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jeremy3 — Everfree part 82en
#ravaged #derpy #scootaloo #background
Published: 2017-06-29 08:39:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 5078; Favourites: 69; Downloads: 29
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So much explanation text in this one, part of the answersare here and will come!English is not my first language, if you find mistake or error, please notice me.
Thanks to keeper-of-time-rd.deviantart.c… , truefrenzy.deviantart.com/ and deutsch15.deviantart.com/ for the help.
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Comments: 26
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The CMC are so in trouble mroe then ever, for stealing the letter and going into the Ever Free forest like this now Derpy's winds were crushed pretty bad.
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That explains everything, is like the Sozin's Comet.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/n…
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dang it tia ya could warn ponies of these things you've been around for at least 10 of these events. nice too see that cloudy isn't going to be able to harm any pony else. but man to be able to withstand a powerful force that only happens every 100 years just shows how strong our little ponies really are.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is awesome, very nicely done, I can't wait for the next page.
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Finally the eyeball had sploded all of it's energy that it's so darn exhausted.
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Looks like cloudy passed out from exerting so much power.
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Okay first correction is panel 1:
Thus every hundred years what occurs is what we call the magic solstice,
There should be an ‘is’ between occurs and what.
And next two would be for the last panel:
Unfortunately, these events lead me to believe…
Is how that idea is usually phrased in English. While not technically wrong, your version is a bit too improper for a pony like Twilight to say it that way.
And yeah there should be something between
‘Was not only…’ And ‘And was put in a fury!’
If you want to save the reveal for what cloudy is really called for the next page, I’d cut the ‘and was put in a fury!’ line and put it on the next page too.
As always I enjoy the comic! And it's nice to know how Sweetie pulled off all that high level magic too, her magic was also being amplified by the day/forest's effects.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much for the help, I'll make the change as soon as I can.😊
What do you mean by" save the reveal" .
Fury is an strong emotion, I didn't mean furry.
Sorry if I misunderstood you.
edit: I just rephrase one part of the last panel, is that better?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That works.
I just meant that the way the original phrasing was set up, it seemed like the missing line between the two parts was twilight saying what cloudy is really called rather than the name Scoots gave it. And I just assumed that you didn't put that line on this panel because it was going to be on the next page.
Just me making leaps of logic, trying to figure out what the other meant is a big help to translating, otherwise you just get raw lines that were the closest equivalent of original language's words, but don't really mean the same thing because the other language uses a different term or phrase to convey that idea. So I may have made an over assuming as to your intent.
Regardless, the new version of the last panel works much better. I'd only recommend changing that last part to:
"But was also put into a fury!"
Otherwise it still leaves the impression that Twilight's not finished with that sentence. Unless of course there's more to the 'not only X, but Y' line you have Twi saying that will be continued on first panel of the next page.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks you for the help.
I'll make the change very soon.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No problem, always happy to help.
Also I just noticed panel 3:
I think stase is supposed to be stasis, sleep or slumber.
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In the last pannel it looks like some text was cut out. Is that intentional?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yes it is, but maybe it was not a good idea.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Maybe you shouldn't have turned the bottom left Speech bubble into two, that way it would have been clearer.
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Well I can't completely understand what they say in the last panel, but none the less I like the story, keep the great work
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Thanks you so much, I'll try.😊
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that's a lot better, but in that part "Was not only crossed by one of our friend... "
Since you are talking about a singular member of a bigger group it should be "friends... "
I know English is very weird when is not your first language, I am a Mexican and my main language is Spanish, but is not the same as Spain's Spanish
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