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jeremy3 β Everfree part 75en
#forest #monster #pony #derpy #scootaloo
Published: 2017-05-12 14:01:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 5098; Favourites: 63; Downloads: 30
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Description
English is not my first language,Β if you find mistake or error, please notice me.Thanks to mustlovefrogs.deviantart.com/ and thedrsmiley.deviantart.com/ for the help.Β
Now, it's clear, Derpy is my Marie Sue, unfortunaly for her!
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Comments: 46
π: 1 β©: 0
Well, her wings are no longer a mobility option...
π: 1 β©: 0
she ain't leaving you derpy she is as loyal as dash. speaking of which girl we need you right now
π: 1 β©: 0
Next part will answer you Β better Than i can.
π: 1 β©: 0
Now would be a good time for a last minute rescue...Come on Rainbow! Hurry up!
π: 0 β©: 1
Yes, it's time to, what do you do rainbow, a nap in the forest.π
π: 0 β©: 0
Cloudy just needs a triangle around that eye, and it could be . . . . . . . *gasp!* . . . . . . . . could it be?!?!?!
π: 1 β©: 1
I certainly seen a dozen of this TV show, but do you mean Sypher from gravity falls.π
π: 1 β©: 1
Yes!Β Cypher, indeed!Β
π: 1 β©: 0
I'm going to need more ice cream.
media.giphy.com/media/Tcpdq3aXβ¦
π: 0 β©: 1
Too much sugar is not that good for the health.π
π: 0 β©: 0
O.M.G.
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Derpy Wings are Kaput
And she knows it too... which I think why she wants to commit the ultimate sacrifice 
π: 0 β©: 1
Who could say, I can't say.π
π: 0 β©: 1
says the writer of the story hehe.Β
π: 0 β©: 0
No particuliar mistake in english here but some, "design" stuff is what i have. ( great page btw, feelz man )
"Could you help me, please?" Sounds better in this situation because you make it a question ^^
and in the last panel "What if i told you to run away and try to escape?" Β and thats just a personal thing.. but i dont like the exclamation mark ( ! ) at the end of the last panel. I dont know if you used it because she is shouting or because its a shocking revelation, but it seems to not fit her current state to be honest. But if you use it as tool for suprise/revelation, its ok i guess
And if u didnt plan on Β using it as revelation tool or anything, then you could have gone for "What if i told you to run away and escape......" Β ( next bubble ) "without me...?"
π: 0 β©: 1
Thank you , for the second panel, I will change the interrogative mark by an exclamation one, I'm affraid by the rΓ©pΓ©tition with the third panel.
In the last panel, it's just a mistake, I made this part a little bit too quick,
I will change this, very soon.
Thanks for the help.
π: 0 β©: 1
No problem at all, keep up the good work
π: 0 β©: 0
no no noΒ evil cloud kill silver spoon and diamond tiara instead no one like thos two
π: 0 β©: 1
Oh no, they're reformed now, they don't deserve to meet Cloudy.
π: 0 β©: 0
Rainbow dash hurry up and save scoots and Derpy
π: 0 β©: 0
Oh, horseapple! Tell us that kind of injury is healable...
π: 0 β©: 1
With a good doctor And magic, why not.Β
π: 0 β©: 1
now I'm start to feel hate my race ;-;
π: 0 β©: 1
Oh no don't say that, Cloudy is one things, Okay a really bad things , but you're So much more better than him.Β
π: 0 β©: 1
LOLOLOL~ just kidding, I don't even know him! >:3 Wish he will be defeated soon
π: 0 β©: 1
Soon or not soon, that is the question.Β
π: 0 β©: 0
I see the reference, Love DB, DBZ, DB super ( I just have a preference for the two first one. )
π: 0 β©: 1
I was also thinking of Team Four Star.
π: 0 β©: 1
I see, an abridged version of DBZ. Never heard of this before today.π
π: 0 β©: 2
It's very funny at times, witty and well scripted.
π: 0 β©: 1
If i find a french subtitled one, maybe.
They're all subtitled, I just see the first one, and yeah it's good.
π: 0 β©: 1
Sadly, no French as far as I know. Perhaps you could submit a translation?
π: 0 β©: 1
Not, it's good, I find a french subtitled version, I saw the first episode, it's funny.
π: 0 β©: 0
oh you are in for a treat.
π: 0 β©: 0
I might suggest losing the last ! in favor of ...
Oh Derpy.Β There are no words.
π: 0 β©: 1
One day, I will pay for making Derpy suffer like this.Β
π: 0 β©: 1
If only she had some gentle-hearted pone to put her back together again!Β <3
π: 0 β©: 1
Exactly, but like everything, After the shower will come the sun, soon or not.Β
π: 0 β©: 1