Its in the description <"D
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I know, but just never mind. It was a dumb idea on my part.
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This is actually her really old reference. Her updated one is linked in the description!
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I saw. I think she looks much better.
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oh thank you!
<"D Lord, this old ref makes me cringe
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No problem.
But don't you want to delete it though if it makes you cringe?
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Cara: I really like Ally. Her appearance is pretty good and I think she is pretty cool as well. 
SAD: So you and Carlina have a favorite OC but not me and Charlie? Wow. I really need to find someone.Β
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Oh thank you but This is actually her really old reference. Her updated one is linked in the description!
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